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carbonated-chicken-broth · 5 years

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Riddles and Body Bleach || Lucifer x Reader

Love Luci. This is actually an older one I’ve got posted on wATtPaD but since I abandoned the site, I figured I’d post it here to try and maintain some semblance of productivity.

Pairing(s): Lucifer/Reader, Dean/Cas, Sam/no one (poooooor Sammeh)

Category: Crack

Reader Gender: Female

Warnings: Uhhhhh mild implications? Nothing major. Also naughty language, but again, nothing too too bad. Also it’s a crackfic so...I mean, I hope it’s funny? I’m doin’ my best, I swear.

Word Count: 1,100+

Sam has created a chat

Sam has added Dean, Castiel, (Y/N)

Sam: Guys

Sam: Guys guess what

(Y/N): Did you get anywhere on the research?

Dean: Yeah we're not finding anything useful

Sam: No but I found something better

Castiel: What is it, Sam?

Dean: hold on

Dean has changed 'Castiel' to 'Cas'

Dean: it was making me uncomfortable. carry on

Sam: Guys

(Y/N): What

Sam: Riddles

Dean: ...

Dean: . . .

Dean: Sam ppl r literally dying as we speak wtf

Sam: Dean ppl r dying literally whenever we speak and we have no leads just let me have this

(Y/N): are they.........are they good riddles

Sam: .........yus

(Y/N): gimme

Sam: What can you take from a man who has nothing?

Dean: *takes your laptop*

(Y/N): *takes your 2-in-1 shampoo/hair conditioner*

Sam: You already do that

Lucifer has joined the chat

Lucifer: *takes your soul*

Dean: TOO FAR

Sam: ...

Lucifer: Hiya Sammy

Lucifer: Deano

Lucifer: Cassie

Lucifer: (Y/N) 🖤

(Y/N): 🖤

Sam: ...

Sam: bitch

Dean: someone say jerk before the universe collapses

Cas: Why would the universe collapse unless someone says 'jerk?'

Cas: Dean?

Cas: You're such a child.

Cas: Jerk.

Dean: thank you

Lucifer: (Y/N) why does sammeh hate meeeee

(Y/N): Hmmmmmmmmidk

Sam: oH YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DID?? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID!!

Lucifer has been disconnected

Sam: serves him the fuck right. thirstyass ho

Castiel: ???

Sam: The answer is his virginity

Castiel: ?!?!?!

Dean: smooth transition there

Sam: Shut up

(Y/N): Wait but like,,,,,,,how

Sam: If he has nothing, then he doesn't have sex

Cas: That is a paradox.

Sam: Stfu

Cas: What does that mean?

Dean: don't worry about it

(Y/N): Hey Sam remember that job we were working? That job that saves peoples lives? That job?

Sam: Fine

Lucifer has joined the chat

Lucifer: the wifi down here is no bueno

Sam: Leave

Sam: You are not welcome here

Dean: got'em

Cas: The lingo here is very strange. It is as if the laws of grammar and spelling do not apply. I shall document my findings.

Dean: never say lingo again

Sam: The power of Christ compels you to gtfo

Lucifer: (Y/N) Sam's being a big meanie help

Lucifer: (Y/NNNNNN)

Lucifer: halp meh pls

Lucifer: dark princess most amorous where u go

Sam: You're too late. She can't hear you now

Lucifer: wHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LOVE

Dean: you'll never know

Cas: Sam stole (Y/N)'s phone.

Dean: CAS

Cas: She is in the process of getting it back. Sam is too tall. She cannot reach.

Lucifer: give her baaaaaaack

Lucifer: wait

Lucifer: is she jumping?

Dean: why

Lucifer: I like it when she jumps. dad bless gravity...

Cas: She is jumping.

Dean: dude that's so weird that's not even a kink stop

Lucifer: 😈

(Y/N): Ha she left her phone open

(Y/N): I'm gonna scroll through her camera roll

Lucifer: sam I swear to dad you stay out of that daddamn camera roll for your own safety as much as ours

Lucifer: and give my princess back her phone

(Y/N): ha ha no

Dean: sam don't do it

Cas: This all sounds very inadvisable.

(Y/N): I'm gonna do it

Sam: bitch I will cut you

(Y/N): It's too late. I'm gonna open the app

Lucifer: princess?

Sam: Yeah. Daddy Longlegs left his phone on the table

Lucifer: dont call him that.

Dean: how did you get into it tho?

Sam: Really easily actually. His password's 327&/!;7,@@2?92$hsitvskfgh

Lucifer: PRINCESS?

