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guinevere-beck-fanboy · 4 years

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Another OUAT Rant

So I thought the way I put my previous OUAT rant could have been improved, so I’m rewriting it here, also with more info and more rant material. Hope you enjoy!

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The four most popular characters on this show are all crap characters and people. They are: Regina Mills, Rumplestilstkin, Captain Hook/Killian Jones and Zelena Mills. All four of them are garbage. And what’s so ironic is that a lot of fans of one character will always hit off on another one of those characters. All four of them are absolute garbage, and for fairly similar reasons.

1. Killian Jones/Captain Hook

Soooo in the first season this character appeared in (season 2) Killian was actually a good character. He did horrible things but he was a villain, so that’s ok. He also had a fairly tragic backstory, so despite how horrible he was, you had sympathy with him.

And then they gave him a redemption arc and made him a hero... Now this redemption arc... Doesn’t work. Like at all.

The reason for this, is that Killian managed to stay alive for hundreds of years. And even then, after the first hundred he was still a terrible person. If Killian lived an average long life like the rest of us he would have lived and died a terrible villain. If you only manage to become a better man because you get to live 200 years.... Then you aren’t a good person.

On top of this, Killian is seriously glamorized. He is portrayed as some selfless hero after all those centuries. Which I think it just.... Not ok...

I mean here is what our apparent righteous and pure hero Killian has done:

1. Was a pirate (the implications of that are clear... stealing, plundering etc)

2. Homewrecked Rumple and Milah’s marriage

3. Assisted Milah in abandoning Baelfire, her son

4. Led Rumple to believe he had kidnapped Milah and was going to sail off with her and rape her. Then said if Rumple could defeat Killian in a sword fight to the death he could go and save her to goad him into said fight despite the fact that Rumple’s death combined with Milah’s abandonment would leave Bae an orphan.

5. He explains when Emma is the Dark One and saves him from falling off a building to his death that he wears two rings on his finger. One of them belonged to a man named Barnabee, who insulted him and so he killed him in front of his wife. The other ring belonged to a man named Egbar, he caught him drinking the Captain’s wine and drowned him.

6. Murdered his father and left his half brother an orphan

7. Murdered two royal guards and then murdered Prince Charming’s father (when Charming was a CHILD, thus leaving him fatherless)

8. Refused to set Belle free from being held captive by Regina and instead tried to murder her

9. Raped multiple women (When Emma travels back in time and talks to Killian’s past self, and flirts with him leaving him with the impression she wants to have sex with him, Killian responds with “if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to get me drunk... *which is usually my tactic*”. Getting someone drunk and then having sex with them is RAPE.)

10. Shot Belle and had all her memories erased

So a serial killer and rapist is being glamorized as some kind of hero. Killian like Regina is not a hero, he is well and truly an evil person. It took him 200 years to stop being a murderer and a rapist. What a great redemption arc!

2. Captain Swan

Killian is shipped with Emma and this ship is canon. The way I see it though, this is a nightmare relationship.

Killian murdered Emma’s grandfather and ruined his father's childhood. And now... they end up married? That’s.... That’s not a healthy relationship, like at all.

3. Charming is held to the standard that he MUST forgive Hook and is not allowed not to

When Emma finds out Killian murdered Charming’s father, she isn’t mad about it. Nope! She’s just mad Killian couldn’t tell her!

In what world should a woman look past her boyfriend being the murderer of her grandfather? Seriously?

Also when Charming begins being unsatisfied with all proposed venues for Emma and Hook’s wedding, Snow suspects he is not fine with Emma marrying him, and she says to him “that ship is sailed deal with it!”. How disgusting is that? “Your daughter is GOING to marry your father’s murderer! Deal with it!”.

4. Regina Mills

This character is like the fan favorite, but she is complete trash.

In the first 2 seasons she was actually a very well written character. She was a villain, and the writers did a great job at making her dislikeable, as a villain should be (well not always, but it’s great to have a dislikeable villain).

But then in the next four seasons of the show, they really began to glamorize her. And I think that’s ridiculous. They act like she has a heart of gold and is an amazing person and refer to her as a hero multiple times.

So Regina this “great hero” has:

1. Tried to murder Snow White

2. Slaughtered an entire village for supporting Snow White (they literally show the thousands of bodies scattered in one area in the woods)

3. Tried to kill Emma Swan when she was a baby

4. Cast a curse on The Enchanted Forest that sent them to a town on Earth with false identities and memories where they would live miserable repetitive lives

5. When Henry, her adoptive son, realizes that the truth about Storybrooke, the curse and all that she tries to persuade him he is delusional even going as far as to book him therapy appointments

6. When Henry’s birth mother, Emma, arrives in town, rather than let Henry have the chance to get to know her, she tries to bully her out of town

7. Raped and murdered Graham

8. Kidnapped Belle and locked her up in a tower for 20 years

9. Trapped Jefferson in Wonderland thus separating him from his daughter and knowingly causing him to break a promise to his daughter that he would return to her

10. Cast a curse on the Enchanted Forest implanting false memories and identities into them and sending them to a town where they would be miserable and separated from their loved ones

11. Tried to murder Emma Swan by giving her a poisoned apple pie

12. Found a man who wanted to kill Prince Charming and turned him into a giant to help him do so

13. Colluded with her mother to murder Emma, Snow and Charming

14. Tried to use this spell on Henry to make him think he loved her out of fear of losing him

15. Tried to murder Marian, Robin Hood’s wife so that she could date Robin Hood (this one in particular I find quite problematic, because a lot of people in the fanbase were sympathizing with Regina here... Why? Yes, Marian was very judgmental to Regina, but Regina had already tried once to MURDER HER! Of course she isn’t going to see her as a saint?)

And that’s only from the top of my memory.

5. Swan Queen

Emma Swan and Regina Mills are shipped. And this is a hugely popular ship... Like... Why??

Regina tried to murder Emma like three times? She tried to murder her parents, and tried to prevent her ever seeing her son again? Why on Earth would you want this person to be with Emma?

6. Regina/Evil Queen serum

In the fifth season, Regina begins being tempted to be evil again. So her solution to the problem? Separate “the Evil Queen” (all the evil in her) from her and then kill her evil self. And then she will be a good person without her evil side.

This is just... What? No. You don’t just rip all your less moral attributes out of yourself and destroy them and suddenly you’re a good person. If you have to do that in order to not be a terrible person, *then you ARE a terrible person!*.

It’s just a really dumb plotline and I hate it.

7. Rumplestilstkin

Onto Rumple. Like the others, he was a fairly decent character throughout the first five seasons. He did crappy stuff, but he was a villain so that’s ok. They did give him decent moral moments at times but that’s just making an interesting character. He’s overall a douche but can do some great stuff.

Then in seasons 6 and 7 they gave him a redemption arc. It fails for the same reason as Killian. *It took him hundreds of years to get there*. You can’t claim someone is a good person if it takes them hundreds of years to stop doing terrible things.

And here is a list of what I mean by bad deeds:

1. Rumple denies a dehydrated seer water as he is offended by the prophecy she gives

2. Rumple murders a bunch of warriors who have come to enlist his son (Baelfire) in a war, despite the fact he had just gained more than enough power to stop them doing so in less harmful ways.

