Watched one of my favourite childhood films the other day . . . I cried . . . A lot.

I don’t remember it being so emotional. The sound track is an absolute banger

Also mad respect to all the animators who had to draw horses over and over again.

Late night thoughts

So can’t sleep tonight n the little brain is ticking away thinking.

Isn’t it odd meeting people you can meet people sometimes and it’s like a fire in you and you can’t put it out it’s primal it’s addictive it forceful and you can’t fucking hide from it and if your lucky that person feels the same and if your even luckier that person is a good person or you work and then sometimes it doesn’t.

I’ve had two great loves in my life the first well it’s was a childhood fascination my god he was addictive and we were friends a friend I wanted a friend I couldn’t live without we was always different people ya know. Chalk n cheese and now it was probably obvious about 8 years in we weren’t meant to be but the love was there. Problems started people made mistakes and that urge that primal desire started to vanish and it became wanting that person in your life because it was home and it was comfortable and it was all I knew. I’ll love that man till the day I die for all his faults but I love him as a father and as a friend and as someone I shared some wonderfully amazing and gut wrenchingly horrific times with.

And then my second love my god that was raw sweep you off your feet throw you in a whirlwind and slap your arse love. Also addictive and I was addictive to how he loved me everyone said it wasn’t love it was obsession and I hated it but Fuck me I loved it to have someone on you that much, need you that much, and yes he was a narcissistic fucker yea he was dangerous but it weren’t all bad we laughed a lot. We never had awkward silences or got bored but it was suffocating and draining and in the end I would have had to become a puppet and let him be my master for us to be truly content and I couldn’t do that and I wouldn’t do that and up until a short time ago I loved him. I don’t now, I really don’t I hope I find a man that loves me even half of what he did n declares it to the world like he did but never to that level because it was too much. I hope one day that man finds his inner peace or he doesn’t I believe everything in life is a lesson and that was a big one it taught me I can love again it taught me I will never not be me. It raised my bar on how a man should treat a woman like a gentlemen it also taught me how a man shouldn’t behave when he has no control.

So two loves. 30 years of age. Will I ever get that primal desire again. Met people who I like a lot but is the attention I crave or the ego boost or affection where I’ve always had affection someone to cuddle up to since I was 14 n now it’s gone.

So we confuse love for lust

And like for lust

And sex for affection

And friendship for relationship

Or is that how it’s done now you go from like to lust to Love from ego to affection to sex to infactuation… is it the way it goes was I lucky to get addictive love before or unlucky whichever way you look at it. Am I gonna look for something that’s not gonna be there or pretending it don’t have to be there.

Are all loves different or are they all the same ?

It’s mad innit like I said about before damaged souls. Can we ever let our guards down enough to risk it for a biscuit ?

Like star met a man great friendship had sex was never really there she couldn’t come. Just didn’t touch her inner fire eventually walked away. Went to see an old friend for a much needed night of passion as well overdue. Again nothing, went home n had a wank. So even tho she knows the old friend is good is she now so emotionally blocked after her heartache that the poor bitch can’t come ??!

Lilly’s walls high as the stars but she’s an old romantic n she believes that you can’t let your pain ruin your future so she pulls a few bricks out the wall, n then they seem to get out back in n she wonders is she actually catching feelings cause she likes him or just falling for the idea of being in love again..? But her little nessel pal has learnt new skills in the bedroom #Win n become a complete dick head out of it he’s more hot n cold then a fuckin kettle he’s using her n she knows eventually she’s gonna say fuck off cause everyone she knows told her she’s mugging herself offf but she just holding out n I don’t even no what for probably because she’s lonely and just needs something she keeps flogging that dead horse for all the wrong reasons n feeding his ego cause he probably thinks she’s in love when in reality he’s just helping her healing her own heart man she likes him she does but enough to keep being treated like a Cunt Na, n she knows soon if he don’t give her respect she’s out but that makes her sad And same time he told her he wanted her to give it a whirl no other people and she don’t quite think he meant it he just don’t want anyone else to have her neither of em want a full blown serious relationship she just wants respect loyalty and the idea that yes eventually it will hopefully get serious but they can’t seem to find or land on common ground but he fed her ego... serious error because when we get our ego fed it helps pull us in or cut the chord