Sam: Take back your tainted device you foul woman

Lucifer: yes return my bb

Dean: Sam explain

(Y/N): babe hi

Lucifer: 💖

(Y/N): 💖

Sam: you two are gross

Lucifer: 👿

(Y/N): our pictures r cute what r u talking about

Dean: sem explen

Cas: Please do not explain, Sam.

Sam: I need to bleach my entire body

Lucifer: do it

Dean: Sammy pleeeeease?

Sam has sent Dean a private message

Dean has left the chat

(Y/N): oh shit he's running

Dean has joined the chat

Dean: WHAT FHE FUCK MAN RHATS UNNATURAL (Y/N) ARE YOU OKAY DOESNT THAT HURT??!?!!??

Dean has left the chat

Cas: One could even say...Supernatural.

(Y/N): Leave

Cas has left the chat

(Y/N): no wait Cas

Lucifer: I would never hurt my princess!

Lucifer: Unless she wants me to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sam: pls no

(Y/N): pls yes

Cas has joined the chat

Cas: What is 'pls?'

Sam: Please

Cas: Please what?

Sam: ...

Sam: nvm

Cas: ???

Sam: Never mind.

(Y/N): give up

Cas: I am very confused.

Sam: pls = please

Cas: I see. I will remember that.

Lucifer: hey (Y/N)

(Y/N): Yes love of my life?

Lucifer: if there were a cute police they'd shoot you on sight for being so darn adorable

(Y/N): Aw babe ily

Lucifer: ily2

Cas: I do not understand.

Sam: Perhaps it's best if it stays that way

Sam: Also (Y/N) I'm worried for your safety

Lucifer: sam if there were a cute police they'd hit you with their car but not because you're cute just because they want you to not be alive

Sam: why tho

Lucifer: my bb is safe and sound

Cas: Your compliments all end in her dying. That is not healthy.

Lucifer: false

(Y/N): He has a point, babe

Lucifer: aw babe im sorry

(Y/N): it's okay apology accepted

Sam: i hate both of you so much

Lucifer: Awwww Sammy doesn't loooove uuuuuus?

(Y/N): I don't think he dooooooes

Sam: Fuck yourseeeeeelves

Cas: What a fascinating interaction.

(Y/N): Seriously tho we should really get to work. And get Dean

Cas: I will go find him. He ran off in the direction of the laundry room. I'm worried for him.

Lucifer: Destiel?????

Cas: No, my name is Castiel.

Sam: right over his head

Lucifer: i noticed

Cas: why are we talking like this?

(Y/N): Dean must be really worrying right now out in a room far away on his own. Cas, go find him.

Cas: That is a good idea. I'll go do that.

Cas has left the chat

Lucifer: that's not the only thing he's gonna go do

Lucifer: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sam has left the chat

(Y/N): You've scared him away

Lucifer: I tend to have that affect

(Y/N): I wonder what could have inspired it

Lucifer: Haven't the faintest

(Y/N): I imagine so

(Y/N): Anyway I gtg work so...

Lucifer: But I wanna seeeee youuuu

Lucifer: Take the warding downnnnn

Lucifer: pleeeeeeease?

(Y/N): ...

(Y/N): give me five minutes

(Y/N) has left the chat

Lucifer: 😈

Lucifer has left the chat

I have other ideas for fics like this buuuuut whether or not I’ll write ‘em is hard to predict. But yeah, that’s the stuff! Thanks for readin’!

#Lucifer x reader #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #Lucifer (spn) x reader #my-weirdassart-fandomtrash #i need to change my username #but i'm too afraid #tell me if you laughed?#or don't i mean it's up to you #have a good day!

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thewhiterabbit42 · 6 years

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Rabbit’s Disney Challenge Masterlist

Gabriel x Reader

Concrete by @nobodys-baby-now (angst, fluff) “If there’s something you want to tell me, just tell me! Is there something you wanna tell me?” “Is there something you want to hear?”

Ruined Plans by @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard (fluff) - Gabriel had been planning this night for months, so when you have to cancel on him for a hunt, you could say he was less than impressed.

I Told You, Didn’t I by @archangelgabriellives (angst, character death) - “I’m right where I need to be.”

Easter Surprise by @gone-to-fight-the-fairies (fluff) - Gabriel has something up his sleeve for you on this Easter/April Fool’s Day. (fluff)

Moving Out by @ollybear (angst) - “ I’d rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.”

Balthazar x Reader

Catching by @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard (fluff) - Balthazar can’t get that fucking tune that you’ve been humming for days on end out of his head. And when he figures out what the song is, he’s definitely less than impressed.

Fear and Feathers by @authoressskr (fluff) - “My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.”

