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frauleinsmaria · 7 years

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We Can Feel So Far (From So Close) (2/2)

Waiting until your best friend left for a cross country tour was a fine time to realize you’re in love with him. Captain Swan.

Almost 3 months after posting the first part of this story, I'm finally here to finish it off. Believe me when I say I wasn't planning to take so long, but a rough semester of school kept me from doing as much work on this as I wanted to. I didn't think I'd be posting this today since this morning it wasn't even finished, but somehow or another my heartbreak over Jen announcing her exit from OUAT caused me to throw myself into this. (I'll be completely honest, the only time I haven't been bawling my eyes out today is while I've been writing.) Also, a big thank you to everyone who have read and reviewed this story so far. You honestly don't know how much the kind messages and reviews have meant to me over the past few months. I hope you enjoy the final part of this two shot as much as I enjoyed creating it. <3

Part 1 | Rated T | Word count: 9,529 |Also on AO3 and FF.net

You could blame it on Neal, on her wavering self-esteem, or on a number of different things she’d been forced to deal with during her nearly twenty-eight years of life so far. Either way, Emma found it nearly impossible to believe that Killian could somehow be in love with her.

If anything, he probably viewed her as the sister he never had. And she’d seen enough movies and TV shows to know how situations like hers typically ended: awkwardly. It was just best all around if she kept all of this hidden, and hoped she would be able to act somewhat normally around Killian when he came back from the West Coast. (This causes her to wonder, not for the first time, if he’ll even be back for long at all once the tour is over with. It’s not likely that he’ll want to stay in Boston and work at the bar again when he’s guaranteed to have dozens of opportunities thrust at him.)

Their next Skype call takes place two weeks later on a Saturday afternoon (morning for him) when he’s in San Francisco, taking advantage of the wi-fi at a cafe near his hotel. Emma tells him he looks like something out of a movie, the outline of the Golden Gate Bridge even visible from a distance behind him. “I feel like you should be writing me a love letter or something with dramatic music playing in the background,” she tells him while she finishes off her second plate of pancakes. She quickly regrets the “love letter” part, and hopes he doesn’t read too much into those particular words.

“My apologies, Swan. No dramatic music at my expense, and the only thing I’d consider professing my love to at the moment is caffeine.” He holds up his cup of coffee for emphasis, his third since she called just half an hour ago.

“No sleep last night?” she asks, taking a long sip of her own cinnamon flavored drink. The stakeout she’d endured the night before had taken much longer than she anticipated.

“Not much, I’m afraid. Boys dragged me out of bed early yesterday morning to do all of the touristy stuff in the city while we had a chance. Thankfully they finally decided to take it easy today so I could talk to you without distractions.”

Emma frowned. “You sure you don’t need to take it easy today? Killian, I’m not gonna be offended if you want to crash while you can.”

“Nonsense. I’ll be fine.” His following yawn and the faint circles she could make out under his eyes said otherwise.

“Killian...go get some rest. At the very least, take a power nap or something,” she adds before he has a chance to object. “Your audience isn’t going to be very impressed if the guitarist is half asleep tonight.”

He sighs in defeat. “I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry, love. Guess I haven’t quite made up for being a lousy friend since I’ve been gone.”

“You’re off being a badass musician; that’s a lot more than I can say for any of my other friends at the moment.”

“Aye. And don’t you forget it, Swan.”

-/-

He calls her at midnight on her birthday. “Killian, you shouldn’t have,” she tells him, thankful that they’re on the phone instead of Skype for once so he can’t see the ridiculous grin that’s been on her face since her phone lit up with his name on the screen. “You’ve got to be exhausted after tonight’s show.” The band is in Portland now, where they will be spending another week before wrapping up the last leg of the tour in Phoenix and Las Vegas next month. She actually got to watch part of their last show earlier while she got ready for bed, thanks to a heads up from Robin’s wife. Regina had recently flown west to travel with him for the rest of the tour, and posted a few songs using Facebook live per the fan’s requests.

“No I’m not,” he yawns. “Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t the first one to wish you a happy birthday?”

“I probably would’ve let it slide considering the time difference...but I do appreciate your concern.”

“So, the big two-eight, eh? Any special plans today?”

“Just the usual, tracking down a scumbag who didn’t want to pay child support. Although Elsa and Mary Margaret have dropped a few hints about dragging me out tomorrow- er, tonight. Whether or not I come home in one piece is the real question.”

“I’m sure anything left on my voicemail afterwards will indicate just how much you’ve had to drink,” he laughs. She just rolls her eyes, remembering the messages she’d left him the last time she’d went out drinking with her girl friends. (Apparently she spent a solid five minutes complaining to him about the fact that there were no pickles in her apartment. She didn’t even like pickles.)

As much as it pains her, Emma ends the call shortly after, knowing she’ll need a decent amount of sleep if ELsa and Mary Margaret expect her to be any fun when they go out later. She makes a mental note to have one of them take her phone away if she ends up drunk to make sure Killian doesn’t get any questionable voicemails this time around; the last thing she needs to do is pull a Rachel Green and end up confessing her feelings to him while he’s on the other side of the country. This situation is already messy enough on her part as it is.

There are no questionable voicemails left for Killian that night, but she wakes up the morning after her birthday with the worst hangover she’s ever had and two jars of dill pickles in her fridge.

-/-

Despite how much the first few months of his absence seemed to drag on, the last remaining weeks somehow go by quickly to the point that she didn’t even realize he’d be coming home so soon until he pointed it out to her over the phone one night.

She’s so excited to see him again. Emma never would have imagined herself being so caught up in another person, especially after Neal. But the time she’s spent without Killian since he left has made her feel like a part of her is somehow missing- even parts of her daily routine haven’t felt the same if he’s not around. Things like getting pancakes by herself at Granny’s on Tuesday mornings or having no one awake to send her corny jokes during late night stakeouts are harder to deal with than she ever would have expected. She can count on one hand how many times she’s watched Netflix over the past few months; she usually ends up turning the TV off after a few minutes and spends the time listening to his playlist on her phone instead. She never would have thought that trying to watch a movie without someone to sit in silence with would make such a difference and as much as she loves them, it’s just not the same with Elsa or Mary Margaret.

He’s flying home from Las Vegas in just two weeks. (Emma may or may not have an app on her phone counting down the hours and minutes till the day.) She quickly finds herself in a much better mood than usual, so much that one morning she goes as far as to tell Leroy to have a good day when she sees passes him in the elevator.

