do you ever get an au idea that’s so self indulgent and bizarre that the idea of trying to explain it to people is embarrassing

i made a reddit account on 4/20 to ask questions about games like “why does among us crash so often, does anyone else experience this” “why did my starbound save disappear?” “can i win this fight in into the breach or should i just take the L”. 

then i joined the r/synesthesia one to post some of my old synesthesia art & it actually feels so nice to talk about it with people who have similar experiences!!! like i think my synesthesia is really cool & i would love for people to ask me questions about it & be like “what’s this song look like!” because one thing i love above all else is providing a service to people that nobody else can provide, which is why i gift art & origami & other handmade stuff to people for their birthdays, & my synesthesia is completely unique to me! also i just think it’s really neat & would love to share with people how i perceive things! 

on the other hand i think i might’ve internalized the I CAN SEE SOUNDS!!! xD randomness phase to be like “only people who are random see sounds & i’m not random i am MATURE” & i just don’t talk about it. i mean i just don’t talk about it in general because i don’t want to look like i’m bragging or something like Look at me! I’m SO special! Talk about how special I am!  I think i always downplay it to myself. this is just something i like about myself that i want to talk about without looking like i’m bragging or trying to show off. so having that whole reddit with people in it feels nice & we can compare colors & experiences & all.

anyway i’m making this post because after artfight ends maybe i’ll do kofi commissions or something to be like “for $3, i’ll draw a quick sketch of how any song you like looks!” but i don’t think anyone would pay for that. maybe i’ll do it for free just because this is a part of me that i want to focus on more. is that self centered? man i dont know