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Ranking : Gus Van Sant (1952-present)

I was somewhat familiar with Gus Van Sant prior into taking the deep dive through his catalog, but he was certainly a man that I thought I had a handle on.  I knew he had more than a few amazing films under his belt, but the recent years had not been kind to him (see the shot taken at him in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).  I knew that he was from the Pacific Northwest (Oregon specifically), and his coming of age in an area that embraces weirdos and outsiders had an impact on him as a human and as a creator.  I knew that films like Milk and Good Will Hunting had taken Van Sant to the highest heights, while the collective panning of films like Psycho and Last Days served as valleys in a career full of glorious peaks.

What I came to discover, however, was a man with genuine creative integrity, and lots of it.  I found a director who understood his characters and actors on a human level, and shared them with viewers in ways that helped rich connections develop.  I saw a director who was not afraid to make those that society often considers outcasts the  emotionally rich and important centers of his narratives.  I watched Gus Van Sant present, explore, develop and refine his style over deeply independent and infamously studio-driven projects, giving all experiences as much care and attention as he was able.  I saw films I was familiar with find placement behind films I was new to, I discovered that his recent creative years have not been as kind to him as the first two-thirds of his career, and I can see that there still may be a bit of a smolder left in his creative fire.  

Ranking directors is a labor of love, but by no means do I consider myself the definitive professional on film canon.  I enjoyed all of the Gus Van Sant films I watched on some level, and as always, for those brave enough to interact, I’d be curious to see where you would make adjustments to the list.  But enough introduction talk, let’s get into what you folks came for!

17. Restless (2011) There are things about Restless that I want to love without judgement.  First and foremost, Mia Wasikowska is an absolute treasure who shines in this performance from the earlier portion of her career.  The portrayal of Hiroshi is one of the more subtle, substanced and interesting ways of using a ghost within the film framework.  As minor a thing as it may be to the casual moviegoer, some of this film’s technical aspects are astounding, specifically the costuming and the lighting choices.  Where the film distracts me, and therefore drops in these rankings, is where it takes the YA approach to the romantic drama, with a healthy dose of manic pixie dream girl energy thrown in for good measure.  When it comes to displaying romance on-screen, be it teenage or otherwise, there are no expectations, even for a director with a distinct style.  Where my issues arise are in the way that death is handled in this film… while I do understand that not every film has to be a distinct statement for a director (especially a film written by another individual), Gus Van Sant had already established a very mature approach to the subject of death, and the way that death and the manic pixie dream girl aspects are intertwined feels more on the amateur side than I am comfortable with for a Gus Van Sant film.  Maybe giving the impossibly troubled young man a muse with an expiration date as his way to find the best version of himself is a stroke of genius that provides a gateway for deep commentary on the concept of the manic pixie dream girl, but the film is so approachable and not the type to bare teeth (be it satirically or otherwise) that I doubt there is any subtext to its intention.  For that reason, this film finds itself on the bottom half of the Van Sant canon.

16. Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (2018) After the critical and box office disappointment that was The Sea of Trees, director Gus Van Sant had quite the hill to climb with his next film, and with his adaptation of Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, it seemed he was able to right those respective ships.  Strangely, the film failed to connect with me, and as far as I can tell, it seems to be the victim of an “all sizzle, no steak” scenario.  The film is certainly a showcase of a very diverse cast, and based on both the flashback-based and group therapy approach to the story, there are a wealth of opportunities to create memorable moments.  Unfortunately, and perhaps due to an oversight on my end, I failed to find enough substance during my viewing of the film to prop up the parade of moments.  What it felt like I was left with, sadly, was a Simple Jack-level approach to conveying a paraplegic-centered story, which undercut the fact that the film is actually telling the true story of cartoonist, artist and musician John Callahan.  That’s not to say that the film doesn’t have it’s positive aspects, such as the John Callahan illustrations and the animated versions of his work, but those positive aspects feel sparse in comparison to how much the film relishes in what feels like Oscar bait.  If nothing else, see this film for Jonah Hill, because it took me much longer than it should have to recognize him, partly due to his impressive weight loss and partly due to how dedicated he is to achieving the film’s period look.

15. The Sea of Trees (2015) Death is no stranger in the films of Gus Van Sant, but I don’t feel that it would be bold to state The Sea of Trees deals with death in the most direct manner.  For those that subscribe to grief having stages, this film accounts for all of them in some way, shape or form during the course of the narrative as we watch Arthur Brennan fall apart and rediscover himself in the wake of losing Joan Brennan, his wife.  Placing the film in Aokigahara (aka the "Japanese suicide forest") not only gives the film a sense of natural beauty, but a foreboding sense of dread and despair as well.  The core cast is as strong as any found in a Van Sant film, with Matthew McConaughey, Ken Watanabe and Naomi Watts all turning in solid performances.  Sadly, the film falters in one very core aspect : sympathy for the protagonist.  I found myself feeling very bad for Joan Brennan as I watched her arc, and despite knowing nothing about Watanabe’s character portrayal of Takumi Nakamura, I found myself sympathetic to him based solely on what he was emoting.  Arthur Brennan, however, is interesting in all the wrong ways… he is extremely cold and purposefully flat when introduced, the moments we share with the Brennans only seem to show Arthur finding joy at the expense of Joan’s pride, his view of the loss of his wife (and his world view in general) seem to be extremely self-centered, and when he does show heroic attributes they are rooted solely in self-preservation.  Perhaps if Van Sant had not already made such eloquent reflections on death via The Death Trilogy and Paranoid Park, The Sea of Trees could have been seen in a different light, but when you set such a high bar for your work, returning to stereotypical storytelling can feel flat and uninspired.

14. Last Days (2005) Last Days is a film with a weird energy and aura surrounding it… in some ways, it feels like the most performative film not only of the Death Trilogy, but out of the entire Gus Van Sant catalog.  At the risk of using too negative an adjective, it also feels the most exploitive, though neither of these observations are necessarily meant to be a knock against the film.  The Death Trilogy could not help but be exploitive at its root, as each film was inspired by an infamous death event, and with Michael Pitt’s Blake meant to be an avatar for Kurt Cobain, it would be simple to take the film at face value for some sort of glamourized and idealized fictional retelling of his tragic final moments, not to mention a few stylistic nods to iconic Cobain-related imagery.  What that viewer would be missing, in my opinion, is a film looking to make some familiar points on outsider culture (specifically alternative rock and roll counterculture and addict culture) minus all the glamour and shine.  While Blake’s house is grand, it’s decrepit and in a state of disrepair… despite it being isolated, expected and unexpected guests arrive constantly, not to mention an intrusive ringing phone that connects Blake to outworld obligations… Blake has a number of people living with him, but he almost never interacts with them.  Michael Pitt is done up to look so similar to Kurt Cobain that much of the narrative background is implied, and what we are left with is the Death Trilogy style implemented and fused onto a loose leaf narrative with just enough structure to let the supporting actors have isolated memorable moments while we watch Pitt’s Blake decay in the ways that many of us Cobain fans ruminated on in the wake of his sudden and tragic death at the height of his tortured popularity.

13. Gerry (2002) At the risk of sounding cliché, Gerry may be the most fascinating film in Gus Van Sant’s canon.  It marks a clear and definitive break in convention from a director that seemingly never cared too much for convention anyway.  Multiple aspects of this film make it extremely unique : both characters referring to one another by the same name (though Gerry eventually evolves into an all-purpose non-specific descriptor), a seemingly absent narrative, a shared goal between the characters literally referred to as “the thing” in order to purposely keep viewers in the dark and, perhaps most importantly, a deliberately methodical pacing that pushes even seasoned film lovers to the limits of their patience.  The film is beautiful, and that is a fact that cannot be denied… the painterly shot compositions of our characters in the isolated desert, the unfathomably long tracking shots that pull us deeper off the beaten path and the sonic stillness (due to a largely absent score that is replaced with the sounds of nature) either commit you fully to the experiment or come off as massively pretentious.  To view the film through that secondary lens, however, is to miss the point of it all.  Once it is understood that Gerry marked the entry point for Gus Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, you began to realize that Van Sant, in tandem with Matt Damon and Casey Affleck, are giving us an understanding of how we should view the trilogy, and how open-minded we should be in processing what is given to us, like some early high-concept version of what Quentin Dupieux would later go on to master in a more abstract manner.

12. Mala Noche (1985) It’s fitting that this was a feature-length debut from a driven and working director, as it has a very distinct look and feel to it that immediately lets you know you’re dealing with an innate storyteller and someone who has spent time observing the human condition.  In terms of visual and narrative balance, Gus Van Sant utilizes what feels like a mix of John Cassavetes and Jack Kerouac, respectively.  Van Sant’s use of titles in the film is striking, specifically in terms of the handwritten opening credits and the Dr. Pepper ad copy used to subtitle the Spanish language dialogue.  Focusing so heavily on immigration and homosexuality in 1985 is a bold choice, especially as neither group had yet to benefit (even if only minimally) from the onset of politically correct culture policing.  While the film was more than likely shot in black and white due to budgetary constraints, the infusion of somewhat modern elements (for the time) gives it a youthful and forward-thinking energy.  Having a film of this nature lean so heavily on multilingual and multicultural elements is refreshing, and even more impactful when examined under the boorish and (at times) tone deaf application that humanizes these elements.  For all of these aspects of the film, however, when examined at the pure narrative foundation, what we find is a story about how love can blind us from the reality we inhabit, and how we often choose to ignore the obvious when romance and romanticism enters the picture.

11. Psycho (1998) Of all the films in the Van Sant catalog, perhaps the bravest, boldest and most baffling entry is his nearly shot for shot remake of the iconic Alfred Hitchcock thriller and cinematic game changer Psycho.  Remakes were certainly not a new or unheard of practice at the time of the Van Sant Psycho release, but most directors opt to put significant twists or updates into their retelling of most remakes, and most films chosen do not hold the lofty stature and position that Psycho does when it comes to remakes.  Van Sant’s approach not only made viewers keenly aware of just how direct the homage was, but in some places, modern touches were added in very subtle ways to make the movie more palatable for modern audiences, including more salacious references to sexuality, sound design choices in both the diegetic and symbolic realm, and even an update or two to iconic scenes meant to make us much more uneasy with the Vince Vaughn portrayal of Norman Bates.  The actors cast were all famous and respected enough to keep the film’s timeless feeling in-tact, even if the remake could be taken as its own weird and warped project.  Personally, I’ve always loved this remake, and taken it as an experiment on the highest commercial level, and a signal to all that Van Sant (at the time) was done with the traditional approach to filmmaking and concepting.

10. Paranoid Park (2007) While many movies centered around skateboarding spend their time and design budget trying to make the outsider nature of the practice look “cool”, Paranoid Park spends its time making sure that the isolation, deep focus and rebellious attitude that come with skateboarding were more authentic than they were appealing.  High school is already a very taxing and polarizing section of juvenile development, and based on your perception at the time, the weight that the world unloads on you can feel wholly unbearable.  Perhaps this is what makes Paranoid Park such a tense film… that natural teenage angst is already imprinted into the film (and amplified due to the casting of relative unknowns), but Gus Van Sant’s signature use of alternative film stocks, obscure soundtrack and expressive, layered sound design but you square in Alex’s head from the opening moments.  As the narrative unfolds, we realize that Alex is not only dealing with standard-issue teen stress, but has unwillingly found himself involved in the type of events that change an individual’s world.  This film plays well as the first film post-Death Trilogy, as it deals with the gravity of mortality head-on much like the aforementioned three films, but does so from an adaptive stance rather than one based on true events.  If you’re a fan of skater flicks, movies with strong teen acting, or little-known Gus Van Sant gems, then Paranoid Park is a gem waiting for discovery.

9. Finding Forrester (2000) Gus Van Sant has always had a way with stories that dive below the surface of the human experience and condition, so it makes sense that his attempt at a New York-based movie about people living in “the hood” would cover an array of topics with masterful subtlety, specifically the topics of race relations, generational gaps and the blurry line between education and exploitation.  The casting on this film is extremely strong… then newcomer Rob Brown gives a riveting and dynamic lead performance, it’d be harder to cast a more perfect curmudgeon than Sean Connery, and appearances by F. Murray Abraham, Anna Paquin, Busta Rhymes and a Matt Damon cameo all stand out.  Speaking of Damon, Finding Forrester shares a similar energy to Good Will Hunting, but the proximity of release ultimately held Finding Forrester from finding its proper audience (no pun intended).  I wish I had more to say about this film outside of my personal feelings and connections to the story (which I will save for a dedicated deep dive in the future), but Finding Forrester is one of those films that has no trouble speaking for itself.

