How to Remain a Neutral Party - Chapter 03

Connor froze, not expecting to see Jack at the door. He waited for everyone to walk out before he walked out there. Jack leaned against the hallway next to the classroom and waited for Connor to come out. He stood there, head pounding as students made a ruckus during the last passing period of the day. Connor walked out and almost ran into Jack. “Hey.” “Hey.” “What’s… up?” “Does your offer still stand?” “Which offer?” “The ride home?” “Yeah, anytime.” “Cool. Can I get a ride today?” “Yeah, let me just -- ” “No, no, now. Like, right now.” Connor stopped trying to fiddle with his backpack straps and looked at Jack. His jeans were tight and baggy, dirty and holey, he wore a plain white shirt, at least it was probably white at one point but now it was this dirty, off-white color. Over that, he wore a blue and grey flannel. It was warm enough to not wear the flannel, but he did anyway, with the sleeves let down and his thumbs in the cuffs. One arm was holding on to his backpack strap, the other, holding on to the elbow of the arm that was holding the backpack. There were dark circles under his eyes, his cheekbones stuck out more than they should have and he needed a decent shave. When they were kids, Jack’s eyes were always bright and alive, but today they were dark. “If I give you a ride, will you tell me what’s happening?” “I’ll try.” Connors nodded, “Okay, let’s go.” They slowly made their way down the crowded hallway. The parking lot was clear on the other side of campus, so Connor walked by the office and told Jack to stay there while he got the truck. Jack’s side started pulsing at the thought of being caught alone on campus. “No, no, it’s cool, I’ll come with.” “Dude, the truck is like half a mile away, you’ll pass out before we get to it at this rate.” “Please. Please don’t leave me here alone.” “Okay, okay. But when you need a break, you need to tell me.” Jack nodded and they continued their slow walk to the truck. There was a strange silence that made the air feel thick between them, so Connor filled the silence with sports stuff. Coach Merrick and three assistant coaches manned the sports teams year-round. Football, cross country, basketball, wrestling, hockey, track and field, soccer, and baseball, were all in rotation. The school was so small that there were no B or junior teams, everyone made varsity, even freshmen. By the time student athletes were seniors, scouts had whole careers to look at; seeing these kids on their varsity teams with good recommendations from their coaches and well-rounded in multi-seasonal sports made them assets for any college. The first half of summer, Connor was in baseball, finishing his training camp. Football training camp started soon after, but he decided to take a break and work with Jack and his dad. Coach Merrick came to his house almost every evening asking him to come back, saying the team needed him and that he had a spot as captain, but he didn’t want it. “So now all the guys think I want them to have a losing season even though they’re three in 0 right now. Well, except for Luke and Marcus.” Jack listened with every intention of prolonging that conversation. If he could keep Connor talking about sports, he could avoid talking about everything he’d been through the last few weeks, not that he knew where to start. In all the years he’d known Connor, there was little they didn’t know about each other. Connor’s favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, and why, because it’s when he got his first football jersey with his last name on it and his mom let him wear it to dinner instead of a dress shirt and sweater vest. Connor knew that Jack liked being in school, even though it meant getting up early and following a schedule because it meant getting out of the house, but he also liked the lazy days of summer, after work with Connor and his dad. But Jack never really talked about why he didn’t like being home. Connor assumed his Mr. Dylan was a hard-ass who pushed Jack a lot; to some degree, he was right, but no one knew to what degree. When they finally got to the truck, Connor pulled a lunch box out of his backpack and handed Jack the coke can and a sandwich half. “No, I’m okay,” Jack said, putting the sandwich down. “Did you eat anything besides half an apple today? Come on, just take it. I’ll eat the other half,” Connor handed him the sandwich again. Jack took the sandwich and the coke and ate it slowly, staring onto the empty space on the dashboard. He had to think