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loosesodamarble · 2 years

Text

A Shared Bitter Aroma

Summary: Three souls mourn a terrible tragedy. One is haunted by their memories and pain. Another finds themselves lost in tears and makes a final request. And the third finds themself no longer able to breathe.

Genre: angst

Word count: ~7200

A/N: @thoughtfullyrainynightmare helped write portions of the fic.

...........

Josele blinked away to the sight of light streaming into the room through the window. It was an early dawn. Vibrant oranges and pinks, as if straight out of a painting. Truly, a beautiful sight to behold.

But it was also a punishment. The bright light of a cloudless morning was a taunt. A reminder of what Josele once had.

…

Bathed in the light of the rising sun, Josele and Morgen sat together on the squad base’s roof. They were side-by-side, shoulders and thighs touching. Morgen held Josele’s left hand in his right one and had their fingers intertwined. Josele leaned her head on Morgen’s shoulder and he leaned in so his cheek pressed against her crown.

There was a sweet petrichor carried by a breeze in the air. The golden and amber rays of dawn danced off puddles on the ground below.

“The dawn is even prettier after a rainy night, don’t you think?” Josele asked while nuzzling into Morgen’s side.

“It’s gorgeous indeed,” answered Morgen in a dreamy sigh. He turned his head and kissed Josele’s crown before saying, “Just like how your smile is more radiant after seeing you fretting over something.”

Josele squeaked in surprise. “M-Momo, you’re too sweet!”

“I’m just telling the truth.” Morgen laughed and nudged Josele a bit. “And let me share another truth: your smile always has my heart racing. I call you ‘my heart’ for a reason.”

“Ooooh! Morgen!” Giggling, Josele pulled away and covered her burning face with her hands. “Why must you be so—?” She was cut off by her own laughter.

“Because it suits you so well!” Morgen chuckled. He tucked Josele’s hair back and looked her in the eyes. “Don’t you think so?” She could only nod in reply. “Then you shall be ‘my heart’ forevermore.”

“Aw, thank you!” Josele moved her hands to Morgen’s face and pecked his nose. When she pulled away, she and Morgen sheepishly grinned at each other. “You know, you should have a pet name too.”

“Josie, there’s no need.”

“But I want to!” Josele insisted. “Now…” She closed her eyes in thought. “You’re like a shining prince from a fairy tale. Someone as bright as the sun…” She giggled, feeling Morgen’s face heat up under her hands. “You fill my days with hope…” Josele opened her eyes. Right in front of her, Morgen’s face was illuminated by the light of dawn and his eyes were sparkling. “You’re like my own personal sunrise.”

Morgen’s eyes went wide for a moment before he smiled softly. “Your sunrise… I quite like that.” He took Josele’s hands in his own and lowered them. Then, he guided Josele into standing up. “If I’m the sun, then I shall strive to brighten your life for the rest of our days!” Morgen exclaimed with a look of pride on his face.

Josele beamed at Morgen. Unsure of what to say in reply, she instead rose up on the tips of her toes to kiss Morgen on the lips. Morgen didn’t hesitate to kiss back.

The kiss tasted of hope.

…

Josele turned to lay on her back and groaned.

All she wanted was to sleep. Forever maybe. Then she would be free to dream of a better world. And she would not have to wake to the cruel reality around her. Or perhaps Josele hoped that if she fell asleep and awoke again, she would find that the world she had been living in was a dream instead. It was a nightmare really.

Because it couldn’t be real. Losing Morgen couldn’t be real.

As much as Josele told herself though, she knew the truth. She held Morgen’s body, cold and still. Saw him laid in a casket, peaceful in an unending sleep.

Morgen was dead and gone.

Josele rolled on her side so she faced away from the window and closed her eyes. If only she could go back.

…

Morgen’s touch was gentle as he led her through a waltz. He twirled her under his arm before bringing her back close to him. They glided across the ballroom floor for a moment longer before coming to a pause. They both understood what would come next. Morgen lowered Josele into a dip.

“You’re as graceful as ever, love,” whispered Morgen.

“Only because I have a wonderful teacher.” Josele twirled a lock of Morgen’s hair that fell over his shoulder.

Morgen beamed, tilting his head and letting out a sigh as he did. How did he manage to do it? To look so relaxed yet refined. Like something out of a dream.

As Morgen raised Josele back up, he let go of her hand to hold the back of her head. Morgen brought Josele in close and leaned in until his forehead touched hers. She felt it all. The warmth of Morgen’s skin. The tickling brush of his bangs. Josele let out a giggle as he started to nuzzle their foreheads together. Then, with a chuckle bubbling from his throat, Morgen pressed a soft kiss to Josele’s temple. Held so close to him, Josele breathed Morgen in like a refreshing morning rain and took in the scent of honey on him. They swayed in place, caught up in one other.