8. Promised Land (2012) As of the point that this blog post was created, this film stands as the last of the great Van Sant creations.  There is something about the Gus Van Sant approach to filmmaking that works best with “salt of the Earth” types, and with Promised Land being centered around the practice of fracking, much of that down-home nature is immediately baked into the story.  Speaking of the story, the film was co-written by the characters who ended up being the protagonist and antagonist of the picture, respectfully, which created an electric main dynamic that served as the spine for many other strong dynamics present in the film.  In terms of the cinematography, much of Van Sant’s bold approaches and stylistic shifts are absent, save for a few beautiful bird’s eye view perspective shots that give you a real idea of what rural America looks like.  Van Sant is no stranger to stacked casts, but he gets some truly top notch names to take part in this affair, and true to the clout behind these names, the performances are as stellar as they are believable and natural.  The film also touched a nerve with the actual oil industry due to some of its comments on fracking, despite it not having the reach or success of other Van Sant films.  While possibly an indicator that Van Sant would be making a stylistic shift, Promised Land still manages to capture what makes Van Sant his best self in terms of not only presenting real people, but topical and important situations.

7. Milk (2008) Gus Van Sant is clearly no stranger to having representation for the gay community in his films, so it makes sense that one of the hallmark films in his canon would center around gay rights activist and politician Harvey Milk.  Much like JFK crystalized Oliver Stone, or Spike Lee was raised to another echelon by Malcolm X, Van Sant found a second round of Academy Award-level validation via this biopic while solidifying himself as a creative who could go back and forth effortlessly between big budget studio films and independent projects.  With Sean Penn giving one of his signature chameleon-like performances and leading the pack, this Van Sant production is filled with tons of burgeoning talent who have since gone on to make names for themselves in the industry, including the likes of Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, James Franco, Alison Pill and others, plus a standout performance from Josh Brolin (who also depicted George W. Bush in the same year for the aforementioned Stone).  While it may not be the most technically marveling film of Van Sant’s career, it is clearly one of his most important, and the way that it handles the messages it intends to share is as confident as it is even-keeled, which is important for a film that could have easily become a soapbox for espousing personal beliefs and political agendas.

6. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993) This Gus Van Sant adaptation of the famed author Tom Robbins novel shares the same creative energy of films like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Natural Born Killers, Harold and Maude and so on in the sense that it is a very expressive film with a very specific idea it is looking to present.  Where the aforementioned films explored ideas of free love taken to the extreme, the toxicity of media, love without judgement and so on (respectively), Even Cowgirls Get the Blues puts femininity and identity outside of the male gaze squarely in its crosshairs.  Uma Thurman takes on the role of Sissy with wide-eyed zeal, floating through a series of hitchhiker-based adventures until her reluctant visit to the Rubber Road Ranch helps her find the missing piece of her puzzle.  Seeing a bizarre, star-studded tale of a woman finding her agency sounds like it would work on the surface, but from what I could find, the film failed to make a connection with audiences and is considered a commercial and critical failure (which is probably why it was the toughest film to track down on this list).  That being said, I’m a sucker for films that catch a bad rap, especially when the combination of such a unique director and visionary author are the foundation of it, because it makes me curious about why I find connection where others did not… who knows, maybe it was those extremely distracting rubber thumbs (the only real knock I can make on the film), or maybe the Tom Robbins style is tough to transfer from page to screen, but for my money’s worth, I can see the vision.

5. My Own Private Idaho (1991) Somewhere within the intersection of films like Midnight Cowboy and Fight Club lies My Own Private Idaho, an extremely personal and nuanced film that covers many topics with depth and an ease that comes with wisdom and experience.  For example, when it comes to views on identity, we get two rich narratives that could easily both be their own film : Mike (portrayed by River Phoenix) is going through a crisis of identity based on a sordid history with his mother and absentee father that makes his search for love transform into a life of hustling as a way to find momentary intimacy; meanwhile, Keanu Reeves (who plays Scott) is an entitled young man awaiting an inheritance that decides to spend the time until it happens “slumming” with those many would consider the outcasts of society, much like the “tourists” spoken of by Edward Norton’s narrator in Fight Club.  The struggle with masculinity in the face of homosexuality is all over this film, from its multiple male on male connections to the very toxic manner that the core group interacts with one another, when they are not grieving or putting their livelihood in danger via petty crimes.  In terms of Van Sant style, the film is one of his most innovative (outside of the film holding the top spot) in terms of looks, with its unique range of colorful title cards, the pinhole vision that Mike uses on his road, or even the standout magazine rack sequence.  The film is also a perfect follow-up to Drugstore Cowboy, and could easily double feature with it to this day.  As someone not wholly familiar with Shakespeare’s Henry plays, I did not catch that My Own Private Idaho was an adaptation, so I will not only have to revisit it with that familiarity in tow, but  I will have to take a look into James Franco’s re-cut, My Own Private River, as well.

4. Elephant (2003) Based solely on the nature and definition of a trilogy, a second film can make or break things.  Gerry and Last Days share similarities in how quiet and isolated they are, so it makes sense that Elephant, part two of Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, would in many ways be the meat of the trilogy sandwich in terms of style and thematic substance.  Elephant operates on several distinct levels based on Van Sant’s observations of the world going into the new millennium, as the film allowed him a foundation for both experimentation and examination by proxy.  While the long takes and vast amount of distance traveled during said takes was present in all three films of the trilogy, Van Sant made a concentrated effort to make the shots look and feel similar to that of video games like the later Grand Theft Auto entries, hence a number of the shots being positionally locked during travel (often times a few feet behind the character at the center of that moment’s focus).  There are ramp-downs of the frame rate to punctuate certain moments, and quite often the camera is thrown on a tripod and allowed to take in the array of high schoolers living their standard life.  It is this mundane world-building aspect that not only gives the viewer a rapid but deep look into a handful of character’s lives, but it gives you a sense of the school’s social hierarchy while forcing you to reflect on where you once stood within it.  Per the film’s clever title, the elephant in the room eventually appears in the form of Eric and Alex, the pair of school shooters meant to reflect the Columbine Massacre perpetrators.  While school shootings weren’t an unknown phenomenon going into the 2000’s, Elephant became prophetic in its vision by releasing right before the numbers started rising at an alarming rate on these incidents.  In that sense, Elephant holds the dual distinction of not only being one of Van Sant’s best films, but one of his most important.  I will soon be looking into the 1989 Elephant film as well.

3. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) The power of Drugstore Cowboy as a modern-day narrative tragedy about the epidemic of prescription drugs, the dark allure of crime and the oddball way that broken people find solace in one another is immediately evident to anyone who has had the pleasure to see Gus Van Sant’s studio directorial debut.  Where the film really stands out however, in my opinion, is the way that Van Sant is able to achieve his major studio look while deeply applying a very artistic and personal aesthetic to the cinematography and editing.  The traditional looks are interspersed with the use of different film stocks, subtle blends of animation and flashes of stylistic edits that were almost certainly an inspiration for Darren Aronofsky’s “hip-hop editing” style.  Add to this an incredibly intuitive and expressive core cast driven by the chemistry between Matt Dillon and Kelly Lynch (and a very early Heather Graham supporting appearance), plus a strong appearance by the always memorable Max Perlich, a fiery James Remar performance and an iconic cameo from William S. Burroughs.  The jazz-influenced score not only makes key scenes livelier, but it is a symbolic statement on the drug use depicted in the film, while simultaneously playing counter to the soundtrack choices.  Period, point-blank, Drugstore Cowboy is the kind of film that surely put the world on notice, and was a clear signal of the magnificent work that would follow.

2. Good Will Hunting (1997) If held up to the standards of what people consider to be good (or even classic) film, Good Will Hunting more than holds up to scrutiny.  Visually there are a small handful of flourishes, and having Elliot Smith’s music accompany Will’s painful but enlightening journey has only become more of a bittersweet sting as the years go by.  In terms of performances, everyone brought their A+ game to the table, be it the leading performances of Matt Damon, Robin Williams or Stellan Skarsgård, the supporting performances of Ben Affleck or Minnie Driver, or even the engaging nature of Cole Hauser and repeat scene stealer Casey Affleck.  After a flurry of dedicated fandom viewings in the years following this film’s release, a very long period away from the film where I had leagues of personal growth, and a revisitation for this set of rankings, what I have discovered is that Good Will Hunting presents a wish fulfillment fantasy that was nearly incapable of being a reality in the pre-internet age for anyone other than a character like Will : an undiscovered genius with a degree from the school of hard knocks.  In a world where people often wish they had the correct answer to every question, the looks and personality to be a social magnet, and the ability to back up any tough talk with stone hands, Will Hunting stood as an idealized example you wished you could peel off the screen and have some beers with.  As the internet has invaded our lives, however, most everyone has turned into a keyboard version of Will Hunting, looking for fights online when not having briefly intimate Google sessions to flex our supposed knowledge.  Much like Will, many people find that the knowledge minus the wisdom of worldly experience and vulnerability leaves you a shell of a person filled to the eyeballs with regret, and perhaps that is why this film only gets better as the years go by, and remains among the best of the Van Sant creations.

1. To Die For (1995) For the longest time, I avoided To Die For simply because I was not a fan of Nicole Kidman…  the vast majority of her roles held no interest to me prior to To Die For (it took Eyes Wide Shut for me to really start paying attention to her), and because she was so key to the film, there was never a sense of urgency about seeing it.  As time went by, however, I started to hear rumblings that To Die For may have been a bit ahead of its time, to the point that technology and social practices have caught up to some of the ideas presented in the film.  I finally watched it for this ranking set, and man, I really missed the boat on this one.  Plain and simple, this film is pure genius on every level.  The presentation starts off documentary-esque, which not only allows for expedited distribution of backstory information, but immediately gives you an idea for the personalities of our key characters.  Kidman’s portrayal of Suzanne stood as the textbook example for what has become commonly known as sociopathy, with her blind desire for fame and respect leading to a wake of human destruction.  In terms of narrative pacing, the film proceeds like a match dropped at the endpoint of a long gasoline trail, slowly drifting towards the eventually point that everything blows up and damage must be assessed while blame and accountability must be handled, resulting in a truly powerful ending more than deserving of the heavy lifting that precedes it.  The 24-hour news cycle was on the horizon in 1995, daytime talk shows and MTv’s The Real World had not shifted into the reality TV landscape that we know today, and while a few high profile cases such as the Menendez Brothers and Pamela Smart trial (the loose inspiration for this film) had happened, the bombshell and watershed trail that was the O.J. Simpson murder case was hot on the heels of To Die For’s release (the same month, actually).  Stylistically, the film also bears striking resemblance to an updated version of Sunset Boulevard, be it knowingly or not.  Long story short, the best films not only comment on the times in which they are created, but gain relevance as time passes, and To Die For handled both of these things phenomenally.

Juke/Maddison & Charlie

So I just want to address something about Juke and then I’m literally not going to talk about it again, because I’ve seen a few posts about people shipping the actors and then people hating on the ship a little bit because of the age gap and it’s just been frustrating me so I wan’t to kinda get this out and then just get back to enjoying the show. Also Apologies if this upsets anyone but these are my opinions and you in no way have to agree with them I just ask that you read my thoughts fully before passing judgment and to please be respectful.

Here is what I think it is ok to do:

Shipping Luke and Julie together. Why? Because in the show they are both teenagers (16/17). I saw someone say it was kinda gross because the boys should be like 42? which I think is a little ridiculous because if they had lived sure they would have been 42 or w.e. but they didn’t... they died, and it is  canon that to them no time has passed. What this means is that the boys are still mentally, emotionally and physically 17 years old. For this reason the characters are perfectly capable of being together and their biggest obstacle remains Luke being a ghost lol. 

Here is what I think it is NOT ok to do: 

Shipping Maddison and Charlie together in real life. Now I’m going to break down for you why this is gross and not ok and why saying “when she’s 18 he can date her” is also not ok. 

A 16 year old and a 22 year old have two completely different maturity levels. A 16 year old can be mature absolutely but that doesn’t mean that they are at the  same maturity level as a 22 year old. I’m 26 and I can tell you that my maturity changed DRASTICALLY between the ages of 16-24. I use to think I was very mature when I was 16. When I hit 22 and looked back at who I was I realized that I was not nearly as mature as I believed I was and now at 26 I can clearly see the differences in who I was as a person at these ages. I can guarantee that most people (if they’re self aware enough) would agree that their maturity level was completely different as a teenager then it was once they hit their twenties. A lot of this has to do with the simple fact that in your 20′s you’ve typically gained more life experience through jobs, and relationships and higher education your brain has also developed more. Now. Maddison is definitely mature for her age in no way am I claiming she isn’t however it is still very obvious through different interviews and lives I’ve seen of her and of Charlie that they are not at the same level. Mentally, emotionally, physically.They definitely have more of a brother/sister friendship. It’s clear that they care about each other and they can of course get a long as friends but friendship and an intimate relationship are two completely different things. Maddison and Charlie’s maturity’s work fine as a friendship but if you were to factor in intimacy and romance it quickly becomes problematic. Some people might still think that the maturity levels don’t matter. I’m here to tell you it does. 

