#mary if u see me posting this twice no u don't
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pls read trigger warnings in the tags before clicking read more
this will probably be long, boring and gross, don't feel obliged to read and esp don't if u think this may trigger u
posting this here bc i'm wondering if anyone else is in/has been in a similar situation to me and how they cope/if anything helps.
to be blunt, i've always been a pretty anxious person (notsocial anxiety tho), however it started to get way more intense around the start of 2021 when i turned 18 and has ramped up ever since. it's not a constant general anxiety, i would describe it more as when i get anxious about something, i get it to a degree that's way more overblown than the situation calls for, leaving me with no appetite, nausea that often leaves me afraid/unable to move, and sometimes chest pain and trouble sleeping.
the problem i've been noticing for a while now is that i'm developing real issues around being sick. anxiety itself has never made me throw up (yet... fingers crossed it won't anyway) but when i feel sick i get anxious which worsens it, and it's a little bit of a vicious cycle. this doesn't happen super often, but anytime i feel sick i feel incredibly anxious, and anytime i feel anxious i feel incredibly sick.
anyway recently on holiday i had sunstroke (at least i assume that's what it was) and was vomiting with a bad stomach. the actual vomiting didn't go on for too long and didn't happen again after the initial bout but i continued to feel sick for days afterwards, feeling unable to eat properly. i'm a lot better now and at home but as it was still recent i'm not 100% and still recovering.
my concern from this is that i'm noticing a reluctance in myself to eat properly now, out of fear of feeling sick or not being fully better yet. after i got sick i stuck to plain dry biscuits as much as possible, stayed away from anything carbonated or greasy again out of fear (and partially due to being on a campsite which meant my access to bathrooms wasn't close by, either a 5 min walk or a drive).
the issue has nothing to do with body image but just an ongoing concern over what i eat and how it'll make me feel. once i'm fully better (or if the psychological lingering of getting sick w sunstroke eventually fades) this fear may go away, in which case i'll just delete this post. trying to think realistically while not catastrophizing, it feels a little bit like if i went further down the road than where i am rn i could end up in a situation where i'm struggling with ARFID and i obviously really, really don't want that.
when it rains it pours, everything is one thing after another. i guess what i'm saying is- anyone else experience anxiety with nausea symptoms and how do u get rid of them/deal with them? i can talk myself off any ledge mentally, the brain isn't the problem but the physiological response definitely is. i really don't want this to spiral any further, i already don't drink alcohol but i think that's as far as i can go with healthily avoiding things before it starts to become dysfunctional.
i was right this was long and gross. no worries if not, but a reply, dm or ask with any similar experiences or tips if u have them would be much much appreciated. thanks all, love u
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Hey hey hey I'ts me again and I came with another nerdy Louis post!!
Okay guys, the time has finally come! I'm not strong in french at all (for now) but my half french friend kind of is, so I asked them for some help during my research and I hope it turned out okay!!
So, no time to explain, right now we suggest you make yourself a cup of tea and prepare some marzipans (or at least omelettes if u don't have marzipans) because it's going to be a very big and really grandiose post!
Exactly 407 years ago, on sunday, Jan 29th, a huge intrigued crowd gathered in a giant ballroom of the Louvre palace to watch a truly legendary event in the history of France... Still very young King Louis XIII paid extremely close attention to the preparation of the ballet, as his doctor Jean Héroard noted on January 19th: "He rehearses his ballet twice a day."
Why all this mishmash of sentences, you may ask? *ahem* Lemme explain from the very start... (those who already know of all the drama between Louis and his mom, feel free to skip a couple of paragraphs but if you'd still love to dive even deeper into this rabbit hole and connect two dots then let's go!!)
When little dauphin lost his father (Henri IV) at the age of 8, he was still too young to be a king, so for quite a long time his mother Marie de Medici had to take the place of a regent. And it was all cute and stuff, except for the dauphin had already turned 13 for a year and a half (it was considered the age of majority and gaining power over the state at the time) and Mary did not even think of giving up her career, and especially leaving the throne, no matter how pissed off the young king was because of all the ridiculous formality of his "reign".
