mags i'm obsessed you have two rpf wips already i'm dfjkashfjkds

BUT that's not what i'm here to ask about.

He think's my tractor's sexy. I'm so excited for this idea already from the snips you've shared. PLEASE tell me how your big beautiful genius brain came up with that idea and mayhaps a new snip if you could 👐

He Thinks My Tractor's Sexy exists because a commenter on I Want to be Every Button You Press requested a diagram for the various sex positions that Henry and Alex got up to in their torrid DNC Hotel fuckathon, so I drew them some stick figures (available upon request, but Tumblr might think they're lewd). I shared these stick figures in a Discord channel at one point, and @designatedgrape promptly took them and added eggplant emojis to all the little stick figure Henrys in the diagram.

Which caused my brain to spawn the expression "Henry's Canonically Large Aubergine."

Which then spiraled into the idea of Henry as an eggplant farmer (later a farmer of phallic produce in general) and Alex as a peach farmer.

Which in turn, became this fic. So here, have a snippet below the jump! But also ask me more things. 💗

He pulls a crate of aubergines out of the van and sets it on his stand, and a sound in the distance gives him pause. Today’s not one of the family days where local children are invited to come see firetrucks and various farm equipment, so why does he hear…? But he does. He stares in astonishment as a mid-sized tractor with a bucket loader pulls into the farmers’ market parking lot and turns toward the vendor stall area. “What on earth,” he mutters as the tractor approaches. There’s music playing inside the cab, the beat pulsing above the sound of the motor. He can’t see who’s driving, because they’ve got the bucket loader elevated enough that it’s obscuring his view, but they pull into an open berth directly across the way from him, lower the bucket, cut the engine, and the door of the cab opens. He reaches blindly for the side wall of the delivery van as two boots appear on the running board, then two long legs encased in jeans as the driver hops down, then a white sleeveless tee shirt… all attached to an outrageously attractive man. The man reaches into the cab of the tractor and pulls out a black Stetson, planting it firmly atop a mass of unruly, dark curls that Henry has the strangest urge to march over and touch.  Most rewarding day of the week or not, Henry may not survive market day. He allows himself the luxury of staring for just another moment, then steels himself and turns back to his stand. The sign is still in the delivery van, as is his scale, and he climbs inside to pull them out. “Nice eggplants.” It’s a deep voice, warm and full, with a generous amount of vocal fry, and Henry bolts upright in surprise.  The top of Henry’s head collides with the roof of the van. “Ouch! Shit. Sorry. Be right with you!” The person outside his van chuckles. “Take your time.”

charlie and dennis used to watch extreme home makeover together when they were a Thing in s1-4 and dennis would try to make out with charlie but charlie isn’t having it because ty pennington is currently his priority and by the time the episode is over dennis is crying and has completely forgotten that he came over to hook up

( laura harrier, cisfemale, she/her ) i took a trip into town and ran into ELAINE CARTER at the general store. isn’t that the PLAINTIVE you told me about last week? the one who is THIRTY-THREE, as well as MELANCHOLIC and CARING? well, we didn’t chat for long because they had to get back to their job as a CARPENTER, so i can’t say for sure, but i think you might be onto something…they even mentioned they want to MOVE ON FROM THE PAST like you said.

okay, i still need to write her bio and i have a bit of her timeline but i’m impatient, so here’s a summary for now.

INFO

miscarriage tw, death tw

february 12, 1987, elaine carter was born to a loving mother and father, amelia and kamden, and a slightly annoying but nevertheless kind older brother, elias. she grew up in zuzu city with her family, sans her father towards her later teens, given that he was serving in the army in the war against the gotoro empire.

in march of 2007, while elaine is in her second year of university as an architecture major, she learned that her father had been killed in action. while the whole family grieves, many attempt to contact kamden’s father (elaine’s grandfather), isaac, who was a rather isolated individual living in stardew valley, where he ran his own carpentry shop. with no one to check on him, plus being grief-stricken and unable to concentrate on her studies, elaine decides to take a a gap year and visit her grandfather in the valley. her brother stays with their mother to make sure she’s okay.

in may, she’s in stardew valley and staying in the shed in isaac’s backyard. he is stand-off-ish and rude and reserved, but as the days pass, elaine manages to bond with him in a way she never had before. by july, he offers to take her under his wing as an apprentice carpenter. she accepts, deciding to drop out of uni entirely.

so there she was! she lived in the valley for eight years, regularly visiting her family in the city and working alongside isaac after finishing her apprenticeship. but then...

in june of 2015, isaac became very sick, and elaine had to leave the valley, taking him with her to the city where he could be properly cared for. she doesn’t return, staying in zuzu to make sure everything’s alright. the shop is closed indefinitely.

in 2018, isaac passes away. he’s buried in stardew valley and elaine attends the funeral, but continues to stay in zuzu, now fearing for her mother’s health as she grows older.

