#look me jn the eyes and tell me they didn’t fuck wildly before. they did. they do it regularly actually
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the fallout || skam
Discord thread featuring: Sky & @samuelburton
When: October 24, 2020 - after the halloween party
Where: sam’s apartment
mentions: @ellicfm
Description: sky and sam fight, then they agree to take a break
Trigger Warnings: brief mentions of past trauma, arguing, feeeeels
Sky
Admittedly, sky was a little drunk. She had to be when she was around mat. Like. Damn. She was thankful thought that the Uber dropped her and Mat off at different places. The last thing she wanted to do was spend any more time with him. And he seemed a bit off after the party was over anyway. She hopped out of the car when it arrived at her boyfriend’s place and she went right up, opening the door with the key he’d given her not that long ago. “Hi baby.” She spoke like she had had the longest day at work. She had been thinking about the conversation she’d had with Sam all damn night and had a really hard time enjoying herself. The corn maze with Jess was definitely the highlight of her night though. Still, she couldn’t get same off of her mind.
Sam
sam had stayed at the party longer than he’d intended and while he’d thought ditching would be a good idea, sitting alone with his thoughts while he waited for his girlfriend arrive hadn’t worked out all that well either. especially after that conversation he’d had with ellie about what sam deserved in a relationship. it was a relief to be pulled from his thoughts when he heard a key turn in the door. “hey love,” he smiled tiredly at her. he was genuinely excited to see her but he was also exhausted and the unopened bottle of whiskey beside him hadn’t helped matters. he’d managed to stay relatively sober the entirety of the party but as soon as he was home and didn’t have to worry about out his girlfriend and her fake boyfriend’s pretend relationship, he’d felt free to indulge.
Sky
Sky found Sam sitting on the couch. He seemed relatively comfortable; like he had been there for a while. He looked sad, but just his presence alone made Sky smile. She sat her bag down and took her shoes off before she walked over to find Sam next to a bottle of whiskey. This...didn’t look good. The actress straddled her partner before sitting down on his lap, rubbing his tense shoulders out. Something was off. And it was more than just the conversation that they had had in the kitchen. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I know this sucks...” her dark eyes dropped as she spoke. “I’m sorry we couldn’t go together.” She said with a sigh.
Sam
sam’s hands landed on sky’s thighs as she sat in his lap. he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch, relaxing as her hands went to work on his shoulders. it was a comfort to have her home in his arms again, especially after things had been so tense earlier that evening. still, he couldn’t shake ellie’s words from earlier. “s’okay,” he shrugged lightly, eyes still closed. “it’s all part of the agreement, right?”
Sky
Sky wasn’t totally sure how to respond to that. Was he being sarcastic or...? Sky furrowed her brow in response and dropped her hands from his shoulders. “Im sorry...” she apologized again, looking away from him. Her heart sank. “Sam...I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t want you to be miserable jn this. I know you wanna take me out with you, and like...post pictures and stuff. Just...tell people about us.” She didn’t even know where she was going with that but it was something that had been in her mind for a while. She’d try to make up for it with presents, but that only went so far.
Sam
sam opened his eyes, his heart sinking a little when he saw the sad look on her face. he didn’t like making her feel that way. but this was a conversation that needed to be had or else they’d keep circling back round to this same shitty feeling. with ellie’s words fresh in his mind he looked at her questioningly. “can i ask... why are you doing this? because i thought i knew but i don’t really think that i do anymore.”
Sky
Sky was just now realizing how drunk she was when she felt like she was going to start crying. Fuck. She tried to hold it in, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to for very long if this conversation was headed where she thought it was. She rolled over his lap and leaned her head against the back of the couch and huffed, racking her brain for an answer to his question. Why was it so hard for her to come up with an answer that didn’t make her sound like a self centered bitch. “It’s my job.” She finally said after a few moments of silence. “I...it’ll really help me with my career. This’ll open a lot of doors for me.” What a self centered bitch. Still. It was true.
Sam
sam nodded slowly, listening as she spoke. he hadn’t been far off. “i guess i just feel like... i mean you’re so talented, love,” he told her, turning his body to face her on the couch. “i mean really, you’re brilliant. and i don’t understand why you feel that you need to do this to further your career.” sure it would get her a lot more exposure a whole lot quicker. but was it not more rewarding to come by it organically? sam truly thought she was talented enough to make it on her own.
Sky
“You don’t get it.” She said immediately, without really thinking about it. “It’s not just talent that gets you famous and successful. You have to have the right connections, the right exposure.” She stood up and huffed, pressing her hand to her forehead in frustration. She paced slowly because now she was getting frustrated. “Thank you, but there are a lot of talented people in the world and only a select few can actually make it.” Now she felt like she was lecturing him, which she didn’t do it on purpose — she was just so frustrated. “What do you want from me, baby?” She sighed.