Even though she’s both tried to support Killian and has missed him terribly while he’s been away, flying out to one of his shows hadn’t been something she’d given much thought to- neither her bank account or her work schedule had up for a trip across the country, and he’d understood that when she told him so. But it’s when she’s laying in bed one night, watching another of the band’s videos live on her phone that she finds herself looking up flights to the last few places they’ll be stopping at before coming home the week after next. Of course, it would be just her luck that the only show she’d be able to make it to was in just two days, and in Phoenix at that. She hadn’t been back since her incident with Neal over a decade ago, and it wasn’t exactly a place she was keen on visiting again. But if it meant she finally got to see Killian…

She doesn’t hesitate to book the first flight available.

-/-

Maybe Emma shouldn’t be quite so happy about seeing him again- it’s only going to make her feelings for him harder to deal with, especially since she has no intention of confessing while she’s there. But he’s her best friend. She hasn’t seen him in weeks, and she feels the right to be excited about both her visit and getting to watch one of his shows outside of a video online. Even though concealing how she feels about him is clearly going to be difficult, it’s easier to deal with than the prospect of ruining their friendship and losing his presence in her life altogether in one blow.

At least, that’s what she tells herself as she boards the plane to Phoenix a few mornings later. It hasn’t taken long at all for her to get nervous about the whole thing. She decided not to tell Killian she was coming, wanting to surprise him at the show that night instead. But what if he’s not as excited to see her? What if she was just lovesick and this trip was really a huge mistake?

It shouldn’t be a surprise that her phone vibrates with a new text just seconds before the plane takes off, as if he’d been reading her mind nearly three thousand miles away. Good morning, Swan. Hope you have a wonderful day, I’ve been missing you quite a bit.

Maybe this visit wouldn’t be a mistake after all.

-/-

By the time her plane lands in Phoenix, she’s still excited, but also still a bundle of nerves. She spent the better part of the flight trying to figure out just how in the world she’s going to go about surprising Killian when she got here. The original plan was to show up at his hotel to surprise him before the show, but it wasn’t the best idea considering she didn’t know what his schedule for the day was and couldn’t exactly ask him without giving herself away. In the end, she decides on going straight to the venue, hoping she could get a spot close enough to the band that he’d be able to spot her from the stage.

Emma spends the few hours she has free before the show lugging her overnight bag around to take in the city she barely knew outside of the walls of a cheap motel room; she hadn’t been willing to stick around after Neal left. Even with most of her time there had been spent with someone she loved- or thought she loved, anyway- there’s still an uncomfortable atmosphere about the place she can’t seem to shake off for one reason or another. When she’d decided to leave Phoenix and move across the country, she was heartbroken, lonely, and miserable. It doesn’t take long for those feelings to start resurfacing as she again begins doubting the last minute trip yet again.

Not knowing what else to do, she winds up calling Mary Margaret from a coffee shop near the band’s venue while she devours a bear claw and a drink that’s more sugar and cream than coffee.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” her friend tells her after she’s poured her heart out over the phone, leaving out the bit about being in Phoenix being harder than she thought. “Killian’s going to be absolutely thrilled to see you.”

“Maybe so, but what if he’s not? What if he’s annoyed that I showed up from the other side of the country with no warning?”

“If he’s anything but happy that you went all that way to support him, he’s an idiot.” Mary Margaret had no problem getting straight to the point when it came to people’s love lives. “Does this have anything to do with wondering if he has feelings for you?”

“It’s the lack of feelings I’m worried about,” Emma mumbles. She’s still had the same mindset that she shouldn’t tell Killian how she feels about him for both of their sakes, but just like everything else today, she’s not completely sure what’s best anymore.

She hears Mary Margaret sigh into the phone. “Should I even try again to convince you that there’s no way he’s not crazy in love with you?” A similar conversation had taken place quite a few times with both her and Elsa ever since she had admitted her feelings for Killian that night several weeks ago. “I know you’re scared to tell him the truth, and I understand that Emma, I really do. But the longer you go without being honest with him, the harder this is just going to get.”

“I know. Let’s just hope I remember that when I actually see him.”

-/-

She arrives at the venue early, and it’s a good thing too, because the place is nearly packed. Emma’s sure she pissed off quite a few people by pushing her way to the front of the room, but she’s determined to be somewhere in his line of sight when the guys take their places on the stage. It isn’t long before the band’s opening act starts her set, another up and coming artist from the same record label who usually plays two or three songs of hers before every show to get the audience excited for the show. The girl is definitely talented, but Emma doesn’t pay much attention during her set, too focused on seeing her best friend up on that stage instead.

It feels like hours instead of minutes have gone by when the opening act finishes up and Robin walks onto the stage, followed by Will, August and...that’s when she sees him. He’s wearing his favorite Pearl Jam T-shirt and there’s a million dollar smile on his face. It’s easy to see that he’s clearly in his element, and she couldn’t be more proud of him for getting where he is now.

They’re less than a minute into the first song when he looks up and sees Emma in the crowd, easily finding her face out of the hundreds in the room that surround them. Somehow his smile manages to only grow wider, matching the one that’s now on her face. For once, she’s finally able to forget all her worries about the future and what it holds for both of them because she’s here with her best friend and she’s happy.

And she loves him. At least it’s getting easier to admit it to herself, if no one else.

-/-

She wastes no time looking for him after the show ends. The one problem with not telling him she was coming is that she’s not exactly sure where to go, aimlessly making her way around the venue until she spots a woman who looks like Robin’s wife standing to the side, tapping away at something on her cell phone.

Emma quickly approaches her, figuring she’s likely to know where Killian and the guys are. “Excuse me, aren’t you Regina Locksley?”

The brunette glances up at her and nods. “Yes, but I’m sorry, the band doesn’t have much time to meet fans tonight.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I’m here for. My name is Emma, I came to see-”

“Killian,” Regina finishes for her. “That’s right. I’m sorry, if he’d told me his girlfriend was coming, I would have arranged for you to watch the show with the rest of the crew.”

Girlfriend? Emma’s too caught of guard by the unfamiliar word to respond. “Oh I’m not...we’re not together,” she finally says after a moment. “He’s just my friend.” (Of course, Killian’s not just anything to her, but she doesn’t think that’s necessary to share.)

What really gets her attention is just how shocked Regina looks. “Oh. I’m sorry. He talks about you all the time so I just assumed…” she trails off. “Anyway, the boys should still be backstage putting their things away if you’d like to see him.”

The expression on her face must speak for itself since Regina turns and gestures for her to follow. Emma feels her heart racing in her chest as they head down a hallway that seems to lead to the other side of the venue. It’s sinking in that she’s finally going to see him after so much time apart and she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry tears of joy.

It’s all she can do not to sprint past Regina when she sees a door opening ahead of them. She does when she sees who’s standing in the doorway and wastes no time throwing her arms around her best friend. He quickly pulls her into what feels like a bone-crushing hug, and just like that day at the airport, it feels like he’s the only thing holding her together. Her eyes close as she breathes him in- the smell of leather and his cologne and laundry detergent and Killian all hitting her at once.