3. Rumple abandons Baelfire and sends him through a portal to an unknown world. Father of the year everyone!

4. Rumple murders Milah, the (albeit terrible) mother of his son.

5. Rumple kidnaps Belle and makes her his slave.

6. Rumple creates the Dark Curse and has Regina cast it

7. Rumple tries to steal Cinderella’s baby

8. Tries to prevent Belle reuniting with her father by tearing down posters she has set up all around town of him and throwing them in the trash. Despite the fact that HE is the REASON Belle is separated from her father in the first place.

9. Makes the residents of Storybrooke part of a storybook (lol that was fun to say/type) where they have fake memories and identities and are separated from their loved ones AGAIN

10. Prevents the Dark One Curse (Which has caused death, destruction and suffering for CENTURIES) from being destroyed

11. Throws Milah into the River of Souls

12. Tries to throw Gaston (albeit he is Gaston but still a human being) into the River of Souls

So like Killian it takes Rumple centuries to not be a serial killer any more.. So I don’t think either of them truly have redeemed themselves.

8. Rumbelle

Remember how I said that Rumple kidnapped Belle and enslaved her? And how he tried to prevent her reuniting with her father after he separated them in the first place? Well Rumple and Belle are a married couple and this is portrayed as a positive relationship.

9. Zelena Mills

Regina’s sister. Shouldn’t be a surprise then that she is also a terrible person, which like all the others is fine until they decide to start glamorizing her.

Zelena murdered Baelfire, who is Henry’s FATHER. She then murders Marian and takes on her form and has sex with Robin Hood. This is RAPE. She has gained Robin’s consent by taking on a deceitful form, consent gained through deceit is not consent.

But hey! Zelena Mills is a badass hero! Forget about the raping and the murdering, she’s actually a pretty decent person!

#once upon a time #ouat #anti regina mills #anti regina #anti hook #anti killian jones #anti killian #anti rumple #anti rumbelle #anti captain swan #anti zelena #anti swan queen

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carpedzem · 3 years

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2 and captain swan baby 💕💕💕💕

thank you thank you! 💕💕💕💕

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: somewhere between season 2 and 3 but I can’t say when exactly since I literally was watching this show 24/7 hahahaah it was year 2018

My thoughts: I love them so much! like I don’t ship that intensely but I’m so obsessed with them with their story and with them and even with ouat making some weird decision in latest seasons fans of this ship were so blessed. I’m yet to find ship with such a cool story when you can see them getting together and being together and with so many adventures and sdfknhuiodgnt they are so perfect for each other, true love and soul mates and they understand each other and dfgdggert

What makes me happy about them: oh ugh like all of them but I’m a goner for small gestures like holding hands (and a hook!), looking at each other, small kisses, when the say each other names and omg the pinning lkbfviqepgvbqev

What makes me sad about them: it’s really petty of me because I know we are winners in this show but I wish some decisions in season 6 weren’t made lol also Emma and Killian both deserve much more love and recognition from other characters than this one person 👀

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I feel like I have no right to judge since I’ve shown 0 of my fanfics and this is someone’s hard work. I don’t really like when Killian gets his hand back. Modern AU’s are okay but any canon divergence or Enchanted Forests are like... -10 points every time. and I really don’t like when they get a new house and there is no room for Henry like??????????????? but hey write what you want okay just don’t mind me :x

Things I look for in fanfic: captain cobra, (enemies to) friends to lovers, room mates, canon divergence, princess Emma pirate Killian you know, the good stuff

My wishlist: if I can put one thing on my wishlist it would be: a cat. I need, need so much fic with a cat. no dogs. we have a lot of them :x but cats? oppressed as always :x Killian Jones is a cat person you can’t change my mind

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: aaaaaaaaaaa what king of a question is this?? I can’t answer that lol. oh okay for Emma Graham, maybe???? like, I think he hurt her the least? for Killian Milah but only because he clearly loved her so much and I want him to be happy

My happily ever after for them: just them having happy life, and maybe a not-that-dangerous adventures, maybe making Henry a big brother if they feel like it. mostly just them feeing loved and surrounded by family and more love 😌

#captain swan #wow this is long hahaha #the longest post about my feelings in this fandom #please dont hate me #captain-emmajones

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walviemort · 4 years

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hidden blessing (1/?)

Summary: Killian thought the only thing he was left with after Milah's death was a broken heart and a thirst for vengeance. It's not until he gets to Storybrooke, after so many years spent in stasis, that he discovers something else: he's carrying her child. How does this new, tiny blessing change his path? (Canon-divergent from 2x12.)

rated T | AO3 | 2.7k

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, @sherlockianwhovian!!!! Here it is: that random idea I sent to you a few months ago and we had a crazy conversation about. I’ve been picking at it here and there ever since and today seemed like a good day to start posting. I hope you have a beautiful day, darling, even with all the craziness in the world! (General note: this will mostly follow canon, but may jump around a bit. And will be updated whenever I get to it, lol.)

With the heaviest of hearts, Killian watched as the body of his darling lover—and part of his soul—dropped to the depths of the sea. A significant part of him wanted to join her, but he knew that’d be a disservice to her memory.

So instead, he led his crew to Neverland to bide their time until he could find a way to destroy his crocodile. Aside from a handful of ventures into the Enchanted Forest and other realms, they spent close to a century in the ageless realm.

When they finally left Neverland for good, it was only a couple of weeks until he was again put in stasis by the Dark Curse. Once time unfroze, he got anxious as the months ticked by and they couldn’t leave, but Cora assured him—“Time still hasn’t started to move here, not really; we’re just not frozen in place. You’ll still have your pretty face once the curse breaks.”

And when it did, everything seemed to run faster. Was it really only a matter of days from the time the curse broke, to meeting Swan, to their adventure (and her subsequent betrayal) on the beanstalk, to fighting at Lake Nostos, to landing in Storybrooke? No wonder he was nauseous once they’d docked in the sleepy town.

He figured a night of rest would send that away, but it lingered in the following days, even while enacting Cora’s plan and finally, finally starting to seek his revenge. Though the rounds of abuse suffered at the hands of the Dark One and his librarian lover certainly didn’t help.

He got the last laugh, though, with his pistol. Watching the Crocodile’s panic at the realization his love didn’t know him filled him with glee—even if he was in pain a minute later after being thrown by the heavy metal coach.

So it wasn’t much surprise when, hours later as he woke in the infirmary, everything hurt, including his stomach.

“Good morning, Hook,” a man said a bit later. “I’m the doctor looking after you; name’s Whale. You took quite a hit there.”

The blonde man looked as haggard as he felt; Killian recognized a hangover when he saw one. But he only eyed the man warily and let him continue.

“Nothing too serious happened, and you’re lucky. Ribs heal, but we’ll have to be careful not to do anything to hurt the baby.”

Killian blinked. Baby? What? He wasn’t expecting. “Beg your pardon, mate?” he asked, voice a bit rough with disuse. “What baby?”

Whale seemed surprised. “Your baby; the one you’re pregnant with right now. You didn’t know?”

Cold fear washed over Killian; he couldn’t be, could he? “Is this some kind of joke?” he bit out angrily.