He was even more disturbed and frankly enraged by the favorite of the Medici - Concino Concini, who had a terrible effect on his mother according to the prince's beliefs (not only his beliefs at all but let's focus on our blorbo's pov). But don't worry! In January Louis along with his friend, with whom he loved to spend time and in general was emotionally very close, conceived how to end this exhaustingly endless regency, which already had a questioning reputation... And I guess it meant, that the time has come for truly dazzling performances in every single way!
Among all the options proposed by Etienne Durand, the court poet of Marie de Medici (he's also responsible for organizing the performance), the king chose a very specific plot which was taken from the old chivalric poem “Jerusalem Delivered” by Torquato Tasso, as if this choice carried a certain kind of symbolism, but what it really meant??
Keep in mind, Louis really chose the following plot himself: "The valiant knight Renaud de Montauban, played by Charles d'Albert (that one close friend and favorite of the king I mentioned before), succumbs to the charms of the sorceress Armide, who takes him into her enchanted gardens and... enchants him (wow who would've thought)! However, his comrades, including Godeffroy de Bouillon (edit. I accidentally thought that Godeffroy and the demon of fire were the same character, but actually they were two different characters both played by Louis XIII oops) came to save Renaud and break Armide's spell."
Finally, on Sunday, January 29th, 1617, the premiere of "The ballet of Renaud's deliverance" eventually happened yayy, but the crowd was so huge that even the king(!) could hardly make his way through such a large audience, the performance even had to be slightly delayed. But it was worth the wait, because in the end everyone were struck by the fiery appearance of an impressive figure in a black mask, covered from top to bottom with flames. It was the king (OUR BLORBO YASS)!! You can see his costume on the first pic below under the number 1 and Charles as Renaud right above him.
It's believed that the ballet about the liberation of Renaud from the spell of the sorceress Armide has a symbolic, even double meaning. Many people recognize Louis himself in Renaud, who seeks to free himself from the oppression of Marie (as if from the spell of Armide). One of the lyricists of "The Deliverance of Renaud", Rene Bordieu, even compared the fiery image of the king with a phoenix, which could hint at the rise from the ashes because it also sounds like an allegory to getting rid off the pressure. Etienne Durand himself also said a lot of different words related to the costume, but there are so many of them that it is better to leave them for another post idk...
Anyways, each of these versions is wonderful in its own way, but the clothes of flame, which Louis demonstrated on himself that day, symbolized not only anger and a burning desire for revenge, but also those were clothes made of the light of justice and the desire for something light and devine like the enameled blades that reflected the light of countless torches and candles in motion, illuminating a hall full of spectators blinded by such a perfomance both literally and figuratively.
Plot twist.... On April 24, 1617, less than three months after the performance of La Délivrance de Renaud, Concino Concini was assassinated by the Baron de Vitry, captain of the royal guard. And about ten days later, Marie de Medici was exiled to Blois =)
Since then, Louis XIII became, in fact, a king but this time with all seriousness!
Well, I hope you enjoyed the post and had a great time with it! Wishing you justice, deliverances, marzipan & omelettes and a guarantee that no one will ever sit for too long on your throne, gotta love anyone who read this 'till the end <3
#Ballet de la délivrance de Renaud#btw if you noticed something off with this post and you're a louisologist too or know french#feel free to correct me!!!#17th century#louis xiii#king louis xiii#louis xiii le juste
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Fannish Year Review - 2023
snagged from @diplomaticprincess
1. your main fandom of the year: Star Wars -- after like three years of feeling way-too-sensitive about the series, I decided to take that whole Marie Kondo approach to fandom: keep what brings you joy and throw the rest into an active volcano (or...something like that. It's been a minute since I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but I'm sure that's an accurate synopsis that Marie would be totally fine with on her book's dust jacket). And then I started writing fanfiction, which has been fun.
