#my therapist and i deduced it was almost def bc of my elementary school trauma
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collecting my mental problems like i'm trying to fill out my pokédex
#the egg speaks#today i rembered when i took the mmpi as a teen i qualified for lichrally every type of anxiety lol#including ptsd lolololllll#my therapist and i deduced it was almost def bc of my elementary school trauma#i was wondering how being bullied and ostracised could produce such a strong reaction and uh#then it hit me that like. most the things i was bullied for were related to autistic traits or my special interests so !!#after looking up autism and ptsd im like yeah aight that actually... makes a Ton Of Cents#it got better when i read a book about how to make friends. basically how to mask the autism LMAO#and yet !! i still get really fkn stressed when i feel ostracised by friends and i act out and then feel like a shitbag who deserves it!!!#so thats where im at rn#i really just dont know how to begin to fix it. i dont.#the longer i wait to say anything the worse ill feel and the worse itll be perceived as too but. idfk what to even say!!!
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