“It’s not; we checked your blood before giving you any pain medication. You know you’re capable of carrying children, right?”

“Aye,” he confirmed; all men in his family had a womb, so he knew it was possible. “But I haven’t lain with anyone in at least a century.” Not since his last night with Milah—though, as he recalled vividly, the situation was right for him to conceive.

The doctor thought about it for a moment, then asked, “If it’s been that long, then how are you still here as a healthy young man?”

“I’ve been in Neverland; time doesn’t move there,” he explained. “As well as a handful of other situations that left me in stasis.”

“Well, that’s it, then,” the doctor said. “If your body wasn’t aging, neither was the fetus. But now that you’re here, that kid is finally getting the chance to grow.”

The man continued to drone on about the biology behind everything, but the only thing Killian could focus on anymore was the fact that he was pregnant—with Milah’s child. A child she’d never know. Yet another thing the Crocodile had taken from them.

Anger threatened to wash over him again, but then a quick wave of nausea brought him back down and found him instead staring at his midsection. He tried to place his hand on it, but found it was cuffed to the side of the bed. So instead, he put his bare stump over it, a rush of paternal feelings rising within.

He wasn’t sure how his blood had confirmed it, but once he’d heard the words, something just clicked and he knew it to be true. He was going to be a father. And suddenly, he didn’t want anything else.

“Hook, did you hear any of that?”

Killian blinked and looked back up at the doctor. “Afraid not.”

Whale sighed. “Okay, I’ll say the important parts again: we want to do an exam to make sure everything is okay with your baby, given the number of hits you’ve taken over the last few days. Does that sound alright?”

“I suppose so, yes.” If anything, he was curious about this realm’s medicine and how it worked. But if it enabled him to ensure the well being of his child, then he’d do it without hesitation; he’d likely done enough to risk their health.

“Alright; I’m headed into surgery, but someone from the OB-GYN will be around later. Rest up until then.”

He didn’t know what those letters meant, but nodded his assent and the doctor left. Which meant he was alone—but not really, apparently.

He glanced back down at his still-flat stomach. At first, he was filled with shame at not knowing that new life was growing within him; goodness, the things he’d done in the past decades. Hell, the past month. He’d have to curb that immediately, assuming he hadn’t done any damage already.

Gods, he couldn’t live with himself if he had. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Though he was sure the babe couldn’t hear him, it helped to say it out loud. “If I had known, I would have been so much more careful. But from now on, I promise to do whatever I can to keep you safe. Always.”

His mind grew fuzzy not long after and he drifted off; it was no surprise that he dreamed of holding a small child in his arms. They had bright blue eyes and curly hair that seemed to change color on a whim, from black to red to blonde. They were darling and precious and he couldn’t wait to meet them.

Until something pulled him from his dreams, and he was suddenly aware of another presence in the room. He blinked, winced at the various maladies all over his body, and was finally able to focus; Emma was sitting on the edge of his bed.

Emma; he’d forgotten about her for a bit there. (Understandably.) She looked pissed, which didn’t surprise him, but just as fierce as ever. Something stirred somewhere else—thankfully not his stomach, for once—and the attraction to her that he didn’t fully understand came back. He was torn between wanting to bed her and fight her. (Maybe both?)

She set the tone immediately, though. “Where's Cora?” she asked sternly.

He tried to sit up, preferring to have a confrontation at the same eye level, but first the cuff stopped him, and then his sore ribs did. “Damn, that hurts,” he hissed.

Emma stood and hovered over him. “Told you. You cracked a few ribs. Where's Cora?”

She was all business, but she was no match for his well-honed deflection skills—or flirtatious front. “You look good, I must say, all "Where's Cora?" in a commanding voice. Chills,” he added salaciously. It was fun to get a rise from her.

She just raised her eyebrow, unamused. “You have all sorts of sore places I can make you hurt.” without warning, she lunged forward, aiming for his ribs; instinctively, he brought up his left arm to protect both them and his baby. She didn’t connect, but clearly wasn’t afraid of using physical torture methods; in that instant, he knew—he wasn’t about to tell her, or anyone else, about the baby just yet; not if they could use it against him.

She pulled back and he relaxed, but the ache was renewed. Sighing, he told her, “I've no idea where Cora is. She has her own agenda.” And it was true; he hadn’t seen the witch since she placed the cloaking spell on his ship. “Let's talk about something I am interested in: my hook.” He felt slightly naked without his prosthesis. “May I have it back? Or is there another...attachment you'd prefer,” he tossed back, eyes glancing down his body. If he couldn’t physically defend himself, he could at least annoy her until she left. (Though he wouldn’t complain if she took him up on the offer.)

Emma rolled her eyes, of course. “You're awfully chipper for a guy who just failed to kill his enemy, then got hit by a car.”

“Well, my ribs may be broken, but everything else is still intact, which is more than can be said for all the other bad days I've had,” he said, gesturing with his stump. “Plus I did some quality damage to my foe.”

“You hurt Belle.”

“I hurt his heart. Belle is just where he keeps it. He killed my love. I know the feeling.” Even further reason to keep his child far away from anyone who could hurt them.

Emma gave him a wry, insincere grin, and bent over him to come closer. “Keep smiling, buddy. He's on his feet, immortal, has magic, and you hurt his girl. If I had to pick dead guy of the year, I'd pick you.” And without another word, she turned and left.

He sighed and gently placed his stump back over his stomach; he hadn’t wanted to do that in front of Emma, lest it give her any ideas—male pregnancy was rare, but not unheard of, and he didn’t know how much she knew of the magical realms yet. But the encounter proved one thing: the number of people he could trust in this town was small, possibly nonexistent.

And only reinforced that his child wouldn’t truly be safe until Rumplestiltskin was out of the picture completely.

Gods, he’d only known about the babe for a matter of hours and already had recentered his life around him or her. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that, of course, but still—it took him by surprise.

He dozed off again for an unknown period of time until a soft knocking woke him. “Oh, sorry; didn’t know you were asleep,” a timid-looking man said. He had white hair and glasses and was of short stature, looking altogether unthreatening—but the machinery he pushed on a small cart was completely foreign to Killian. “I’m Doc, the obstetrician.”

“The what?” was all Killian could say.

“I’m here to check on the baby.”

“Oh!” Killian exclaimed, and tried again to sit up, only to fail again.

“Here; let me.” The doctor rushed to the side of Killian’s bed and pressed something, making the top half of the bed lift as if by magic.

“How did you do that?” Killian asked, trying to peer over the rail without causing further injury.

“It’s all mechanical; I can show you later. But first: can you tell me when you think you conceived?”

“Um, about 130 years ago, if my arithmetic is correct.”

The doctor dropped his pen as soon as he’d picked it up. “Beg your pardon?”

Killian explained again his history with Neverland, and Doc was well aware of the magical happenings since then, having been equally cursed. Killian also told him what he knew about his ability to carry children, though it wasn’t much, seeing as his father refused to and his brother never got the chance. “All I know is the woman has to be on top,” he summarized.

“Got it,” Doc answered, though clearly embarrassed a bit. “Well, given that this is as new to me as it is to you, I’m going to have to do some poking around in some...personal places. Is that alright?”

“Don’t have much choice, do I?”

“No, sorry; but I’ll be gentle.”

