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scarletwix · 7 years

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I COULD NOT PICK JUST ONE CHARACTER TO SEND YOU FOR THE HEADCANON THING SO HERE HAVE MULTIPLE CHARACTERS: Jughead, Dilton, Pietro (Any of them because so many AUs), Digi-Jane, Neville Longbottom and any character from the Wayward Children series

DEAR GOD, DARLING

Dilton:

Realistic headcanon: He beats every chess AI he goes up against and has since he was 7 years old.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: When actively challenged to a fight, he turns it into a dance-off

Soul crushing headcanon: ... I don’t need headcanons to project my insecurities on Dilton, the canon does this for me.

“Would never work with canon but canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: Dilton is everyone’s first crush. It doesn’t matter who you are, he’s nice to everyone on principle and he has pretty eyes, no one can resist him. (less “wouldn’t work with canon” and more, it’s totally random and idk why I feel this way about it but I do.)

Jughead:

Realistic headcanon: Could be a broadway actor in a heartbeat but broadway doesn’t buy burgers or help him play test video games for free.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: Jughead runs a dating advice panel for the school newspaper/radio show. His advice is always ridiculous but somehow always works.

Soul crushing headcanon: Even though he knows about aromanticism and he understands that he falls under that spectrum, he still occasionally tries to force crushes/feelings of romantic intent because his friends make it look so stupid and so easy, and his friends don’t mean to make him feel like it, but there’s always going to be a part of him that makes him feel like he’s broken. (... ha.)

“Would never work with canon but canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: Show!Jughead becomes the sole guardian of his sister and raises her in a loving environment and gets a lucrative book deal and they live happily ever after, fight me RAS.

Pietro:

Realistic headcanon: Runs a knock-off web series like DD&D, but they’re all mutant related businesses that help him recharge after long runs.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: Drinking competitions with Mystique. He’s the only one who knows her location at any given time, and he may not have loyalty for many things, but he knows the value of getting drunk and shit talking everyone in the known mutant world.

Soul crushing headcanon: His speedster abilities are actually a manifestation of temporal manipulation (because Marvel doesn’t have the handy-dandy Speed Force handing out speedster mutations like they’re skittles, so this makes sense) and a side effect of all temporal manipulation mutations means that he will never die. He will eventually hit an age where he stops aging and just continues. This means he will outlive everyone he loves. There is also the canon “everybody low-key hates Pietro Maximoff, nobody wants him around, nobody trusts him” thing that kills my heart, but hey. You asked for headcanons not doctrines.

“Would never work with canon but canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: I want him to adopt Tempus. or vice versa. We all know that Eva has the Maximoff-level disregard for rules and shit, I want them to meet and talk about how weird time is and how never aging sucks major ass. I just reread Uncanny X-Men and went “oh shit I need this.”

Digi-Jane (I’m going with the Digi-Jane from FGG, not your Jane):

Realistic headcanon: Genuinely enjoys Fucking Shit Up at the request of any of the girls, but especially Annie, because it’s very rare for her to ask, which means it’s always big news.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: She makes Robot Jokes. All the fucking time. Even before the girls figure out she’s an AI, she makes all the jokes.

Soul crushing headcanon: ... She’s an AI who loves cats and was created as a way for the Real Jane to be everywhere at once, why would i make that anything but awesome?

“Would never work with canon but canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: she trains attack kittens. they are cuddly until you bring up eggplants. And then home invaders beware.

Neville:

Realistic headcanon: Is the best teacher Hogwarts has seen, ever. This does not include McGonnagall because she’s headmistress now and is Above Everyone.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: He writes love poems that are published in the Quibbler. There are three people in the world who understand them, because they’re full of Obscure Herbology References

Soul crushing headcanon: When they die, Neville makes sure that his parents have a statue in their honor, much like the Potters do in Godric’s Hollow.

“Would never work with canon but canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: Once Harry realizes that being an Auror was a Bad Idea and comes to teach DADA permanently, he and Neville set up a haunted house every year on the hogwarts grounds. It’s a constant smash hit with plenty of escape routes for everyone who realizes they need an exit part-way through. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes is a sponsor and Major Contributor every year.

And Kade because I love Kade:

Realistic headcanon: He takes over the school and is much kinder and less analytical when it comes to Orientation than Lundy was.

Headcanon I think is fucking hilarious: He and Christopher have a running half-joke that when Christopher gets to go home, he’ll take Kade with him. It’s not funny but NEITHER IS ANYTHING ABOUT WAYWARD CHILDREN IT ALL MAKES ME SO SAD JUST LET THEM GO HOME

Soul crushing headcanon: He never gets to go home, but he lives just as long as his aunt did and has to spend all of his days pretending he isn’t still looking for his door. That, or, a few years into his tenure, he gets a child who came from his world and has to listen to their stories and has to watch them go home without him.

Would never work with canon but “canon is a trash fire/box of scraps/shitshow so I stand by it” headcanon: HE GETS TO GO HOME AND BE THE GOBLIN KING AND HE LEADS A FUCKING REVOLUTION, SEANAN PLEASE

#headcanon jam #oh my god jim i haven't used that tag in moooonths #digitalmoriarty

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