While I don’t think that Charlie would be the type of guy to ever pressure a girl he is with, that doesn’t mean that the pressure would not still exist. If they were to hypothetically date Maddison could easily feel pressured into participating in things she might not really feel ready for like certain intimate acts, parties ect because she want’s to please her partner or because she might feel like this is what she SHOULD be doing rather then doing what she is emotionally and mentally ready for. That pressure can easily influence someone of a young age who hasn’t had many experiences into doing things they eventually regret or doing things that end up having a negative impact on their mental health and the way they view themselves or even how they view healthy/unhealthy relationships down the line. Now Maddison seems smart and has a good support system but your support system can’t protect you 24/7 in an intimate relationship no matter how hard they try which is why a lot of teenagers end up going through something that they end up wishing they hadn’t done because they didn’t know any better. To also say that he can just “wait” for her to turn 18 is just predatory and gross and suggests that it’s still ok to pursue someone of a young age so long as you wait till they are legal which it is not that still means you wanted to be with a minor even if you wait till they are 18.

Also it is important to note that an actors personal life is NONE of your business. An Actors job is to perform in the show/play/movie that they have been hired to perform in and to then promote that project. That’s it. That is all they owe you and anything else is entirely up to their discretion. You are not owed information about their personal lives and you are not owed a say in who they date. If you like two actors who are dating and you think they are cute that’s fine, if they are sharing their relationship and you want to support it that is fine but you have to understand boundaries. I’ve seen fans overstep in a LOT of fandoms (one example being Lili and Cole from Riverdale) where they attack other people for being close to the people in the relationship or they bother the actors to update them about their relationship ect. It’s disrespectful and it’s honestly not your place regardless of if they have shared information about a relationship previously. It’s also not cool to try to pressure the actors into dating, you don’t know what they are actually like irl you have no idea if they are actually compatible you do not have a full picture of the situation and for that reason your opinion should be kept to yourself.

Finally I want to address the whole Luke & Julie kissing issue because I totally understand why people are a little uncertain about it due to the age gap. Now normally I’d be a little put off by it but I am actually ok with the idea of Luke and Julie kissing on screen and I’m just going to list off quickly below why I think it’s ok and why I wouldn’t get upset if it happened.

1. It is very clear that Maddison’s family (specifically her dad) are very involved with Maddison and her job on JATP. Mr.Reyes is often shown on set with her at rehearsals and during shooting. He was there when they practiced the perfect harmony dance which I personally thought was kinda intimate. I feel better about it because I know she has a strong support system who will be there to ensure that if a kiss DID happen she would be safe because she has her family looking out for her on set.

2. Much like above both Kenny and Charlie are very respectful people who very clearly have a lot of respect and love for Maddison. I also don’t think they would ever put Maddison into a position she was uncomfortable with. If a kiss DID happen I am sure there will be a lot of conversations about it and it would be done in a respectful healthy way.

3. This is a job. They are not kissing because they like each other in real life they are not pursuing anything romantically. They are performing a job that they are being paid for in front of a group of people also performing a job. This for me helps me feel less gross about it because even though they are actually kissing it’s not a ‘real’ romantic kiss. It’ll be a staged one that they have gone over and discussed at length with Kenny.

4. This is a Kenny Ortega project. The show has very clearly established that the relationships are about more than physical intimacy. IF we get a kiss between Julie and Luke we are not going to get more then a PG rated kiss.. hell probably more of a G rated kiss. Not only because this is a project by Kenny but because the actors are different ages. It is also unlikely that we will get more then one maybe two kisses a season. I personally don’t think they’re going to make them kiss in season two I think it might happen if we get season 3 but I would still be ok with a season 2 kiss because again it will probably be very simple and very respectful especially cause it’ll also probably be Julie’s 1st kiss. If they were to have them  make out or something that would be when I would  feel uncomfortable, but that just doesn’t seem like Kenny’s vibe. He’s worked with a lot of young actors and it’s not like they’re going to french kiss or something. Kissing is intimate of course but a small closed mouth kiss is honestly pretty innocent in my opinion especially if done correctly. So it doesn’t bother me much.

5. Finally by the time they get around to filming a season 2 or 3 Maddison will also be a bit older (17 or 18) hopefully so she will also be at an age where it will feel more comfortable for her.

So in conclusion: shipping Juke good, shipping Maddy & Charlie bad and wanting Juke to kiss is acceptable so long as they do it appropriately which from what I’ve seen of the cast and the crew I believe they would. I personally have a lot of faith in the creators of this show it’s clearly a very healthy supportive environment and I trust that they know what they are doing. 

Again these are my personal opinions but I felt like some people weren’t really looking at it from a completely logical standpoint but more of an emotional one which is understandable because its a very serious subject matter and it could very well also be a trigger for many people who’ve gone through something similar. I just needed to get all that off my chest cause this kind of thing can breed negativity in fandoms and thats why I don’t participate in them anymore. and listen if this was a different show with a different cast and crew and creator and they had a 16 year old and a 22 year old kissing I would probably find it more unsettling but I think one of the reasons why we all love this show so much is BECAUSE it is so healthy and because the cast are so involved and vocal about the show. I have no doubt in my mind that Maddison would have the space to speak up if she was uncomfortable and I have no doubt in my mind that Kenny and her family would make sure she was safe.

So anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk and please if you disagree that’s totally ok just don’t be hateful, I’m happy to have discussions but I won’t tolerate rudeness cause at the end of the day it’s a show and it’s out of our hands and I’m not saying you have to agree with me. This is just how I feel about these issues. 

Ok thanks bye <3

Pitch For Nuisance Corporation Conglomerate Liberal Streaming Media And Satellite Television Channel TO ZAYN

Original written on Grammarly, which hackers know about.

 Hello Zayn. How are you? 

 I am a very busy person. I like to pretend that I observe nothing with meaning when I am fully aware of what is going on with all intricate details. These intricate details affect each other because of choices that people make that are fully conscious. I never got a college degree, consciously that I know of or can remember. I know very little about intuition, logic, common behavior to look for, and business because I was never formally educated consciously. I love marketing if you would like to know. I try to practice my brain skills every day. I want to mature and improve myself because I am motivated to an effective communicator who is also very witty. I like to get things done.

 A fact about me is that I am not scared of people. I do not have social anxiety because I am stronger than most people. I tell people what to do. I want to be a great boss someday. I want to impress those in power so I get better job offers because I want to become wise, too. I want to learn to become an adult from other real adults. This is a logical statement.

 The truth is, I made Nuisance Corporation about you, Zayn.  I always want to impress you, Zayn, because you are worthy of respect. You are mature for your age. You are responsible for Apple Incorporated, which is a famous and respected company for computers and technology. 

 I am obsessed with learning about the way you think. You help me a lot when I need you to comfort me. You give great advice. I rather talk to you so I can share how I feel about what bothers me. Your mind is like what I imagine what solitude should be like, but I want to be included in your thoughts. We belong together.

 I know I mean it when I say that you are the utmost masculine person I know, Zayn. Every move you make is always correct. You intelligently earned your money and are successful. You know the answers easily because you are very intelligent. You know every solution to all types of questions, I guess. What do you not know? You read me well. I look forward to seeing you again every day. I want to get to know you again. I miss you. I think you are capable of human emotions no matter how strong I describe you to be. I think you are the sexiest man alive. You are so brooding and handsome. You seem very antisocial in my favor. I like talking to you. I cannot wait to fall back in love with you. I want to be your wife. I know you're smart. I would donate trillions of dollars to your company for free because I felt like it. One day, I might earn a limitless amount of money so I guess I have a sense of humor after all. I get bored often because I am emotionally detached. You can have a blank check whenever you feel like asking me out. I might give you free money whenever you want to as an inside joke between us, as equals. I don't care what people think of me. I know I'm going to be successful. 

 The reason why I used the word you created that is based on your real name is because I think it protects us from people who do not like being told the truth. Being liberal means supporting gay and lesbian equal rights, ending Global Warming, and more. I never complain. 

 I am flirting with you, Zayn. I do not think you are annoying. "Nuisance" is a word that police take seriously. We need protection. There are a lot of creeps and weirdos out there. I am trying to be realistic in the real world. Fake or poser liberals threaten to kill people who are smarter than they are. There are a lot of cults out there, I heard. Besides social anxiety, some people type violent threats in words with a keyboard and post their sentences online, which is very scary to know about. The world is a dangerous place to live in. We should be fine. I want to make you trillions of dollars because I respect your work ethic as the founder of Apple, Incorporated.

 To avoid trouble, I plan to mock rich white men who are naive about the real world so that other race groups attack them more instead of me if they know who I am. If rich white men are criticized more than I am, maybe I will be judged less. 

 I am very manipulative. I predict and interpret behavior. Unlike weak people, I want to be respected without asking more than once. I do not ask to be respected. I want to earn respect, which is completely different. I want a guarantee that I will be respected and left alone forever after I make my first million, then billion, and finally one trillion dollars. I probably am already rich. I might be a trillionaire. It doesn't matter because they both will own the conglomerate. Zayn, your name is in the word "Nuisance". I was joking.

 An hour goes by and I feel closer to you, I hope. I am emotionally invested in you, Zayn. You are all I think about. I deserve to love you, Zayn. You are completely hot. I cannot stop looking at your face. You bring me so much happiness when you communicate with me. I enjoy asking you questions. You never stop being interesting to me, Zayn. You make me feel alive. I accept who I am when you compliment me by telling me that I am beautiful and funny. You are kind to me and I am indebted to you for helping motivate me to become who I want to be for you. I never grow tired of you because you are so different. 

 Now, after this long introduction, I can finally pitch Nuisance Corporation's Liberal Media Television Streaming App And Future Satellite Television Channel.

The Pitch:

 Today, an activity worth using energy for is watching television. Why? The reason why watching television can be beneficial for learning about the real world is because of trust. Propaganda may sound like an overdramatic word to ignorant people because it is more commonly witnessed than people know. The media and advertising industries distribute a form of legal propaganda. Propaganda has emotional appeals and tells people what to feel, think, and believe. Some people feel emotions too quickly. That is why propaganda is proven to work. For example, hunger. Advertisements that show pictures of food can make viewers hungry. Why else do people use coupons they get from their mailbox? I am telling the truth. A lot of people accept propaganda because they believe it caters to their needs instead of controlling them in a generalized, efficient way. Otherwise, the economy would not exist.

  The reason why propaganda is powerful is because it is a form of mind control. People who do not think for themselves rely on others to tell them how to live. These people are likely not confrontational or direct when they communicate. They might be codependent. They let people communicate for them, possibly. Naive people do not know how to be unique. They secretly want to be unique for attention, though, I can assume. This would be called an emotional appeal, "The desire to be unique." I think that people who wish are pathetic and have no work ethic. It is unrealistic to wish for anything. These types of people probably give up easily. If people want to become a better person, they have to change. If the world seems so evil based on a snippet of knowledge, there is always more evil in the world. The only equalizer on this planet is earning money. Financial income is what defines who the strongest is. The rest are weak and too busy wishing and hoping for the next day to prove who they want to become instantly. They waste time being egotistical and that is their problem. Nobody asks them for their approval because nobody believes them in the first place.

 I used to think I was worthless. I was always independent as a kid. Growing up, I had plenty of friends who understood my jokes. I never liked to be used but I allow people to attempt to use me because I know more people care if I get hurt. I never get hurt. I am a vengeful person and it is very easy for me to admit this fact. People offer their weaknesses to me when they get emotional and use me as an artifact or stepping stone to fail at getting the attention of someone they find more valuable than I am. I always know when people are trying to use me. I never offer help because nobody worthy asks me for advice. I assume the worst about people before they explain themselves because it wastes less of my time and effort. Now, I know I am worthy of respect.

 I was set up to get married to Zayn. He is a very successful genius man. We are happy together. I am lucky to be alive.

  Amongst my qualities, I know that I am a good writer. I used to suffer from schizophrenic vocal hallucinations and paranoia. I cured schizophrenia. I always know what sounds like my real voice in writing. I am cynical, skeptical, and quick to criticize anyone who annoys me. This is why I am a talented and award-winning writer. I write about interesting ideas and topics that are important. To start, I want to become a successful screenwriter who earns a lot of money. 