The doctor was true to his word, carefully examining Killian’s stomach and private areas and proclaiming that everything appeared to look good.

But then he picked up a wand-like device that appeared to be attached to the machine he’d brought with him, and started fiddling with the contraption. “What’s that?” Killian had to ask.

The doctor was blushing; this couldn’t be good. “Well, uh,” he stammered, clearly not sure how to explain it; Killian subconsciously wrapped his arm around his stomach a bit tighter. “It’s a machine that lets us see inside the womb; there are a couple different kinds here, but this one is a little more...invasive.”

The fact that such a device existed was incredible to Killian, but he quickly put two and two together. “Does that...thing...go inside me?”

“I’m afraid it does.”

“Bloody hell. Is it necessary?”

“Given what you’ve gone through, and that we’re not really sure how far along you are, it is.”

Killian sighed dramatically, but he could tell it was important. “Go ahead.”

While he knew worse lay ahead, he sincerely hoped to not have to go through anything so awkward as that examination. “Just look at the screen,” Doc said, trying to keep him calm; but the space on the machine only showed nondescript black and gray blurs at first. The feeling of the device within him was not pleasant, either, but finally, Doc proclaimed “Ah! There it is! Hear that?”

The oddest noise filled the room from the machine; Killian had no description for it. “What is that?”

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat, and look—there it is on the screen.”

It didn’t look like much, but Killian had to admit—there was something vaguely humanoid about the blob-like images on the screen.

“That’s the head, and the spine, and there’s the legs.”

Killian had to tilt his head to make sense of it, but it started to take shape. “Does it not have arms?”

Doc chuckled. “It does; we just can’t see them right now. Based on that image, I’d put you at about 11 weeks along.”

“You can tell from that? And what does that even mean?” He’d never heard of measuring pregnancy like that; he knew it took a certain number of months, but most people just estimated. The fact that they could narrow it down so much was astonishing—and made him realize how little he knew about what was to come.

Thankfully, Doc explained everything as he removed the device and cleaned up, and they were able to estimate a due date; he also recommended coming in regularly for appointments to track the progress of the child’s growth, which Killian wasn’t sure would be necessary, but he agreed in order to placate the doctor.

The machine made some more weird noises and spat something out, which Doc took and handed to Killian. “Here; you can keep that.” It was the picture from the screen; goodness, this realm was proving to be a technological marvel. He wanted to take it but, again—handcuffs. “Oh, I’ll put it on the table then,” Doc said, and started to, but Killian couldn’t risk anyone seeing it.

“No, don’t—if you know where my coat ended up, can you put it in there? I...I don’t want anyone knowing just yet.”

“I understand,” Doc answered with a small smile. “It’s in the closet over here.”

As he put it away, Killian added, “I can trust your discretion, yes?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you.”

Doc finished gathering his things and headed towards the door. “Oh, and Captain—one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Congratulations.”

Killian tried, but couldn’t hide his smile. “Thank you.”

He was going to be a father—a father to a child that was, by some miracle, the product of he and the woman he’d loved above all else. He didn’t consider himself a lucky man, but thanked the gods that they’d seen fit to bless him just this once.

And he fell asleep once more, knowing that—for the first time in so many years—he had something worth living for other than his revenge.

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thanks for reading! and be sure to send some birthday love to Leanne! tagging a few others: @cocohook38 @ashley-knightingale @jennjenn615 @wyntereyez @superadam54

#killian jones ff #mpreg #cs ff #happy birthday #sherlockianwhovian #my ff #hidden blessing

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hookedonapirate · 5 years

Text

Set My Soul On Fire

Summary: What happens when the high school principal's son falls in love with the pastor's daughter?

Hiding a relationship is hard, especially since Killian's girlfriend is seventeen and not allowed to date until she's thirty, it's even harder to hide her pregnant belly. Can Killian save his relationship with Emma when her parents find out? Some miracles are worth fighting for no matter what. Especially when there's a little hope involved and a whole lot of love.

Teen Pregnancy AU

Notes: This story was sort of inspired by a storyline in one of Colleen Hoover's books, Ugly Love, but with a much happier ending. You could say it's a canon divergence of Ugly Love. I wanted to write a highschool AU where Emma and Killian are each other's firsts, so there's no past Milah or past Neal in this one. Only Captain Swan, or rather Lieutenant Duckling.

Thank you @onceuponaprincessworld as always for letting me share my ideas with you!!! You help me more than you know!

Rated: Mature

Also available: AO3 l FF.N

Chapter 1

Being the principal's son is not all it's cracked up to be.

His classmates tell him all the time, it must be nice to be the principal's son. They think it's all unicorns and rainbows, they think it's why he's never been in detention when the real reason is that he's forced to be a role model to his fellow classmates. Since Brennan Jones is not only the principal but a strict father who runs a very tight ship, both at school and at home, he sets high standards and has even higher expectations of his two sons. Killian's actually surprised he's made it three years in high school without being in detention because it feels like everything he does at home is wrong. He's constantly reminded his older brother was captain of the football team and had straight A's when he was in high school, while Killian is only a straight-A student. That’s right, just a straight-A student. He’s often lectured rather than praised. Being the principal's son has its perks, but it feels more like a prison sentence than a privilege. Today feels like a good example of this.

He's currently sitting in the administration office waiting for the new student he's supposed to show around the school and around town. His father is already chummy with her parents and boasted to his sons about how her mother is an elementary school teacher and her father is the new Pastor at Living Hope Community Church, where Brennan attends every Sunday without fail. While discussing the new girl’s enrollment at the high school, her parents asked the principal if he knew anyone who would be interested in showing their daughter around. Since Killian is in the same grade as she is and has the same classes, Brennan volunteered him.

So now he’s endowed with the task, and his father wants him to make her feel at home, show her the ropes, show her where the good places to eat are and the good crowds to hang out with. He wants her experience at Storybrooke Highschool to be an enjoyable one, and apparently Killian's experience to be an insufferable one. Sound like a privilege to you?

He should feel flattered his father saw fit to have him show the pastor’s daughter around, but it only reminds Killian that he’s tried so hard to impress his father, he may be missing out on some of the finer aspects of high school. But this is senior year—his most important year of high school.

He’s easily made straight A's in the past three years, but that didn’t matter to him. He wants to be a pilot and needs flying hours to earn his commercial pilot’s license, not a flashy college degree. Getting into a prestigious university is what his father wants for him, it’s not what Killian wants or even needs. So he’s not worried about getting into a good college, he knows he can do that no problem anyway. But he’s always been the golden boy, the teacher's pet, the principal’s son who never gets in trouble. He’s seventeen and still a virgin; perhaps it’s time he changed that. It’s his senior year, but it’s only the beginning, so perhaps it’s not too late to get into some sort of trouble.

Killian is towed from his thoughts as his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls out the device and sees a text from his best friend.

Robin: Good luck with the new girl.

Killian: More like bad luck. This feels like punishment.

Robin: Why? Is she ugly?

Killian: Haven’t met her yet. Just hate being the one always picked for these things.

Robin: Send me a pic if she’s hot.

Robin: That was Will. He already got his phone confiscated for blowing a spitball at the chalkboard, and the class hasn't even begun yet lol.