Annie the other day got drunk n screamed at her new boyfriend to leave her she’s no good she’ll break his heart. And god love him he held her why she cried n said he wasn’t going anywhere but how sad she’s that done over she needs now don’t believe she accepts or is good enough for real love…

Dave has found a girl n it started as fun and the crazy ex has now said she wants him back, and the current one has told him she’s falling for him, so now he’s better the devil you know take a chance on happy? So now there fuckin became expert doggers n I literally can’t even say anything else on this because I will be shot 😂😂😂

Scott was doing really well till he heard news about the ex n it’s set him back ten spaces, it’s horrible watching someone so consumed with love for someone that don’t want them back it’s fuckin there own head n putting there own life on hold for in reality a memory. He says he doesn’t want love or pain or anything he would rather turn it all away then get hurt again or maybe he just ain’t found the girl worth risking it for yet.

Del finally got the girl man Jesus went to bang get they both played with there mate Mandy so much neither could bang then she offered a relationship on a plate n he said let’s be friends with benefits wtf it’s took him months n months to get here. N then he says well I like the little one who says my dicks to big for her arse n the one that lets me piss on her, so months of heartache clearly you just needed her to want you to feed ya ego or ya scared of getting hurt.

Poor sally is in narnia and probably fucked yo a good thing being a paranoid mess because of her previous cunty men.

Sharon for finally got fucked n has decided she’d rather drop out the shit in bed forever to bang gent of a man, for a man she can never have cause he’s good in bed lol

Met a girl to other day For the first time was telling me my male friend is in love with her trying to tell her in the nicest way that she is a booty call and actually booty call number 4 was so difficult especially when she literally didn’t even believe me 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Big daddy’s more lost then a fuckin McCann

Dens been knocked back more times then a pin in a bowling alley n bless him still there.

It’s mad ain’t it we all look for love and then run from it

I’ll own my own shit I’m a sucker for a bad boy and an even bigger sucker for a damaged soul the bigger the trouble the more I want em 🙄

And I turn down lovely bloody men for arseholes I can’t help it I’ve always wanted to fix things and if he acts like he don’t want me my god what a challenge.

But it’s all back to that damaged soul again ain’t it del would rather run from the one he wants then risk getting hurt. Lilly can’t work out if she would rather feed her ego then fall in love, Annie thinks she don’t deserve a good guy, Scott says he don’t even know is n for a reader of people I’d be fucked if I know I think he’s still broken hearted he’s found a good girl but don’t want her, Dave is playing a Game with someone that already broke him and holding the one that’s repairing him at arms length and star we’ll stars go a fuck block ....

And don’t even start me on the primal urge again should we all hunt for that isit something that comes around each time or something hung that’s rare. Love comes in all forms I hear but how fuckin boring... when your a broken soul how long do you allow someone else’s damage to damage you more ?? It’s all madness.

Not my usual humourous blog but it saddens me that so many people in my life are so damaged and fuck up real love or run from love or feed there own ego too much or think they ain’t worthy.

Gotta love ya self first I spose n go for it with the one who makes it obvious they want you in there life and try to keep you there.

And if you can’t do any of that at least ffs find someone who makes you come well enough that at the end of the night you ain’t having to go home n bash one out ffs 😂😂😂

2016

Predict-o-meter: This year: 7/8; Total: 87/103 (84%)

It is not that unusual for a movie to get nominated that I had absolutely no interest in seeing and so have to drag myself to. It doesn’t happen every year, but typically no more that 3 or 4 years go by without it happening. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised and end up loving the film (“The Social Network”), but more typically my worst fears are confirmed (“War Horse,” almost everything by Scorsese). However, I can’t recall a single year in which TWO movies were nominated that elicited not the slightest interest in me. Until this year. This year there were THREE. And while one of them did prove to be a pleasant surprise, the other two decidedly did not. I won’t say which ones, but see if you can tell from the reviews.