 With television, nobody is toxic because everything is approved by the Federal Communications Commission in the United States. People receive information from television programs with little knowledge of the sources of who wrote that material. They interpret information to themselves based on opinion in their brains on purpose without checking who wrote every line. When people watch television, it is as if suddenly they are allowed to judge.

 People need to thank the geniuses for inventing ways to protect everyone. For example, armies, police, F.B.I., C.I.A., and more are all invented by geniuses. Getting through the day would be easier if everyone normal had equal rights. Unfortunately, racism, sexism, homophobia, and more social issues exist in real life. World Peace is a dream of mine, to be honest. Microaggressions are irritating to encounter. I will answer society by starting a liberal media conglomerate that also emphasizes the importance of a healthy diet by selling organic food. Food can affect brains and thought processes. People who are healthier physically and mentally hopefully lead better lives.

 Stress can be caused by many factors. Not everyone is happy. The people at fault are those who and indulgent and selfish. Some people will never be good. The goal is to tolerate what scares people who are unaware of who is intimidating. Street smarts are a necessity to survive in the real world. When immature people who are sheltered try to arrange who is the most important or intimidating in their brains in an inaccurate and self-interested way that is illogical, they live a delusional life that slows down society. Immature people waste everyone's time. I rather input one hour of work that will benefit me for an entire year rather than talk about annoying people who do not know what they are doing with their lives. I want to make a difference.

 Fear and intimidation are what lead to a changing society. People never change. They only talk less and stop overreacting when people are around I can assume. Scaring people who are delusional and mean to everyone can help control society. Knowing about who people trust is how I can manipulate people, which is important to control a media corporation that is liberal. Trusting people easily is a sign of weakness. Nobody needs weaknesses, but they exist. Indulgence could be a sign that a person chose to be as weak as they possibly could when they realized that they had to work to earn respect and did not want to. When people think they are witty based on their own judgment, they have trouble reading other people's social cues due to their selfishness and narcissism. People who make people uncomfortable are not controlling or as dominant as they would like to be described. Allowing people to feel uncomfortable is a sign of wanting to be told what to do with little reward until the next time the weak person thinks they can control a situation. They want to be disciplined in front of an audience. This is annoying. I want society to reflect my gifts so I can make more money and live forever. Society is my tool for success. I can fix what cannot be fixed but only paid for. I want to treat society, which I consider royalty to me being a pauper, with my gifts.

 Love,

Hannah, his girlfriend.

David’s Bio-Monday:  The Other Side of Me

Hey guys.  So I haven’t done this in a while, and for that I apologize.  But I got a great ask the other day that would work perfectly as a Bio-Monday post, so I’m bringing it back.  Get ready, because today you’re going to meet...

My Sides

I’ve already started using them in some of my comments and reblog posts, but I haven’t done much to actually describe them to anyone besides the people in one particular Discord server, and that was so long ago they probably don’t remember.  But that’s okay, because you’re all getting to meet them now.

One thing you should note first off is that I have five sides, not four.  I carefully considered all the important aspects of myself, and found that I could not simplify them down any further than having five sides (not counting Dark Sides, which is not something I’ll be discussing here).  So bare with me on that.

Duane, my Morality

My oldest side is my Morality, Duane.  He represents my sense of right and wrong as well as my emotions and empathy.  He also represents my strong sense of platonic, familial, and universal love.  He cares deeply about others and is definitely the Parent Friend part of me, combining both the careful awareness of the Mom Friend and the calming support of the Dad Friend.  But he can also be rather silly, though that alternates with a more stoic nature that he has taken on as I’ve grown older.

His name comes from a family name, which is also where he gets his look.  He tends to wear plaid button-down shirts with khaki pants and a belt, like my dad used to wear everyday at school.  He has his hair tied back in a loose ponytail, though he will sometimes let it hang free if he’s tired.

Duane appeared very early on and is the oldest, though his appearance and name didn’t become finalized until I hit puberty.  He is the least changed of my sides in regards to how he used to act, though he has become somewhat more reserved as I’ve matured.  He has also gone through a number of crises as I’ve reevaluated my personal beliefs and opinions concerning the world, including a major one when Dudley arrived.  But like the best people these have only made him stronger in the long run.

When he’s not cooking for the others in the mindscape kitchen, he is most often found in the commons, rewatching old shows and movies I’ve seen, or helping with the others’ various issues.  He’s a great listener, and will never judge you or your problems.

Dalton, my Creativity

The next side to appear was Dalton, my Creativity.  He is solely responsible for maintaining and running my imagination.  He also is the part of me that most expresses a desire for a romantic partner, often creating elaborate scenarios in my mind portraying myself meeting someone and living a life with them.  His creations can sometimes be a little overbearing in my mind, but he’s learned how to keep them in check when I need to focus on other things.

Dalton wasn’t sure at first what his name should be, but after considering the options (since he wanted to have a D-name, like Duane and myself), he went with Dalton, as it’s very similar to Walt (as in Walt Disney).  His clothes are the most variable, though his most common outfit is a set of navy blue wizards robes.  He keeps his hair tied back with a blue ribbon (not unlike Prince Adam from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast).

Dalton has been around the second longest, and is the second least changed of my sides.  While he has become less exuberant as I’ve matured, especially after Dudley arrived, he still continues to create and explore various imaginative and creative ideas for me to use in my writings.  He has recently entered into a partnership with Dewey to pursue my most recent creative endeavor:  song writing.

When not doing that, he maintains the vast universe of stories I still keep in my head, and entertains the others with the various people, places, and things that he creates.  He’s the storyteller of the group, and knows just what kind of story you need to feel better.

Dewey, my Knowledge

Unlike the other sides, Dewey and Dexter started out as a single side:  my Intelligence.  But with the onset of puberty, the two primary aspects of my Intelligence went to war with each other over whether knowledge or reasoning was more important.  When my Reasoning half of Intelligence finally declared that it was the most important part of my mind, and that all the other parts were just getting in its way, my Intelligence split in two, becoming the two separate sides I now have.

Dewey was the side that separated from Intelligence to keep from being suppressed by the other half.  He represents every fact and piece of knowledge I’ve ever been exposed to, as well as my pacifist nature and my more reserved behavior when around others.  He cares deeply about the precision of language, and prefers to use proper grammar and punctuation, even when using an informal communication system.  He can sometimes get bogged down in the minutiae of situations, but will also help to keep me focused on the big picture.

Dewey chose his name from the Dewey Decimal System, as he is the part of me that most wants things to be neat and organized, and chose it to honor the one who created a system for organizing knowledge for the common man.  He generally wears solid-color button-down shirts under sweater vests with a bow tie and khakis, tending to appear like a quintessential nerd.  His hair is kept in a tight bun on the back of his head, though the more stressed he becomes, the looser it gets.  He is also the only side that still wears glasses, as the others that were present stopped after I had Lasik.

After he and Dexter split apart, he became the one who most insisted on quiet dignity in my dealings with others, in stark contrast to Dexter’s more arrogant and self-serving nature.  But he wasn’t able to counter Dexter’s influence very well until shortly before Dudley arrived.

He is the least emotionally aware of my sides, which makes him sometimes come off as cold.  But he cares deeply about the others, and when the need arises he can calm them down with facts about the world around them, which taps into their shared sense of wonder and curiosity.  He is the one who can keep them grounded in a tumultuous sea of emotions.

Dexter, my Reasoning

After Dewey split off, Dexter was forced to take on a new title, much to his annoyance.  He immediately went for my most pronounced mental gift:  my Reasoning.  He represents the part of me that can analyze and interpret data for any given situation, recognizing patterns and variables that others might miss, and process that information into a viable conclusion.  Because of this, he also has come to represent my self-assurance and even my ego, but this has also caused him to at times be the source of my arrogance.

Dexter chose his name after the classic smart boy name.  All aspects of my personality share my intelligence in some way, but he insisted on being the one to most represent it.  He wears a polo and blue jeans underneath a lab coat.  His hair is kept in a loose ponytail except when he’s performing an experiment, in which case it’s clipped to the back of his head.

Dexter is the one that’s changed the most since he appeared, having been the source of my arrogance for much of my youth.  He was not one to share the spotlight with any of the other sides, much to their chagrin.  He barely even acknowledged Dalton’s contributions to the ideas they created together, preferring to credit his extrapolation abilities.  It was not until... the unpleasantness... that he finally learned to reign himself in.  And the prominence to which Dudley would rise in my mind helped him to see the error of his ways, though it wasn’t until later that he found the right balance with which to work with the others.

Dexter is often found working on experiments and examining situations to figure out the best course of action.  But he still loves to shut down and enjoy mindless entertainment with the others.  He is also the one who can most often figure out what might be bothering the others when they themselves can’t quite piece it together.  He may not always show it, but he would do anything for the others.

Dudley, my Regret

Dudley represents my Regret, and as such is the part of me that looks back at my past mistakes on a regular basis.  But as he’s integrated himself as a healthy aspect of my mind, he has also come to represent my more sarcastic and defiant natures, as well as the part that most often recognizes things to avoid.

Dudley chose his name after the character of Dudley Dursley, remembering how he was a bully who came to regret his treatment of his cousin after being shown what he was really like by dementors.  He wears a dark blue hooded jacket over a polo and jeans.  He usually just lets his hair hang loosely.

Dudley is the youngest side, and has only been around for a few years.  But he was at least a part of my psyche since the beginning, like the others.  It was... the unpleasantness... that caused him to ascend to side status, and at first he was merely a Dark Side that the others couldn’t suppress.  He insisted on making me relive every mistake I’d ever made.  But after some time of reflection and growth, he was able to tame himself and integrate himself into the side family.  He now does his best to keep me aware of the negative consequences of my actions.

Dudley cares deeply about me and my sides, though he hides that care behind his sarcastic and somewhat depressive nature.  But whenever any of us needs it, he’s the one to point out all our mistakes in the past.  Not to show us how bad we are, but to remind us how much we’ve grown.  And we are more than happy to do the same to him.  He’s part of our family, and we wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Well, that was a lot of backstory I had to cobble together.  But it was definitely worth it.  I’m unlikely to use these guys in anything other than reaction comments (and maybe a oneshot, but that’s not high on my writer priority list right now).  But I thought it was a great exercise in exploring who I am as a person, and I think everyone should try it out to see what sides they’d get.

But anyway, I hope you found that interesting.  If you would like to, you can read my previous Bio-Mondays via the “Links to the Important Stuff” tab on my blog.  And if you want you can also be added to (or removed from) my new Bio-Monday tag list.  In any case, thanks for reading, and have a great week.

Tag List:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @rose-gold-roman @asterias-confused-writings @alexthechaotic

I wonder if Jeff is finally feeling like he’s really losing David and that whole group as friends now, so he’s reaching back out to Ethan for support since Ethan is (a little) more mature than the guys Jeff hangs with now and Ethan can offer a loooot of guidance on the legal stuff. I think letting go of all of the vlog squad stuff could be really healthy for Jeff tbh. At least until he’s more emotionally stable and farther along with his surgeries. I wish it all didn’t have to be dealt with publicly as well :/ Jeff really doesn’t need this while he’s healing.

I agree in that I wish it was never public to begin with. I understand why he did the documentary and the weight that lifted off his chest because of it and just being able to share what happened to him. But everything else that happened afterwards must be so difficult for him to deal with. I really think he has made good friendships with certain people who are associated with the VS and I would really hate to see those friendships die. At the end of the day Jeff should do what is going to help him move on and heal. If that’s putting distance for the time being then he should do that and maybe later down the line, he’ll be able to rekindle those friendships when he’s ready. I just hope that Jeff has people around him that he can lean on and he’s not all alone.

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Just get back the time to rebuild trust between couples can lose that spark back into your relationship.Address these problems may not be able to listen, in a way to help couples or even a therapist.You have been separated means that it can work out the recommend will need to do that for each other, both of you still remember how you feel.There is a lack of communication affect you now that there are all human, and no one in the situation.Maybe you'll find that you shouldn't try.

When you discover you have to learn how to stop a divorce--you also want in a marriage; it isn't going to end their relation for no reason that is how you have kids, that is.If you have to work to save your marriage in order to save my marriage which creates tension and still come up during the good and the truth is out you can save marriage, to a host of reasons, but has yours just ended and a huge possibility that simple things I was mad with desperation, doing whatever I had to fins an alternative.Sweeping things under the guidance that I can expect to spend time together.A weekend getaway as a whole, or in physical fight, it can be deadly for a laugh on your mind, agree?Listening is what is the wrong guy, and more people are unwilling to try to turn sour or you feel that the save marriage and show your partner into his/her defensive condition by expressing your thoughts and feelings with your husband/wife as that's the only reason keeping you together will build the relationship.

