#living here has made me far more pro-minnesota than i ever expected to be though | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

carlosbriganti74 · 7 years

Text

BIGFOOT lives, no honest it really does - and here's 10 reasons why

Deciding whether or not to put this feature together was a tough one. Its something which I've had to keep on the low, bar telling a few friends that is. Those who I can just about handle laughing at me for making such a wild claim. But its after 5 months or so of much on-line research (or rather listening to Bigfoot sightings on Youtube podcasts while on smoke breaks at work) that my whole thinking and out look on the world, man and life itself has been turned upside down, big style! Leaving me with no other option but to share my findings and either turn your world upside down too or at least give you and your friends and good laugh, like my mine did. So here it is - Bigfoot really does exist, and the United States Government do not want you at all to know anything about this, never mind talk about it. Below are even more reasons why its time to maybe start believing in the existence of what we know as Bigfoot.

1) Bigfoot History

First of all... what exactly is Bigfoot? The missing link, sub-human or pro-typical primitive primate, who knows?. A popular theory though is that BF is in fact 'Gigantopithecus' . An extinct genus of ape that existed from perhaps nine million years to as recently as one hundred thousand years ago in what is now China, India and Vietnam. Many Scientists claim these human-ape like creatures originated in the Caucasus Mountains/Central Asia, which would explain their easy accessibility to the new world and surviving the Ice-Age by crossing over the land bridge.

But it was actually the legendary Nordic viking Leif Ericson who wrote down the first recorded sighting of Bigfoot. In which the feared viking chief, who was the first to land in N,America in 986 AD came across Sasquatch and described them as "horribly ugly, hairy, swarthy and with great black eyes". Adding that they were also "loud, foul smelling and towered over his men" scaring the vikings away from their discovery of then new world.

Aside from the rather comical 'Finding Bigfoot' series shown today on US TV where so called 'experts' go 'Squatchin'. Which if anything mocks the whole research around Sasquatch with its daft attempts to lure them out in the open in front of a TV camera crew as they paint the creature as the gentle giant of the forest, which it definitely is not. Sasquatch history in the US in fact goes back many centuries with the native American Indian culture being the most familiar with the being. With their history recording many gruesome tales of their battle to live alongside Sasquatch (the very name Sasquatch comes from native American culture also), even today Indian reservations are sighted still as major BF hotspots. More than that there's a list of old time Bigfoot sightings and incidents which can still be found written up in old United States newspapers, some going back as far as 150 to 200 years ago. But aside from this the research going into finding Bigfoot today is now bigger than ever. Our ability to share information, and more importantly the sightings and experiences of hundreds of every day Americans has very much sparked what is with out doubt the biggest search ever staged in the US to find Sasquatch.

2) Bigfoot Sightings through the Ages

Many sightings come from those who obvisouly spend much time in the woods. Deer hunters probably spend more time in the woods than anybody, so it's no wonder that every year reports of Bigfoot sightings come from hunters as well as hikers and campers. Also in the southern states many sightings have come from the weed growers, who understandedly prefer to keep their experinces to themselves so not to bring attention to why they were in the forests in the first place. But with multitudes of sightings, almost weekly with many sightings give the same defining descriptions as each other. With a foul smelling odour in the forests, howling noises never heard before and the feeling of losing all sense power over themselves. going weak at the knees, unable to speak never mind the ability to run away.

The effects on people who have come across Bigfoot have ranged from people losing control of their bodily fluids to all out panic, some have gone on to go to pieces like one chap from Canada who ended up losing his wife, kids and job, hitting the bottle then sadly committing suicide, though many also go on to become researchers themselves with Bigfoot taking over their whole life's. In terms of the area's BF lives in its now believed that migration roots from Canada down both sides of the US coasts are the main stomping grounds of BF with most sightings happening around the summer months. With the more aggressive Bigfoot species in and around Texas and Louisiana where they have been known many times to of attacked, even kill people who live in the main hotspots of the state. Sasquatch, also known to the people of Texas as 'Buggers' are said to be quite aware of the 'man of the woods' which is believed that if you leave them alone they will you alone. But they're also known to keep it to themselves rarely sharing their experiences with 'outsiders'. An understanding which has stayed the same within southern state folklore since the first pioneers set foot in there around the late 1600's.