Killian chuckles and is kind of jealous he wasn’t there to see it.

Killian: Why am I not surprised?

Robin: Oi, I read that, mate. This is Will btw

Robin: Seriously though, send a pic.

Killian: Will do.

Robin: If she’s hot, Will will definitely do her.

Robin: That was Will again.

Killian: I figured.

He hears the principal's door open and slips his phone into his pocket before his father catches him texting.

Killian looks up and never wants to look away again.

One look is all it takes. His jaw is on the floor and he finds himself gasping for air because the vision before him literally takes his breath away.

“I’ve got this, thanks, Kelly,” Brennan says to the secretary when she starts to get up, but he motions for her to stay seated, flashing her the signature Jones grin.

Killian can only imagine his father is grinning at the secretary though, to which he'd roll his eyes in return, but he can't seem to take his eyes off the new girl long enough to find out.

Adorable, beautiful, breathtaking, gorgeous, ravishing, stunning.

His mind is reeling as he searches for the correct adjective, but no words are good enough. No words can adequately describe her.

Her skin is the color of smooth porcelain with a tint of pink on her delicate cheekbones and her hair falls to her waist in long, golden waves and reminds him of yellow daisies that bloom in the springtime. And her eyes… her eyes are perfectly framed by long black lashes and remind him of the forest after a fresh rainfall. Rich, green, sparkling and full of life. His eyes are drawn to her like a magnet is drawn to the right kind of metal. She's the most beautiful metal he's ever seen.

“Emma, this is my son. He’s in your first class with you and is going to show you around.”

Even though Killian's mouth is hanging open, he somehow forgets how to form words. He forgets how to stand on his two feet, he forgets how to move. It’s probably best he can't walk though, because he’d probably slip on his own drool.

“Well, aren't you going to introduce yourself to the lass or are you just going to just sit there?” his father asks, pulling Killian from his trance. There’s a bit of mirth dancing in Brennan's eyes when Killian finally pulls his gaze away from her.

He clears his throat and shakes himself from his revery, finally able to stand. He somehow manages to stride over to her without slipping on his own drool and moves his arm enough to extend his hand so she can shake it. “Killian,” is all he can utter, though rather incoherently, his voice cracked beyond repair.

The way her sweet, pliant lips curve slightly when her eyes meet his knocks the wind entirely from his lungs as she slides her delicate palm into his. As her fingertips lightly grip his hand, tiny sparks dance along his skin; he gets goosebumps all over and a warm, tingling sensation all at once. His heart is beating fast and he never wants to let go of her hand ever again. “Hi, I’m Emma.” She sounds like an angel, her voice is like soft silk and the cordial smile she graces him with reminds him of the sun, it’s bright, powerful rays radiating against a cloudless, blue sky.

Emma. Her name is Emma. “Hi, Emma,” he breathes, just to hear her name roll off his tongue. It sounds like music to his ears and he wants to write poetry about her name. He wants to write poetry about her beauty and how his heart flutters when she looks at him. (He’s never wanted to write poetry before.)

“Remember what I told you, my boy, about being a gentleman?” his father warns him.

“I'm always a gentleman,” Killian replies, never taking his eyes off Emma's. He even forgot anyone else was in the room until his father had spoken. Hell, he’d forgotten he’s still holding Emma’s hand. Well, he hadn’t forgotten, he’s still feeling the effects of her touch, the way the electric currents from her touch surge through his body, but he hadn’t realized he’s held her hand much longer than he probably should. She hasn't seemed to notice either. Nor has she taken her eyes off him.

When he pulls his palm from hers, his entire body suffers from the loss. His knees feel weak and he fears they may buckle at any moment.

Brennan furrows his brows and stares at Killian with a vigilant eye. “Alright, well I’ll leave you to it then.” He puts a hand on his son’s shoulder and whispers in his ear, “Remember, she’s the pastor’s daughter. No funny business, you hear me?”

Killian gives a complacent nod so his father will disappear into his office, which he does, leaving the most beautiful girl Killian’s ever laid eyes on in his entire life with him to take under his wing. Sure he's only seventeen and there are only so many pretty girls he's seen in his short existence, but how can anything in this world be more beautiful than her? It's not possible. He wants to kiss her beautiful lips and touch her lovely skin and do all the things he knows he's not supposed to.

No funny business. Right.

Killian’s lips tip into a smirk and it’s laced with a hint of mischief as he moves to the office door and pulls it open for her.

All that stuff he’d moaned and groaned about—something to the effect of being the principal's kid is similar to being in prison—is all rubbish. This is definitely not a punishment. More like heaven.

“Thank you,” she says appreciatively and steps over the threshold.

He takes a moment to appreciate her cute backside as the skirt of her white dress sways when she moves. Mmmm. Even her legs are gorgeous.

“Very old-fashioned of you,” she snickers playfully and turns her head, catching him staring at her as he licks at his lips.

He quickly lifts his eyes, hoping she's not offended. If she is, she gives no indication. He can't help but stare at her though. He wants to spend his whole life staring at her.

He cocks a brow as he follows behind her and escorts her to first period, which is English with Mrs. Squires. “Since when did being a gentleman go out of style?”

Emma shrugs. “I often wonder the same thing. Boys at my old school didn't open doors for girls, that’s for sure. They’d rush past them to be the first to pass through. Even the boys at church are too busy staring at me to hold doors open. My father is the only gentleman I know.”

Killian’s heart saddens a little. Emma has never experienced a gentleman except for her father? “Well, then you’re in luck, love. I’m nothing if not old-fashioned, milady, ” he says with a bow. God, he sounds like an idiot.Pull it together Jones! She’s just a girl. A very hot girl. Speaking of hot, he has to remember to take a picture of her, but now is not the right time. It would be too obvious, and what’s he supposed to say? Excuse me while I snap a photo of you so my friends can see how hot you are. Somehow he doesn’t think that will go over very well. “It shall be my goal in life—I mean in our senior year to show you a true gentleman.” Okay, life may have been the more accurate noun, but he’s trying to be subtle here. He’s doing a terrible job at being subtle though. If subtlety was a snake, it would’ve bitten him by now.

A light blush colors her cheeks as a coy smile touches her lips and it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever witnessed. “Careful with your promises, I might just hold you to them,” she teases, and he decides right then and there he loves being teased by her. He loves the hell out of it. She can call him names and be mean and bitchy to him and he would still love it.

“Oh, believe me, love, there are plenty more promises where that came from,” He flashes her a cheeky grin and points at his chest, “And I never break a promise.” He even adds a flirty wink to the signature Jones grin.

Emma's cheeks are flushed as she purses her lips, amusement dancing in her eyes. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Killian scratches nervously behind his ear as he tries to think of something to ask her. He needs a topic that will temporarily distract himself from thinking about how drawn he is to her or how fast his heart is racing right now. “So, where is this barbaric school where manners seem to have gone out of style?”

“Phoenix, Arizona.”

“Ah, I see, well I’ve never been there, but it sounds like I’m not missing out on much.”

She shakes her head. “No, you're not. The people here in Storybrooke seem much nicer,” she says. She talks about Phoenix and why her parents moved. Meanwhile, he can't stop thinking about how much he wants to spend time with her and get to know her. She tells him she’s seventeen, like him, but Emma is certainly no girl. She’s a woman. A goddess.