…

Josele knew that moment wasn’t long ago yet it already felt far away. Like it had been years ago instead of months ago. Maybe it had been years and she had lost track of time in her sadness.

But still, the past felt like a dream. It left Josele wondering. Had she really ever been so blessed?

She opened her eyes and sighed. As much as she wanted to avoid the dreaded day, she had to face it. Or at least go about it in a listless daze.

The most she registered from her morning routine was the honey lemon tea she drank with breakfast. Their favorite had a bitter aftertaste.

She had no mission. No patrols. She was free to be on her own. Before she could return to her room as she initially planned, a large, muscular hand landed on her shoulder. A familiar voice said to her, “It’s been a while. Why not try visiting him today?”

If she did, she would only be visiting a ghost.

“Okay.”

She was already doing that anyway.

…

“I discovered this wonderful cafe in the Common Realm while on a mission. It’s called The Wildflower and it’s in the town Lindwell. How about I take you there soon?”

Josele looked at Morgen. He was smiling, as always. But his face was too fuzzy. Was it a relaxed smile? One of excitement for their next date? She couldn’t make it out. Still, she smiled back at him.

“That sounds lovely,” she had said to the suggestion.

Morgen caressed Josele’s hand before kissing it.

“Sorry I can’t talk long, but I have a morning patrol scheduled.” He continued to speak, a goodbye most likely, but the words were lost to Josele.

When Morgen walked away, he looked like he was radiating light. Not from his magic. Had morning light been shining on him through a window? Perhaps Morgen, his presence in Josele’s eyes, was simply… Bright.

…

The sky, now gray with rolling clouds, let out a low rumble.

“Why?” Josele choked up. She lifted her head to gaze upon Morgen’s headstone. “Why did you have to go?”

He couldn’t answer her. Not where he was. But she asked anyway so the question wouldn’t forever be trapped in her heart.

The world was so cruel to take Morgen away. All she had left of him were memories that would grow faded and indistinct with time.

Josele’s happiness with Morgen was gone.

That thought, too, brought memories back.

…

Five years ago, Josele stood in front of a different grave.

“Hi there, Mom. I hope you’re doing well in heaven. I bet it’s really nice there, especially for someone like you.” Josele smiled, or tried to, but it hurt to force it. “Dad and I are still here, doing our best. I’m finishing up those jobs you couldn’t… I’m not as good as you. I wish you could still teach me… Sing with me… And…” Josele tucked back her hair, trying to look composed. “B-but don’t worry! I’m okay! Like you said, my heart is strong…” Her throat closed up. “I’m strong. I’m fine. I’m—!”

Something snapped behind her.

Josele straightened up and turned. Morgen stood behind her, a broken twig beneath his foot. More alarming, his face looked pale and dreary.

“Hey there.” He spoke barely above a whisper. He walked until he stood at her side. “Isn’t it lonely out here?”

“No. Not at all.” Josele turned away from Morgen. “I want to be alone.” She felt Morgen’s hand touch hers and she hastily slapped it away. “What part of ‘I want to be alone’ don’t you get?” she snapped, though she was too tired to truly be mad.

There was a groan of thunder followed by the pitter of falling raindrops.

“J-just go, okay?” Josele muttered, trying to hide her shallow and desperate breaths. Her eyes burned hotter. “I’ll be fine.”

The rain poured harder upon her and Morgen. Cold rain and hot tears ran down Josele’s face. She brushed them off with the back of her hand and closed her eyes, trying to will the tears away. However, they did not stop. In fact, it seemed that the more she fought to keep the tears at bay, the more they flowed. Josele hid her face in her hands, crying uncontrollably.

Her mom died with a smile and so Josele wanted to be the strong girl her mother asked her to be. To grin and face life head on. But in trying to do so, she remembered that those were her mom’s last words. Knowing that made Josele cry. Cry until she ran out of tears and she felt numb. After that, she thought it was finally over and would try again to put on a brave face for herself, for her mother. And the cycle would repeat.

It was so much, too much even. Like Josele felt everything and nothing at the same time. She wanted it all to stop, to go away. But it didn’t. The hurt ebbed and flowed, weighing her heart with darkness. It never stopped though. Would it ever?

Then, there was warmth. A pair of arms wrapped around her.

A gasp escaped Josele. She tried to lift her head only for her face to be pressed into a shoulder.

