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godslayingenthusiast · 2 years

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I don’t know if you do asks but I wanted to ask anyway. I’ve been reading holy nonsense and I really like it (especially cramulus and reverend Roger) but there’s something that’s been keeping me up.

What do you do if you’re too sensitive for The Revolution™️? I struggle with depression and anxiety and Idk maybe I’m just a little bitch but there’s all this talk about dying for freedom and fighting for what’s right even when it’s helpless, and I just can’t do that! Like, I have a pretty cushy life and I still struggle with doing basic tasks. How I could I even begin to help others, let alone die for them?

I can’t even make like small sacrifices or anything because of this shit. Can’t watch the news because if it’ll make me miserable. Can’t donate a significant amount to any charity because I don’t have enough. I can’t be homeless! I can’t just suddenly stop using technology and go vegan.

I keep reading all this stuff like “Are you really awake? How could let THEM do this to you?” And I literally just have no energy to stop them! I’m the idiot that just lazily prays for change because there’s nothing else I can do! I just feel awful because I feel like I’m nothing people need me to be.

I just feel weird because I want to be this martyr that’s saves everyone or inspires some kind of change. I wish I could just cast it all aside and leave society like roger could but I can’t. I don’t know what to do.

So, for starters, please take Breathe and You Are Enough to heart. (pages 206 and 208 of HN2020)

I'm not Roger, but at this point I'm much more involved in activities that you might consider to be The Revolution than he is. I spend a lot of time yelling at nazis and putting my body between protestors and cops. I also have done grassroots lobbying (the kind where you talk to your reps directly, not the creepy paid industry kind). I've worked on political campaigns, run for local office, gotten pepper sprayed, I even delivered a dramatic speech on the Concord Battle Ground in the pouring rain. One time I made a video and people in another country painted my words on a banner they carried. Not saying this to brag, I just want you to understand who I am so maybe you'll believe the next part.

Sometimes, surviving is all you can do. It doesn't make you a bad person. Just being your weirdass self is doing good in the world. It's doing a lot more good than hating yourself for failing to be a Good Martyr TM.

That said, it feels good to do good for others, and I bet there are some things you can do now, and some things you may be able to build towards. This is a long list because it's a "throw it at the wall" situation, you try a few things and figure out what's doable and what's sustainable:

Attend a town hall or similar gathering for your state representative

Attend city council or town meeting

Ask at city/town hall or the library for a calendar of local events (or check to see if one exists online) and choose one or two that sound interesting to you

Print out posters or art and post them on lampposts

Make chalk art in public spaces

Wear a dumb costume somewhere on a day that is not Halloween

Sing, preach, rant, or recite poetry in a public square

Give $5 to the homeless guy

Start a conversation at the bus stop

Attend a march with a friend (if you want specific pointers on how to pack and what to expect I can expand on that)

Read or otherwise consume anti-racist materials

Watch garbage tv/movies from another country with subtitles (live action only)

Be open to educating others about your experience, and listen when others offer their experiences

Write down what your values are, and ask people you trust for ways you can more closely live them

Another thing you can do is to provide emotional and practical support to people who are temperamentally equipped to fight on the front lines for the things you believe. One time I came back from a counterprotest to a warm meal from a friend who wanted to hear all about it and help me decompress, and you cannot believe what a game changer that is. There is more to The Revolution than the stuff that makes the news. Sometimes, it's a plate of meatballs and a warm cup of tea.

In the end, though, you don't have to turn yourself inside out and you don't have to crush yourself into a tiny little ball to minimize your impact. Living is not about making yourself small, it's about blossoming into whatever you were meant to be. Keep being kind to yourself, keep trying new things, and for the love of all that is good on this green earth,

keep breathing.

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