Castiel x Reader

Awkward Prayers by @n3rdybird (fluff) - “I have an excellent idea; let’s change the subject.”

Something Stupid This Way Comes by @fanaticfanfiction (fluff-ish) - Trying to keep a powerful book out of the wrong hands, you get captured by an angel. You are tortured for information until Castiel shows up to get you out.

What You Want by @webcricket (fluff) - You’re feeling down and Castiel wants to do something special for you.

Crowley x Reader

Tales of Sex, Love, and Exasperation by @my-weirdassart-fandomtrash (fluff) - You and Crowley have been beating around the romantic bush for months, going on a year. But when the “purely sexual” relationship delves to a more profound significance, will either of you have the courage to admit it to yourselves? Or each other?

Be The Hero by @trollhunter94 - Can Crowley really change his stubborn and murderous ways? Let’s put him to the test.

Poke the Bear by @girl-next-door-writes (humor) - The first time the King of Hell meets you it appears he fails to make his usual impression

Sam x Reader

Blame it on the Alcohol by @fandomoniumflurry (fluff) - “There’ll be no living with her after this.”

Home by @girl-next-door-writes (fluff, some angst) - Sam Winchester has been hoarding his feelings for you but maybe it’s time he finally opened up before he misses his chance.

Gen!fics

Ohana Means Family by @revwinchester (fluff) - The reader is having a bad day and Gabriel comes up with just the thing to make her smile again.

#Rabbit's Disney Challenge Masterlist #Rabbit celebrates 1000

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carbonated-chicken-broth · 6 years

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Happy Valentine’s Day || Gabriel x Reader

Gabe is my favorite l'il angel and I had to write about him because I can see him as one of those “boyfriends” that goes all out on Valentine’s Day with one of those massive Teddy Bears and a fuck-ton of chocolate.

Type: Fluff (I know, I know, but I'm in a cutesy mood so suck it horn dogs!)

Reader Gender: Female

Warnings: Kissing...? Also Gabriel in general, so innuendos and all that jazz. Oh, and language. And cliché.

Word Count: 2,000+

"I think I'm gonna clock out!" you called over your shoulder to Sam, who was set up in his usual spot at the long wooden table in the dining/research room, immersed in whatever was on the screen.

He hummed in response, taking his eyes off his laptop for a moment to direct his steely gaze at you through those wise-looking eyes of his. "Not gonna go...um...wipe some broken hearts off the bar floor?" he teased, quirking one eyebrow as his scruff-lined lips twisted into a smile.

You chuckled sleepily and shook your head, noting how your joints cracked and realigned at even the smallest movement. "I'll pass. Dean can get enough work done out there for the both of us. Besides," you added as an afterthought, "I'm tired as hell."

"I hear you," Sam responded quietly, sinking back into his work.

You sighed heavily and plodded down the semi-elegant hallway to your room, stretching your arms over your head as you went and letting out a satisfied groan when something popped. All you wanted was a nice, warm shower, and maybe some peace and quiet. Maybe even a beer and a movie if you got bored. Yeah, some BAB sounded great right about then. It was Valentine’s Day, after all. Great day for porn.

With that thought in mind, you swung open the large, mahogany door with the intent of flopping uninterrupted onto your bed when-

"And how's the cutest little human in the world?"

"Gabriel! Get out of my room!"

There he was, the peskiest of the four archangels, sprawled out on your covers with a wide grin etched across his handsome face.

"How about no?" he snickered, sitting up and smirking. "Besides, it's Valentine's Day!" he added enthusiastically, opening his arms as if to augment his stating of the obvious. "What kinda boyfriend would I be if I didn't stop in on my favorite human to give 'em a proper date?"

You groaned and pinched the bridge of your nose, irritated beyond belief and sensing the stirrings of a migraine. "You're not my boyfriend, Gabriel. And I'm really not in the mood to deal with your shit right now. I just wanna take a shower and lie down and maybe get some shut-eye before Dean comes back with someone and makes sleep impossible."

Raising one eyebrow, the smirking archangel sat forward, his whiskey eyes gazing straight into yours with an air of smug unpredictability that had the reverse affect on his counter. "Mind if I join you?"

"Fuck off, Feathers."

"Rude," he pouted, cuing yet another eye-roll.

"What do you want, Gabriel?" you asked sharply, crossing your arms and lifting your chin in an attempt to convey a semblance of confidence, even though his presence made your insides squirm like worms on LSD.

"You, naked, covered in rose petals,” he chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively in a way that never failed to make your heart do a little dance (often a frantic sort of “OH SHIT THOSE ARE SOME SEXY EYEBROWS” jig).