Though...though...I did revisit The Hunger Games this year and made my bestie into an HG fan, so that series has certainly played a part.
2. have u watched a film this year: I've only been to theaters twice this year -- once for the Return of the Jedi 40th anniversary rerelease, once to see Barbie. I don't think I've watched many new things this year, to be honest. Mainly rewatches.
3. your favorite book this year: Oof, my reading list is embarrassingly short this year. Probably Nine Liars by @maureenjohnsonbooks. It's the 5th book in a YA mystery series and love that entire dang series so much.
4. your favorite album or song this year:
Album: Stick Season by Noah Kahan
Song: Probably "Happier Than Ever" by Billie Eilish, but I'm honestly not certain
5. your favorite tv shows this year: I think I rewatched Severance twice this year, so...Haaaa...
6. your favorite tumblr community this year: Han/Leia, but I also follow some Little Women accounts that I've quite enjoyed.
7. your best new fandom discovery of the year: I did start watching Ted Lasso, but kind of forgot about it, though the show is delightful. I feel like I've been very hyperfocused on Star Wars stuff this year tbh.
8. your biggest fandom disappointment of the year: You know what, I rarely hate on specific ships publicly, but having one of my posts in which I was spitballing a headcanon involving Tarkin and Leia having an absurd rivalry while she was like 16-19 years old that was similar in tone to Jack Donaghy and Kaylie Hooper from 30 Rock (a relationship that is entirely not sexual on account of Kaylie being fifteen when she first pops up on the show) reblogged multiple times with Leia/Tarkin shipping tags might just have been the most disappointing fandom-related thing to happen to me personally this year. I don't even know if this is the type of answer the question was looking for, but uh...it was definitely the most disappointing.
9. your tv/movie boyfriend and/or girlfriend of the year: I'm...not entirely sure how to answer this tbh.
10. your biggest squee moment of the year: I've received a lot of really nice comments on my stories this year, but there have been a handful left where I really felt...seen? if that makes sense. Like, the commenters wrote something where I felt like someone fully understood what I was trying to do, which doesn't always happen, and those have definitely been exciting moments for me.
Self-service tagging today!
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I posted 14,471 times in 2022
104 posts created (1%)
14,367 posts reblogged (99%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@howlscastle
@mari-wrongway
@krysten-knitter
@reputation
@eclipsedsuns
I tagged 1,526 of my posts in 2022
#star wars - 325 posts
#taylor swift - 202 posts
#marvel - 93 posts
#luke skywalker - 75 posts
#dinluke - 67 posts
#mcu - 63 posts
#din djarin - 58 posts
#ofmd - 55 posts
#tbobf - 54 posts
#tbobf spoilers - 48 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#i hope it's a test to show grogu healthy attachment and like show grogu that he can have a relationship wiht his father but still let him g
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
some of these reactions to Midnights tells me that some of you really have a narrow view of what music can be and what genre can be. i see so many people saying it's a pop album so this lyricism is too much, which is just... weird cause a pop song can have depth??
19 notes - Posted October 21, 2022
#4
swifties i am giving you all hot chocolate!! with marshmallows, would you like sprinkles?? we have red and green and blue and white, which ever you prefer :) if you don't like hot chocolate, we have some tea!! would you like milk and sugar??? anyways stay warm and cozy :) ly
19 notes - Posted November 18, 2022
#3
Chapter 9 of wreck my plans, that's my man is out!
Summary: Luke Skywalker-Naberrie is sent on a diplomatic mission to Mandalore, on behalf of the Republic. He plans on getting the work done and leaving as soon as he can after the two years is up, but that was before he meets the Mand'alor.
Excerpt under the cut:
“We’re getting married,” Luke whispers, unable to hide the joy in his voice.
A laugh escapes Din, who nods his head, saying, “Yeah, we are, we’re getting married.”