“Emma.” He pulls away to look at her, like he’s trying to figure out if she’s really there with him. “Bloody hell…”

“Surprised to see me?”

“You have no idea,” he laughs. “I was just coming to look for you. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“It was sort of a last minute thing,” she admits. “I just really wanted to come while I had the chance to. God, Killian, you were amazing.”

His cheeks turn red in embarrassment; it might be the most adorable thing she’s ever seen. (She’s starting to think like Mary Margaret now; has he really ruined her that much?) “Thank you, love, but it’s mostly the other guys that do all the work.”

“Stop being so smug.” She rolls her eyes. “You kicked ass tonight and you know it.”

He’s kept from saying much else when Robin comes over to speak to them and reintroduces her to the rest of the band. She spends some time getting to know them a bit better while Killian helps pack up their instruments and equipment since they’ll be playing in a different venue in Phoenix tomorrow night. Robin, August, and Will seem like nice enough guys that all remind her of Killian in one way or another; she can see why he’s fit in with them so well over the past few months that they’ve been on the road. He hasn’t said anything else to her about potentially being asked to stay in the band after the tour wraps up, but it won’t be a surprise if it happens considering the dynamic they seem to have between the four of them. She tries her best to focus on being happy for him no matter what that would mean for their relationship, but she’d be lying to herself if she said the thought still didn’t scare her, no matter how hard she’s tried today to fight it.

“Fancy a drink, Swan?” he asks as the two of them leave the venue, splitting up from the rest of the band and crew so they could have time to catch up before she has to fly back to Boston tomorrow morning.

“Absolutely.” She needs it thanks to her emotions being all over the place from the moment she bought her ticket to Phoenix earlier in the week.

They end up at a bar a few blocks away from the band’s hotel, one that reminds her a lot of the one he worked at in Boston. “You should be happy to know I haven’t listened to much music at all besides your playlist over the past few months,” she tells him as they take a booth near the door and order a few beers.

“Is that so?” He’s clearly proud of himself by the way he grins and raises an eyebrow. “Anything in particular that stood out to you?”

She chews on her lower lip as their drinks are brought to the table and thinks about the songs she’s listened to the most from his selection. “Hmm...there’s “Far Behind,” I really liked that one. Also “Edge of Seventeen,” “Bullet With Butterfly Wings,” “Flavor of the Weak,” “Dancing In the Dark”...hell, I honestly like the whole thing,” she admits. Choosing only one or two was too difficult.

“Not bad choices. Of course, I wouldn’t say otherwise considering I’m the one who picked them in the first place.”

Killian shouldn’t even be surprised by the eye roll she gives him. “Yeah, life on the road definitely hasn’t hurt your ego at all.”

She spends the next hour or so listening as he tells her all of his favorite places they’ve been to and things he’s gotten to do on the West Coast so far. Of course most of it revolves around the band’s shows. Emma watches his face light up as he tells her about his experience the first night of the tour when they opened in Los Angeles. “Bloody hell, Swan, it was incredible. You know I’ve been to plenty of shows before, but being up on stage myself, getting to play and feel the rush from the crowd…” he sighs, smiling as he shakes his head a bit. “There’s just nothing like it.”

Thanks to listening to Killian talk about doing what he loves and actually seeing just how happy it makes him, Emma’s reminded yet again that her feelings for him aren’t important, at least not where his future is concerned. She’s been harboring the fear that she’d lose his presence in her life if things worked out between him and the band, but could she really stand to be so selfish and let what she wanted cloud her judgment when he now had so many possible opportunities there just waiting for him? Loving Killian without ever telling him as much would only continue to become more difficult like Mary Margaret had pointed out earlier, especially if he wound up leaving Boston (and her).

But that’s the thing about loving someone: their happiness quickly becomes much more important to you than yours.

She’s not sure how much time they spend in that booth sharing beer, pretzels, and what’s happened since they last saw each other, but it’s well after midnight when they decide to leave. Emma all but sleepwalks out the door, the fact that it’s early in the morning in Boston quickly taking its toll on her body.

“Have you made arrangements to stay somewhere for the night?” They’re about a block away from his hotel when he asks, gesturing to the small overnight bag she’s been carrying around.

Emma shrugs. Truthfully, seeing him is the only thing she gave much thought to when she’d decided to make the trip. “I was going to see if your hotel had a room open for the night. If not, I saw one or two more down the street that I can try instead.”

“Nonsense. You can stay with me, love. There’s no point in paying for a room just for one night.”

Her breath catches a bit at the suggestion, and she hopes Killian doesn’t notice. There had been more than a few nights when they’d crashed at each others apartments, too tired to walk the few feet back across the hall to their own. Of course, that was before the idea of love had ever made its way into the mix. But that shouldn’t change anything, right? Especially since he doesn’t know how she feels, and she has no intentions of telling him anytime soon.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I thought you’d been sharing with Robin.”

“Aye, I have been for the most part up until now, but since Regina’s here, I didn’t think the two of them would appreciate having a third wheel sleeping in their room.”

“I’m sure that would be an awkward sleepover.”

-/-

Emma’s stomach is in knots by the time they arrive at his hotel. It’s a nice place, but she pays it little attention as they walk through the lobby and take the elevator up to the fourth floor where he’s staying. There’s a slight awkwardness between them she notices when they step off the elevator and walk the few steps down the hall to his room. She’s not exactly sure why on Killian’s part, considering she’s chosen to hide feelings for him; there was no reason she could think of for him to be acting strange.

The reason for his behavior is clear when they walk into the room and he turns on the light: there’s only one bed. It probably wouldn’t be given a second thought if they’d shared one before, but they haven’t- he always insisted on taking the couch and letting her have the bed, even in his own apartment.

“Um,” he says nervously, scratching behind his ear, “I forgot or I would have told you earlier: I got a single bed room since I knew I wouldn’t be sharing while we were here. I can sleep on the floor if you’d be more comfortable, though.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Killian. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you sleep on the floor in your own room.”

“I really don’t mind,” he insists, and she believes him. Sometimes Emma thought he could be too much of a gentleman, if that was even possible.

“I know you don’t. But we’re both adults; it’s not a big deal.” Actually, it sort of feels like one considering her conflicting thoughts on their relationship, but just like other things, it’s not something he particularly needs to know.

He still looks a bit unconvinced. “If you’re sure, love…”

“I am.”

“Well, then. You can have the bathroom first, do whatever you need to get ready for bed.”

Emma lets out a deep breath once the bathroom door is shut behind her, glad to have a few minutes to herself before they have to share a bed for the night. It’s not that the idea of it bothers her; it’s just Killian. But that’s also the problem: it’s Killian. She’s beginning to wonder if deciding not to tell him how she feels was the best idea after all, because now it’s as if the universe is doing everything in it’s power to make hiding it that much harder.