But before we get started we have to stop for a moment to give a shout out to Janelle Monáe and Mahershala Ali, who appear together in not one, but TWO films nominated for Best Picture: “Hidden Figures” and “Moonlight.” And while Mahershala was nominated for his strong work in “Moonlight,” it was Janelle who almost stole the show in “Hidden Figures.” Kudos!

Now let’s get to it.

- THE CONTENDERS -

Fences. Two towering performances from Denzel Washington and Viola Davis (both nominated - though how Davis’ role could be construed as Supporting rather than Leading is beyond me) are the pillars holding this wonderful film aloft. Set in 1950s Pittsburgh, “Fences” is the story of Troy Maxson (Washington), who is an extremely complicated man. Wracked by guilt over surviving on a pension his brother receives after suffering a head wound in the war that left him severely mentally challenged, frustrated over being a baseball star in the Negro Leagues just a few years before Jackie Robinson, and infuriated over the racism that holds a black ex-con down, there is a hardness about him that is undeniable. He says that the only good thing that ever happened to him was his wife Rose (Davis). But he is also an entertainingly loquacious storyteller, whom his best friend says must have a bit of Uncle Remus in him. Troy is an emotional storm with gale-force winds and churning seas. But Rose is the steadfast lighthouse, unflinching in the face of the tumult, always providing a beacon. Washington, who was also nominated for his directing, nicely captures the claustrophobia of the stage-play source material. Most of the action occurs in the two small downstairs rooms of their modest home, or in the backyard that is little more than a patio. We are exploring inner landscapes here. Troy’s snappy patter is entertaining enough to justify the price of admission, but the nuanced exploration of life and love, human strength and weakness, desire and motivation make this a masterpiece.

Hell or High Water. Part modern-day Western, part caper movie, part film noir, this movie is rollicking good fun. The Howard brothers are on a bank-robbing spree. With a purpose. They are robbing very specific banks to raise a very specific amount of money for a very specific reason. Because they only clear a few thousand dollars each time, and all of the banks are in the same state (Texas) the Feds have no interest in the case. So it falls to crusty old Marcus Hamilton, a Texas Ranger stereotypically weeks from retirement, and his half-Mexican, half-Indian partner Alberto Parker to run them to ground. Sounds simple, right? And it could have been, but Taylor Sheridan’s (nominated) screenplay is too smart for that. Ben Foster is sublime in the role of Tanner Howard, the ne’er-do-well, hell-raising ex-con brawn to brother Toby Howard’s brains. Tanner is a fuck up, and he knows it, but he is addicted to the adrenaline rush of the outlaw lifestyle. He sees this caper as his last chance to do something good (while still raising hell) by helping brother Toby (played by Chris Pine) save their father’s ranch and the newly-discovered oil there-under. Jeff Bridges was nominated for his role as Ranger Hamilton, which is essentially a reprisal of his role in “True Grit.” In fact, it is easy to imagine that Ranger Hamilton is the great grandson of Rooster Cogburn. The brothers’ scheme is ingenious, and hinges upon an epic (if not heroic) last stand by Tanner, and the coda in which Bridges’ Hamilton confronts Pine’s Toby to say that he knows Toby did it, but can’t prove it is pure bridled machismo.