“I apologize.” Morgen had one hand tangled in her hair and one on her back. “I know what you said but—” He choked up for a moment, holding Josele tighter. “I simply cannot leave you.”

The rain running down her face washed away the sting of her tears. But she didn’t feel any of the cold, not in Morgen’s embrace.

“I know how much you love your mother.” Morgen spoke softly in Josele’s ear. “And I’m sorry you lost her. The happiness you felt with her is gone and you can’t get it back. But you have to remember that you aren’t alone. Your father’s still alive. You have Nacht. And me as well. We care about you and will share in your sorrow until you are ready to smile again. So let us be here for you. Let me… Please.”

A floodgate opened, and Josele let out a strained wail as she clung to Morgen like a lifeline. The weight of it all, her sorrow and pain, caused her knees to buckle beneath her. Morgen didn’t let her collapse though but eased them both to the ground. He held her. So close. Like he wanted to be one with her even in such a broken state. As though he would never let her go.

In that moment, despite the sadness, she felt safe, loved even.

…

Josele knew it was raining. Her clothes were already soaked through. Her bones felt frozen over. But she wouldn’t leave.

Morgen stayed with her through the rain. The least she could do was return the favor.

The cold was nothing compared to how she felt. Nothing could match it. Losing the one she loved because she failed to do a thing for him. Perhaps the unending torment could be her solace, a reminder that she once had him at all after her happy memories of him faded.

Even if the world moved on without him. If she had to go on without him brightening her life.

Morgen was forever in her heart. Forever her light and sunrise. And it pained her to know that.

…..

It was dark. A quiet and comforting darkness. There was warmth in that room. Their room.

Even when Morgen wore the ring that Josele gave him, being with her—engaged even—almost didn’t feel real. To be with someone who loved the truest parts of him and whom he could love without fear. It wasn’t too good to be true but at times it felt like a dream. But Morgen could easily reach out and be reassured that he lived that reality.

So he did.

Morgen reached out his hand and touched Josele’s shoulder. Slowly, Morgen traced Josele’s back with his fingertips. The contours of her body were all too familiar to him. He’d spent so many years admiring her form, how tough Josele was from years of training yet how she felt soft in his arms. If he closed his eyes, he would still know when his fingers ghosted over the faint lines of her scars. Their rough beauty proved that she had struggled and grown. Morgen’s fingers continued down her spine. Perhaps she felt it, as she shivered between breaths, making Morgen chuckle before settling his hand on her hip.

Looking at Josele, Morgen knew he could live that way for the rest of his days. To fall asleep at night with Josele in sight and reach. Then, he could wake to the very same closeness when morning came.

In a few weeks, they’d be husband and wife. Then in several months, they hoped to welcome their first child into the world. And after some years, a whole little family all their own. But those thoughts were for another time. Morgen was getting ahead of himself.

For now, it was him and her. Alone in peaceful darkness.

Morgen soundlessly shifted closer to Josele. He fully wrapped his arm around her waist in a tired hug then rested his head in the crook of her shoulder. She was warm. She smelled of the earth and sweet citrus. It felt right to hold her close.

Not really thinking, Morgen left feather light kisses on Josele’s exposed skin.

“Nhhmm…” Josele shifted. “Morg…en…” Her hand found Morgen’s on her waist.

“Yes, it’s me,” Morgen whispered close to her skin. “Apologies for waking you.” He kissed her a few more times, moving up her neck until his lips brushed the shell of her ear. “Would you like a little more time to sleep?”

“Nuh… ‘S fhn…” More asleep than awake, Josele squirmed in Morgen’s hold and turned around. “Mornin…” Her hot breath fanned across his neck.

Smiling, Morgen hugged Josele closer and tangled his hand in her bedhead. “Good morning, my heart.”

Morgen was in bliss.

…

When Morgen woke, he noticed that the space beside him was unusually cold. That wasn’t right.

Morgen opened his eyes. Above him was the ceiling of his room at the Faust family’s manor. He shot up in shock knowing he shouldn’t have been there.

Because he remembered.

The pain that coursed through his body after he broke Lucifugus’ relic. Of being carried through shadows. Struggling to breathe and losing feeling in his body. The sound of Nacht’s voice breaking from tears as they spoke in Morgen’s final moments. His dying thoughts had been prayers to the heavens. Wishing to apologize to his loved ones for throwing his life away and wanting more than anything for them to be alright without him. And the very last thing Morgen recalled, hearing the anguished scream of the woman who held all of his heart.

And then it was all dark.

Morgen remembered dying.