Luke pictures a smile pulling across Din’s face, with soft rosy lips being at the center of it all. Tears prick his eyes when he realizes that the moment is coming when he’ll get to look into Din’s eyes, pick out every shade that swims in those depths, trace his fingers across his cheekbones, and eyes running over every piece of the man he loves. He’ll commit it all to memory, Luke swears to it.
“I love you,” Luke says, and Din brings a hand up to the back of Luke’s head.
23 notes - Posted March 6, 2022
#2
Out of curiosity, are there any songs off Midnights that you're feeling for any Star Wars characters and/or ships?
i love u anon, i am giving you kisses for asking me this question!!
here's a list from my like two listens:
you're on your own, kid IS a skywalker song, all of the skywalkers, anakin, leia, luke, rey!!! all these orphans but like yeah
i feel like luke and leia would probably relate to anti-hero!! especially luke and he probably thinks about vader, but i don't think it's a vader song, I think it's an anakin song if that makes sense
lavender haze is a dinluke or an anidala song, ESPECIALLY anidala, from padme's prospective
vigilante shit is the song of the rebellion idk if that makes any sense but also it is a fennec song i can't explain it
Mastermind is all the couples bc how cute
Sweet nothing i feel like is a Main Couple Song, like anidala, hanleia and for me dinluke!!
Im sure that Rey relates to would've, could've, should've bc of her and kylo BUT also i don't like ben, so I view their relationship differently then some people, so if you do, please ignore this! i am not a hater
Bejeweled is for my girls Leia and Padme because of how sparkly they are and how they know they are the shit while also having a breakdown
that's all i have for now, please ask me again in like a week because I have only had the chance to listen to a lot of the songs once or twice and i was EXHAUSTED! but i love this album it is sparkly and dreamy and dark but it's is a mirrorball album, it is sparkling in the night sky, my moon. i love it! thank u for the ask :)
24 notes - Posted October 21, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
what i love the most about The Seven from D20 is that you can just feel the love the characters have for each other and how unabashedly like... feminine?? 'i am like other girls', it feels you know? like all the maidens are different from each other but they all just care about each other. I have only seen that kind of friendship in female friendship???
153 notes - Posted January 31, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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Any words that make you cringe when they’re said out loud (i.e. moist, phlegm, "c u next tuesday", etc.)?
Also curious about your regular cocktail (or mocktail, in case you don't drink) order
Ehhh... I think cringe words are more context-based for me. Like, I'm not a huge fan of "deficit" because my mother used to nag me with that word all the time as a kid, but it's not really cringe-worthy, and it's not even annoying unless someone says it a million times in a row -- just like any other word might be.
Obviously slurs aren't fun to hear, but more in a "wow, if you're really the kind of person who thinks that's okay, that's really fucked up" kind of way. And again, context. E.g., your "c u next tuesday" isn't something I'm going to blink at depending on the person saying it and where, but if another person says it in a different context, aw hell no.
(Words that make me cringe when written are another thing. I'm an editor. I have horror stories of terrible phrases that have been seared into my brain against my will, much like that one editor's post about "crucifix nail nipples" I see floating around every once in a while. Godspeed to them.)
As for a regular cocktail... this is going to sound weird as a former drink-slinger, but I don't have one. It literally just depends on my mood. I might have a whiskey and ginger ale and then my next round is a Mai Tai. Or I'm having a hard cider and then get a mudslide.
Tbh, I think the only time I've ever ordered the same drink twice in a row was when I was travelling - it was stupid hot in the jungle and I spent the day alternately in a pool or sucking down daiquiris. Bad life choices, kids.
But you'll pretty much never catch me with a bloody mary (or anything with tomato or clam juice, tbh). Martinis are a pretty rare order for me too. And anything with tequila had better be either so full of other stuff that I can't taste it or a nice añejo.
Send me weirdly specific and unrelated asks to know someone well.
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