Sam
sam knew that it took an awful lot of luck to break into the business. he wasn’t so naive to think that all you needed to have was talent and ambition to make it. it also took a lot of luck. if it hadn’t been for eevee’s wealth and connections, he doubted that the band would have made anything of themselves, as short lived as that was. but was it really worth all of this? we’re there not other ways to go about building status and gaining exposure? but her final question to him had sam furrowing his brow in hurt confusion. “i guess i just hoped that this was enough,” he said, gesturing between them, his own frustration as the situation creeping into his voice. “you are all i want, and i feel like i can’t even have that. at least not all of you. not the way i want.”
Sky
What Sam said next make her heart ache. They had agreed to this. Sure. But it was turning out to be much harder than what they had originally thought. Sky hated Mat. Sure, he was a dick. But she hated looking at him and knowing that he was the one keeping her and Sam from being happy together. Or was she the one that was doing that? “Sam...” she sat down next to him again. “I’m sorry. I want to be the one that makes you feel happy and loved. But...can I ask where this is coming from? Was it just what happened tonight with us? Or is there something else?” Sky empathized with how he felt, she tried to at least, but she still wasn’t sure where this was all coming from. “Please talk to me.” She begged, grabbing his hand with both of hers.
Sam
sam hesitated, looking away from her but allowing her to take his hand in hers. "i guess it started in the dining room," he began. "what mat said- it got to me. and i was starting to have doubts, not about us but about... i mean we really should have thought this through... and then i ran into ellie and we got to talking about what i deserve and i can't help but wonder..." sam's blue eyes met sky's. there was an apprehension there, like he was afraid that what he was about to say would change things between them, though he wasn't sure how. "am i not enough for you?"
Sky
She looked away from him, her heart skipping a beat once their eyes met. Sky took a sharp breath in at the mention of his ex. So that’s where all of this was coming from. What a fucking bitch. How dare she try to sabotage her relationship like that. But also why was Sam talking to his ex about their relationship. “Why the fuck were you talking to Ellie fucking Robertson about our relationship?” She deflected, standing up in a huff. “Sam, I love you. This is just a damn job. You are endgame. This job is not.” She said, pointing to Sam.
Sam
anytime sam mentioned ellie in the past to sky he’d gotten little short responses like “i like ellie” or some other noncommittal comment. while he didn’t expect the two to be best friends he definitely didn’t expect sky to be so pissed about sam talking to her. “what..?” he asked, kind of taken aback by her response. “she’s my friend, sky. one of the only friends i have left and the only other person in my life aside from my aunt who knows what the fuck is going on,” he said, standing as well. “if i can’t talk to her about us who am i supposed to talk to? nobody knows about us. and you know what?” sam asked, eyes growing dark with anger. “i think a lot of the things she was saying made a whole lot of sense.” he huffed at her response about the job, having a difficult time not rolling his eyes at her. “if this is just a damn job, why were you so desperate to take it? the day i come to you to talk, to see if we can get past what separated us in the first place, you tell me you want to take on another job! but i was so...” sam gritted his teeth, taking a hand through his hair as he tried to collect himself. he was having little success. “i was so stupid! so desperate to hold on to you that i said yes! only for this to happen,” he said, gesturing wildly around them. “and we’re right back to where we were the first time around.”
Sky
Sky was a big drama queen, so as one can imagine her reaction to what he was saying may have been a bit over the top. But sky was hurt. Mostly because she know that Sam was right. She hadn’t been fair to him, and he did deserve better but sky wasn’t ready to admit that even to herself. When Sky decided to take the job, she had no idea how hard it would be on him. On their relationship. Sky looked like a hurt puppy as he spoke, then let some silence fall over them for only a brief moment. “I...” she stuttered. “Why did you say something? Why didn’t you tell me not to take it? Why did you wait until you got pissed to say something? You wait til things blow up before you actually say something. You’re right. Now here we are. Back to where we started.” She huffed, trying to hold back those damn tears but the spilled over her eyes and down her cheeks. “What do you want me to do, Sam? I can’t lose you.”
Sam
sam’s jaw set and he gave her a long look. the anger had mostly faded into sadness because he really hated seeing her like this and he hated even more that he’d been the cause. “i wanted to be better. i wanted us to be better. and after losing eevee like that i-“ he looked down at his feet, heart heavy in his chest. “i couldn’t lose you sky. i would have said anything to be with you. i love you.” he looked up at her, his eyes pleading. he didn’t know how to fix this but he so desperately wanted to. his heart clenched at the sight of her tears and he wanted more than anything to take her into his arms and hold her. but he knew it would only make this harder. “you can’t quit... not now, not after signing a contract. i’d never ask you to do that. but maybe...” he sighed, feeling his own eyes prickle with the beginnings of tears. “maybe we should take some time?” he hadn’t meant it to come out like a question. but the words coming out at all had already been a struggle. and he knew that he had drink in him and that emotions were running high... but it was hard to see another solution.