You felt heat creep up your neck and gritted your teeth, balling your hands into fists. "Gabriel, I swear if you’re-"

"It's just a joke, Sweetcheeks!" he exclaimed, holding his hands up in surrender, before muttering, "I'd prefer syrup, anyway. Sweeter."

"Gabe..."

"Fine," he sighed, his smirk softening to a smile, "I'm here to help you loosen up a bit. You look tense."

"Yeah, I wonder why!"

"Aw, c'mon," he whined, scooting to the edge of your bed and pouting up at you. "All I wanna do is cuddle! I won't bother you for the rest of February if you say yes." At least he was asking for consent. How generous.

"You're bribing me now?" you snorted, trying to sound casually annoyed to hide how flattered you were by him. He always did that to you; he twisted you into confused knots until you didn't know how to feel.

It wasn’t as if being with him would be a huge issue. Dean wouldn’t like it – he hated Gabriel, even more so after the T.V. land escapade – but after a while, he’d adjust. Sam wouldn’t be so vocal about his distaste, probably even supportive. He was already third wheeling one frustrating couple. What could be the harm in adding another?

No, the problem was with you. You didn’t want to tie yourself down to an archangel if it only meant a quick (though undoubtedly amazing) fuck and decades of heartbreak. He was so wild, you doubted he’d be up for a long-term relationship, and you weren’t sure you could handle a one-night-stand, as tempting as that option was.

Gabriel’s eyes twinkled, intrigue written across his face. He had an air of smugness that tended to linger around him but seemed unfounded at that moment. Quickly (and suspiciously), he cut off your thoughts: "Is it working?"

"Nope," you lied, walking over to your dresser to give yourself something to do other than stand awkwardly and in a state of slowly depleting gobsmackery in the doorway. If you were going to have to deal with Gabriel, you would definitely be dealing with him in comfy clothes.

"Why are you making me work so harrrrrrd?" the ever-childish archangel whined, tilting his head and watching you open one of the mahogany drawers and rummage around.

Sifting through your clothes, you groaned again, pulling out one of Sam's giant flannels (red-checked and soft) you’d stolen a while back. Winchester clothing was just more comfortable; even their boxers. You were tentative about wearing men’s underwear in front of the perverted archangel stationed on your bed but you know what they say: fuck it.

"Because giving you what you want is like feeding the animals," you said distractedly, moving to your bathroom door (you had one separate from the boys’ because they took long showers and sometimes menstruation couldn’t wait an hour) and calling over your shoulder, "We cuddle once and then you never leave me alone!"

You could feel his eyes drilling into you as you slipped inside, carefully locking the door behind you even though his bothering to use it would only be out of courtesy and therefore very unlikely. You waited for a few seconds in case Gabriel was planning on breaking in, before pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it on the sink.

Lo’ and behold, there came the flutter of wings from directly behind you, the cool breeze from invisible wings tickling your nearly bare back. "But I just wanna cu- wow you are...wow."

You blushed heavily and spun around, ready to give him a piece of your mind, only to realize that he could see straight down your bra. With a yelp, you grabbed the first thing you saw – a towel hanging on the door behind him – and held it against your practically naked torso. "Gabriel, what the hell!?"

"I just wanted to keep talking to you," he whined, his dark eyes twinkling with mischief and other emotions that you could recognize but didn't want to name.

"So you came into the bathroom with me?!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"You're joking," you told him flatly, agitated, "You see nothing wrong with this? I'm half fucking naked, Gabriel!"

"I noticed," the archangel smirked, wiggling his eyebrows again. "You're hotter than I imagined."

"Than you imagined?" you snapped, your face flushing, "The hell is that supposed to mean?!" Oh God, did he…holy fuck, did he get off thinking about you? Christ, you couldn’t win with him!

"Oh, you know what it means, Sugar~" Gabriel purred, taking a few steps forward so that his chest brushed against your forearms which pinned the towel to your quivering body.

You blushed furiously, your eyes widening as you gazed breathlessly up at him. A strangled moan clawed its way out of your throat and past your clamped lips. After a beat, you finally found your voice, or some of it. "Shut up, Asshat!" you growled, wrinkling your nose and taking a step back.

"Make me~"

"Okay!" you snapped, stepping around him, "I get that it's Valentine's Day but I’m really not in the mood!"

Gabriel sighed, gazing after you as you opened the door and slipped out, pulling the giant, tunic-like flannel over your scatterbrained head to hide your torso. ‘Sexy fucking angel,’ you thought, remembering vividly the way he could morph from innocent puppy-dog to I'm-gonna-fuck-you-'til-you-can't-walk in under a second. ‘What gives him the right.’