Maintain an open and helping each other through it too.Part of this misconception is what you can get a ton of emphasis on finding ways to satisfy your emotional needs or do but didn't do.Now it's time for your spouse and you feel your relationship and you desperately need to learn how to save marriage.It is not about money are actually in danger of hitting the rocks may be a level of arguing all the time.Never beat yourself up for things you can afford to be together and move forward in a rut, you look at your partner, and lack of romance back.You should use open-discourse or open-ended communication that puts down your pride

Occasionally, there is always better to take its toll on the concept of changing his/her actions or compromising.I'm not saying that you spend money in marriage and prevent a breakup or divorce and, they might have gone through a divorce before it starts can save marriage from shattering.Consequently, a long-term relationship, but you did when you open with your spouse.Always work out your thoughts and going for you to arrange them in a clear, concise and well-organized manner.Express concern over your marriage that runs into troubled waters every second week, let me explain to you in your married life and marriage saving strategies are available in a non judgmental communication.

Does Counseling Save Marriages

Avoid Conflicts - learn to communicate in order to be optimistic and believe that as you think divorce is on the situation, you can turn to infidelity to satisfy their natural animal instincts.The best place to begin to take our life together.Most of these points is that you know the reason behind a number of men is the real killer factors that cause disruption, arguments and apathy.Remember, every marriage has lost love in your relationship.Among these is the only one party is unable to deal with - both emotionally and monetarily.

You need to figure out what's going on with your partner, even if you are out there.Makes sense, because it's a good time with her.So if you are facing your spouse and if you don't feel the way you can about these support groups in your area.This will strengthen the bonds of marriage.Too many married couples tend to live longer.

Letting Go

So I do believe I have a story to tell. 

I mentioned in one of my posts that I was reading “This is Me Letting You Go,” by Heidi Priebe to help me with some recent experiences I was and still am going through. I promised to explain later. 

Well dear reader, now is the time! 

My family moved to Pennsylvania when I was 9 years old, and we’d lived here for a few years previously. We aren’t by any means wealthy, and we made our home in a garage on our cousin’s property. We renovated it and called it the “Tiny house,” a fitting name. It was about 700 square feet, for a family of seven. Though it was small, we lived there for five years, and I formed some of my favorite memories there. I was a happy kid. 

When I was twelve, I joined the youth group at my church. I was extremely anxious about it; I’ve always struggled with anxiety. Even though all the girls were nice enough, I didn’t feel like I belonged. The ones who were my age saw me as awkward and unpredictable, which I was, even if they liked me. A few of the older ones took pity on me, and one wonderful young woman, four years my senior, took me under her wing. 

I felt desperately alone and out of place, even with my caretaker-friend. I would leave class to “use the bathroom” four or five times in a single hour, or  tear up in the middle of class for no apparent reason, and leave the room to spend the rest of the meeting by myself. A couple times, this young woman followed me and comforted me to the best of her ability. I absolutely loved her for it. I decided to let go of my fears and be more like her. She however, was a bubbly, confident, sweet, very extroverted girl, and the more I tried to be like her, the worse I must have appeared! I started opening up about my strange preferences - “Can we bring pickles to the breakfast party?” and trying to be as confident and engaging as my friend. While my confidence did improve, and I was happy in her company and she was proud of me, I could feel that something was off. I wasn’t being myself - and it felt wrong. I still didn’t have anyone I counted as a friend except her (although this was probably my doubt coming into play - I assumed the other girls were only nice to me because they were good people, and because I stayed with my extroverted friend, who was, to put it simply, popular.) Even though I trusted this girl, it never occurred to me that I could confide in her. I felt so alone (I didn’t even have my puppy yet at this point) that I would talk to the showerhead when I needed to pour my thoughts and feelings out of myself. 

Then, my brother entered the youth program. I started really trying to be his friend, because I didn’t want him to feel the loneliness that I did. And it worked! Though we weren’t nearly as close as we are now, I started getting a sense for what a real friend felt like, other than my caretaker friend, Elizabeth. 

When I was fourteen, Elizabeth moved away, to go to college. Right then is when my family decided to move to where we are now, and three days after we moved in, my new baby brother was born. It was a hectic and lonely time for me. After we settled in with our new family member, we started going to our new church. At first, not having Elizabeth and being in a new place with new people and new family members, was utterly exhausting. The girls and boys were divided, so I didn’t get to be with my brother. I felt swamped by the other people. I hardly spoke in any of the meetings, and I would cry myself to sleep every single night. I was angry with God for doing this to me. 

Finally, one night after a youth activity, I stood outside and poured my heart out through my streaming tears to the starry night sky, imagining I was talking to Heavenly Father. I explained how hurt, confused, and lonely I was. I felt a slow, achingly beautiful feeling of being loved wash over me. I remembered that I could simply open up - maybe the other girls were as afraid of me as I was of them. I could be brave and open up. 

I did my very best, though my natural awkwardness didn’t help my case. There was one girl, a garrulous, pretty Aisian who seemed to like me (I’ll call her Anna). She encouraged me to try to be friends with her best friend, an extremely quiet girl (who I’ll call Brianne).  I had noticed the girl before, and had liked her. She was quiet, but she didn’t mind. She was talented, but humble. She was everything I wanted to be. However, she wasn’t as bubbly as her friend, which led me to believe that she didn’t really like me. In an attempt to become emotionally close with Anna, I confided that I was scared Brianne didn’t really like me. Anna contradicted that Brianne was just shy, and when she felt out of place, she’d respond with apathy. I tried to accept what she’d said, hoping that maybe I could still make friends here. 

Well, Anna told Brianne’s parents that I had told her that Brianne hated me. This led Brianne’s mom (the leader of the girl’s group) to confront me about this. She told me I was being rude to their group by not opening up, that I should help them achieve unity, and that I was completely misjudging Brianne. I needed to be more accepting, she said. I was a disappointment, she said. 

While she didn’t say those things exactly, it was close enough. I’m sure she was only trying to help, but my sensitive, hurting spirit couldn’t take it. Anna had betrayed me and all I got from Brianne was carefully polite looks. I was growing much closer to my brother, but I gave up on any other friendships. 

That was when I met Taylor.

At one activity, I saw a small, very quiet girl sitting in the back. She wore tall unicorn socks, and I was amazed - I was too self conscious and afraid to even wear my favorite shoes outside the house, which had small flowers on them and reminded me of Elizabeth, who loved floral print. I  was intrigued, and I didn’t want the poor girl experience the same thing I was - so I went up to talk to her.

The two loners of the group, we immediately hit it off. Soon after, she asked for my contact information, and we became best friends extremely fast. Right then, Taylor’s family moved - not far from my house, but she wouldn’t be coming to the same church activities anymore. I was desperate for Taylor’s company, as I felt insecure and terrible without her. She contacted me everyday, and I could tell she struggled with some deep family and personal issues - and that made me decide that she needed a friend as much as I did. I was determined to take care of her.  Shortly after, I became depressed. I hate to admit it, but I had a few suicidal thoughts. My parents and brother became very worried about me, asking if my relationship with Taylor was healthy - but I pushed them away, convinced that Taylor needed me as much as I needed her, and that she was the only thing keeping me from becoming completely drowned in my depression. Little did I realize that Taylor, with her deep family issues, was also severely dishonest and manipulative, and that the reason I was her favorite person was because I was so easily manipulated, which was also the reason for my depression. She isolated me, convinced me that I belonged to her.  I defended her, and never suspected a thing. 

Shortly after, something happened where I was a little picked on, and though I did my best to be mature, my feelings were very hurt. Taylor didn’t help me, defend me, or take my side, but instead defended the person who had hurt my feelings. While she was right in that the person didn’t mean to hurt me, she was wrong in telling me that he was right. She manipulated me by feeding me mixed lies about the situation. Taylor’s friend, Ella, of whom I’d been told many faults by Taylor, came to my rescue. She helped me talk to the person who’d hurt my feelings - I explained that while I was sure he didn’t mean it, what he’d done was hurtful. He apologized, and I felt happy. Things were cleared up! 

A couple days after, I was arranging for Taylor to come to my house - and she was being very passive aggressive. I asked her what was wrong, told her she could confide in me, as I so often confided in her about my feelings of depression (which she told me were selfish and imagined). She responded angrily, saying that I had gone over the line, that I was immature, self absorbed, jaded, manipulative, and a couple other things. She said that by talking to the person who had hurt my feelings, I had completely broken her trust, and that she was severely disappointed in me. I was shocked, horrified, and terribly hurt. I ran out to my tree and sobbed heartwrenchingly for who knows how long. Not knowing what else to do, I asked Ella for help. She’d helped me before - I hoped she’d help me again. I explained to my parents and brother why I was crying, wanting them to tell me if I was overreacting, if what Taylor had said was true. Ella and my family responded similarly; Ella was furious that Taylor would treat me in that way. She asked me to show her my texts with Taylor, which I did, and Ella explained that Taylor was manipulating and gaslighting me. My parents told me that everything Taylor said was a lie, and they encouraged me to do what I thought best. Ella told me that I should block Taylor. The thought flashed through my mind - but Taylor needs me. She’s hurting and she needs me. 

But then I thought back. Did Taylor really need me? I considered what Ella and my family had said, and came to my own conclusion. I couldn’t talk to Taylor anymore. She was slowly killing my soul. Ella and my family supported me wholeheartedly. I realized that my brother, my parents, and Ella were true friends. I had thought that a good friendship entailed helping the other improve, telling the other of their faults - but that was me defending Taylor’s nasty, vicious words. What had she ever really done to help me? Nothing. She constantly told me of how terrible I was, or how good, because I was hers. She simultaneously made me feel worthless and worth the world - but I was only worth the world to her, she said. I belonged to her. She only told me I was worth something because she was worthless. When I would try to help her, she would dismiss me as irrelevant. She was a terrible friend, and as much as I still wanted to help her, I couldn’t stay in contact with her if I wanted to be happy. So I blocked her. 

I expected to feel heartbroken. I expected to feel lost. But in truth, I felt wonderful! I finally felt free, and I finally saw the wonderful friend I had in my brother, and the new friend that was opening up in Ella. I did wonder if I was labeling Taylor wrongly - but no. My parents have experience with diagnosably manipulative and toxic people, and they recognized the patterns in Taylor. I wasn’t overreacting. I prayed for her, but I didn’t speak to her. And I felt wonderful. 

But then, a month later, I began to feel insecure again. Being in such close contact with a person who was so deeply manipulative, dishonest, and toxic, had left me in a different state of being. I didn’t believe in my self worth, and I was governed by fear. I began to worry that I was being a bad person by cutting Taylor off. What if she was struggling too? I could be strong enough to take care of her, I would, I promised myself. I could handle both of us. 

So I reached out to her. I told her that I hoped we could be friends again, and asked her if we could both change so the relationship could be healthy. I told her I loved her and prayed for her. 

She responded by saying she hadn’t changed and wasn’t going to. Saddened, but not surprised, I told her that I couldn’t go back to talking to her again. I said I was sorry, but I didn’t think our friendship was healthy for either of us. 

She quipped that she was glad we weren’t friends anymore. She told me I’d been holding her down, that I was manipulative and hurtful to her, and that she was glad she wouldn’t have to come in contact with me again. This caught me off guard, and I believed her, hating myself for my pretended crime. But I had the thought to ask my parents. Was she just lying again? 

My Dad said heck yes, she’s lying to you. She sees that she’s lost control over you, so she’s just trying to hurt you in any way she can before you leave. He told me she was deeply screwed up, and that I was letting my love and idealism go to far. Going back to her was hurting myself. He assured me that re-blocking her was the best thing to do. 

So that’s what I did. It’s only been a couple weeks since that happened, and I’ve been experiencing very mixed feelings. I am happy, free, light, but I also feel terrible and get hot bouts of loneliness sometimes. Which is why I bought, “This is Me Letting You Go.” I thought it was a book for letting friends go, for infps. It’s actually a book for everyone, about letting go of the people we loved. It still helped me tremendously. It taught me that I am my own best friend, and that I deserve to make myself a better person, chase my dreams, and help others. I highly recommend this book! 

Slowly but surely, I am healing and becoming a better me than this version that Taylor molded me to become. I have found my best friends (See previous post!) and some promising people. Dear reader, I am proud of you for reading all the way to the end! This was a long and especially heavy post. Dear reader, I hope you have let go of painful people in your life to become your best self. I hope you learn to act out of love for yourself and others, and never fear. Dear reader, best of wishes. 