So how did he end up in his room?

Morgen rose from his bed and his body felt… like nothing. There was no weight to his motions and if it weren’t for the fact that he knew he was a spirit, he would’ve feared that a slight breeze would knock him over. His form was faintly transparent. It seemed he wore the same clothes he died in.

Walking, or perhaps he was only floating, around and inspecting his room, he found the place eerily untouched. The only thing different was the layer of dust over all the furniture. It brought several questions to mind.

How long ago was his death? Why did it take so long for him to awaken as a spirit? What happened after he died?

As his spectral feet wandered the room, Morgen’s mind wandered too. His thoughts drifted to the people he left behind.

Friends…

Yami must have suffered from Morgen’s passing. What did he say or do when he heard? He would’ve been one of the first to know. Despite acting like he didn’t have a care in the world, Yami would care and would not take the news lightly. Morgen could imagine Yami calling him an idiot for not bringing back up. Family matter or not, Morgen should’ve trusted Yami as his partner. The only comfort was knowing that Yami would forgive Morgen if they had a chance to speak again.

“Become the best Magic Knight for the both of us, okay?” Morgen said to the empty room.

He believed with his whole heart that Yami Sukehiro would become someone incredible.

Family…

And what of Nacht? Even if it was never said out loud, Morgen missed being close with Nacht, missed truly acting like brothers and not strangers with the same parents. Morgen was sure Nacht felt the same. Yet they let a rift come between them which led to that dreadful moment where Morgen’s voice could not reach Nacht. Then Nacht carried Morgen as he breathed for the last time. The weight of Morgen’s death must have felt like too much in Nacht’s hands. Why? Why did that have to be their last shared memory?

“Please don’t blame yourself, brother,” Morgen prayed, holding his hands to his heart. “Know it was me, my choice. For your sake…”

Because Morgen had only ever loved Nacht and wanted to see him live up to the potential he always had.

His beloved…

Morgen came to a full stop in front of his nightstand. There on top was a small portrait of himself and Josele. Of them not long after getting engaged, side-by-side and grinning with all the joy in the world. In his whole life, seeing Josele so joyous was amongst the highlights. Morgen smiled wistfully at the picture.

“Josele.” Morgen’s beloved heart, his treasured fiancée. “I shouldn’t have left you… I wish I could’ve at least said goodbye.”

There were no final words for them though. What had Morgen’s last words to Josele been? Their last conversation… Morgen should’ve said something special then. But he hadn’t, because he believed he would come back from the confrontation with his family.

How had it been for Josele? To be presented with his death, likely out of the blue, on a day that should’ve been normal, peaceful. She must’ve cried, even after he promised to never give her any reason to. How many tears? For how long? All while he had been able to do a thing. Not brush away the tears nor speak much needed reassurance. It was cruel of Morgen, there was no other word for it, the way he died and left Josele with heartbreak.

There was no fixing these mistakes. Morgen could not apologize to any of them, for anything.

It never crossed Morgen’s mind to wonder if ghosts could cry but in that moment, he knew. Because his own eyes were clouded with burning tears.

“Yami. Nacht. Josele. I hope you’ll all forgive me…” Morgen whimpered for no one to hear. “For being so foolish… I’m… sorry…” He tried to wipe away his tears but they kept falling. “Ah… Aaaahhhh! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! I’M SO SORRY!”

A cry. A scream. A broken noise felt like it had been ripped from his throat and filled the room.

Morgen felt heavy. Pulled to the ground not by gravity but a weight of guilt too great to truly describe. His fingers curled, trying to grip the carpeted floor. Only his hand passed right through the material. All he could feel was grief, not even for his own passing but for his loved ones and their pain, the hurt he inflicted on them.

And so Morgen cried. He let his spirit be shaken with tears that wouldn’t end and screams that could no longer leave his throat aching.

At times, he choked. He felt his voice, his empty voice that no one but him could hear, catch in his throat. He couldn’t even feel that pain though.

Morgen continued to wail, letting his anguish echo in the room. He didn’t know or care how long it went on, he could only think of letting out every ounce of pain weighing on his heart. All he knew was his tears, his sorrow.

“Aaauuughhhh… Hah…ahhh…”

Eventually, Morgen’s voice died down. The heaviness he had felt before was gone, leaving him a weightless spirit as before. His eyes were still full of tears, but he no longer had it in him to scream or sob. He swallowed. Or tried to. He thought he did but his body truly felt nothing once again.

When Morgen opened his eyes, he found the room had gone dark. He rose up and looked out the window. Night had fallen, the stars and moon were out.

