Ugh sorry I’m late to this topic but your office au thing, as a mid-20s office worker, has me losing it. No one hates sales like the ppl who have to execute all the things sales sells that don’t exist yet. I can’t think of anything more infuriating than when sales sells smth and everyone else has to go “cool, we don’t offer that, but I guess we do now.”

Al is the kinda guy who believes in the ppl around him’s ability to make things happen (and also wants his commission check bc that’s how you like. Make rent). He would be GREAT at selling shit to high profile clients and earning the scorn of his coworkers bc he sold smth in the “technically-possible-but-oh-my-god-please-no” category. Arthur doing any sort of implementation work and being a perfectionist who HATES the idea of flopping? He would keep getting stuck w these awful assignments, just the worst clients. The real weirdos who scream at you over Microsoft teams calls. BUT he looks good bc he always deals w it anyway. He gets called a rockstar on slack by his manager. He does NOT get a raise. Everyone says that he and alfred are a great team. They both hate it bc Alfred sells shit they can’t do and Arthur is a pain and keeps making passive aggressive announcements during the sales/implementation sync about how to frame product capabilities to future clients.

They eventually go to a company happy hour and both take FULL advantage of their boss paying. They take the same train line back to their respective homes and talk MAD shit about how it’s so bullshit that HR told them no new hires till next year bc they’re already understaffed. And can you believe that at Brent’s farewell party all ppl were able to say he contributed was “bromance” and yet he’s going to a job where he’s gonna make 6 figures?? He left his projects in a total state of disarray and didn’t even document them properly and now everyone else has to clean up his mess while he and his family take a trip to Disney before he starts at his new cushy salaried job.” I feel like after a few rounds of regular shit-talking they’re screenshotting slack messages and sending them to each other like “WHY did Brenda react to Marc’s announcement that he’s leaving the company w the party emoji, read the room, Marc is the only one on the customer service team who knows ANYTHING and he’s gonna be impossible to replace” and “i just walked by Mikayla’s desk and for some reason she just has a Google images tab open and is just looking at pics of the Kardashian’s. Why.”

Am I projecting? Yes. But also, these scenarios are based on real convos and experiences I’ve had and real office crushes I’ve witnessed. I’ve worked a few office jobs now and I feel qualified. I’m at work now even. I’m an expert in the stupidity of office work.

bro BROOOOO 😭 brooooooooooo i hate this so much but only because i can absolutely see this exact same shit happening at my office

my office always has a yearly christmas party where the higher ups rent out a bar nearby and expect everyone to go even tho its always on a fucking week day from like 4-10 in the afternoon and they get pissed when folks dont go and half of everyone gets shit faced and anyways i wanna join in on this perfect projection so those two? hating each other and getting shit faced at the christmas party but then they both find themselves going the same way home and realize that they can bond over hating everyone else? oh you know those two would go home and bone and then wake up to ww3 when the texts they were forwarding to each other just so happened to be sent to other people as well 👀👀👀

i work compliance and dealing with all the messy bullshit my companys versions of sales reps do is an absolute fucking nightmare and im not even the one dealing with customers or anything like that 😭 i know arthurs a dick but jesus christ he still must have the patience of an absolute saint to where passive aggressive remarks are the worst he does