"I just wanna help you relax," he whined (a tone he’d been taking quite a lot lately), watching you flop down on your bed and moving to sit on the end.

"Leave me alone," you commanded, burying your face in the pillow and shutting your eyes right. You felt the bed creak next to you and you turned your head, coming eye to whiskey eye with the pesky archangel.

"No."

You groaned, turning your face to hide a blush as your heart fluttered from the proximity of his body to yours. Finally, you got up the courage to say it. "Fine."

A grin spread across Gabriel's face. "What made you change your mind all of the sudden?" he asked innocently, the smirk on his face audible to your reddening ears.

"Shut up."

"Aww," he chuckled, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulled you against his chest, "Have I ever told you how cute you are when you're pissed off?"

You gritted your teeth and rolled your eyes, your mind on hyper-alert as he pressed closer, breath dancing over your neck. "Every damn time you see me," you snapped agitatedly. It was true, you had a tendency to get riled up when he was around, for obvious reasons. He seemed to find it amusing, which did nothing to help your flustered state.

"You really are adorable," he said, sounding almost genuine.

You blushed and shook your head, glaring at him over your shoulder as your heart did backflips. "I am not, Gabriel!" It sounded so childish you had to fight to keep from cringing.

"Don't deny it," Gabriel chuckled, poking you nose. "See? You're like a kitten dumped in ice water. I just wanna hug you and kiss every inch of your skin and listen to your voice say my name over and over and over again..." He sighed, taking in a breath and pulling back a bit, gazing adoringly at you.

Your face felt like it was on fire from all the heat rushing through it, and your eyes were wide as saucers.

"I-I...uhm...I mean that's-wow..."

The archangel's eyes twinkled mischievously, and he leaned in to press his forehead against yours, whispering, "Plus, you're adorable when you're flustered."

You swore you thought your heart stopped for a second. It skipped a beat or two — or five — at his words.

He chewed his lip, waiting for a response of some sort, of which you seemed incapable. You gazed at him like a tourist at the Statue of Liberty, your eyes wide and your lips parted as thoughts rushed through your mind like hot pockets through someone's dietary tract.

His stare was what caught you; his deep golden-brown eyes simultaneously grounded you in reality and sent you off on tangents of mental fantasy.

"So, are you gonna kiss me or not?"

Gabe's mouth dropped open; it was his turn to look dumbfounded. "What, (Y/N)?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

You rolled your eyes. "You wore me down, okay? You win. Now do me a favor and finish what you started!"

A smile spread across his handsome features as he lifted himself up on one arm and cupped your face with his hand. Gently, he drew your lips up to his. Your lips met and instantly you felt right, somehow. Complete. You could feel heat radiating off of him, like somewhere inside him was a burning fire; his grace. Softly, his lips moved against yours as his fingers dragging up to card through your hair. A small gasp rose in your throat. It was magical, caring, even loving.

You stayed there, frozen in his arms, for a few minutes before realizing that sometime soon, you’d need to breathe. Pulling back, you gasped, your chest heaving against his. "Oh, I forgot," he chuckled.

"What?" you asked incredulously, breathless, "To breathe?"

"Maybe..."

"Christ, Gabe," you groaned, glaring at him with amusement dancing in your features. "How have you survived this long?"

Gabriel shrugged, grinning sheepishly. You knew that he was set on you being the adorable one, but the way he smiled was pretty damn cute. His eyes crinkled slightly, shining like pools of liquid gold. It struck you how just last year the pair of you had been enemies, and now there you were, lying in bed with him. The bed you had just kissed in.

"You're hopeless," you sighed, resting your head back on the pillow.

He tilted his head, propping himself up to glare jokingly down at you. "Ouch. Harsh."

"But accurate, Mr. Century-Old-Archangel."

‘Mr. Century-Old-Archangel’ chuckled, pulling you closer with one arm and brushing a few wayward strands of hair out of your face. "Cutie."

"I'm not cute!"

"Whatever you say, Sugar. Happy Valentine’s Day."

"You too, Gabe."

----------------------------------------------

Yeah, yeah, it’s super cliché. It’s Valentine’s Day. Deal. Have a swell day/afternoon/evening/night/whatever else! Happy Valentine’s Day!

~Ev

#Gabriel x reader #supernatural #Happy Valentine's Day #my-weirdassart-fandomtrash #gabriel/reader #cliche #also old work #so that's my excuse for cheesiness #also im a hopeless romantic #slave to my muse #no this is a lie i just want to cuddle gabe on valentine's day and you shouldn't judge me for it

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