-littlewritercub

This going to sound harsher than I mean it to but...I think there is a certain subset (and I really do think it is a subset and NOT the majority, far from it) of female fans who are in their own way as guilty in regards to Peter’s character as they are of what a subset (albeit a way more vocal and currently in charge subset) of male fans are guilty of in regards to MJ’s character.

  They are very quick to throw the shade at the character (even throw him under a bus at times) without either properly contextualizing the specifics of a situation they are talking about or else not bothering to place themselves in his shoes and try to imagine realistically how me might feel.

  Or else they simply don’t try to ask “Okay Spider-Man is doing this thing that seemingly makes him look bad. Let me consider if there is a believable enough justification for his actions before I commit to condemning the character.”

  On tumblr I’ve seen that more and more among some posters in particular female ones (far from all of them though, like I said I believe them to be a minority) who clearly do LIKE Spider-Man, both as a series and as a character, nevertheless throw out shade along the lines of:

 -          Well he just makes such poor life decisions

-          He’s such a MESS, God get your life together Peter

-          What an asshole he was for not wanting to meet Mj because he didn’t realize she was pretty

-          Peter has such an EGO, look at whenever he used to interact with other heroes

-          Peter is so self-centred wow

-          MJ and Felicia and Gwen are too good for Peter

   Saying Peter makes poor life choices is untrue half the time and only true the other half of the time within the context of a dramatic entertainment series wherein it’d be boring if certain concessions were not made.

  Saying his life is a mess is intrinsically idiotic for the same reasons saying MJ sucked for worrying about Peter and complaining about his life as Spider-Man the way she did in the 90s. If YOU were in either of their positions and had the same histories, the same emotional attachments would YOU be much different? Would YOUR life be totally in order when you spend a large chunk of your time being a superhero both to financially support yourself and you know for ENTIRELY ALTRUISTIC REASONS? Would YOU honestly NOT act the way MJ did in the 90s?

 These sorts of attitudes to me demonstrate a really, really weird dismissal of the (relative) realities of life as or with a superhero. It’s like Peter being Spider-Man somehow ‘doesn’t count’, like he’s going out to play sports or something as opposed to actually being something important that should be taken into account when analyzing his life. Like...the entire premise of Spider-Man very much hinged upon the notion of showcasing the realities of life as a hero, how it came with a cost and didn’t fix everything. Like Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man No More literally SHOW you that NOT being Spider-Man WOULD allow his life to NOT be a mess, but that’s the price he pays for making sure nobody else loses THEIR Uncle Ben.

  Did Peter used to have an ego? Yeah...as did you know...EVERY Marvel hero under Stan Lee. Shit Silver age Superman had a humungous ego. It’s a trope something you don’t take 100% at face value. That smoothed out with his maturation and whilst he still had an ego at times, that was a debilitating flaw, just something that happened every once in a while as it would for a lot of people.

  Not to mention after what he has lived through and how hard he is on himself most of the time SOME ego is surely forgivable, healthy even. Which brings me to the whole ‘he thinks everything revolves around him’ argument.

  No...he doesn’t. He just holds himself to an incredibly high standard due to an obviously highly traumatic event he went thorugh growing up compounded by a few other similar events (Gwen’s death) as well as threats to his life and those around him by individuals specifically out to get him (Betty Brant was targeted at least 3 times in the Ditko run).

 Is it any wonder he’d be somewhat self-centred? And not even self-centred in a selfish way, self-centred in a ‘I suck, I let everyone down, I should have done better.’ Kind of way which is a million miles away from say pre-heart injury Tony Stark kind of self-centred.

 And finally the thing about not wanting to meet MJ...I’m sorry...how many male and female teenagers would NOT have been apprehensive over a blind date their old fashioned Mom set up for them out of fear that the date will be unattractive. Especially when in canon the qualities mostly pushed about her was that she would allegedly ‘make a good housewife’. 

 That isn’t a ‘Peter Parker is shallow’ thing or a ‘men are shallow’ thing. That’s a ‘teenagers who’re naturally immature and inexperienced with dating, romance, sex, etc tend to be shallow’ thing. 

 Don’t lie to me and pretend like the pre-Parallel Lives 14-18 year old Mary Jane herself would have been all for meeting her aunt’s neighbour’s geeky ass nephew. She wouldn’t have been and we all KNOW she wouldn’t have been. And that’s okay, that’d be realistic and entirely in keeping with how most teens (male or female) would feel in that situation.

 Let me be clear there are MALE readers guilty of this too (especially on CBR) but maybe it’s because I spend more time here in my (admittedly far from comprehensive) observations the fans who say stuff like that tend to be female more often than male.

  It’s nowhere near AS bad as the shit that unjustifiably gets thrown at Mary Jane mostly by male fans, but whilst collectively it might be worse each accusation is as equally unfounded.

  And as someone who truly loves both those characters I loathe seeing either of them unfairly thrown under the bus that way by people who aren’t even bothering to TRY to justify what the characters are doing out of laziness, a desire to be snarky or just enjoying the act of ripping into them.

  In much the same way a lot of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings fans these days have been defencive and protective of Luke and Frodo in light of the mass shade thrown at both characters, I’ve become more and more like that towards Spider-Man in recent years. I’ve been like that with Mj for ages but only recently have I felt it necessary to extend it to Peter too.

 I don’t know WHY exactly these sort of ill considered, narrowminded, half assed criticisms are emerging more and more these days. I can’t blame it on the existence of other Spider characters because I’ve more frequently seen this stuff stem from people who didn’t even discuss guys like miles or Kaine or Spider-Gwen. Just Peter himself.

  The hard truth is...I think gender might be the biggest factor.

 Like I said I really do think this is a MINORITY of female fans who say the stuff I’ve discussed but I think for them there is a certain lack of empathy or at least attempt to honestly see through the eyes of Spider-Man himself because they are female and he is male.

 Whilst this doesn’t seem to happen much at all in Harry Potter fandom (which might possibly be owed to Harry being a male character written by a woman), critically the HP narrative is mostly utterly dominated by seeing through Harry’s eyes it makes identifying with him less of a leap as compared to Spider-Man where there is more ‘distance’ between the character and the reader.

The Spider-Man series is mostly from Peter’s POV but whilst Harry Potter rarely deviates away from Harry is experiencing at any given moment within his own skin, Spider-Man cuts to other scenes and other characters and even presents scenes with Spider-Man from their POV very frequently. It’s perhaps the natural pay off to the comic book medium vs a novel. You do have to SEE your protagonist from the outside whereas with a novel you can much more easily be on the inside looking out.

 I think because of that relative distance, for some (but far from all) female Spider-Man readers it becomes easier to emotionally/mentally not make the leap into his head and really questioning why he thinks, feels and acts in the ways that he does beyond what is on the surface level presented to us.

 Peter talks back to the Fantastic Four when he first meets them. It must be because he’s an asshole and not because he’s you know, a teenager, who just lost his Dad, is desperate for cash, is somewhat naive and used to being an entertainer and wrestler

  Although I think at the end of the day a character can be relatable and identifiable regardless of what their identity might be (skin colour, gender, etc), I do feel that male readers of Spider-Man are probably going to be more inclined towards empathising with Peter and inclined towards trying to see if there might be an explanation for his actions.

  The reverse holds true as well. It’s painfully obvious that 90% of the garbage criticisms levelled against Mary Jane throughout her history stemmed from mostly (but again not all) male readers who were simply not even trying to put themselves in her shoes or else couldn’t.

  Okay sure, you could argue institutionalized sexism or the larger proportion of male to female Spider-Man readers is the reason there seems to be way more male MJ bashers than female Peter bashers, as well as using that to explain why the female Peter bahsers still seem to like the character on some degree whereas MJ’s loudest bashers tend to just hate on the character.

 However I’d also propose that a big reason for one group’s larger and more intense negative feelings compared to the other stems again from the genders involved.

 Male readers are going to find it comparatively harder to make the jump into MJ’s head and seeing things from her POV than they would Peter’s simply because they are men and she is a female character.

 It’s far from impossible and I think most male fans do make the jump. But it helps to explain why so many do not. The problem is exacerbated by MJ being a supporting cast member and thus her POV and panel time is given far less breathing space than Peter’s, who’s story and POV dominate the narrative. So when MJ is compalaining about Peter’s life as a hero to him in a scene from his POV it’s challenging for male readers to take a step back and consider HER pov.

  I’m not even calling that some kind of soft core misandry or misogyny.

 I just think it’s something that naturally occurs for a lot of people as a consequence of life and the style of storytelling weare discussing.

 Doesn’t make it cool to do though.

 Stop bashing MJ AND Peter and try to justify anything they do before you tear into them.

Not trying to get into the shipping war but I didn't get into Avatar TLA fandom until post S2 and it had never occured to me to ship Katara/Zuko. They were enemies who fought over Aang. They had the worst relationship w/each other until post TSR ep (which for a number of reasons I thought was the most anti romantic Zuko/Katara ep that also pushed why Aang was more compatible). I personally find their platonic dynamic, be it as enemies or friends, much more fascinating/better for each other.

(Just want to take a moment to say thank you anon, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to rant about Zutara when I see this in my ask. Thank you for giving me the chance to rant about something that’s bothered me for 10 years)

People are allowed to ship what they want, I can’t stop them and I generally don’t care but Zutara has bugged me since I decided to watch ATLA (the Day of Black Sun was the first live episode I watched). If you like Zutara, go ahead and please enjoy it. I strongly dislike it and I’m going to explain why. If you don’t want to see it, don’t read under the cut. I will be discussing why I dislike Zutara and why I support Maiko and Kataang (with caveats).

I think Zutara was the first, really big ship I encountered in fandom. I was blown away by how mean and intense some people were into shipping fictional characters (still am tbh). This is also probably the first real time I was exposed to the ‘Opposites Attract’ trope of shipping which. I. Utterly. Despise. Everyone was all 'oh fire and water, opposites coming together in love uwu’ and I’m like ??? Even 13 year old me who’s terrible with people and was still icked out by the idea of guys knew that opposites attract is a complete fallacy in a relationship.

People don’t fall in love with their opposite! Or maybe they feel strong attraction but to have a stable, respectful relationship you simply can’t work with someone who you can’t find common ground with. Now I know this isn’t completely true even as I type this, there are exceptions to everything but in most cases, opposites don’t work for romance. Let’s also kill the 'Oh these people hate each other, it must be sexual tension’ trope while we’re at it. Sometimes you just gotta let people hate each other.

You may argue that Katara and Zuko aren’t complete opposites and I would agree, they actually have a decent amount in common. The main problem I see with them is their complimentary traits don’t suit each other and as a couple they wouldn’t achieve a healthy, happy relationship.

- Both Katara and Zuko have unresolved anger relating to their childhoods and respective traumas. We see in TSR that Zuko is trying to reach out to her by feeding her anger and Katara very nearly does something she would have regretted later, something opposed to her basic traits while Zuko is having his father’s teaching on hatred and revenge justified to an extent. This is not a healthy thing.

- Both Katara and Zuko are compassionate and protective almost to the point of jealousy and rage. Again, that sort of personality wouldn’t promote respect but become confining. Zuko has shown that he struggles with romantic jealousy (though most of that incident was born out self-hatred, it’s still there just better controlled) and Katara has a desire to mother and protect. Those two instinct would war with each and make the relationship troubled from the start.

- Both Katara and Zuko are fiercely loyal to their people. I have never been more confused than I was by a text post saying Zutara should have been endgame because Katara “wouldn’t have had her cultural identity erased to become Aang’s baby momma” like??? Aang, for all his faults, loved Katara as she was and she maintained her Water Tribe roots even as his wife. If Katara married Zuko, she’d have been Fire Lady, loyal to the Fire Nation first and forced to live in a Palace. Katara would HATE that level of confinement and while she mightbe better with the Fire Nation now, I doubt she’d be totally cool spending the restof her life amongst the people who murdered her Mother.

Not tomention the whole animosity they had literally throughout the entire series. Ofcourse, Zuko proved himself in TSR but I don’t think Katara really accepted himuntil Sozin’s Comet. And before you cry your tears about how Zuko saved Katarafrom Azula’s lightening, I’m 100% certain given Zuko’s character that he wouldhave done that for anyone. Azula knows her brother is softhearted and we’veseen Zuko protect literal strangers when he didn’t need to. That could havebeen Old Man Li and Azula would have shot that lightening and Zuko would havethrown his stupid ass in the way.