She quickly washes up and changes into her pajamas, thankful that she’d packed a t-shirt and sweatpants to wear instead of one of her more revealing tank top and shorts outfits; no need to make this night any more awkward than it would likely be. But of course the shirt she brought was one of his. It wasn’t intentional- he’d left it at her apartment a few months ago after they’d spent the afternoon making cupcakes for no reason, and he’d gotten icing all over it. She had told him to leave it with her so she could wash it for him, and she did- three days after he’d left for the West Coast when she’d finally remembered it was there. So what if she’d taken to sleeping in it ever since? It was a soft, comfortable shirt, and she’d enjoyed wearing it. The fact that it smelled just like him didn’t exactly hurt either.

Emma hopes he won’t notice the shirt, but he looks up when she emerges from the bathroom and smiles at the sight of the faded Led Zeppelin logo. “I wondered what happened to that,” he says, chuckling. He’s already dressed for bed in a similar outfit, complete with his usual mismatched socks.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, leaving her overnight bag on a chair in the corner of the room and coming to sit on the side of the bed that’s closest to her. “Guess it got mixed up in my laundry.”

He goes into the bathroom next to brush his teeth quickly and then they’re both crawling under the covers, her exhausted thanks to jet lag, and him after tonight’s show. Emma always sleeps on her right side, but she turns over onto her left instead, in hopes that what they’re doing would seem less intimate if she wasn’t actually facing him. But there’s not much of a difference; it still feels as if they’re a couple going to bed like they do every night instead of two friends who were only sharing space due to circumstances. She can’t ignore the longing in her chest for the first option and wonders yet again what it would be like if she could come clean and not have to worry about the possible wedge it could drive between them.

If Killian notices something off about her, he doesn’t mention it, only says “Goodnight, Swan,” as a yawn escapes his lips.

“Goodnight,” she whispers back. Emma feels her eyes growing heavy and quickly succumbs to her exhaustion before she does something stupid, like saying, “I love you.”

-/-

It takes her a minute to figure out where she is when she wakes up the next morning, not familiar with the room she’s in...and also not familiar with waking up in anyone’s arms. She’s not sure how, but sometime in the middle of the night, she’s managed to find herself sprawled out on top of Killian, her head pillowed on his chest and his arms holding her tightly against him. (And last night she was worried about his shirt making things weird.)

As much as she hates to admit it, weird is the one thing that this doesn’t feel. It feels nothing but right, like she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be. And that only makes things more complicated, which should scare her more than her feelings already have. But it doesn’t. And of course, the fact that she’s so comfortable with this scares her a bit too.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when she notices him stirring in his sleep; he’ll be awake soon. As much as she loathes to give up her current position, Emma forces herself to slip out of his arms and scoot back to her side of the bed without waking him up. She might be coming around to things in their relationship potentially changing, but this probably wasn’t the best way to find out if he was.

It’s only a few minutes later when she notices Killian rubbing his eyes as he sits up in bed. She tries not to laugh at the way his hair is sticking out in every direction, but a giggle escapes her lips before she can stop it.

“What’s so funny, love?” he asks, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Let’s just say it looks like you fell asleep as Killian Jones and woke up as Albert Einstein.”

Killian laughs and runs a hand through his hair, which only makes it look messier than before. “Very funny, Swan. I’ll take that as your way of calling me a genius.”

She rolls her eyes as she takes the pillow she’s been propped up against and smacks him with it. “I was right when I said life on the road hadn’t hurt your ego.” A look at the clock on the nightstand tells her it’s almost eight in the morning; her flight back to Boston is in just a few hours.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He frowns at the sad expression on her own face.

“I have to be out of here soon. My flight leaves around lunchtime.”

Emma can tell that he’s just as disappointed as she is. “Let’s at least get you a decent farewell breakfast before it’s time to go. Room service?”

“Do they have pancakes?”

“Aye.” He chuckles at her sudden eagerness. “I’m afraid they’re not Granny’s, but they’ll do.”

-/-

“Don’t you dare tell Granny I said this, but I think your hotel gets extra points just for me being able to eat pancakes in bed.”

Killian laughs as he takes a bite of his own pancakes, smearing some of the chocolate syrup he’d ordered with them on his cheek in the process. “I think it’s safe to say that she’d draw the line there.” He’s clearly unaware of the mess he’s just made, just cuts another piece from the plate of pancakes that’s balanced on his lap.

“I think you’ve got a bit of a mess there, bud.” She tries not to laugh as she gestures to his mouth and hands him a napkin.

He quickly wipes it away, not even seeming to be embarrassed about anything with her at this point. “And you’ve got one of your own. Right about...here.” She doesn’t have a chance to react before he takes a lump of whipped cream on his fork and waves it in front of her face.

Emma shrieks, pushing his arm away as he tries to smear it on her cheek. “Killian, I love you, but I’ll show no mercy if you get that stuff in my hair.”

She doesn’t realize what she’s said until it’s too late, sucking in a breath as he freezes beside her, clearly just as shocked as she is.

“Swan?”

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“Did...did you mean that?” he asks hesitantly, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Yes.” Telling him the truth is the last thing she wanted to do, but now she’s starting to see that doing otherwise for so long would be inevitable, even if she did it without meaning to. “I love you. I just…didn’t know how to say so,” Emma mumbles, unsure of what else to say. She refuses to look over at him, eyes focused on her hands fisted in the bed sheets.

Killian doesn’t say anything back, but his silence is enough to tell her just how he feels about all of this.

She quickly sets her half eaten plate of food on the bedside table and throws the sheets off her lap. “I’ll just go before I make this more awkward than it already is.”

“Emma, wait!” He reaches over and grabs her arm as she’s getting up off the bed.

“Save it, Killian. I’ve already figured we wouldn’t be on the same page; it’s fine.”

He chuckles to himself, causing her to finally glance over at him, confused. “What’s so funny?”

“I thought you were more perceptive than that, Swan. You should have known that I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now.”

“I…” she trails off, unsure of what to say. He loved her?

“You really thought I didn’t feel the same?”

She shrugs. “You know I’m a pessimist.” The same awkwardness she felt for a moment the night before quickly comes back in a rush. She’s imagined so many times over the past few months what it would be like if she told him how she felt, but now that she has, she doesn’t know what to do next.

“When did you know?” Killian asks. She can tell by the way he’s looking at her that he genuinely wants to hear her answer.

“The night we Skyped for the first time after you left. Mary Margaret and Elsa had been talking about us and I missed you so much that after you called it just sort of hit me like a ton of bricks,” she admits. “When was it for you?”

