#me to be thst day than i didnt get ostrasized! i wish i had had. any adult. growing up. thst i felt unconditional love and safety from | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

narutomaki · 6 months

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people will tell me it doesn't matter what people think about me and then turn around and go home/online to the people that love and care about them unconditionally

#bro have you ever even been kicked out of you house at 8. 13. 14. 15. because you either fought back or expressed yourself too openly #and ur mum was just in a bad mood that day? have you never been abandoned on the side of the road half way across town?#have you never had anything on the floor or our of place on your desk or shelf thrown out because it pissed her off?#have you never been ostracized every day at school from KINDERGARDEN TO GRADE 5? have you never had someone you thoight #was a close friend laugh in your face for talking to them on front on their other firneds?#like dude. it matters a lot what other people think about me. that it comes off like i dont is not a fucking compliment for me 😭#UNFORCH. AND I STILL CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY. :) COULD HABE BEEN WORSE!!!! XOXO #i dont care what people think about something indo until someoen goes wow i love how you do x like no ones looking #and then i will never do x again ever even in the privacy of my own bedroom 2 years removed from my mother being alive.#like. idk man.#i had people that did not like children OR ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL telling my mother to be nicer to me.#its. idk man idk how to explain that its engrained in my fucking dna and idk hownto escapenit.#sad. oh well #vent #neg #like. dude i have had people drop me for being too interested in their lived and for not being interested enough.#i have in fact been locked out of the house at night b4 without a key and only been let back in bcus the neighbours called the cops. lol.#lmao. lmfao. even. like idk! idk!!#if i was quiet if i was good if i sat and listened to her and asked the right questions and provided myself as the pwrson she wanted #me to be thst day than i didnt get ostrasized! i wish i had had. any adult. growing up. thst i felt unconditional love and safety from #id say thst person was my grandmother. and it was. she just wasnt there for me in practice? idk man. maybe #she just didnt want me in the house w my grandfather. maybe she just didnt want the family stress that would come #from taking me from my mother. but regardless. she died before i turned 16. so. doesnt matterm #death m #abuse m #oh man we are spiralling oopsm

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