about how to make the sports conversation last longer without making it seem like he didn’t want to talk about what was happening. “So, at you playing basket—“ “So what’s the --?” They started, stopped, and then looked at each other. Connor smiled a crooked smile and looked away. Jack kept his gaze for a moment after Connor turned his head and said, “Basketball?” Connor smiled and put the key in the ignition. “Do you want to talk about it over some ice cream?” “I only have a few bucks left until the end of the month.” “I’m buying.” “I have to get home, Connor.” “Your old man doesn’t come until eight or so, right? We have a few hours.” “It’s ten now, but I think he knows when I’m not home right after school.” “Come on, just one scoop.” “Connor…” “Jack.” Jack sighed, “Fine. One scoop. One.” Connor smiled and they drove over to Nate’s Old Fashion Ice Cream Shop in the town square. Jack started pulling his sleeves down and fidgeting with his cuffs. It made him nervous to be out and about after school in public places. Nate’s was public: window walls on the storefront and booths lined against it. Jack only liked going there in the summer when he was expected to stay out all day and it wasn’t a problem. But now? In the afternoon? When he was supposed to go home after school? It made him anxious. His right knee bounced up and down through the soreness. Connor made a habit of not acknowledging Jack’s nervous ticks because it usually meant getting told where he could shove it. Instead, he would start talking about how he wants to fix up his truck, inside and out, the engine, the upholstery, clean up the rust and give it a paint job, find original rims. If he found a way to pay for school and not owe money, he could work a part-time job and pay to fix it up. In the city, there were probably tons of jobs he could get while he went to school. Granted, Jack had heard Connor talk about fixing up his truck on multiple occasions, but it was a comforting subject for him. Jack knew what Connor was doing, so he let it go. They pulled up and parked right in front of Nate’s. Jack hesitated a moment before opening the door. Connor waited until Jack was half-way out before getting out himself. They walked into Nate’s and up to the counter. “Yo! Connor! What’s up, man?” “Yo! Eli! What’s good?” “Jack! How have you been?” The counter guy looked up at Jack, who towered over him at least a foot. Jack looked over and nodded at Eli. He smiled and went on, “So, what can I get you guys today? The regular?” Connor smiled, “Rocky road with extra marshmallows mixed in.” “Dude, we have marshmallow fluff now, instead of the minis,” Eli took out the fluff and showed him. “Uh, hell yeah! Gimme some of that!” “Alright, and Jack? Mint chocolate chip with sugar cookie dough?” Jack nodded again and Eli smiled, “Cool, coming right up!” Connor and Jack sat down at the counter with their backs turned to the window walls. Oddly enough, that was probably the most eye-contact Jack and Eli had, and they used to come in every day over the summer. Jack put his hands together and then started rubbing the fingers of his right hand on his left knuckles. There were some cute girls laughing at something over in one of the front tables. He knew Connor couldn’t help himself when it came to girls, but he didn’t go over to them. Jack figured Connor was waiting for his ice cream, but Eli would have walked it over to him. Connor watched Jack as he furrowed his eyebrows and came to the realization that he wasn’t going to get out of talking about what’s been happening. Eli came over with the ice cream and when he turned around, Connor finally spoke up. “Alright, Jack. Tell me what’s been happening.” He turned to face him, giving him his full attention. Jack felt tightness in his chest. Nerves. He shook it off mentally and turned to Connor. There was a pause, he thought of anything he could to get out of talking about it, but eventually gave up and said, “Some guys have been roughing me up after school.” Connor furrowed his eyebrows now. He was one of the most popular guys in school, captain of any sports team he decided to play, ranked nationally in wrestling, the list went on, and some assholes were stupid enough to mess with his best friend. “Who are they?” “That’s… not important.” Connor’s face turned red and splotchy. “Tell me who the fuck is messing with you, so help me god.” He balled his fists and fixated on Jack’s shoulders. Jack was slouching, like usual, but Connor was imagining the bruises he was hiding. Jack, picked at his