He’s in love with a freaking goddess.

Bloody hell. He’s only known her for roughly ten minutes and he’s already in love with her. Or so he thinks. He’s never actually been in love before, but he’s sure the feelings blooming in his heart right now can only be described as love. And yes he's had crushes on girls before, but he’s experienced nothing he could even remotely describe as love.

She tells him she wants to go to the police academy when she graduates and he tells her he wants to be a pilot. But he can't stop picturing her in a police uniform. He shudders at the thought and shakes his head to rid the thoughts from his mind. But he can't help but fixate on everything about her. Her smile, her laugh, her eyes. He wants to do nothing except stare at her all day. He’s so bewitched by her, he doesn’t realize they’ve passed the classroom until they’re at the end of the hall and she’s asking where Mrs. Squire's class is.

He blushes and points the direction they came from.

“Doesn't a pilot need to know where he's going to fly a plane?”

He nods and chuckles. “Aye, but to be fair, there are no gorgeous blondes there to distract a pilot and make him forget where he is. There are only the clouds and the sky.”

He can see her cheeks tinting with a brilliant shade of pink again as they turn around and head toward the classroom. They don't speak the rest of the way there, but they don't need to. He’s too busy watching her as she tucks some hair behind her ear and flashes him little smiles that tell him she might feel even a smidgen of what he feels for her. Which is certainly saying something.

He makes sure they don’t pass the classroom this time. When they enter the room, he looks around for two empty seats side by side and takes one. The teacher introduces her to the class before Emma makes her way to one of the empty seats. Thankfully, she’s eyeing the seat next to his and claims it as her own. He sighs silently in relief and they make eye contact briefly as Mrs. Squires continues with her lesson plan.

He pulls out his phone to discreetly snap a photo of Emma as she's paying attention to the teacher. There’s no way he’s paying attention in this class though. Not with Emma in the same room. Just before he takes the photo, she turns her head and smiles at him. His cheeks are on fire as he lowers his phone and looks away. When he's sure she's not looking at him anymore, he catches a glimpse of her, but sure enough, she's still smiling at him. His heart actually skips a beat. He can't tell if she knows he'd taken her picture or not, but based on the aim of the camera lens when he'd snapped it, she probably figured it out.

As soon as she looks away again, he looks down at his phone and unlocks it, pulling up her photo to send it to Robin, who will subsequently show it to Will. Killian is in complete awe of her perfection, even on his screen. She looks like an angel, with the picture window in the background as the sunlight seeps in, illuminating her skin, and her hair seems to glow in the soft light. His fingers fly over the keyboard as he types out a text to accompany the photo.

Killian: Gentlemen, meet Emma. Aka my future wife. Aka mother of all my future babies 😍❤😍❤😍❤😍

He sends the text and the photo with a big smirk on his face. He’s thought of the perfect way to get into trouble before he graduates. Because, it's only his first class of the year and, God help him, he’s already in BIG trouble.

#cs ff #cs ff au #captain swan #lueitenant duckling #teen pregnancy #highschool au #my fic #set my soul on fire

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killian-whump · 6 years

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OUAT 2x06: Rewatch Blog

Heeey everybody! Welcome to my rewatch liveblog of episode 2x06, “Tallahassee”. This one’s about the capital of Florida, which is called ‘The Sunshine State’ because there’s a lot of sunshine there when alligators aren’t eating you and/or meth addicts aren’t eating your face off.

Wait, what? Oh, my research team has just informed me that this episode isn’t actually about Florida at all - it’s about beanstalk adventures and flashbacks to Emma’s history with Neal. So no alligators most likely. Okay.

Well, let’s get started!

Well, this is off to a great start already! Every episode should start with Killian Jones tied up in some way, shape, or form. Nice!

“Freakier than I remembered from the story.” YOU AIN’T KIDDING.

“Reminds me of death.” Whoa, now that’s a little melodramatic.

Awww, lookit his face D: “Please untie me missus” *flails at him*

Mmm... Angry untying. That’s nice. The leather’s back. Saucy Hook, yay. “Don’t be afraid to, you know, really get into it.” Haha, he’s so cute <3

I HAVE SUCH A BONE TO PICK AND I’M GONNA PICK IT RIGHT NOW.

Flashback Emma’s glasses really bug me. Like, we see NO sign of poor eyesight in any of the young Emma flashbacks, and no signs of poor vision in present day Emma. It’s like she developed poor eyesight for an isolated year or two in her late teens and it just... cleared up?

Oh, I know, I know, she could’ve switched to contacts. Right. However, we see no evidence of that, either. No glasses in the morning or late at night. No issues with spending an extended time in the Enchanted Forest without access to either glasses or proper contact lens care. No vision impairment on Princess Emma in S6 who wouldn’t have access to glasses OR contacts, etc, etc.

So maybe Lasik surgery? Okay, but how would she have access to an expensive medical procedure that insurance didn’t cover (assuming she even HAD insurance, which, given her age and financial situation, is doubtful)?

It’s like the writers gave her glasses as a cute little character quirk in this awkward “ugly duckling” stage of her life without having any idea how glasses and bad vision actually work. Which would be ridiculous, considering Adam and Eddy both fucking wear glasses.

...and then they went and did it again with Robin in S7. No glasses on her primary persona, but her cursed persona needs them to see. And after the curse is broken... she still apparently needs them. WTF, show?!

Okay, but that outfit is super cute, glasses and all.

Yellow Bug origin story, guys! Is there a ship name for Emma and her car? Like, SwanBug or something? There should be if there isn’t. It’s so pure <3

Hahaha, Neal, you little shit. That grin of his is kinda cute.

~ TITLE CAAAAAAAAAARD!!! ~

Not sure why antis pick on that line of Neal’s about women. I mean, I’m not a huge fan of his, but it’s pretty obvious he’s reading the cop and (correctly) guessing on how to play him to get him to let them off. And Emma even calls him on it immediately - and he basically implies that’s exactly what he was doing. Antis don’t make any sense sometimes.

Okay, not as cute now... kinda smarmy. (Hi Ashley!)

Aaaaaaaaaaaand back to the beanstalk!

Oh, they kinda are getting really into it, aren’t they? Haha.

You know, I find it really hard to believe that Killian Jones would ever use the phrase “Tick, Tock” in casual speech. I’m just saying.

“I was hoping it’d be you.” :D

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ “Don’t think I’m taking my eyes off you for a second.”

“I would despair if you did.” ∩(︶▽︶)∩

One of my favorite Captain Swan moments riiiiight here:

HOLD MY PURSE, BITCH

And he follows after her like an eager puppy. Total subbie.

DRAMATIC MUUUUUSIC!

*sips beverage* Still climbing, huh? Seriously, though. Did they climb that far without talking at all? Or did Hook just chatter endlessly the whole time? Somebody better have written a fic of him babbling at her for hours.

“I love a challenge!” Hee hee! <3

“That’s not perception, that’s eavesdropping.” And he doesn’t deny it, lol.

“No, I’ve never been in love.” Okay, but she’s obviously lying. That’s a terribly transparent lie, Emma. You can do better.