Hidden Figures. There was a time, not that long ago, when the word ‘computer’ referred to a person, as in ‘someone who computes.’ During the early days of the space race, as an increasingly nervous America watched as Russia put first a satellite, then a dog, then a man into space, NASA employed quite a number of computers to check and re-check the calculations needed to determine the trajectories of spacecraft. These computers tended to be women, who today would be engineers, but at the time had no such option. And amongst these women were a cadre of ~20-30 black women stationed at Langley in Virginia, which at the time in the early 60s was still a segregated state. “Hidden Figures” is the triumphant story of these women and the incredible obstacles they had to overcome. The film focuses on three real-life figures: Mary Jackson (played by Janelle Monáe), a budding engineer, Dorothy Vaughn (Octavia Spencer in a nominated roled), who became an early specialist in the machines we now call computers, and particularly Katherine Johnson (played by Taraji Henson). The Space Task Group is charged with properly calculating the launch and (crucially) re-entry parameters for orbital human spaceflight. It is a pressure cooker run by a demanding taskmaster with a reputation of burning through computers on an almost weekly basis. When a need arises for an expertise in analytic geometry the East Area Computers (the white girls) have no suitable candidate, so they ask the ‘colored’ girls of the West Area Computers for help. Enter Katherine Johnson. She takes on the job with a brilliant mind and an indomitable spirit. She is clearly the smartest person in the room, and yet she has to run a half-mile across campus back to the West Area to use the bathroom because that’s the only place that has ‘colored’ rest rooms. In a bit of poetic justice near the end of the film, a white male engineer must make the same sprint to find her because John Glenn has demanded that Katherine personally verify the re-entry calculations after the IBM machine that replaced her delivered inconsistent results. This movie has indomitable human spirit, unbridled American patriotism (that refreshingly has nothing to do with war), and, of course, sharp lessons on Civil Rights history all wrapped up in a package that is just good, clean fun. You should really stop whatever it is you are doing right now and go see this film.

Lion. Like all little brothers, 5yo Saroo idolizes his older brother Gudu. They eke out a hardscrabble existence with their mother and baby sister in the back of beyond of rural India. They are desperately poor, and they know it, but they have a loving family and are generally happy. While trying to tag along with Gudu on his night job, Saroo becomes locked in an empty passenger car on a train being relocated cross country without stopping. Two days and 750 miles later, he is in the urban bustle of Calcutta, which might as well be a different planet since few people speak his native Hindi. After some harrowing adventures he winds up in an orphanage where he is adopted by a loving and earnest middle-class couple in Tasmania. Fast-forward 25 years, and the adult Saroo is seemingly well-adjusted and integrated into his adopted culture. While at a party at the house of some Indian friends he happens across a plate of jalebis, a dessert he had craved as a child but could never afford. This triggers a flood of memories from his lost childhood and launches him on an all-consuming and ultimately successful quest to find his birth mother. “Lion” is a wonderful film based on an amazing true story. And while it could have been a simple, manipulative tear-jerker, director Garth Davis delivers a film with impressive emotional complexity. Sunny Pawar is amazing as the young Saroo, and Dev Patel was nominated for his role as the adult Saroo, as was Nicole Kidman - in her native accent! - for her role as Sue, Saroo’s adoptive Australian mother. You’ll enjoy this long, harrowing journey, but keep your hanky handy for the eventual reunion between mother and son.