“The day I left when we were saying goodbye at the airport. It was almost enough to keep me from going, but I didn’t know how you would react. Although if I’m being honest with myself, I think you began stealing my heart the night you showed up at my door for a light bulb.”

She’s not sure what gives her the sudden boost of courage, but she doesn’t think twice about throwing caution to the wind as she moves across the bed and kisses him for all he’s worth.

He’s shocked at first; she can tell as much by the way his lips are tense against hers. It’s enough to make her pull back, wondering if she’s made a terrible mistake when his hand goes to the back of her head and he pulls her back down to reclaim her mouth with his own.

As cliche as it sounds there’s something to be said for kissing your best friend. Emma once would have rolled her eyes at the sentiment, but now she understands the truth behind it completely, knows that the way Killian cups her cheek and sucks her bottom lip between his feels nothing like it ever has before, every kiss she’s ever had before this quickly feeling pointless.

His forehead falls against hers when the kiss ends as she lazily runs her fingers through his dark hair like she’s always wanted to do. “Well, that was-”

“Not a one-time thing, I hope,” he finishes, smiling up at her.

She can’t hold back the grin that breaks out across her face. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“Oh, trust me, Swan, you do.”

Killian goes to kiss her again just as she notices the clock on the nightstand and groans.

“Love?”

“As much as I hate to ruin this, it’s about time for me to head to the airport.”

“Do you really have to?” he pouts, looking about as disappointed as she feels.

If Emma had her choice, she’d tell him no, she didn’t have to leave. She doesn’t want to, especially now that things between them probably aren’t going to be the same from here on out, and they don’t have the time before her flight to figure out just what it is that they are now. But her bills aren’t going to pay themselves, and she tells Killian as much. “But it’s only what...two more weeks until you fly back home?” She ignores that voice in the back of her head that reminds her yet again that she doesn’t know just how long he’ll even be back in Boston.

“Aye.” He smiles and takes her hand, intertwining their fingers together. “Don’t get me wrong, because I’ve enjoyed every minute of this tour so far. But you don’t know how nice it will be knowing you’re next door again, Swan.”

She doesn’t know whether it’s because of the smile on his face, how he squeezes her hand in his own, or the way he’s looking at her that makes Emma so hopeful. Maybe being honest about her feelings wouldn’t cause her to lose him after all. “Oh, trust me. I know.”

-/-

There’s a bit of sadness between them as he takes her to the airport, but it’s nothing like the last time they said goodbye what feels like ages ago now. Emma still regrets having to leave him, but knowing he’ll be on his way back home (back to her) so soon at least leaves her with something to look forward to.

“You’ll let me know whenever your flight lands?” He asks, walking with Emma to her gate.

“Yeah. Hopefully we won’t have any setbacks.” The first call for her flight comes over the intercom; she only has a few minutes left with him before it’s time to go.

They both look at each other as if they’re not sure what to say. So much has already changed between them since they woke up this morning, and the unspoken question of where they stand now still needs to be asked, despite the fact that she’s just minutes away from getting on a plane.

“So, what are we doing?” she asks the same time he says “Emma, what are we doing?”

She laughs as he scratches behind his ear. “Well, at least we seem to be on the same page.”

“Yes, that much is evident,” he agrees. “But in all seriousness, Swan- I know this is bad timing, but after this morning, I...well, what I mean is, do you want this? Us?”

“Do you?”

“I asked you first.”

“Killian, I said I loved you and then kissed you like my life depended on it. I wouldn’t have done either of those if I didn’t want something to come out of it.”

His face falls as the last call for her flight is announced. “I know it’s bad timing like you said, but you’ll be home soon and we can talk about all of this. I promise.”

“Aye.” He shuffles back and forth a bit, like he’s not sure what to do next. “Since you seem to be alright with most of this...would it be too much to ask for a goodbye kiss?”

He looks so damn adorable when he asks that Emma probably would have agreed even if she didn’t love him so much. She grabs the lapels of his leather jacket and pulls him toward her long enough to press her lips to his, then pulls away. They didn’t have time for more, and dragging the goodbye out was only going to make it harder to deal with. “See you soon?”

“That you wil. Goodbye, Swan.”

“Goodbye.” She doesn’t say anything else as she turns and heads for her gate; there was no reason to make this harder than it needs to be, even if he is going to be back before she knows it.

-/-

Back in Boston safe and sound.

Glad to hear it.

Is it silly to say I miss you already?

No. Because I miss you too.

Two more weeks, love.

I’ll be here waiting.

-/-

Emma expects the next two weeks to drag just like time did when he’d first left to go on tour, but to her surprise, it’s not all that bad. It also doesn’t hurt that they’re either calling, texting, or Skyping almost everyday either. Even though keeping up with each other had still happened regularly over the past few months, it seems like they can’t go more than a few hours after a call without wanting to talk to the other again. She doesn’t know whether to laugh or roll her eyes about it, thinking one night after she’d Skyped him before bed that they were acting lovesick teenagers instead of grown adults.

They don’t talk much about what happened during her visit, aside from Killian once saying something along the lines of he was glad to be leaving Phoenix since his bed hadn’t felt the same since she left. It’s blatantly obvious that they both want to talk about their feelings for each other and the idea of being more than just friends, but it also goes without saying that it’s a conversation that shouldn’t take place over the phone or through a computer screen.

Emma spends the last few days before he comes home working on her latest cases and tidying up both of their apartments in an effort to calm her nerves. She’s so excited to see him she could burst. It’s different than last time when she’d flown out to see him because this time she knows he’s coming home and will finally be next door again like she’s been missing for months now.

They spend the night- or afternoon, for him- before his flight back to Boston eating pizza and watching the new season premiere of Game of Thrones talking over speakerphone instead of Skype since they were both using their computers to watch the episode. It had aired a few nights ago, but he and the band had a show, and she knew watching it without him wouldn’t feel the same, as silly as it sounded.

“Sort of like old times, isn’t it, Swan?” Killian asks her when the episode is halfway over.

Emma nods. “Yeah. Except now, you’re not at my door freaking out about Liam not paying the bill.”

“Sue me for not wanting to fall behind. I’m kind of glad he forgot now, though,” he adds after a moment.

“Why is that?”

“Because I might not have made my best friend otherwise.”

For once, Emma’s glad they’re not on Skype so he can’t watch as a lump quickly begins to build in her throat. His words shouldn’t be near enough to make her emotional, but she can’t help but think back to that night they met when she’d just moved in, and she was dead set on not having anything to do with him after borrowing a light bulb. And now, she couldn’t be more grateful that she’d changed her mind.

“Yeah. Tell Liam I said thanks.”