The sniffing face, heehee.

That’s a pretty good ruse, though. I mean, really. People just sort of trust expectant parents. Although I’m sure it worked better 10 years ago than it would today.

Imagine if she’d pointed higher up. “Our future awaits us in... Detroit.” “Umm, lemme point again.” “No, no, that first point was legally binding.”

“I don’t really... sleep now.” Oh, sure. That’s normal.

This scene’s kinda boring :/

♫ Welcome to the laaaaaaaaaand of CGI and Giiiiiiiiiiiants ♫

“What happened here?” I mean, he kinda told you earlier in the episode.

“Giants can smell blood... and I’m always a gentleman.” <3

The cheerful way he says, “It’s rum!” XD

...and now my entire female reproductive system has died. That is the seventh time this month, dammit. This man is a menace.

Milah angst. Someone hold me T_T

I kinda don’t care about Neal’s problems.

I like this shade of lipstick on Emma, though. Okay, actually, I just like that shade of lipstick. Fun KW fact: Whenever I’m out and buy a new shade of lipstick, when I get home, I always discover it’s the same as all the other shades of lipstick I’ve bought, thinking they were different and so pretty. They’re all this color.

Colin sounds weird when he says, “You ready?”

You swing that bone, big guy! The things this show had him do XD

...It’s Jorge!!! :D Hi Jorge!!! :D I love him! I loved him on Lost, too. He’s just got such a lovely smile. He not smilin’ now, tho. Looks kinda grumpy.

“You big git!” Hahaha, that’s the best he’s got, apparently XD “You wanna kill a human, eh? You wanna kill a human?” The way Colin says “human” here makes me laugh for some reason, and he does it twice XD “Come on!”

“Come on then! Come on then!” I wonder if Colin’s flashing back to that role he played as a football hooligan in Love Is the Drug XD

Him popping up. This scene is so silly and ridiculous. I confess, it’s not one of my favorites, because it kinda borders on cringey in it’s ridiculousness, but it’s also unintentionally hilarious, so...

She’s so relieved <3

This is a good scene. I don’t have much to say about it, but it’s a good scene. Laying the groundwork for the big reveal of Henry being in the room. Ooooh. Also, I love Snow looking after Aurora.

And Aurora’s tiara or hair decorations or... whatever that is... is so pretty.

“What’s your rush?” Hahaha, you adorable idiot. “How long do you think magic knock out powder lasts?” “I’ve no clue,” as he sniffs coins like a derelict. “That’s my rush.” Like, why does she even have to explain this to him? XD

“Everything we need is right in front of us!” Everyone always turns this into some kind of big CS line, but I always thought it just... triggered a memory for Emma, hence the segue into the next flashback. They weren’t even really facing each other when he said it, so I don’t think it was intended to be foreshadowing. Just my opinion, though. Not legally binding :P

Nice sword, Jack. Not pompous at all.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Epic scene alert. “That’s a plausible excuse for grabbing me, but next time, don’t stand on ceremony.” Yooou fucking idiot <3

EAR SCRATCH *jumps on him* *rides him home*

Yeah, I know. All the liveblogs are gonna be like this. I’m so sorry.

Emma, too, is wondering what she’s gotten herself into. “Oh no. He’s sexy and absolutely ridiculous all at once. I am so fucked.” I think this was the moment she realized she liked him. That fucking menace.

Ugh. This train is just speeding towards derailment D: I hate storylines like this, when you just know the shoe’s gonna drop and-

Uh huh. Here’s August now, dropping shoes all over the place.

That drove me nuts the first time, not knowing what was in the fucking box.

And why did she have to go to jail? Like, dump her, leave her alone, fine, but sending her to jail is a bit... extra, isn’t it?

Ah, she’s so broken :( Alexa, play Despacito.

“Try something new, darling. It’s called trust.”

WHUMP! It’s whump!!! Buried in Rock Rubble Whump!!! :D

She’s even more panicked this time. Nice.

Jorge is mad.

Hahaha, I can’t stop seeing Jen in the green donut, though.

This scene is all pretty great, really. I forgot I was liveblogging.

Sweet, summer child. You’re so enamored with Emma and the compass and... Aw, geez. This is why Colin’s a menace. It doesn’t matter who he’s playing or what you think of them. He puts these faces on and tugs your heartstrings and suddenly you’re like, “Oh, look at this sweet, sincere little nugget!”

And then this happens...

It’s whump! BUT WHY DOES IT HURT MY SOUL D:

And then his voice shakes a little. “What are you doing?”

“Emma... Look at me. Have I told you a lie?” D:

“Why do this to me now?”

“You’re just gonna leave me here to die? Let that beast eat me, to crush my bones?” T_T

“SWAAAAN!!!!” He’s so fucking scared D: I died.

Hahahaha, SNOW WHITE WITH THE TACKLE.

I love how Aurora’s the only one who asks about Hook XD

Congratulations. You get a car. And a baby. When you get out of jail.

THIS IS THE WORST GAME SHOW EVER.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN BIG REVEAL!!!

...and the end! PEW PEW PEW!!! <3

#ouat rewatch #ouat liveblog #watching fairytales #2x06 #ouat criticism #kw reviews

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killian-whump · 6 years

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OUAT 2x11: Rewatch Blog

Alright, everybody. Buckle yourselves in, because this is gonna be one WILD ride of a Rewatch Blog right here. Today’s episode is “The Outsider” - also known as “The Episode Where Killian Jones Is Attacked with a Bookshelf, Beaned with an Oar, Knocked into the Hold of His Own Ship, Beaten with a Cane, Almost Straight-Up Murdered, Slapped and Demeaned, Having Just About the Worst Day Humanly Possible... Then Gets Hit By a Car”.

There’s going to be a lot of flailing. There’s going to be a lot of GIFs.

And you’ll probably never see another Rewatch Blog from me, because I will be blogging and reblogging content from this episode for the rest of my life, because the sheer quantity of whump in this one episode is mind-boggling.

At any rate, let’s get on with the show!

You know, it’s a good thing Mr. Gold shelled out the money for a nice luxury car, because that trunk space seems to really come in handy for him.

Smee bondage and whump, if anyone’s into that ;)

Oh no, is this the episode with the Mogwai that isn’t actually a Mogwai, but I always think it’s a Mogwai because that’s the name that sticks in my head? I’m terrible at knowing which episode is which unless it’s cataloging Killian whump, then I know all. Anyway, this title card is kinda unimpressive.

Aww... It’s a funeral :( Sweet words from Snow, but I keep wondering who the poor sap is that’s actually buried in that coffin... and did they dig him/her up later and give them a proper burial under their own name? Or just figure, “Eh, that’ll do” and just forget about it?

I love how Pongo doesn’t actually seem sad, too. Easily ignored on first viewing, but on second viewing, he totally looks like, “Dudes... Why are we here?”

Mmm... I love it when Colin’s being aggressive and wicked <3

“I only have enough of this potion for one object.” And I don’t suppose you could, like, make more of it or anything XD This show is so silly sometimes.

Oh, it IS the Mogwai-that-isn’t-a-Mogwai episode. Know how I know? Here’s how I know: That’s the episode Belle makes this epic face in:

I feel you, Belle. I feel you.