Moonlight. This is a coming-of-age story set in a world that John Hughes never imagined. If you had to sum up Chiron (aka “Little,” aka “Black”) in one word, that word would be ‘awkward.’ Growing up in a rough part of Miami with a missing father and a (literal) crack whore mother (Naomie Harris in a nominated role), bullied at school and unwelcome at home, 9yo Little’s life is characterized by constant fear, stress, and uncertainty. Little is sullen and withdrawn; the only kid who seems to understand him is Kevin, a breezy charmer, and the only remotely positive father figure he has is Juan (Mahershala Ali, also nominated), a crack dealer with a kind girlfriend who sort of unofficially adopts him. Fast-forward to the painfully awkward high school teen years: he now tries to go by his given name, Chiron, but has been dubbed Black by Kevin. Juan has been killed (though his girlfriend Teresa still lets Chiron crash when his mother has “company”), and the bullies are still omnipresent. To this point the film is not characterized so much by action, but rather by the seething, building tension associated with trying to constantly avoid action. Something’s gotta give. After a fumbling (dare I say awkward?) sexual encounter with Kevin the bullies force Kevin to beat Chiron up. This is the catalyst that causes Chiron to snap, leading to the sort of violent retributive outburst that makes movie audiences cheer, but lands young black men in jail. Fast-forward a decade. Now an adult, he has emerged from prison, moved to Atlanta, and adopted the persona – and the pimped-out ride – of Juan, and embraced Kevin’s nickname for him, Black. We see him making the rounds to check on his subordinate pushers and working out to maintain his thug life body. He is still sullen and withdrawn, but hard. This all changes with an unexpected phone call from Kevin, whom he hasn’t heard from since leaving Miami. In a truly breath-taking piece of acting, Trevante Rhodes – as the adult Black – brilliantly captures the mannerisms and even the intonations of the younger actors who play Little (Alex R. Hibbert) and Chiron (Ashton Sanders). We see a hardened criminal pick up the phone, but as soon as he hears Kevin’s voice subtle changes sweep over his face and he reverts – unconsciously and unintentionally – to the troubled, awkward youth he was. It is an Oscar-worthy performance, but unfortunately he does not get enough screen time to warrant a nomination. Overall this is a difficult film, but it is finely crafted, almost painfully heartfelt, and presents such a unique perspective that it is definitely worth the investment.

- THE PRETENDERS -

Arrival. This is a refreshing new take on the “alien invasion” genre. What is most unique is the aliens’ motivation behind their arrival, which I won’t give away but is fascinating. In fact, it’s difficult to discuss the plot at all without spoilers, but I will say that it’s timey wimey enough for the most ardent Doctor Who fan. Most of this movie is very well done. The aliens are extremely alien (Director Denis Villeneuve (nominated) understands that your imagination is always more frightening than reality, so he keeps his aliens shrouded in a thick fog and only fleetingly, partially visible) while the humans are annoyingly human (there’s a pretty standard schism between the “let’s talk to them” faction and the “blow them up” faction). An overall tone of realism is maintained so that the disbelief that must be willingly suspended is minimized, and the always-wonderful Amy Adams departs from her quirky, perky safezone to deliver a solid performance as a serious scientist. I do have a quibble, however. The entire plot of the film revolves around the written language of the aliens, which is so complex it seems almost magical. But the way in which the humans decipher it is given short shrift. There is boundless opportunity here for dramatic tension with the scientists making furtive steps, false starts, and brilliant breakthroughs, but it just sort of … happens. There’s not even a montage of long hours hunched over a computer or scribbling on a white board. Though this seems like a tragically missed opportunity it should not prevent you from enjoying this film that breathes new life into a fairly tired old genre.

Hacksaw Ridge. This is an extremely mediocre movie about an extremely fascinating and compelling true story. Desmond Doss (Andrew Garfield in a nominated role) was the first conscientious objector to be awarded the Medal of Honor for his efforts as an unarmed medic during the battle of Okinawa in WWII. After confronting his drunken father (who was beating his mother) with a pistol, Desmond makes a promise to God to never touch a gun again. This conviction is challenged when his patriotism compels Desmond to enlist after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Despite his intentions of being a medic his superior officers try to force Desmond to train with a rifle during basic training. His steadfast refusal leads to hazing, beatings, and nearly lands him in prison. He is eventually allowed to serve, and after his battalion is chased off the titular ridge Doss remains behind alone and drags 75 wounded men to safety while constantly dodging enemy soldiers. The problem with the film is that every aspect is hyper-romanticized, from the rough-housing of the Doss brothers as boys, to the too-cute-by-half courtship of Desmond and his wife-to-be. Even the drunken excesses of his father seem cliche and rote. The Japanese are depicted as unstoppable killing machines with neither souls nor honor (who knew director Mel Gibson (nominated) had issues with racial stereotypes?) and the battle scenes are shot in operatic slow motion in which even the blood and the mud are made to look Just Right. Garfield’s turn as Doss is strong, but I’m not sure it’s Oscar-worthy, and there are also a couple strong performances by actors playing against type: Hugo Weaving is convincingly tortured as the drunken father, and Vince Vaughn is surprisingly good as the obligatory tough-as-nails sergeant. Overall the film is watchable and the story is almost strong enough to overcome the directorial flaws. But not quite.