Morgen took a breath. Tried to. It was only the intent to breathe he could be sure of.

He was also sure that he couldn’t stay there languishing in sorrow. There was something for him to do. Because he was there, in the physical world as a spirit, not yet moved onto the afterlife. So there must’ve been something he had to do, a reason to be present.

And that reason, the one to come to the forefront of his mind, was Josele. To go to her and bring her comfort after he left her with pain.

So Morgen left, passing through the ruins of his family home. The cracked walls, splintered floorboards, and furniture thrown askew sent an ache through him. But he didn’t allow himself to get distracted by the lonely halls or the thought of going to Nacht.

It was a timeless stroll. Everything around Morgen was muted. Colors were only as vibrant as washed out chalk. Words blended and echoed to the point of being indistinct. It only made sense; his spirit may have been in the world of the living, but he was not amongst those alive.

Morgen did not stop until he arrived at the Grey Deer base, pausing outside the door where he knew he would find Josele.

“My heart, I’ve returned,” Morgen said before he stepped straight through the door.

Morgen’s room at the base looked largely unchanged from when he last saw it. A pair of desks, one with a clean, solid varnish and the other decorated with designs carved in by hand. The coffee table and loveseat in the far corner for them to relax at. The vanity, divided distinctly for himself and Josele to use.

The only difference Morgen could find was that there was one less person on the bed.

Josele, alone, lay atop the sheets, her back to the window and her hands clutching Morgen’s squad robe to her heart. Morgen drew nearer to Josele’s form. As he did, he could see her face, twisted in pain and stained with tears. Her voice reached his ears with perfect clarity, and the words she muttered…

“Sunrise… I’m sorry. I can’t… Just please come back…”

Josele, so broken and with the very same sorrow Morgen felt in his own heart. Seeing her in such a state brought a stinging haze back to Morgen’s eyes.

“Josele, my heart…” Morgen knelt beside the bed and reached for Josele. “I’m here for you, love.”

Morgen brushed his hand against Josele’s cheek. Josele stilled when he did and she opened her eyes, looking straight in Morgen’s direction with watery eyes. Morgen held his breath, or felt a sensation similar to the action with his bodiless being. But only for a brief second, as that imaginary breath was drawn out of him like his hope when Josele sat up straight and looked around the room.

The only sound to be heard was the labored breaths from Josele’s cried out throat. And then…

“Morgen?”

His name on Josele’s lips was sharper to his heart than a dagger.

Josele looked down at Morgen’s robe and let out a sob.

“No… Please, not a…” Josele’s voice broke after those few words. She drew the robe to her chest once again.

“My heart… This is my fault isn’t it?” Morgen whispered to her.

He sat himself beside his beloved. Again he reached for her, placing a hand on her cheek and wrist. Josele shuddered from another wave of cries but it felt as though it was in response to Morgen’s phantom touch. For a moment, Morgen watched Josele. He motioned brushing his thumb along her skin, ghosting right over her tears and leaving them untouched.

“For not being more careful with my life… For not returning to you… I’m sorry.” As he spoke, Morgen leaned in until his forehead should’ve touched Josele’s. Close as they were though, he could not feel the warmth of her skin or the way she trembled with each breath. “All I can ask for now is for you to forget. Everything about me, all our time together, let go of those memories. If it means you can smile again, I’m okay with it.” Morgen smiled, despite Josele being unable to see and the growing hole in his heart. “Josele, I love you with all my heart. And with all my heart, I ask you to forget me and the pain of my passing…”

All of Morgen’s words, his wish for Josele and the permission he granted, were not to be heard. He knew as much.

Morgen tried, and failed, to brush aside Josele’s bangs. Then, he placed a ghost of a kiss on Josele’s forehead.

Morgen watched Josele a little longer. As she curled in on herself. Around his squad robe.

Then, he stood.

As much as Morgen wanted to stay beside Josele. To have what was left of his presence watch over her despite not being unable to comfort her. He didn’t want to haunt her. Not even out of love.

When Morgen reached the door, he took one last look at Josele. At the woman whose heart he broke despite swearing to protect it.

For now it was dark. But Morgen wanted to believe that one day, maybe soon or maybe in the far future, Josele’s light, that spirit of hers which he fell in love with, would shine again.

“And we’ll meet again, Josele. I know it…”

.....

Evening was descending, and Nacht and Josele were on the roof of the Faust manor to enjoy the twilight.

They would certainly get yelled at for it later. His parents wouldn’t approve of him doing something so uncouth and frivolous. Her father would scold her for staying out late and hanging out with the likes of him. But neither cared.