Yaoguai. Yaoguai. NOT a Mogwai. Give me 20 minutes, it’ll be a Mogwai again.

“No man has been able to kill it.” Oh, I’ve heard THAT before.

La la la la la, Happy Day, Happy Morning, Happy Library.

OH SHIT, THERE’S A HOT PIRATE IN THE LIBRARY.

Aaaaaaaaaand there’s some improper usage of library resources. Incidentally, this is one of my favorite Hook bestings, because not everyone can say they were bested by a librarian with a cart of books.

Action Hook! Leaping and running...right into that door. Not his best moment. Oh, I know. Let’s hit the door. That should help. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

Umm... Convenient cell phone issues, ahoy! That’s always annoyed me.

“I trust you’ve seen one before.” Kinda snarky for someone setting out on a quest with the guy, I mean, at least try to make friends?

Nevermind, that dude’s an asshole. Although to be fair, she was rude first.

“It’s taken me weeks to track the Mogwai Yaoguai here.” “Yeah, I found it in a day.” Seriously, Belle? Seriously?! Tact.

‘I just can’t understand why people are being so mean to me...’

See, I don’t understand the convenient cell phone outage, when Gold’s just going to rush right over and find her and get the whole story from her anyway. Like, what purpose did that odd snafu cause? She could’ve just as easily gotten the message across on the phone or simply said, “Rumple! Help!” and explained more when he got there, and we wouldn’t have to suspend belief that her cell phone just mysteriously stopped getting reception right when she needed it.

Every time I watch this episode, they always leave out the best part.

“I managed to wrangle up a Pop Tart.” Emma, you culinary genius.

“No one is here.” “Yet.” FORESHADOWING!!!!

“This is really not your concern.” HE JUST STRAIGHT UP TRIED TO KILL HER, RUMPLE. I think that makes it her concern. “He attacked me. It most definitely is my concern.” See?! Even Belle agrees with me.

“She died. That’s all that matters.” Ummmmmmmmmm...

Surprisingly good plan, actually. And it makes sense how Smee would know all of this (although how he knew about the shawl is a mystery). I would’ve liked to have seen Smee and Hook reunite, though :(

Wow, Gold... Kinda being a major jerk right now. “How exactly are you gonna help me?!” I mean, it’s a valid question, but seriously. TACT, people.

“Promise me that you going after Hook is just about getting the shawl back.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, no. Kudos to him for not lying here, though.

“Wait, you’re a-” “Yeah, I know.” Heehee! :D

Oh no, the Monkey’s Fist that launched a million headcanons...

To be real, I don’t really buy into the headcanons, since a Monkey’s Fist is a ridiculously common knot and one used as a counterweight on sailing vessels, but I’m always a fan of painful headcanons, so I like it, anyway.

That said, I don’t even know why it was necessary. I mean, he’s a pirate. Seems like a no-brainer that he might’ve come to this realm with, you know, a ship. It just seems like a convoluted way to have Belle be able to use her book smarts to solve a mystery that shouldn’t be a mystery at all.

Awww... Smee is cute as a rat :D

LOL, I love the way Belle walks with the gun, swinging it like it’s a handbag or something. Haha. Gun safety classes. Pronto.

See, now THAT was clever sleuthing, hearing the ship, seeing the birds landing on something that isn’t there... and especially tossing the sand.

Action Belle! Rescuing Archie! Woowoo!

...straight into dish drying. Seriously, the segues on this show...

Umm... Listening in on extensions isn’t really cool.

“How did he get in here?” He pushed the door right open. We watched him do it, like, 5 seconds ago. You didn’t lock the door, obviously. DON’T YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A TOWN WITH EVIL VILLAINS RUNNING AMOK? Although, to be fair, those villains aren’t the kind who let door locks stop them, so why bother... but then don’t act surprised when dogs push your front door open!

...Also, giving your kid a dog without asking the people you live with if that’s okay is also not cool. Just saying, haha.

You know, I’d question the likelihood of Hook hiding the key to a locked box literally right next to the box in question, but this is a man who also hid the Shears of Motherfucking Destiny in a tool box in the shed, so...

“That doesn’t belong to you.” Like that’s gonna work, haha.

I knew she shouldn’t have set the gun down.

“You are.” “Me?” Yes, you and your fantastic cleavage.

To his credit, he didn’t just blow her head off right here, when he easily could’ve.

Aaaaaand now it’s time for ridiculously sexual conversating.

Aw, random Millian feels T_T “Because she made it.” T_T

“Died. Like it was some kind of accident. Is that what he told you?” That really was a pretty massive whitewashing Rumple did right there.

“His heart is true... and yours? Yours is rotten.” Okay, Jan.

Heeeeeeeeeeey, that’s not Colin!

No matter what the occasion or the peril, it’s always a good time for puns.

HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP YAAAAAY

“You may want to turn away, Belle. This isn’t gonna be pretty.” I beg to differ. This scene is beautiful, actually. All kinds of blood and pain and wavering voices and begging for death and slapping and humiliation... Yum.

I did warn you guys there would be flailing.

WHY WOULD YOU CUT AWAY FROM THAT SCENE. THIS IS WHY THE MOGWAI ANGERS ME. DON’T CUT AWAY FROM HOOK WHUMP FOR SILLY MOGWAIS OR WHATEVER THEY ARE *flail*

Also, he should’ve been naked. I mean, it makes sense. And... naked.

“Do it! Do it! Kill me! He has to show you how powerful he is. Rip my heart out. Kill me like you did Milah, and then I’ll finally be reunited with her.”

THAT HURTS ME, GUYS. IT HURTS ME T_T My baby...

Rumple’s response makes me laugh every time, though.

‘I MEAN, COME ON, NOW I LITERALLY HAVE TO.’

Oh gods, guys, that slap is my favorite Hook slap ever. It’s just so patronizing and insulting and... AHH, I’M ALIVE.

...and that tiny smirk at the very end. Homeboy’s not done with yoooou :D

Domestic issues over house hunting in aisle three.

It’s really sad when little boys want to build armories to protect themselves from their Other Mom :( Seriously, show. That’s a low blow :(

Well, here we are... Late night drive... Five minutes left in the show... Not like anything much is gonna happen here...

Oh, a random flashback... Evil Queen capturing Belle... Nice, nice.

Only three minutes left now, awww, Gold can leave town <3

Two minutes left now, it’s not like they have time to- OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHOT BELLE

OH MY GOD HE LOOKS HOT BLOODY AND FIRING A GUN

“Oh, fear not, she’ll live. She’ll just have no idea who you are.” “What you’ve done cannot be undone!!!” “Well, now you finally know how it feels!” I love that exchange. Really and truly <3

Only one minute to go, there’s no way there could be any more unexpected twists or turns or - OH MY GOD IT’S A CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT RUMPLE MOVE

OH MY GOD HOOK GOT HIT BY THE CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT FUCKER FLY!

OH MY GOD I THINK HE’S DEAD D:

(Spoiler Alert: He’s not dead.)

OH MY GOD THAT’S THE END

OH MY GOD PEW PEW PEW PEW

#OH MY GOD #2x11 #ouat rewatch #ouat liveblog #watching fairytales #oc #kw reviews

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