she spirals a bit.

around late 2019, amelia decides to treat her children to a vacation, and they all go to... some place in europe idk i’ll figure it out. long story short, elaine ends up sleeping with a tourist. cut to--!

a few days after returning to zuzu, elaine finds out she’s pregnant. while scared and having no way of contacting the father, she has always wanted to start her own family, and she thought the baby would help mend the wounds that the death of her loved ones had left on her.

she moves back to stardew valley in january of 2020! she moves into her grandpa’s place, which she struggles to clean out but does so anyway, and spends a few months remodeling the carpentry shop, which she continues in his honor.

on may 30th, elaine has a miscarriage. she returns to the valley, determined to continue running the shop despite everything, but she becomes more isolated, more reserved and bleak as she struggles to deal with the loss of a child she had put so much of her dreams and hopes on. now, she keeps mostly to herself, struggling but slowly trying to get back to a happier place.

PERSONALITY AND OTHER STUFF

even though recent events have made her become a LOT more isolated, elaine has always been an introverted person, has always been a bit awkward, keeps to herself a lot.

that being said, she is an incredibly caring person! mom friend to the max, WILL bring you soup.

hobbies!! she has them!! she boxes (my gorl is strong, she has a pretty atheltic build, best muscles in the town!!) and she also does pottery (the shed in her backyard? it’s her pottery station now!!! let her make you some mugs!!!)

while isolated, she doesn’t just completely avoid ppl (well.... maybe some depends). if you talk to her, she’ll talk back, but she’s shit at starting conversations, so she won’t do that.

she’s pan!!

i’m not sure how much she travels around the town. i imagine she lives around where robin’s house is in the game, which is like up towards the mountains, so i feel like she spends a lot of time around that area or in her house, though she’ll go on walks every now and then, and even go to the saloon if she’s feeling spicy (by that i mean sitting quietly in a corner and watching everyone else talk).

alex better look out!!! that house is coming babey!!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

she lived in the valley for eight years, from 2007-2015, so she might know your muse?? mayhaps they were close friends but now she’s a lot more reserved and it’s just Not The Same, maybe they were ENEMIES, maybe a crush?? a lil tiny crush?? or whatever you wanna come up with

POTTERY BUDDIES!! OR ART BUDDIES IN GENERAL!!

let. her. be. your. awkward mom friend!!

someone she actually talks to and isn’t weird with and considers a close friend??? sounds fake but ok

maybe just someone who visits the carpentry shop a lot bc.... they need a lot of furniture made or smth?? idk ur life

someone she pushes away!!

idk i think that is it just give me everything i love her

it is time to Scream about Ninth House (Leigh Bardugo)

most of this will probably Not make sense but vjhsdkjkf

Okay, first of all, I LOVE some of the quotes in this. Like the death words?? The poetry?? Some of the things people (especially Alex and Darlington) say?? AMAZING If I had the time I would probably reread the whole book and just write down all the quotes I loved. Unfortunately, I got it from the library so I can’t, but maybe I’ll get the ebook?? listen i just love the Words in this book vjksdfkj

The things with the first ghost that touched Alex and Mercy kinda fucked me up hhh I read the former part at school and I was dying a little bit it Wasn’t Great (at least I didn’t cry?? got close tho i’m pretty sure)

I highkey love Alex’s powers  I also like Hallie, from the little glimpse we got of her North?? I also love him. I was hesitant at first but I started liking him when he saved Alex and it all just spiraled from there vjsdfj I feel bad for him though,,,,,get this man a hug and perhaps some therapy (do ghosts have therapy?)

Okay I also love Mira and Mercy and Dawes like got damn?? I’d die for them?? what a good support group of women for Alex to have Also!! Mayhaps I almost cried when I read about what happened to Mercy she did NOT deserve that

OH ALSO! Turner! I like him too vhjsdkf he’s got big Reluctant Dad™ vibes it’s kinda funny. Get this man some therapy (okay get EVERYONE therapy they Need It)

Okay like?? Don’t like the romance(?) subplot that was kind of happening with Darlington and Alex but it wasn’t really there I thought more was gonna happen (and it DIDN’T and i’m HAPPY) I highkey Love that there was not a romantic plot in this. Like besides Alex’s past relationships (side note: do Not like Len) and that one thing with Darlington, there wasn’t really romance?? We love that in this household vjhsdf

Speaking of Darlington, I kind of love the fact that he’s maybe a demon now?? Like I probably won’t love it later but right now it slaps!! Love that for him!! Also: fuck Sandow. Darlington did not fUCKING DESERVE THAT I’m like. really sad about Darlington not being able to go back to his home. Let him go home!! Let him be happy!! Fuck!

I’ve got a lot of thoughts and emotions about Darlington yike-

Anyway, tldr: Ninth House is a very good book, 9/10, would recommend, Leigh Bardugo has done it again