ice cream, “And anyway, it wouldn’t matter. They have some shit on me that I can’t even deal with right now.” “What dirt?” “Nothing, Connor, nothing. They’re just assholes, right? They’ll get bored sooner or later.” “Do you at least get a couple swings in? I could show you how to take someone down so you can get away--” “No, no. It doesn’t work that way. If I fight back, they won’t get bored. If I just let them beat me, they’ll leave me alone, eventually,” he said, almost under his breath. Connor felt like he was going to explode. His knuckles were turning white from keeping his hand in a fist for so long but he couldn’t help it. The two sat in silence and Jack finally took a spoonful of ice cream. Connor felt the knot in his throat getting smaller and he, too, ate some ice cream. They ate their ice cream in silence, Connor turning his body towards the counter, and Jack turning slightly towards Connor, knee bouncing. When they were almost finished, Eli came up to them again. “Can I get you guys another round?” Connor looked over at Jack, and Jack slightly lifted his chin, as if to say yes. Connor nodded to Eli and two new scoops of ice cream appeared before them. Jack’s jaw was starting to tense up. He didn’t want to go home, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to Connor, he had already said enough. It was getting late, the sun wouldn’t go down for another few hours, but Jack needed to get some things done before his dad came back to the house. Jack’s knee started bouncing again as he finished his second scoop. “Do you need to go home after this?” Jack looked up at Connor. He didn’t want to say yes because, even though he was anxious now, it would only get worse at home, but if he wanted clean laundry tomorrow, he would need to get started, and soon. He nodded and sighed at Connor. Connor nodded back and let out a deep sigh. “Alright, let’s go.” Jack pushed himself up and out of his chair. His shoulders and his chest felt like weights he couldn’t take off and put down. His arms fell to his sides and he shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping his head down. Connor swiftly turned up and away from the counter and followed Jack towards the door. Connor saw him before Jack did and pulled the door closed as Jack was pushing it open. “What are you--” Jack started. “Just wait,” Connor said firmly. His eyes narrowed and followed a beat-up Pinto as it drove around the square. The owner, Jack’s dad, revved the engine as he rounded the corners and came back around, slower. Jack reached out and gripped Connor’s arm. Connor looked over at Jack and saw tears welling-up in his eyes. Jack whispered, “Don’t, don’t.” His knuckles were turning white on Connor’s arm. He couldn’t bring himself to fixate on anything but the Pinto as it drove in circles. Blood rushed to his face and tears welled over. The Pinto rounded the last corner and turned to leave the square. Jack started hyperventilating despite his sore ribs digging into his lungs. The short breaths caused sharp pains that only made him more anxious. Connor watched the Pinto leave and put himself between the door and Jack, facing Jack. Jack’s eyes weren’t focused on anything. Connor looked up at Eli, who was waiting to find out what was happening. “Eli, I need a chair behind Jack, now.” Eli hurried over and moved a chair behind Jack. Connor gestured towards Jack’s other side and together they lowered him into the chair. Eli went to the door, locked it, and then lowered the blinds on the window walls. Connor knelt down in front of Jack and held onto one hand. Jack’s eyes still weren’t focused on anything. “I – I – I…” Jack couldn’t make a complete sentence. “Jack, it’s okay, just… just focus on breathing, okay?” Connor was panicking. “Eli, turn some lights off, will ya?” Eli turned some lights off and came back to Jack’s side with a bottle of cold water. He took the cap off the bottle and held it in one hand while holding Jack's free hand. Connor and Eli sat with him until his breathing returned to normal. Eli offered him the water and he took it and took a couple of sips. "How long was it this time?" "Not long," Connor said, still holding Jack's hand. "How long?" Jack pressed. "Like, fifteen minutes," Eli said. Jack nodded and sipped on his water. Connor didn't know what to do; Jack was insistent on going home, but he didn't take him home, he took him to get some ice cream and now he might be in serious trouble with his dad. He made direct eye contact with Connor, “I can’t go back to the house tonight.”