3) Video Evidence

Yep, there's a stack of phony so called live videos of Bigfoot out there and most of us have seen them. Many of them nothing more than a joke with some guy in a hairy costume leaving what could be just a handful of films as the read thing, but if one video is in fact the real deal then surely it must exist? So make your own mind up and watch the video below showing some of the more popular and trusted Sasquatch sightings out there today. Including such sightings as the 'Harley Hoffman' and the 'Marble Mountian' video and the 'Minnesota Red', shot in 2011.

Though while there's plenty of video sightings out there on line today there's also meant to be many more video sightings which have never been seen by the public. Some reportedly clear as bell, full of detail showing what looks to be the real thing owned by researchers all around the US. But researchers themselves have become so cautious over releasing video evidence of Sasquatch down the years due to the hassle which has gone hand in hand with releasing such videos.

TOP 28 Bigfoot videos

https://youtu.be/ld7y3R7BW-4

But still classed as the most compelling BF video evidence ever filmed is with out doubt the famous 'Patterson/Gimlin' film of 1967, shot at Bluff Creek/C.A (known as 'Patty' due to the beings visible pair of breasts). A film which has been proven time and time again to be the real by a wide range of experts who claim its walk, bone and muscle structure as well as its length of arms and legs are much different to those of a human being. Making them the main deciding factors why Patty is believed to be the real deal. Its a video today which is still being very much worked on as well talked about, in fact more than ever as the net has given the people their own chance to brake the video down, edit it, blow it up and really study it by coming up with new and clever pieces of evidence all the time. Supporting the fact that the Patterson/Gimlin film is in fact genuine and by far still the most referred to Sasquatch footage ever filmed. While there's plenty of video sightings out there on line today there's also meant to be many more video sightings which have never been seen by the public. Some reportedly clear as bell, full of detail and showing what looks to be totally real thing owned by researchers all around the US. But researchers themselves have become so what cautious over releasing video evidence of Sasquatch down the years due to the hassle which has gone with releasing such videos, resulting in them yet to be released for the world to see. But its until an actual body/specimen is found, or unfortunately killed that the question of 'is it real' stays unanswered.

Patterson/Gimlin film

https://youtu.be/Us6jo8bl2lk

4) Sound

Apparently many people who have come into contact with Sasquatch become the victims of the creatures massively powerful screams, whaling's, calls and overall presence. Enough to actually vibrate your guts, literally. Which is put down to the fact some people lose the power to flee leaving some of them stationary and totally overwhelmed. Listen to the high quality recorded sounds of Sasquatch on the video above 'top 28 Bigfoot video's' @20:10 mins, Some of those calls are unlike anything you've ever heard before...a sound you'd expect from some sort of 10ft human/primate perhaps. A researcher called Ron Morehaed amazingly caught on tape the sounds of both a supposed male and female Sasquatch actually communicating to each other, apparently arguing with each other. Which is described a 'samuri talk' by researchers it almost sounds like two Russians speaking but speeded up, or something similar. Sent to a speech language expert and found to be natural sounds, in other words not man made or technically created leaving these recordings part of some of the most interesting finds ever made of Bigfoot.