Sky
That was it. That’s when sky absolutely lost it. Her stomach actually hurt and she felt like she was going to vomit. This wasn’t happening. He was right. She couldn’t quit. She’d be breaching her contract and she’s be our hundreds of thousands of dollars. As much as she wanted people to believe it, Sky wasn’t rich and there was no way she’d be able to pay that. She sat down across the room from him, looking anywhere else but in his eyes as she reminded herself to breathe. “You-you’re...breaking up with me?” The words coming out her mouth didn’t even seem real, and — fuck — they hurt so much. Sky loved Sam more than she had loved anyone in her entire life, and sky didn’t always know what to express that. Damn trauma. She cried into her hands for a significant amount of time, before wiping the tears off of her swollen face. She wanted to protest, fight for him...but she also wanted to save at least some of her dignity. “I don’t know what to say, Sam...I love you. I...don’t want this. But I also hate what this is doing to you...” she admitted. Sam really had gotten the short end of the stick in this agreement, and it wasn’t fair of her to ask him to suffer in silence for her sake. “Will it make you happier? If we take a break?” She rasped.
Sam
fuck. as soon as he’d said it he wanted to take it back for this very reason. but he knew that this was probably the best for the both of them or else they might make themselves so miserable that it wasn’t worth the fight. sam didn’t want to believe that was true but with each passing day it was getting harder and harder to cope. he crossed the room and knelt beside her, hesitant at first, though eventually he put a hand on her knee. “hey,” he said to her, his voice a small whisper. “don’t think of it like that. i love you so much, sky and i want to be with you. you make me so happy. but this...? this isn’t good for either of us. i mean look at us.” he was quiet for a moment. “how much longer until the deal is done..?” the last time sam had asked the question sky had told him it could take a year’s time. that seemed excruciating but sam knew that he loved sky so much that he could wait. “once this is over and done... maybe then we’ll really give it a fair chance.” this was probably one of if not the hardest thing sam had ever done. he was so used to people in his life leaving him and here he was, letting go of the thing that made him the happiest.
Sky
"A...A few more months." It didn't seem like that long, but she didn't want Sam to feel like this a minute longer. Sky hated that she ever made the love of her life feel that way. Had she really been so self centered that she didn't stop for a moment to think about what this was doing to Sam? She tried to covered it up with gifts and pretty words, but that only went so far. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry." She said between breaths. "Th-this is all my fault." Even though, realistically, they both agreed to this without really thinking twice about it. They were just so eager to call each other theirs again that they didn't think about the logistics of all this. She finally took her head out of her hands and looked up at him. "I love you so much." She did. She really did. Even though she had a real shit way of expressing it. No one, except Sam, had ever taught her how to love so she was really just winging this.
Sam
sam couldn’t hold back any longer. he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, closing his eyes as he nuzzled her head with his cheek. “hey, none of that now...” though it had been good to get everything out there, he regretted being so harsh with his words. he cared about her so much. “we both agreed to this, yeah? a few more months isn’t bad at all. i’ll be working, you’ll be working, and before you know it i’ll be cheering you on at opening night for rent, okay?” and then hopefully things would be right between them and they could finally be happy with no conditions. “i love you too. so so much.”
Sky
Sky sobbed into his shoulder, probably getting his shirt all gross and snotty but she couldn't seem to find the energy to care about that now. "o...kay." she sobbed, her breath hitching. She hated this. She hated Mat. She hated Ellie. And there was a large part of her that hated herself for letting things get this out of control. She regretted ever taking that damn job in the first place. They stayed in that embraced for a while. It seemed like neither of them wanted to be the first to let go. At least that was Sky's interpretation of it. If they let go, then that meant that this was really over.
Sam
sam held her close to him, rubbing her back soothingly as he tried to calm her down. this all really sucked but sam wanted sky to know that this wasn’t goodbye. he quietly began humming her the melody of the song he’d written for her. he’d hoped the gesture would be both comforting and reassuring though he managed to bring himself to tears in the process. once he’d finished, he planted a small kiss to the top of her head before pulling away to look at her. he wiped away a few of her stray tears and smiled sadly at her. “this isn’t over for us, yeah?” and he held out his pinky to her. “you and me forever. promise.”
Sky
It was probably impossible for Sky to stay mad at Sam for long. Especially when he hummed to her like that, held her like that. It seemed he was always her rock - he'd held her like this and hummed to her while they were in the hospital waiting to see Eevee. Sam cared about other people more than he cared about himself. He also didn't see his worth, and Sky knew that she had done a bad job of helping him see it. Sky was fucking blessed to be loved by him, and even though that it may have been over for them now, Sky wasn't going to stop fighting for him. He deserved that much.
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