They laughed as they scaled the roof to their usual spot, becoming bathed in the sunset’s light once they reached the top. In that glow, Josele’s face also brightened with a wide grin. It was somewhat silly, the way she looked so enraptured by a sight that happened every day.

Yet Nacht found himself similarly admiring Josele. A plain, straightforward girl whose every smile was… Nacht caught himself and hastily looked away before she could notice. Despite knowing that she wouldn’t.

“Your house really has the best view,” Josele remarked as she and Nacht got themselves settled. “Wanna play our star game tonight?”

Racing to be the first to see the stars after sunset. A silly game from their childhood.

“Mhm. Sure.” Nacht’s answer was only half there. His attention elsewhere, as he dared to take another glance at Josele. But only for a second.

Even if he knew she wouldn’t see it, he couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t let her know. That her presence made his heart race yet lulled him into a tranquil state. How, like night and day, those two feelings pulled him in opposite directions without tearing him apart. That wasn’t it though. It wasn’t simply the feelings Nacht held for Josele, or the fact that he cared for her. Hiding it, all of it, from Josele was what ached. And not just ached but ate away at Nacht.

Those thoughts stirred in Nacht’s mind as he sat there with Josele, marveling at the golden rays of daylight descending below the horizon and making way for a deep blue, or perhaps violet, night sky. In the quiet of the moment, Nacht felt Josele lean against his side.

Nacht felt a sensation in his heart. Was it racing? Perhaps it was a flutter? Or maybe it could be described as a dance? It was something that was pleasantly warm yet strikingly hot. Nacht couldn’t find the word for what he felt because of Josele. For Josele.

He turned his eyes to her, little by little, as if a thief; not in the night, but the dimming light of the evening sun. Once again, he looked at her.

Even though he couldn’t. Because letting his feelings for Josele be known, by her no less, would be… nothing short of absurd. Though not because Josele didn’t deserve being cared for, or that Nacht found the emotions too much to bear. But because he, Nacht himself, shouldn’t harbor such an emotion for Josele.

That feeling, one so gentle and sweet, could only be… love.

In that moment, Nacht realized and could no longer deny it.

He loved Josele.

“There it is!” Josele’s voice brought Nacht out of his reverie. “The first star of the night!” Josele pointed—Nacht’s eyes followed—to a faint, silver twinkle amidst the darkness.

“Congratulations, Josie,” said Nacht, letting out a breath. “Time for your reward.”

Josele lifted her head and gave Nacht a look of disbelief. “Since when did we play for prizes?”

“Never. But I was thinking you deserved one after so many years.” Nacht’s reply got a giggle out of Josele. “Right. So…” He stared at Josele for a moment, and she stared back. “Your reward is keeping something safe for me.”

“Huh? I win and I have to do you a favor?” Again, Josele laughed. “Alright then. What is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

Josele raised a brow, silently questioning. Nacht inclined his head in her direction as if to say “if you would.” With a grin and sigh, Josele closed her eyes.

Then, Nacht leaned in and kissed Josele. A brief, soft brush of his lips against hers. There was a faint taste of citrus. There was a… bitterness. Not in the act itself but the sentiment. Because Nacht told himself it would be their first and last.

When Nacht pulled away, he saw Josele staring at him, face colored up and eyes wide.

“N-Nacht… that…” Josele touched her lips. “It was my first kiss…”

“Mine too,” Nacht admitted, grinning playfully at Josele. “Take care of it. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Of course…” Josele averted her eyes and then nudged Nacht with her shoulder. “B-but now my first kiss is so dull! That’s not fair!”

“I entrusted my first kiss to you and you complain about it being dull?” Nacht clicked his tongue. “Why do I even try?” He melodramatically shrugged.

“Hngh…” Josele scowled. “Nachty…”

“Don’t look so sour. We both know you’re not really mad,” Nacht said plainly. “Besides…” He raised his hand towards Josele’s face. “Frowning isn’t a good look on you.”

Josele’s blush visibly darkened as Nacht’s hand drew closer. But she didn’t take her eyes off him. The tips of Nacht’s fingers brush against Josele’s cheek. Then, Nacht pinched Josele.

“H-hey!” Josele exclaimed, not out of indignation but surprise.

“Heh. I know I’m handsome but I think that view is much better,” Nacht whispered, gesturing towards the sky with his head and releasing his friend.

Josele recoiled with a giggle. “That’s true!” She lifted her gaze to the sky once more. “The night sure is beautiful…”

Nacht nodded. As for him, he looked at Josele.