5) Physical Evidence

Rick Dyer's Bigfoot Hoax - Toy Maker Makes Fake Bigfoot Body

With no actual complete speciman ever found the Bigfoot physical evidence is manily made up of footcasts, casts which run into 100's taken from almost every state. Though again not all peices of evidence can be taken as genuine but even if one foot cast is real it would obviosuly mean Sasquatch really does live. One famous cast, the 'Skookum' cast was said to be off a Sasquatch lying down on a mud bank reaching over to grab some fruit which was left out by researchers. For some time it was held up as one of the finest casts ever taken until it was strongly believed to be fake. Just another example of how far people will go to produce BF evidence. Though no actual bones of Sasquatch have ever been found you've only to ask a hunter who has spent most of the their lives in the woods if they have ever found a bears bones, which is 99% of the time 'no'. Reports also believe that Bigfoot actually take away and bury their dead, something which people who have professed to have shot and killed Bigfoot before have testiefied to. Other evidence includes hair samples which has meant to of been found some years ago in which hi-tech labs could not name the bones actual DNA, though mimicking human and primate DNA looks like nothing thats ever been tested before.

6) US Government

Homeland Security is on the case, and they're not messing around. With many reports, and complaints by US citizens who have made sightings and have then gone on to receive visits from the 'Men in Black'. Who its been claimed that they've even threatened sight seers and reporters of Sasquatch, being repeatedly told in these home visits that 'you didn't see a Bigfoot'. Those who have gone on to make more noise over their sightings have even been either mocked or sternly warned by authorities, some have even gone on to lose their jobs. Though it hasn't stopped some who have given their claims and experiences undercover. Including sightings by FBI officers, soldiers and even state officials who have felt compelled to let their story be known, much to the displeasure of the US authorities. As well as Homeland Security making home calls to people who have dared talk of their experiences, many Bigfoot researchers have also been known to have been not only pulled over but harassed by government officials/federal agents. Being ordered out of national parks and forests with some researchers even arrested and later banned from entering BF hotspots. So why all the fuss? the US Government know whats going on and for some reason are happy to contain it while troubling law abiding visitors to US forests. So if the US government are busy trying to shut BF research down you know somethings got to be going on.

As well as the government interest there's also the issue of the media, who rarely show anything BF on the news despite that is when they are openly mocking the subject as just a farce. So very much like the Kennedy assassination was ignored by the press only for the 'people' to take it on. Its the same story with Sasquatch as its the American people, not the authorities who have researched this subject ever since the Patterson/Gimlin film of the late 60's. And they carry on to do so even more in this age of the Internet where they've collectively made massive steps in the search for Bigfoot within the last 5years.

7) Missing People of the Woods

A very worrying issue indeed, Over 4000 mpeople have disapeared in the last decade in US National Parks and the US Government still refuse to release any information on it at all. Dr David Paulides paints probably the most worrying factor about Sasquatch/Bigfoot which we're aware of today, yet thanks to the US authorities keeping a tight lid of anything Sasquatch related if you haven't done your home work on it you'll of never of heard of the high numbers of missing people who travelling through the US national parks only to disappear into thin air, or so it seems anyway Listen to this talk by Paulides on the work he's done on trying to get to the bottom of one of the US's biggest outdoor mysterys of today.

8) Washington State acknowledges Sasquatch -

In 1975, the US Army Corps of Engineers actually included, and more importantly acknowledged Sasquatch as a unknown species in Washington state. One of Bigfoot's most renowned spots in the U.S.A which has accounted for many latter day sightings of the creature (check the sightings map above). Written up in the 'Washington Environmental Atlas' it made it actually illegal to shoot or kill a Bigfoot as a unknown/unrecognised species. But this acknowledgement infuriated the FBI and refuted their 'verification' of existence, backing-down the Army Environmental Atlas Editor on making such a claim the following year in 1976.