La La Land. This is a starry-eyed love letter to Los Angeles, both the physical city and the dreams of success and stardom that inhabit it. The story is engaging and well-crafted, the sumptuous cinematography makes it look as though the entire film was shot during the Golden Hour, and the acting is superb. The scenes in which Emma Stone – as struggling actress Mia – auditions for various roles are tours de force. The film is also an adoring homage to the MGM musicals of the 50s, and herein lies the problem: Stone and co-star Ryan Gosling can’t sing or dance. I mean, they’re not tone deaf and club-footed or anything, but neither of them could make the chorus line of the worst show on Broadway. The singing is at the level of a high school musical (no, not “High School Musical”), and as for dancing, if they were on Dancing with the Stars they would not be expected to survive past the third episode. But no one seems to care! I even read one review that claimed that this was a clever choice because their characters aren’t stars … yet! Excuse me, but generally talent leads to fame, not the other way around. It’s a shame because there really is a lot to love about this movie. If you can overlook this (glaring, obvious) flaw you will really enjoy it. But that thumping sound you’ll hear is Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers whirling dervishly in their graves.

Manchester by the Sea. We are introduced to Lee Chandler as a socially-maladapted loaner with anger management issues. Severe anger management issues. As the story unfolds we learn through flashbacks that Lee - played with understated intensity by Casey Affleck (nominated) - was once the epitome of the happily-married, blue-collar father, until tragedy struck. Unimaginable, life-shattering tragedy. That is the past, which informs the present, but the current tragedy is the sudden - but not totally unexpected - death of Lee’s brother Joe from a congenital heart condition. This leaves Lee as the guardian of his 16yo nephew, Patrick, a role for which (he is self-aware enough to understand) he is completely unsuited. What follows is an hour or so of stressful bickering as two guys who have suffered loss and who have feelings that they can’t comprehend, much less express, try to live together. In the end Lee manages to extract himself from the situation more or less gracefully, and return to his previous life. Still socially-maladapted, still a loner, but perhaps with slightly less severe anger management issues. The film is well acted, director Kenneth Lonergan (nominated) manages the pacing and the flashbacks skillfully, and the muted lighting captures the quiet desperation of New England in winter perfectly. But Lee’s character does not move an inch through the narrative: he is exactly the same person at the beginning and end of the film. And the film’s central tenet - that blue-collar guys in New England are not in touch with their feelings - is hardly revelatory.

So which SHOULD win?

I really loved all of the films in the Contenders category above, but Hidden Figures stands out as the one that not only elicited the most complex emotional response, but also the only one that I really want to watch again. Seriously go see it.

But which WILL win?

Though it boggles my mind, La La Land looks like a shoo-in for Best Picture. I really just don’t get it. Moonlight is a dark horse here, but is running a very distant second.

Best Actress - Emma Stone for La La Land. Note that it isn’t for Best Singer.

Best Actor - This is an interesting race between Casey Affleck for Manchester by the Sea and Denzel Washington for Fences. In my mind Denzel gave a much stronger performance with much greater emotional range, but I think Casey Affleck will win.

Best Supporting Actress - Viola Davis wins going away for Fences. Well deserved.

Best Supporting Actor - Mahershala Ali for Moonlight.

Best Director - Damien Chazelle for La La Land. I mean, the DIRECTION didn’t suck.

Best Adapted Screenplay - Look for Moonlight to squeak in here.

Best Cinematography - La La Land. This is probably the only category that it actually deserves to win. It is gorgeous.

And that’s all I have time for because I am so late! Until next year …