…

Nacht looked at Josele still. Though the sight of her was much different in the present, far more painful.

Josele was there. Nacht knew as much, for he could hear her voice and reach out to touch her. But it wasn’t the same. Josele went through the days with a glazed look in her eyes. Her smile, the one that Nacht never tired of, didn’t show anymore. Her motions were mechanical and her actions passionless. She was there and yet wasn’t.

The Josele that Nacht knew, that woman he loved…

It was like she no longer existed.

And he was to blame.

Nacht stood in the doorway leading out to the garden. In the central courtyard, there was Josele. She sparred with Plumede using a wood staff. She gracefully pivoted around Plumede’s claws when attacked. Then, she swung the staff only for Plumede to gracefully duck under the strike.

Despite the curse, Josele still had drive. The determination to train and remain strong.

But to what end?

What kind of future did she seek? Where did her footsteps take her? Did she have a destination in mind? Or did she move simply so she wouldn’t have to stay still, stuck where she was? What purpose did she have in mind for herself, if any at all?

Nacht asked himself those questions because he couldn’t ask Josele herself. At least, he couldn’t ask and expect a definite answer.

To see Josele like in her present state, lost to even herself…

It was close to unbearable.

Nacht still watched Josele though. Even when he could scarcely swallow the anxiety that got caught in his throat when she was near. And his lungs refused to work properly.

They were crushed by a guilt that would surely never release him from its grip. Filled with sorrow, like the heavy waves in a storm, that drowned him. And the pain became worse when Josele was near.

Because Nacht mourned Josele. The same as he mourned Morgen. But at least Nacht could step away from Morgen’s grave and be assured that the earth had embraced his dear brother. But Josele lived.

Josele was alive and she breathed and could still be saved. So Nacht vowed to do just that, free her from the Blight Devil and break the curse that sealed her heart. He would stay close to her, protect her.

It hurt to see her as she was. Though it would have been far more painful, more terrifying, to even imagine taking his eyes off her again.

For if Nacht did look away… Then Josele could fade away entirely. Taken by cruel fates.

Just as Morgen had been.

So Nacht stayed close to Josele. Even if it meant he couldn’t breathe.

It was a bitter irony, Nacht thought. How once before Josele could steal the breath right out of his lungs with her smile. And in the present, she kept him from taking in air altogether.

At last, Nacht stepped out and approached Josele as her posture relaxed, finishing the spar. He stopped a few steps away and she, sensing him, turned around.

“Lord Faust,” Josele greeted with a faint nod.

“Just Nacht is fine,” he replied, trying to ignore the sting in his heart. He glanced at Plumede. The devil bowed her head and sank into Nacht’s shadow. Nacht returned his attention to Josele and said, “Would you care to watch the sunset with me? It’s sure to be lovely.”

Josele blinked and stared at Nacht, or perhaps through him, before nodding.

Nacht offered his hand to Josele. She took it. Her hand in his, it was so warm that it was hard to believe that it belonged to Josele at the moment. When he turned to lead Josele inside, though the route they always took as kids, he felt Josele hold her place.

“Would it not be faster to move through the shadows?” she asked flatly.

Though Nacht couldn’t see it, he felt her heavy, leaden gaze on him. A silent breath escaped Nacht. His brow furrowed and a bitter smile crossed his face. Then he muttered,

“Y-yes. It would be…”

He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to pull Josele into the nothingness of the shadows. He wouldn’t dare do that to her after his rotten self already haunted her life, ripped away her happiness in killing Morgen, and thrust a hateful dagger into her heart. To drag her further into his darkness, his cursed world, was too horrid a deed.

“Let’s walk,” he whispered. He gave her hand a squeeze.

“Alright then.”

…

Sunlight peeked through the leaves and branches of trees that lined the path that led through the garden of the Faust estate. Walking side-by-side along the path were Nacht and Josele, only nine at the time. The girl had her arms crossed behind her back and she walked with a slight skip. The boy had a small book in hand, moving to close it.

“Wait, not yet. Read another one of them,” Josele said with an encouraging smile. “Please Nachty?”

“C’mon, really?” Nacht huffed and rolled his eyes. “You don’t even know what I’m saying.”

“That doesn’t matter! You sound so cool when you speak that old language.”

“I keep telling you it’s called German.”