9) Bigfoot murder

Without doubt the most scary and gruesome thing about the whole Bigfoot question are the multiple accounts, stories and official reports of Sasquatch killing visitors to the national parks and forests of the US, its almost like a real life account of your average gory horror flick where the hunter, trekker or .... gets taken off their feet and ripped apart. But this time its all meant to be true, really happening

The reason why the Government are not so much acknowledge Bigfoot/Sasquatch very...1 is that they are actually involved in the breeding of the being, for what?, who know, another is that old issue of money...the effect on the timber industry if Sasquatch was actually confirmed as a living being in the national parks, Federal land and private land of America would mean a mass loss to the US economy due to the most probable outcome of declaring these lands as 'untouchable' and to be left to the Sasquatch to live in. This has been worked out to have an 4% drop in the US economy, mainly hitting the timber trade and the other industries which work alongside it

US wont release records.....David Paulides reports on missing ppl...over 4,000 people have disappeared in US National Parks in last decade. They simply vanished, no trace, no tracks, nothing. Though there have been some that have been found. These are confirmed reports which state some missing people have been found, mostly stuck up in trees...and it gets a lot worse. There are also matching claims that people have been found with their heads twisted all the way round. Yep, sounds like a standard horror flick doesn't it and I for one at the beginning of discovering all of this info was not having one bit. But again these are claims/reports which have been repeated too many times by too many people to be written off as lies.

David Paulides - Missing 411 & Bigfoot DNA

https://youtu.be/CeT2FG88PIM

10) Witness Accounts/Experiences

Something which we can all listen to, think over and come to our own conclusions whether to believe in the hundreds, now probably thousands of accounts and sightings which are made by the average American and are now all over the net, or not. For me personally its these accounts on the podcasts which has turned me on to the whole notion of Bigfoot and its existence...these people sound just too true, sounding either shook up, over-whelmed or just plain mystified for all of them to be making it up. A favourite and trusted source of sightings, information and theories is the 'Sasquatch Chronicles.com' with hosts Woody, Wes and Will, or there's the 'Bigfoot Hotspot Radio' also on Youtube with a quality BF podcast show. Check them out and listen for yourself, because right now there is just too much activity going on whether it be from the US government, activity being caught on tape (now we all have a camera on our phones), the people talking about their own experiences as well as the scientific progress being made with actual unidentified DNA being discovered and strongly believed as belonging to Sasquatch -

listen to the sighting below which features a delivery driver who accidentally nearly ended up as Bigfoot's supper, obviously still very shaken from his experience its hard not to believe this poor guys account. At the end of the day Sasquatch is either the greatest con of the era of in fact really happening right now, as we speak - you decide...?

youtube

#by Carl Stanley

1 note · View note

kubyrant-blog · 6 years

Text

NHL Playoff Night Game 3s - Kings Goes Down 0-3 - Minnesota Finally Exploits Jet-D - OV Scores Twice in Second Period Collapse (PART 1)

First ever Tumblr Post, so you can be sure that I simply have no idea what I’m doing. But gonna try to summarized my thoughts in simple points.

So the biggest news of the night was Kings losing 3-2 to the Vegas Golden Knights in a span of 21 seconds. Yes, not even enough time to past gas if you’re going for a two timer.

I don’t personally feel it’s fair to blame the loss entirely on the Kings, as they played a very solid defensive game all the way to that point in the game, but let’s say we are just being respectful to the game that Jonathan Quick had tonight looking like a reborn Stanley Cup goaltender. I mean he still is a top-notch goalie, but I’m going to be honest, I don’t even know who was defending on the ice in front of him when I saw the two goals, both live. First one was this slick juke (by James neal I heard when they reported the goal), spinning off the defender from the boards and beating Quick five-hole. That was a tough one because the guy had a airplane landing path to the net, literally, and then on the second goal, the pass was a flick back-hand no-look pass made with two Kings hounding the Knight player carrying the puck from behind the net, and the player who eventually scored, was (hear this) drafted 53 overall in the second round in 2011, now you can also imagine the season that the Knights are having. No one thought he was going to score 43 goals this season (because last season he only scored 6 playing for the Columbus Blue Jackets), he potted the game-winner past quick with a perfect redirect shot to the far left corner of the net (William Karlsson is this stud fella’s name, a young Swedish player of course, as you do expect in these days NHL formidable stars).