-/-

It goes without saying that Emma isn’t the type of person who usually participates in public displays of affection. And yet she runs- literally, runs- across the airport as soon as she sees him arrive at his gate, the rest of the band and crew trailing behind him. A grin breaks out on Killian’s face as he drops his bags and pulls her close against him.

She hadn’t realized just how good it would feel to have him back, and she wonders if Killian feels the same way about coming home considering the bone-crushing hug he has her in.

“Killian?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy to see you...but I’d be much more happy if I could breathe.”

He quickly releases his hold on her and winces apologetically. “Sorry, love. I suppose I got a bit too excited.”

“It’s okay.” He smiles at her and she wonders (not for the first time) how she’s managed to resist him for so long. “Welcome home, rockstar.”

They’re interrupted when Robin comes over to speak to him. She doesn’t pay attention to much of their conversation- it’s none of her business, anyway- but she hears him tell Killian that he’ll “be getting in touch” with him soon before he and the others tell them goodbye as they head their separate ways.

She briefly wonders just what Robin has to discuss with him but quickly forgets about it as they load his luggage into the bug and head to their building. Killian is dead on his feet by the time they arrive at his apartment, the jet lag clearly doing more of a number on him than he expected.

“Killian, go get some rest,” she tells him when he denies her accusations that he’s exhausted. “I’ll bring dinner over tonight and we can talk after you’ve had a chance to get settled back in.”

He doesn’t even argue with her this time, just drags himself across the apartment to his bedroom and falling face first down into the mattress. A giggle escapes her lips as she hears him snoring before she’s even out the door.

After spending the better part of the afternoon working on her newest case, Emma picks up his favorite chicken alfredo pizza from the Italian place near their building and takes it next door around dinner time. She can tell from the moment Killian opens the door that he’s feeling much better. Most of his things are already unpacked; aside from the souvenirs scattered throughout the apartment, it almost looks as if he never left.

They have dinner and drink wine on the couch as she listens to more of the stories he hadn’t gotten to tell her while she was in Phoenix and a few that took place after she left.

“Wait, so she actually proposed to you?” she asks when Killian tells her about his encounter with a slightly intoxicated fan after one of their shows in Las Vegas.

“Aye,” he laughs. “I thought she was only joking, had no idea she’d get so upset when I had to turn her down.”

“I didn’t know life on the road had turned you into such a heartbreaker,” she teases him.

“What can I say? I’m irresistable.”

She rolls her eyes as she take a sip of wine. It’s only a few minutes later that she notices him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, looking over at her as if he’s not sure what to say next.

“Emma, I…” He pauses. “I know we haven’t really had much of a chance to talk about it since, but what happened between us in Phoenix...well, let’s just say I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

“Me neither. And that’s saying a lot, since it seemed like I already couldn’t get you out of my head,” she admits.

He smiles at the words and she wonders not for the first time how she was able to resist him for so long. “So, what exactly do you want from this, Swan? From us?”

“Honestly? I just don’t want to lose you.” The last part comes out in a whisper as she swallows the lump building in her throat.

“Who said you were ever going to lose me?”

She just shrugs. “I just figured after the tour that you’d realize there were bigger and better things out there for you than Boston. Things that didn’t include me.”

Killian sits his glass of wine on the coffee table and moves over on the couch to sit closer, his leg brushing against hers.. “Emma, I may be uncertain of my future at this point- with the band, hell, with almost everything else in my life,” he adds. “I can’t say that there won’t be other tours, especially if things with the band do end up working out in my favor. But if there’s one thing I am certain of, it’s you. I love you, Swan, and I have no intentions of living a life that you’re not a part of, as long as you’ll have me.”

A smile quickly forms on her face as she hears his words and tries not to cry. “Of course I’ll have you, you adorable idiot.”

He laughs but makes a face at her. “I’m not quite sure if I should be offended or flattered by that term, Swan.”

Emma just kisses him instead of making a comment about bruising his ego. It works.

(She doesn’t go back to her apartment until the next morning.)

-/-

Things start working out for them better than she could have ever thought. One of the best things about falling in love and dating her best friend was skipping the awkward ‘getting to know each other’ phase and quickly falling into a relationship that doesn’t scare her like it would have with anyone else besides Killian.

He takes her on their first date the night after they made it official. They have dinner at an Italian restaurant by the water where he bribes the band into serenading Emma with a rendition of “Love Song,” since she’d told him earlier that it was her favorite song by the Cure. They ended the night by watching Netflix, too busy making out on the couch to pay any attention to whatever it was playing in the background.

Killian’s been home from the tour for three weeks when he gets a call from the band. She can tell he’s nervous as she sits at her kitchen table and watches him pace around the apartment until it’s time to leave for the meeting the boys have scheduled with him. “Stop being so nervous, babe,” she tells him, the endearment she’d recently started using for him quickly sticking. “I’m sure whatever they have to talk to you about is good news.”

“I can only hope so.” He runs a hand through his hair and checks his wristwatch one last time before deciding it’s time to leave. “Do I get a kiss for good luck?” he asks her, waggling his eyebrow like he knows she can’t resist.

“You don’t need luck. But just because I want to…” She leans across the table and he meets her halfway, pressing his lips to hers before reluctantly pulling away.

“Thanks, Swan. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Let me know what’s going on after the meeting’s over.”

She’s still at her table an hour later doing case work on her laptop when Killian bursts through the door and nearly gives her a heart attack. “If you were trying to scare me, it worked.”

“I need to talk to you about something, love.” He’s smiling, but she can see that he’s hesitant to share whatever was discussed between him and the band.

“I’m listening. Did everything go okay?”

“Aye. Better than okay, really.” His smile only widens. “They’ve asked me to officially join the band.”

Emma bolts from her seat at the table and throws her arms around him. “Ah I knew it! I’m so proud of you.” Instead of fear, now she feels nothing but happiness for him. They’d already discussed the possibility of what it would mean for them if this did indeed happen, and now she’s ready to support him and face whatever’s next head on.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he says, holding her tightly against him.

She doesn’t even try to contradict him, knowing from previous conversations that he wholeheartedly means it. “So, what’s next? Are you guys planning anything?”

“You could say that.” They pull apart and Killian takes her hand as they move into the living room to sit on the couch. “Mostly songwriting and promotional stuff for the next album for now. The record label would like us to have something ready by spring or summer. There’s also talk of a tour on the East Coast around the same time.” He adds the second part hesitantly, as if he’s nervous to see her reaction.

Emma smiles and squeezes his hand. “At least you won’t have a new time zone to get used to. I know you have plenty of fangirls in Boston that are bound to come to your show if there’s one here.”

“That might be so, love, but there’s only one I’m concerned about.”

“Really? Tell me about her.”

“Well, she’s clever; had me whipped longer than I’d like to admit. Beautiful...blonde...big green eyes...the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.” Emma pinches his side at that. “She’s my very best friend and I love her more than she could ever know.”