“Okay okay. But I mean it! When you talk in German, it’s real am—”

“No need to butter me up, I’ll read another.” Nacht flipped to a random page and began to read off it. “Here goes… [Ich liebe dich, so wie du mich].” The syllables fell from Nacht’s lips with a grace despite the gutteral sound of them. “[Am Abend und am Morgen…]”

“Heh. That’s Momo’s name…”

Nacht smiled and nodded in affirmation. He continued to read, “[Noch war kein Tag]…”

For the next short while, Nacht spoke with clarity in a tongue Josele couldn’t make sense of. He glanced at Josele from time to time. Her expression was one of eagerness and awe, highlighted by the occasional sunbeam reaching her through the canopy. Seeing her so… “Entranced” felt too strong a word but a part of Nacht wanted to believe that he was that compelling, that Josele was that interested. Not that she could, or would, fake it.

Soon, Nacht spoke the final line, “[Schütz und erhalt' uns beide.]”

Nacht closed the small book and lowered it to his side. He looked at Josele, grinning proudly.

“So?”

“Cool as ever, Nachty!” Josele replied with a grin, her shoulders rising and head tilting to the right as she did. “So…” In her pause, she tucked a bit of hair back. “What’s the poem about?”

“It’s a love poem,” Nacht said as he waved his book in the air. “About having sorrow and comfort together.”

Josele tilted her head further to the side. “What kind of love poem is that? Thought love was supposed to be a happy thing…”

“Poetry can be confusing and contradictory,” Nacht remarked with a lazy shrug. “Maybe it’s one of those things we’re meant to get when we’re older.”

“Hm, maybe…”

They fell into a comfortable silence. Josele reached out a hand and Nacht took it. They continued their stroll together.

…

Just like back then, Nacht and Josele walked hand-in-hand.

Despite their physical closeness, it felt like there was a chasm between them. Their closeness in the past felt like a dream. No, it was a lie. Nacht didn’t deserve to be close to Josele, not the way Morgen was, but he couldn’t forget those halcyon days.

He clung to the memory of them. To Josele.

Nacht and Josele shared a life in that empty shell of his family home. It was the two of them in that house. Perhaps their devils were present but they weren’t a part of it, the tragedy between himself and her.

The sorrow belonged to Nacht and Josele alone. Even if she had locked away her share of it with the curse, it was there as the very reason she cursed herself to begin with.

The burden, the pain, was not easy for either of them. But Nacht knew it would’ve been worse for him if Josele, or what was left of her, weren’t beside him. And what Josele thought of him…

Nacht could only imagine how awful it was.

And he deserved it.

Still, Josele’s listless presence was preferable to her absence. Though her eyes lacked a spark and her words were devoid of any melody and her heart was locked away… Josele was there. She could, and sometimes did, hold Nacht in her arms. And in those moments, creating a pitiful imitation of true comfort, Nacht wept for Josele. For her sake and in her stead.

At last, Nacht and Josele reached the roof. It looked as though the sun had set the sky ablaze as it sank into the horizon. It truly was a magnificent sight.

Nacht turned his head in Josele’s direction. The sunset colored her eyes gold, like it used to. Josele’s eyes widened and her lips parted. An emotion didn’t quite make it to her features but she looked a little more alive.

How was it that even then, amidst so much pain, Nacht found himself feeling happy beside Josele? How could he fall deeper in love with her?

That old poem he read back then finally made sense.

“[Du, meines Lebens Freude]…” Nacht whispered, letting the sentiment be heard, though he couldn’t be sure if it was understood. “[Gott schütze dich, erhalt' dich mir]…”

Josele blinked, the light in her eyes fading in that instant, and turned to Nacht. “What did you say?”

The question was asked but it didn’t sound sincere, as if Josele already knew the answer. It didn’t make sense. But did anything about them make sense?

Nacht smiled bitterly.

“Nothing,” he lied. In truth, those words were everything. Because Josele was everything.

Ever so slowly and gently, he tugged on Josele’s hand—as he had never let go of her—and brought her into an embrace. He touched his forehead to Josele’s. With every breath, so close to her, he took in Josele’s scent, that of the earth and bitter lemons.

Nacht would not let go of Josele, never again.

Like a distant star in the night sky, that was Josele. His life’s delight. His love.

#black clover #black clover fanfic #nacht faust #morgeon faust #josele canty #black clover oc #soda's ocs #morgsele #nacsele #faustsele #angst #my lovely sister beta read this for me #and when she read morgen's flashback she looked at me and kinda asked #'how did you manage to write them so intimately?'#and i could only answer 'my imagination' because like... this ace gal ain't doing anything like that!#the way to break josele's curse is found in one of her flashbacks #nacht's section was by far the hardest part to write #he's so difficult sometimes! (affectionate)#the poem that Nacht recites lines from is 'Zärtliche Liebe'

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