Remember the other surprise this season though, is that the Kings missed the playoff last season, but this season they were able to record half a goal more per game. However you want to intuitively believe in “stat’ in the hockey world, it did make a difference in securing the LA. Kings into a post-season spot, but truth be told when any of the possible equations to evaluate tonight’s match-up between the two teams, is factoring the importance of an ‘eye-test’ gained by simply watching the game, I think it’s rather definitely just a disappointment that the Kings couldn’t get the game back to a possible even 2-2, as they got ‘royally’ out-played, out-skilled, and out-coached by the Vegas Golden Knights in Game 4, who just smartly out-scored & found the back of the net at the key opportunistic moments that happened in the game.

It was in the third period, it happened tonight. Within just this span of 21 seconds as mentioned, they swiftly put two pucks behind Jonathan Quick, who by my standards played good enough to take absolutely no blame for the loss, given he was stopping pucks through screens, tips, and those blatant give-way leading to odd-man and break-away opportunities for the Golden Knights, but did get beat on the first goal unluckily with the puck going five-hole (still really not his fault when the guy dumbly reached and got burned by James Neal off the board), and then he got beat again on a bang-bang play behind the net, when the puck shot out from off the board onto the stick of an uncovered William Karlsson (bad type feeling for goalies, worse than a 2-on-1 imo because instead of having a ‘lounging’ chance at the pass-shot, with the tight quarter pass the goalie has no chance to properly react anyhow from his crease, plus Karlsson also put it perfectly to the left far post, so unless he grew an inch or two that was a sure goal executed to perfection by the Knight’s forward). And following the two goals, the Kings simply couldn’t muster enough offensive support to help their deserving moving wall of a man in the crease, thus dropped their third consecutive contest to the Knights. You could say defensive zone break-downs, where guys are simply left with their stick unchecked for chances, may be the sure thing that the Kings need to adjust going ahead into Game 4.

Yes, thus far the three games have been really close in scores, 1-0. 2-1, and tonight 3-2. You do see a trend here, right? Kings are scoring more and more, almost double than “half a goal” better each game, but they’re still down in a 0-3 hole. Gotta give the Knight credit, they back the King’s defense up the entire knight. If you watch the replay or the games they’ve been playing, it will show one strategic flaw clear as crystal: Gerard Gallant isn’t giving the King any chance to make a pass through the neutral zone, and so far as the series scoreboard indicates he’s doing this up to this point better than any other coach has proven in the playoff race, along with the constant fueling of the knights offense, their combo of strat and depth scoring talents, he likely going to put his team to a series sweep of the Kings. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and watch the first three games, this is what you will see.

Kings D-Man collects the puck (*Other than Daughty really, you won’t really see anyone moving the puck up for them).

And he’ll try to make a pass up the center.

It will get knocked away or intercepted by well-placed sticks. Usually the ladder form, if so passed off then to an open wing-man readily moving half-way down the center circle, to this point forcing both of the two bigger and slower D-Man to have to back up to show respect for the forwards’ speed and ability to make a bolt right pass them. (They sometimes also try to do the old, dump-and-chase, but with the speed in their line-up, they simply run out of energy doing so all game).

Eventually, what happened in the third, is too much turn-over and failed dump-and-chase, causing tired legs while the Vegas Knights had fresh legs playing off their trap strategy. Even the commentator simply described that, “they (Kings) are just playing panic hockey, at this point” (after being tired and then getting scored on).

It was like watching a sad re-roll entertainment of an old film this night. Even I personally felt bad for them, not being a Kings fan (actually the total opposite), as I wanted them to at least get it to overtime for a showdown, but I realized later that they simply could not sustain against the Knights and their deployment of the trap strategy that devised a good amount of energy saving for the Knights while the Kings were furiously applying attacking pressure in-between the first and second periods.