Damn him and his way with words. She started off laughing and now she’s trying not to tear up. “I think she loves you, too.”

He kisses her softly, forehead leaning against hers as they pull apart. “There’s something else I’d wanted to discuss with you as well.”

“What’s that?”

“The boys were discussing what they’re going to do about tour management this time around. Regina has done most of it in the past, but she and Robin just found out they’re expecting a baby and they both feel she should step back for now.”

“Leaving you without a tour manager,” she assumes.

“Aye. The boys were talking and, it’s completely fine if you’re not alright with it, but I mentioned something about offering the position to you.”

Emma’s not sure if she’s heard him correctly at first. “Me? Really?”

“I know you have a job in bailbonds that you’re already wonderful at,” he quickly points out, taking her surprise as a bad sign, “but I just thought I’d see how you felt about the idea since we wouldn’t have to be apart for tours anymore if you were there. Like I said, it’s completely fine if you’d rather not consider it, though.”

She doesn’t have to do much thinking about it; bailbonds has worked in her favor for the past few years, but she’s never wanted to do it forever. And spending time on the road with her boyfriend, helping him further his career for a living… “I’d love to. Y’know, as long as the band is okay with it.”

The smile that was on his face before is nothing to the one that’s there now. “Bloody hell. You really want to do this, love?”

“As long as you’re there...then yeah, I really do.”

-/-

They go on a three month tour in the spring, and it goes better than she could have ever imagined it. She loves being with him every step of the way and doing everything she can to make sure each and every one of the shows go off without a hitch. It’s exhausting some days, but it’s worth it every time she sees him on stage doing what he loves the most.

The band’s first album with Killian drops shortly after and seems to become a bestseller overnight. It does so well that the two of them are able to move out of their building when their leases end, into an apartment so nice that he has a room solely dedicated to his guitars- although he prefers to serenade her with the acoustic one that made its first appearance the night they met.

They’re on tour again two years later when he drops to his knee on stage and asks her to marry him in front of one of the biggest crowds they’ve ever played for. She says yes.

Later, he writes his own song about it that only she gets to hear.

#cs ff #meredith writes #captain swan #cs au #captain swan fic #cs fic #ouat ff #alternate universe #friends to lovers #musician killian #killian jones #emma swan

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sailingbrisa · 7 years

Text

New Zealand to Panama.

In this edition of Sailing Brisa …We go to New Zealand…San Francisco with Rob and Laura. Ross O’Geen gets onboard and Elwin Jansen says his goodbyes for now to the Yacht Club and St. Martin. We also go for a little sail ... al the way to Panama.

Its been a good two years since I was back in New Zealand and I have been trying and trying to get back down there since December 2016, however there has always been something stopping me….. Right up until the 12th of April. Then it was quick pack the bags book a flight or two and zoom back to NZ to visit my family and friends. I wanted to stop there before leaving on the trip, because I really didn’t know when I would be back… I left St. Martin… after a four hour delay. Haori Fialo, a guy I knew really well form flying in Puerto Rico… we had flown there a few times with him as my captain… was the FO on the flight. Unbelievable. The flight itself… despite my initial thoughts to get a lter flight… was very nice and by some absolute miracle Haoris landing was silky smooth. Nothing at all like I remember the ones he used to do in the ATRs. Of course I received a few strange looks form fellow passengers and crew as I assumed the crash position and kissed my ass goodbye from about a thousand feet before landing.

I had a three hour wait in MIA before leaving for LAX after missing my connection, so I waked up and down the terminal a few times… a Starbucks Soy Chai Tea late… some sushi.. a couple of Yellow Red Bulls and a Cuban sandwich later I boarded the flight…. An passed out. Waking up as we touched down in LA…. I was planning to meet Tania there as we had come on different airlines.. her form Bogota and me form SXM. I tracked her down and we sat there for a couple of hours laughing as she had managed to talk the Air New Zealand counter lady into changing my flight to hers and saving us a row for ourselves….. Unfortunately my flight to NZ was also on AA not Air New Zealand so that didn’t work out too well. We boarded our flights… and began the 13 hour race to Auckland where Matthew would be waiting for us.

The flight there I had a full row to myself on a spanking brand new Dreamliner courtesy of American Airlines frequent flier miles. The plane must have been commissioned that flight, as everything was shinny and new. Good movies, really shitty food, but, overall a good ride on a beautiful plane.

Auckland is always a great place to wash up. We went straight to my aunt and uncles house to say hi and drag my hung over cousin out of bed! I hung out with my brother, We saw my godparents, we celebrated my Aunts birthday, the first time I have been here for that in god knows how many years. Balloons… cake and.. yep Fish and chips! ( did I mention we may have eaten a lot of fish and chips? ) I was fortunate enough to catch up with a bunch of my old flying mates.. all flying for Emirates or Air New Zealand… and got to see Giles Griggs awesome Farr 1020…. And nearly got to go sailing. He was in the world masters lasers sailing the following week and managed to snag the gold medal!!!! Amazing. Congrats Giles. We met up with Regan Fitness one of my best mates form school, Anne Hinton and her husband and one of my oldest windsurfing mates, Tony Sykes. ….We drove half way around the world ( well at least the north island of NZ ) to chase East Coast surf. We saw amazing waves.. but really crowded. We stopped at Racetracks, up near Opua Bay and with a light offshore and head high sets we got ready to surf. Matthew stood there laughing at me for a while, before he could tell me I had managed to put my wetsuit on backwards…. I guess it has been a while since I have squeezed the goods into neoprene. Maybe I have been at the wrong parties? Anyways.. after turning my wetsuit around we hit the waves. Matthew on a brand new Al Merrick and me on the old trusty Minami Fish.

Water wasn’t that cold and we had a very nice time. The drive was a bit long.. but great fun none the less. Very much reminded me of when Matt and I were little boys zooming around NZ in a mini with a little trailer full of gear.

Our time in NZ ended way too soon, but Tania and I did manage to eat fish and chips almost every day, we went up the sky tower and had an amazingly fun time together there. Tania got on her plane a day before me…. But I was soon behind her again and heading of to spend a day in San Francisco … with ROB NORTHROP! OMG… How many years? After the 13 hours onboard an oversold United flight, Rob picked me up at the airport and we drove off to Oakland. Traffic was a bit crazy, but Rob and I had tons to catch up on and it felt like it had only been a day or two since we were out surfing the pit in the backyard together. Laura and Rob took me on a tour around the beautiful hills behind where they grew up and we had a great brunch…. I really was surprised at how nice Oakland was. We talked story and made plans for him to come to the boat when he could make time and surf for a while!!!

Back to the airport and onto the Red Eye to Panama where I connected to the flight to St. Martin. 47 hours later I’m sitting on Brisa wondering how I had managed to do so much in just ten days.