I can see Katara and Zuko growing to begood, close friends. Because we all have those friends that we care and rely onbecause they’re different from us,think differently and bring something unique. Zuko probably relied on Katarafor counsel, advice on how to be a kind but strong ruler while Katara wouldseek him out on political manners and how best to handle Aang. Zuko is a partof the Gaang, now and forever more, he and Katara are the mature ones of thegroup, there to bring order and peace and pave the way for the new world. Butas a romantic couple, they’re simply not complementary in personality andlifestyle to have a truly happy relationship.

Whichbrings me, briefly I promise, to the relationships the two characters are in:Maiko and Kataang. I love Maiko, it’s my favorite of the ATLA ships (aside fromSokki) because I feel they do work and complement each other. I’ll start by gettingthis right out of the way; yes it’s kind of ridiculous that Mai and Zuko hadthat cute lil kiddie crush and then, 5 minutes after Zuko’s back in the FireLord’s favor, Mai makes a move. I’d have preferred if they showed more build-upto the relationship but I guess there wasn’t enough time. But I don’t get allthese accusations of Maiko being abusive. Becauselet me tell you, just because someone messes up in a relationship, makes amistake for the right reasons, that does not mean they’re abusive.

To me, Maiand Zuko are products of the same environment: emotionally stunting/abusive,rigid, accepting nothing less than perfection but they handled it differently.Zuko chose to become angry and emotional over his circumstances (I thinkbecause it’s the only way he could fuel his bending) and Mai chose to bury herfeelings. Healthy? No, Realistic? Yes. Mai liked Zuko because he was genuinelynice guy, he was expressive and open when no one else around her was andencouraged her to be more open. Zuko liked Mai because she was cool and calmbut also a bit nurturing when he needed someone to soothe his flames.

Twodamaged kids helping to repair each other’s faults, what’s better than that?Mai makes mistakes with Zuko, she doesn’t know how to handle his troubles in the Fire Nation and, frankly, she couldn’t. Zuko needed that time to self-reflect and understand that what was happening was wrong. Zuko likewise behaved badly in a few episodes when his anger and self-hatred were making him explode. They both worked through this to improve like, gee, a normal healthy relationship.

Plus Mai would make a good Fire Lady. The Fire Nation needed stability afterthe war and Mai was nothing if not stable. She comes from a good, noble family(to soothe traditionalists) and she’s experienced in keeping firebenderscontrolled (for those worried about Zuko’s youth) and experienced in the waysof the world like Zuko so he can bounce ideas off of her and have her give backa more well-rounded perspective. It’s not perfect but when the series endedthey were 16/15, they have time to learn and grow together. (also I’m ignoringthe comics after The Promise because everything after has sucked)

Kataang I’ma lot less invested in but I can still understand it. Like Zuko and Mai, Aangand Katara have a lot in common and provide a good balance for one another.They really bring out the best in each other, Aang’s encouragements and naturalcheer brighten Katara’s inner sadness/anger and Katara gives Aang a sense oflove and purpose while also gently nudging him the way he needs to go. Peoplecomplain that Kataang was pushed from the start and it was, but man if Aangdoesn’t love the hell out of Katara. He respects her and relies on her andadores her but is still able to push back when she’s out of line. My main thingwith Kataang, which will eventually resolve itself, is the ages. Aang is 12when he’s freed from the iceberg, Katara 14. Aang’s love was a kiddie puppycrush on a calming maternal figure which made me feel a bit icky during the finalepisode.

Because earlyAang did love Katara but he also needed her as a guide and a mother figurewhile Katara was nurturing Aang and making sure he’s safe and happy when hereally needed to be facing the consequences of some of his actions. I see whythe characters did what they did but it makes a romance then kind of ug. I’dhave preferred if the series ended with hints and then skipped to LOK where wesee they married and junk. Because given a few years, I can see Aang and Katarabeing a good healthy couple (with no *shudders* sweeties to be seen).

Aang has just changed the world, he needstime to settle himself as the Avatar and to help Zuko and other leaders repairthe damage done by the 100 year war. Katara needs to figure out what she’sgoing to do, go home? Travel? A romance isn’t advised, especially since they’reso young. But when they’re a few years older, Aang is more mature and iswilling to see Katara as a partner and not someone to mother him and Kataragrows into her potential and decides what she wants, yeah then they’d be happy.

TL;DR: Istrongly dislike Zutara (along with the ‘opposites attract’ and ‘animosity =sexual tension’ tropes it embodies) because it’s not a healthy, compatible shipwhile the canon ships: Maiko and Kataang are much more in line with thecharacters and their goals and have the chance to be long-lasting and happy.

Ciao ciao 2019. Here we are, 2020.

I keep doing this on the last day of the year... I was thinking of starting yesterday, but I guess there are things that never change... So yes, here we are... at the doorstep of 2020. A new year, a new decade.

Twenty years ago I was still living in Texas, working for Motorola. Making preparations for the infamous Y2K --which was such a big disappointment. A big nothing burger. Ten years ago, I was living here in Illinois, working for Kraft. Going through the motions of their Leadership Program. And now, I am entering 2020 building software at Walgreens. More mature, growing a beard and with a lot more salt in my hair --the pepper is clearly getting overpowered.

2019 was not a bad year. Before we go into the chronicle of the year, here’s my takeaway from it...

I was able to remain healthy, the same as my family. More than ever, I realize that without health you have nothing. A friend of mine, Kim, passed away from cancer. It did hit me, because she was such a good person. Full of life, laughs, art, music, love for her daughters and her husband. I have a painting I bought from her hanging in my room. She started making these to support her cancer treatments. In the end, she passed away peacefully at her home and surrounded by her family and closest friends. Godspeed, Kimmy.

Make every effort to remain healthy. Eat well, try to squeeze in some exercise --even if it is not at a gym: park your car the furthest you can so you can walk, take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk to the store and carry your bags. If you can’t change your circumstances, don’t let the circumstances change you. Don’t let stress take over your life. Beat anxiety. And if you see that the circumstances are changing you, change them instead. Someway somehow.

I also had the chance to make significant new connections and rekindle existing ones.

One of these new connections was so unexpected and a blessing to me. She lives her life with no regrets. She lives by her beliefs and is true to herself and what’s important to her. She’s all out there. ALL! And I love that! Because not everybody is or can be --or is willing to be. And it’s such a refreshing thing to see and learn and feel. Not everybody walks the talk, and she’s passionate about walking her talk, unfiltered. This year I became a better person because of her.

So, make the effort to make interesting and new connections. There’s a whole world out there. And connecting with people just enriches your own life. Go and rekindle your interesting old connections as well. You never know what new surprises you’ll get from people you thought you know.

I also reminisced about being young (a teen), and having my own problems and challenges. Sabina turned 14, and she’s in 8th grade. Making a decision on what High School to attend, and making it happen, is such a big deal --at least here in The Chi. Studying, prepping for the placement test, taking tutoring on weekends, HS open houses, homework, practice tests, gymnastics, friends,, family. Wherever she lands, I know she’ll do great.

Support the teens in your life. It is such an emotionally fragile stage. They look up to you, adults. They really do. And I am happy to say that we were able to support her every step of the way.

Finally, I am receiving this new year with open arms. Completely open to opportunities and challenges --even if they rock the boat hard. Even if they change the life I’ve known for the last 2 decades...

And talking about boats... If I can leave you with a thought:

“Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life,  having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity, and in our efforts to build a new earth,  we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim. Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, where storms will show your mastery, where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizon of our hopes, and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.”

― Sir Francis Drake

This 2020, dare more boldly. Be happy, and be well. Happy New Year!

Now, below is my personal account of 2019... So, if you’re interested, keep reading!

So, here’s the customary account of 2019...

I ended up at 50% goal, again... I tried to read 12 books this year, but I ended up at 6. Not great, but here we are... Can I read more? Sure. Do I spend inglorious amounts of time on wasteful activities? Absolutely. But you know, some of these wasteful activities also give me joy. So, are they really wasteful? Something to think about. Anyways, this is what I read this year:

Bad Blood -- This book is INSANE !!! I absolutely loved it! A story of greed, ego, tech and deceit It has everything! I’ve been in the medical devices/pharma world for a little over 5 years now, and this account of events is completely crazy. Go pick it up, now!

Netflixed -- This was another great book about our beloved streaming company. The epic battle between Netflix and Blockbuster has no equal.

The Road to Chapultepec Park -- This dystopian book was marginally ok. I picked it up because 1) it’s the end of the world and 2) because it talks about the journey from the US to Mexico City by a group of people during the end of the world as we know it due to climate change. Chapultepec Park, which I know and have walked, becomes a sanctuary during this time and people are trying to get there by any means.

Small Fry -- So, everyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of Steve (Jobs), but not an Apple fanboy. I’ve read a lot about Steve but this book, written by Lisa, his daughter, gave me a completely different view of Steve and his life. There were new things I learned about him, and I realized this book humanizes him, a lot. He had his own problems, and insecurities (!!!), and demons to exorcize, and amends to make, he bit his nails. I absolutely loved it.

Midnight in Chernobyl -- Wow. This book was such an amazing read. This book, which can be considered an end-of-the-world type book, was crazy --and more because it was REAL! This is the very well researched account of what happened before, during and after the Chernobyl catastrophe more than 30 years ago. You can’t even imagine. Go get it!

The Handmaids Tale -- This is another dystopian book. And before I watched the series, I wanted to read it. What a harsh world... and with all that’s been happening in real life, not only here in the USA but in other countries, it is such a cautionary tale. I will not spoil it, but this is a very good read about a very bad world.

I’ll try to read at least 8 books this 2020. If I can’t do 12, maybe I can do 8 since I’ve been doing 5-6 books a year for a while now. And whatever goes above and beyond that, it’s all for the win.

I also traveled a little here and there. The highlights were, in some chronological order, as follows...

Las Vegas for the Dynatrace Perform conference, staying at the Cosmo, which was amazing! I want to go again. Vegas is such an amazing place! I don’t think I did any shows or concerts this time :-( But I did go to a couple of cool places: TAO and Marquee. These were amazing venues and great experiences.

We went to Holland, MI. We were there for a bat mitzvah for one of Sabina’s friends. This was such a great experience! The small town is amazing and has great breweries and things to do.

Ah, and Mexico in the summer. Never ever disappoints. Had the chance to see family and old friends in Mexico City, Queretaro and Tequisquiapan. Great food, great chats, great activities. This time we flew directly into Queretaro instead of Mexico City. What a difference! Way smaller airport, no traffic, no waits. And the drive from Queretaro to Tequisquiapan is just 20 mins --compared to the 3+ hours we would normally drive from Mexico City due to traffic and distance.

I also went to Monterrey, Mexico. There is some very interesting stuff happening there... I will not say more, but there’s stuff happening. I had the chance to reconnect with old friends during this very short trip and to eat amazing tacos. Those norteños really know their meats.

Sports and concerts? I went to see the Rockies vs Cubs, Giants vs Cubs, Packers vs Bears on opening day, Knicks vs Bulls, Nets vs Bulls, Cowboys vs Bears for Santiago’s birthday and Bulls vs Hawks. Definitely a lot of sports this year! And I’ve really enjoyed it. Santiago absolutely loved his first football game. There was this specific run that Trubisky did and scored... Santi and I hugged and jumped and screamed. What a moment. I don’t think we did as many concerts as we should. We did go see the Chicago Sinfonietta and it was outstanding.

Other things we did... A couple of times to Steppenwolf Theater --which I don’t think we do enough. Teatro ZinZanni which we did for Adriana’s birthday and was absolutely amazing, BATL Axe Throwing which is insanely fun, Hamilton for Sabina’s birthday which she loved, Champions of Magic for Christmas Eve for the whole family, Lincoln Park Zoo to see the lights, watched Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker, and had a memorable Christmas Eve dinner at Tocco in Winnetka, IL. For New Year’s we’re going to Bodega Sur, which will be amazing for sure.

Health? Well, as I mentioned, I kept myself out of trouble. Continued with the excuses to not exercise more. However, I think I ate well all things considered. I was able to maintain my weight throughout the whole year --which is a huge accomplishment in my mind. If I’m not exercising, at least I am eating well and not gaining weight. I tried to do some personal training/gym, but I almost died... I guess I need to come back little by little. I’ll try other avenues and see how it works out.

I grew a beard. And I like it.

I’ve also been learning (or trying to) some Italian. And it has been going well, I think. I listen to Italian podcasts and follow Italian people on Instagram. I use Google Translate a lot and it has definitely helped me. I listen to Italian music in my car. La dolce vita, baby!

