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If I end up murdered/missing under mysterious circumstances, I just want it on the record that I am fully aware that cheap ass men see me as a threat and may become unhinged enough to end my life in response to the actions I take, which, in regards to my telling the truth and holding shit boys accountable for their shit behavior, knows no bounds. Since I was in middle school, I have ALWAYS spoken up against creeps and abusers, defending the abused, and acknowledging the injustices I witness. Doesnt matter who the fuck you are, if you use your time and energy to make advances towards women who are either just trying to do their fucking jobs, or are walking down the street, or just trying to fucking breathe in public, then you WILL face the consequences of such inhumane, disrespectful actions, coming from a woman who has had ENOUGH. I have ALWAYS made a stand with any asshole who stepped out of line with my own intent of protecting women, and most importantly, letting women know they’re not alone, and someone else can see the harm occurring, and that they’re not crazy for having an emotional reaction to harassment. Doesn’t matter who the fuck it is, my stance is CONSISTENT; could be a total stranger, could be a close friend, family member, I do not care. I learned very early on in my life how disheartening it is to watch so many injustices happen to you, while no one says or does anything to help the situation. I have always vowed to be the exact opposite of that kind of person. I have gotten into screaming matches with grown men who I witnessed sexually harass literal children. I have spent days of my life comforting women who have been abused by a man. And even when I tell myself, “maybe you need to back off”, or, “maybe you’re just too paranoid”, it still never stops me from taking a stand when necessary. When something is wrong, I can’t ignore it. My mind, body, and soul won’t let me. If you have a conscious, you know what notion I’m talking about.

Thursday, I stood up to some sad excuse of a “man” at work. Some 50-60 year old fuck who walks around with a v-neck and gold chain constantly, as if the sparkle of that chain could hide the massive amount of hair loss on his head. You know the type. I’ve been at my job for close to four years now, and he’s a frequent flyer here; likes to complain about a specific department if they do even the slightest thing wrong, but more significantly, spends much of his time hitting on any woman who is in my store, an employee or not, which tells me and everyone else that he has no one to go home to and gets his jimmies off, and is most likely experiencing a mid-life crisis and expects anyone in his path to comply to him, because, yknow, he’s a man, and he’s white-passing. He spent a good ten minutes the other night making useless, uncomfortable conversation with one of my coworkers. He set to leave without a “big” fuss and I ALMOST let it go. But, my convictions moved me, yet again, so I ended up approaching him. I told him to his face, right beside him (could’ve been arm and arm with the fuck) that as long as he comes in here and talks to my coworkers the way he does, that I will be watching him. I didn’t swear, I didn’t threaten him. All I did was give a voice, give words, to his gross, inappropriate, shady actions, that he would most definitely attempt to cover up as something that it’s not, as unaccountable men frequently do. So many abusive men like to paint the picture as if the victims are overreacting. The only way to fight that idea is to challenge it, and I intend to do so through and through, no matter who it is. The funniest thing to me about this situation was that the only “threat” I made was acknowledging his problematic behavior while actively refusing to back down in the face of his excuses or threats. Sound familiar?

Friday, same pathetic little “man” came into my store, but with the intent of approaching my boss, and telling her all about me and my actions. I was in the office dealing with paperwork while this piece of shit caught my boss at the very last second before she left, after working over 10 hours. Luckily, my boss is a gem of a woman who, rather brilliantly, knows how to balance work relations/personal feelings in a way that I, honestly, never could; she’s a warrior of a woman. I’ll admire her to my deathbed. She set aside any of her own feelings and dealt with the person in a way I simply can’t... simply stuck to facts, and immediately approached the issue with the intent of protecting me when it came to our higher-ups. Because, as the asshole put it, he would “make sure I was fired”.

In the same breaths, he was calling me crazy, which is nothing new for me. Suggested I needed “pills”, and that something was wrong with me. Frequently did the “point-at-head-and-rotate-finger” motion while trying to cut me with his eyes. Even started pointing at me, and shaking, while swearing at me and calling me a crazy bitch. I couldn’t help but notice the fact that my own anxieties were causing me to slowly start shaking as well, but, of course, for entirely different reasons as opposed to him, and every woman reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about. Too bad this time it wasn’t being recorded to be shown off and laughed at later, but hey, if anyone wants to see what I look like breaking down at work, check back in a while!

It’s clear to me why he reacted the way he did, as this is a lesson I’ve been learning for the past several years now; I became a vessel that acknowledged whatever the fuck this man was most insecure about, to put it simply. The fact that my perceivable form is that of a white alternative woman meant he could tap into whatever hatred he has for women while allowing his toxic masculinity to avoid any reasoning or accountability, and eventually, letting his lack of control over a women lead into intimidation and threats towards my well-being to, again, only appease his own paper ego. I could explain that kind of behavior for days, but, I’m going to save it for now; I’ll have more to say in about two weeks.

I go back to work Tuesday and I’m sure I’ll have more to hear about it, since he was soooo adamant about pushing this as high as he needed it to go in order for me to lose my job. So, basically, what a goddamn surprise; an outspoken woman, through valid fear and unwavering determination, made a stand to acknowledge an injustice, and the accused goes on whatever his ultimate defense is, simply to cater to his fragile ego. A tale as old as motherfuckin time itself.