Two days after I got back and Ross O’Geen, one of my old mates from windsurfing days arrives in St. Martin. We miss each other at arrivals so he sits outside for a while and I sit inside… jajajjaja. Just like old days. We get it together and zoom out to Brisa for his first look at his new home for the next few months. Ross has his kite gear… and a couple of bags and Scrabble on his phone. We used to play a lot in Hawaii together with Moq!

Now I had better introduce Ross…. Together we spent years and years wind fishing, scrabbling and windsurfing on the North Shore of Maui. Ross was a teacher and retired end of 2016 and has his own little boat up in South Main Street at the Lake St. Lawrence Yacht Club in NYC. Always with a big smart ass smile and a whitty comment and always ready to go on another crazy ass adventure. He showed up in St. Martin after visiting Massena NYC after some skiing and visiting mates in Utah and Phoenix, Portland and Seattle and visiting his mommy! I would say he is a super keen fisherman and we would see his skills on our way to Panama. Ross is onboard until early July.

Elwin, our next crew member is from Holland. ( this will become important later during the fishing part of the trip ) and has been a friend of mine for two or three years. Recently we had started to go chasing St. Martin surf together and he wanted to come on the adventure also. I haven’t met anyone yet with a more positive attitude and he will always be the first one to jump on a shitty job…… Also he has a great sense of humor and some sailing experience. He had spent the last holidays backpacking around Central America and loved Costa Rica.

We were waiting for a weather window and some awesome sun and wind protection from Fraito Lugo in Puerto Rico, arriving back to St. Martin on .. yep you guessed it..LAZY DOG. We were all set to leave after a huge shopping run the day before, filling Brisa with yummy food to last at least two weeks, but Lazy Dog was sloggin slowly upwind in the Caribbean from PR to SXM.. basically that means in hell. They were scheduled to show up on Thursday am… but we were watching them on marinetraffic.com and it looked like they would squeak in late Thursday… a bit of a sticky one for us as we couldn’t leave after 11.59pm on Thursday…. Everyone knows its bad juju to leave for a voyage on Friday. So we decided if they didn’t get there in time we would stay and leave on Saturday instead. About sunset we reached them on the radio.. and they arrived shortly there after at about 8pm.. a bit blue around the edges…. As it was a rough ride for them. Funny how we would soon be going the exact opposite direction and having a very nice downwind ride across the sea that had just bounced them up and down for a long time. We grabbed the bimini from Fraito… awesome.. and pulled the dingy up on deck, weighed the anchor ( 37 kg ) and rolled out the headsail and settled into a pleasant night at sea.

Our track had us heading south of the BVIs, in between St Thomas and St. Croix then south of Puerto Rico and curving further south of the Dominican Republic and Haiti. The following the backing wind down into Panama with a forecast of light to calm winds for the last couple of days. We spent the first few days under headsail alone averaging 6 to 7 knots in fairly squally and bumpy following seas. Brisa behaved very well with nothing braking the whole way. About half way into it I woke up and crawled upstairs to see a big steep following sea and thirty knot winds…. Brisa every now and then surfing down a steep swell at well over 13 knots. Our top speed for the trip was 13.9 and we covered the 1145 nm in 7 and a half days, averaging 6.5 knots. Not bad considering the last three days we had 10 – 12 knot following winds and had to motor the last day and a half.

We had been warned by many different people to stay the hell away from the Cartagena corner as it gets super windy and wavy… however for us all that happened was we started to catch lots of fish… Ross started it off with a great Mahi, Elwin followed it up with a trifecta.. Tuna, Mahi and Wahoo, We lost a Tuna.. my fault as I didn’t gaff him… and we had a marlin hit the lure.. but thank god he got off.

With about three days to go we had been flying the Spinnaker in about 20 knots of wind… of course this makes Brisa fly along. Just with the spinnaker we set our top speed, However as anyone that likes spinnakers will tell you… they are a handful if something goes wrong. Seemed like every time we got that thing up, we would catch a fish. We had a great system… start the engines, Drop the sock over the spinnaker, Heave too and then catch the fish. We would pull the spinnaker down each night and slow down to a more comfortable speed. The faster you go the more uncomfortable the ride, but of course the quicker you get there.

We arrived in the vicinity of the Panama Canal entrance with a big thunderstorm at about four am… We had gone by a few big ships and even though we received AIS ( other boat positions ) we did not have ours hooked up yet, so ti was a bit of a worry as we couldn’t see our bows, let alone the other ships. The radar decided it was raining very had, so hard in fact that it just painted everything yellow. That meant we couldn’t see ships coming our way and even after some deft adjustment of the gain and some very close and loud thunderclaps we did a 180 and zoomed back towards Jamaica for a while. An hour later it cleared and we started back to Colon and passed right by a big tanker going the other way… Lucky we waited I think.

We rocked into the Shelter Bay Marina with welcomes from Bob And Debbie off of Passat, currently aboard DAKINE and tied up at the marina. I went off to clear customs and immigration while the boys played in the pool and tidied up a bit. I got back that afternoon and we went for a hike, looking for the crocodile that lived in the marina.

All in all we arrived rested and fed, happy and safe and thankful that Little Brisa 302 had performed flawlessly. Also a big thanks to Manuel our auto pilot. Did not miss a beat once for the entire trip.

For me the highlight is seeing Brisa zooming along hour after hour under a beautiful spinnaker with no land insight.

Ross’s highlight was the awesome fishing… and as a result the awesome food.

Elwin had never caught a blue water fish before so the joy in his eyes as he watched what he caught being cut up into filets definitely meant the fishing was a highlight for him.

The low point for me .. seeing our pretty yellow black and blue spinnaker split down the middle and slowly drop into the water because I wanted to put it up at the very top of the wind speed window. ( the good news of course is now I can get Ian to get me a nice new smaller cruising chute. )

For Ross the low point was loosing a great marlin lure without seeing the fish on the end. ARGH.

Elwins low point… having to motor for the last few days.

In the next edition we will explore Shelter Bay marina, Ross will walk.. very very great distances. I will go to Panama City, take showers with hot water for as long as I like and sleep in air conditioning. We will get measured for the Panama Canal corossing, get our cruising permit and get on our way to Boccas Del Torro and a couple of amazing destinations as we come back to Colon for our last few days in the Caribbean. I hope Brisa and Noisy Taco enjoy the canal crossing and their first ever visit to the Pacific Ocean. Ill celebrate my birthday in a birthday hammock, drinking hot coffee out of my birthday thermos after eating Lobster for breakfast in a very remote and beautiful little island, as we prepare to say goodbye to Brisas home sea for the last 15 years. Next week we will all wake up in a different Ocean.

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