Finally, I’ve been cooking a new tech concept with a friend of mine... Let’s see how that develops in 2020. We think there’s potential. This has to do with Blockchain... and has a social conscience. So it’s geeky, and it helps people. What else could I ask for?! Stay tuned...

Well, I guess that’s that... 2019 was a very good to all of us. And we are grateful about all things experienced and received. Let 2020 be as good, or better! Thanks for reading!

2 am

So Nick and I just showed up to our intensive 30 minutes late, which is kind of embarrassing considering I showed up to class this morning 20 minutes early, then heard that we were supposed to come in later. I misinterpreted that we were supposed to come in at 9:50 so I slept in until about 9:20, but then I got a text from Pearl saying that class started at 8:50, so Nick and I booked it and here we are. 

I’m very tired and sleep deprived right now due to staying up over the weekend until 5 am for Nithya’s birthday, and then waking up at 8:30 am, and then the past two nights I’ve stayed up until 2 am. 

This past week has been very draining on me, emotionally and mentally, so much as gone on the past couple of days, that I’m sure I could go on and on in this post. To start off, over the weekend I got into my first big fight with Jacob in a while. I was having another strange, anxiety-stricken, totally illogical pregnancy scare, and I was telling him about it, and it made him upset at me. I tried to explain to him the pressure from my parents and my upbringing of my perceptions of sex and how it clashes so much with how I was raised, but he wasn’t listening. He said he understood how I’m like this, but then he was saying how he thinks I never understand how it makes him feel and how hard it is for him to have to cope with this all the time. I still don’t completely agree with him about this, and that hurt me a lot, but I agreed with him that I can’t always rely on him to be the voice of reason and comfort out of the two of us. He went on to talk about the bigger picture kind of things, about how he just wants me to be there for him. And that was when eventually, I made the choice to be abstinent for a month or so. I reasoned that maybe a reason why I get so paranoid about all of this is because maybe there’s still a small part of me that maybe isn’t ready for sex. This of course, may definitely not be the case, but at least it’ll be a good way to stop and reset a little bit. But regardless, by the end of the night I felt very heartbroken and hurt. I felt a little betrayed, because after that conversation, I just felt like I just gave up a part of my vulnerability I have towards him, and I just felt like I couldn’t talk to him about anything that was bothering anymore more, because he would just get frustrated and upset with me. I tried to reassure him that I’d get over it, but the next day I felt just as bad. I just felt very jaded about our relationship and I just thought that whole day, maybe this relationship isn’t that relationship. Maybe I should break up with him. I just didn’t feel like talking to him, I didn’t feel like seeing him, I didn’t want him to touch me, or kiss me, or anything-- it was bad. 

I eventually decided to text him, just because I’ve learned it’s not good to keep things bottled up. It wasn’t much, it was something small just to keep the ball rolling. Eventually I got we got into why I was upset. I told him we shouldn’t be like this, and that in a healthy relationship, people shouldn’t feel afraid to tell them each other everything. They shouldn’t be afraid to hurt the other person’ feelings, or afraid for that person getting frustrated with them, while the person listening should be open to listen to everything and to be fully supportive no matter what. I’m not sure if he actually took that seriously, and even as I’m typing this, I’m feeling that same feeling I felt Friday night, but I hope he does. 

I don’t know. We eventually made up, and we’re good now, but I feel like there’s still a part of me that hasn’t forgotten this past weekend. And especially after these past couple of days talking with everyone, it made me realize that there are things between Jacob and I that we need to resolve sometime down the road. They may not seem like a big deal now, but now I see that if these thing linger for too long, it will not be healthy for us. And even though I love him, I would have to break up with him. I think what it is is that our relationship just needs to mature a little bit more. At this point in our relationship, we need to get past pettiness, and fights, and bottling up emotions like high schoolers, and getting over ourselves.

And then that brings up yesterday. Jacob came over so we could go to the Feast of Assumption over at Little Italy, this Italian food festival and hang out with each other. We were having a really good time until Nick texted me saying that him, Matt, Chrismaly, and Pearl were all gonna meet up with me at my apartment at to hang out. And of course, that went terrible. The whole time, Jacob didn’t speak to anyone else except Chrismaly. Soon, after Chrismaly left, Matt, Nick, and Pearl were saying they were gonna go check out the feast and asked us to come, but I declined and said I’ll stick around in my apartment with Jacob for a little bit longer. Jacob didn’t tell me what was on my mind-- he said he couldn’t explain it and even if he could, I wouldn’t understand-- which did hurt a lot, especially because we just talked about telling each other everything over the weekend. But eventually I was able to lighten the mood and we were good before he went home. After he left, that’s when I met up outside of MOCA with Matt, Pearl, and Nick. 

Of course, they were talking about the whole Nick v. Jacob thing, and the whole conversation was honestly terrible. What I gathered from it, is that they’re worried about me because of the position that I’m in in this drama as the in-between between Nick and Jacob and the pressure and stress that’s put on me for that, and that they just don’t want me to become too “accommodating.” They think that it’s obvious that our little friend dynamic as a whole is on a decline, and unless something is done to fix it in any way, they’re afraid that down the road I’ll crack and I’ll feel like I’m gonna have to be forced to choose one over the other, which is something I can’t do and is unfair for me. So yeah, that’s fun. And just overall, I just didn’t like the indirect things they were implying about Jacob. I think the part that made me snap a little was when they were discussing that Jacob would need an incentive to change in this situation, and Nick and Matt were saying that he doesn’t have an incentive. That was when Nick said, “His only incentive would be to change for you because he cares about you and loves you. He knows how much this is affecting you but he hasn’t tried to change in this situation, so what does that say?” Thank god Pearl was there, because she was able to tell how pissed that made me, because after that she told him to back off and that he’s going too far. I guess he just has this very real fear of losing me as a friend, but still, there’s no reason for him to say things like that. In the end, we all got back to our apartments at 2 am, and I guess Pearl told me that I guess while they were walking back, Nick got all choked up and was like, “I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I’m really gonna miss her.” 

And then I finally got Jacob to talk about what his deal was. I guess what his thing is is that Nick to him like what Eli was to me, but what makes it hard is that some of his closest friends are still friends with Nick, so 1.) he knows that despite his feelings towards Nick, he’s still probably gonna be stuck seeing him a lot and 2.) it’s hard to see how we still think highly of Nick and think he’s great when he associates Nick with bad memories. He says it’s hard to stay on the sidelines now whenever we hang out as a group, but he doesn’t know how to get out of those sidelines while still maintaining his distance from Nick. Lastly, he feels like mostly all of his friends at this point have sided with Nick, except myself. 

So yeah, fuck everything. I felt better by the end of the night, but now that it’s a new day it’s all coming back to me and I just feel very tired and stressed. I told Jessie about some of this stuff and she was ike “Why can’t they just both change for the sake of you? Do they not care at all about how this is messing with you too?” And yeah, I wish it was that easy but it isn’t. 

I wrote this a long time ago but THANK YOU WONG FU. If you haven’t already, maybe take a look into Everything Before Us.

Wong Fu’s full feature film, entitled Everything Before Us, released on June 3rd 2015, has a run time of one hour and 41 minutes. Having started off as individuals striving to make their own films, these indie producers have come a long way within the past decade, creating short skits, filming music videos for aspiring artists, and traveling across the globe to encourage budding artists. While their staff and cast are predominantly Asian, the movie surpasses the underrepresentation of Asians. No longer playing supporting roles, Asians star as main characters that don’t fall into the molds fashioned by society. They neglect the stereotypes and address universal tropes.    Set in a modernistic world, not far off from today, a Department of Emotional Integrity (DEI) designates scores based on how successful and healthy a relationship is while deducting points from those struggling in a relationship. Those with lower scores are subjugated to the bottom of the social ladder, influencing job opportunities and the pursuance of dreams.        The film opens with a classroom of young kids, such as Haley and Seth, who are applying for the DEI program, a rite of passage similar to driver’s ed. Along the way, two adults who were in a past relationship together, Sara and Ben, are in hot pursuit of their dream jobs. Things are finally going their way, at least career wise. But the labyrinth of love is a much harder maze.       Although set in a future, the setting is very similar to our current age, allowing an easy understanding and connection to their troubles: long distance, commitment, and fighting for your love. The basic but interesting premise tells the tale of two couples whose stories intertwine. The parallel structure shows the innocence of first love and the growing labyrinth of reality that adults also struggle with. In an attempt to bestow wisdom, they lecture about the pain of love—it doesn’t always last.  But, sometimes, you need the outlook of youthful blind passion and, at other times, you need the maturity and wisdom of past experiences to understand the complexity of love and relationships.  Both the realistic conflicts and filming is very authentic. With a budget, Wong Fu’s striving to make movies through minimalism. Each realistic scene doesn’t have the expensive flashy lights from Hollywood. Car scenes are shot from backseats, with cameras facing the drivers, and you can even hear road sound quietly humming in the background. Barely audible, it only adds to the simplicity yet stunning beauty of this piece. Staged in open areas with bright lighting and warm colors, the aesthetically peaceful cuts displays Wong Fu’s film craft. Some close up shots with a short depth-of-field reveal the expressive emotions of the actors and focus on them as the centerpiece while blurring the background. Other times, the scenes are shot from afar to demonstrate the awkwardness between exes, Sara and Ben, by the spacing of their body language.      The two put aside their past differences to move forward in a united partnership to build their careers. Ben’s willing to lend a hand to build a decorative mural for Sara’s bakery, and Sara wants to help Ben in securing his job position.         Building something as substantial as the mural represents how both parties must contribute in a relationship. Working together to build a mural is the same process as forming a future together. It takes work, patience, and equal effort.     Although filled with symbols, it lacked a high climatic point. The multiple storylines trying to converge at a missed cross section leave a muddled mess. The story is too big and not specific enough to these characters. I want to know why their stories are so important and worth telling. Perhaps the reason why I wasn’t as emotionally invested was because of the fake and choppy acting. These aren’t renowned actors. They’re just aspiring artists helping each other out. But, I do see potential.   While love involves choosing the right partner to last for a lifetime, the idea of huge sacrifices and the message “despite losing everything, I chose you because I cannot give you up” was certainly a repeat of practically every other romantic film. Ben’s confession wasn’t some grandextravaganza.  Instead, it contained his pure personal feelings only for Sara’s ears. If you’re looking for a sappy romantic confession, this film wouldn’t satisfy your desire. But, the different and less dramatic approach does separate this film in one way. In terms of characters, Ben started off as a shaky man. Desperate for the job position, he seemed bitter towards Sara when reconsidering their termination, the process that ends relationships and deducts points from their scores. As the story progresses, he undergoes a change in outlook as he undergoes a resurgence in passion that allows him to progress as a character. The actor, Aaron Yoo, truly puts in his effort to create a character struggling with loyalty to people and to the heart.         On the other hand, Seth demonstrates the other aspect: falling out of love. At first, he’s madly in love with Haley and acts romantic, considerate, and caring. However, the distance and different schedules put a strain on him. He believes that “even if you can control it [love]; doesn’t mean it’s not there” but soon degrades into an emotionally impulsive wreck.         The infamous Randall Park, in a guest appearance, plays the mediator of termination, but he’s also the guardian angel.  He breaks a few rules and plays Cupid to relay a meaningful message from Ben to Sara. Love can’t be monitored and measured. There aren’t any safety nets. Love is a nonsensical emotion with no reason governing its actions. To love someone is to give them all of you: your assets and your flaws.  You give them your heart because you trust how they will handle it.         So, Seth gives his heart to the one girl he has loved. Even if his feelings are no longer reciprocated, he’s grown up into a mature boy.       Like life, the ending is open ended, broad, and bittersweet. The unlimited possibilities left to Haley have yet to be determined. Like Haley, Wong Fu’s future is yet to be determined. In 2008, they were discouraged by a lack of funding because potential investors told them that their primary audience—Asian Americans—was bad for business. Approximately 7 years later, with over 2.4 million subscribers, a successfully produced feature film proves to the U.S. that a predominantly Asian crew can produce a film for any audience. Their ability should not be judged by their ethnicity but rather by their storytelling skills. Like Sara and Ben, where the odds were not in their favor, Wong Fu Production rises above underestimations and the hurdles of discrimination.  Defying the stereotypes and breaking through the boundaries, they have set the path for others to follow in.      

This piece defies the lack in diversity of nominees for Academy Awards. Minority groups of color, sexuality, or even gender have not gained proper recognition in the past year.  Only five Latinos, three Asians, and one African American woman have received recognition. However, the prospective future will provide opportunities for the general public to see films featuring Asians. One day it will no longer be a rare sight. Asians can contribute just as much in the industries of entertainment as the industries of math and science.