One of the Kings Commentator also concurred to the fact at the end of the game, saying “They simply ran out of gas.” That’s literally more of a proof than anything, when the old pros and observers says this in the most non-bias and accurate analytical manner that they said about anything else that the Kings had done in the broadcast game the entire night. It was a definitely a highly physical affair between the two teams (like much of a men’s game played), some would say a true outing between the two battle ‘royale’ teams.

But in the end now, as the dust settles after their tilt tonight in the Staples Center arena, what are the Kings chances, if any, to come back from a 0-3 series?

I think the writing on the wall was set by the way things played out tonight, There is. Absolutely. Nada. Nulla. Nope. No chance that they come back.

Sure you can say, as a Kings fan, there’s always a chance for a reverse sweep, because it’s been done many times before in the past, but let’s not look at the stats and just focus on the deciding factors of their comeback, and here’s in my opinion the basic missing pieces in the puzzle for the Kings to convince me that they can win out:

1) Most important reason ofr me. Kings don’t have Justin William (and Marian Gaborik) to save your touchy royal butts. Both players were lost in the team roster movement, and tonight was the perfect situation when they could have really used a playoff game-changer. Kings don’t play the run-and-gun game. They never did have played that style, as far as I know from watching them come to the rise in 2012. If they trade chances with a more depth-pacted team, it’s going to be a loss 10/10 time.

2) Drew Daughty and Anze Kopiter, they both have scored in the series and Anze finally got his first tonight late in the third tonight, to cut it from 3-1 to 3-2, these players cannot simply carry the entire team on their backs. On the side and backend, you do have two other important core players in Muzin and Lewis, both becoming more and more like aging role-players who can no longer to support their TOP 6 forwards when they have an offensive drought like they tonight. (To be fair though, Muzin can still produce in the regular season and defend very well, seen him caught up in the back-foot to a few guys while back-checking tonight, but really guys, the energy he’s spending just playing defense because of the Knights potent and ‘perfectly perfected’, counter-attack rush off the turn over, it has just tremendously impacted his individual offensive production game in this series, and this regular season alone he scored 8 Goals from the back for the kings +34 helpers). The only person who the Kings had before was Trevor Lewis and the other guy Pearson, first Lewis is still a great player, but what I consider him to be now is a Ryan Kesler type of aging star in particularly playing well below his ability in his prime years. But I still remember Lewis’ game-changing goals in the Stanley Cup Playoff, he basically is the pillar of supporting forward for them. And Pearson, he simply looked gas’ed tonight, especially in the third when he had tons of great scoring opportunities.

Again, this is why I love watching these NHL playoff games. Especially in the first round, a lot of stats and analytics become actually proven in result shown on the ice. Golden Knights proved to us that they are a very well-coached, fast and talented opponent to be reckon with in this year’s NHL playoff bracket. While so many times, the team that beats adversity in the first round, goes on to the conference final or the cup final. Looking at the kings this point, it’s likely not going to happen, where the Knights lose in the next 4/4. Again, the strategy deployed by coaching by Gerard Gallant, combined with a lost of their key playoff performing players and scorers, plus an aging forward core (defense they have Drew Daughty and Muzzin and both are still producing at their prime rate, so not gonna pick on them), their playoff odds does not look too great at this point. Finally, the Kings is on the third year after their Cup Run. Kings GM Rob Blake has refused to blow up the team up until the end of this year, albeit I know that it may be because they held down a playoff spot all year, but they have certainly a lot of depth problems to address on their roster in this upcoming off-season, which may be much sooner than he had anticipated.

*I want to put in a final word here, just because we are talking about these older teams in the NHL and new young starts rising quickly from the juniors, SHL, and college levels: the problem is not that GMs aren’t willing to blow up the team, rather when they do it and how much cap room they can expand. You can say, making playoff is great, but the Kings simply won’t win another Cup with this current roster. If they match against the Knights every year, they’d lose that contest if they could continue to rely on the anchoring defense of Drew Daughty in the back, we all had believed in the start of Game 1 that they may be able to handle the Knights potent offensive weapons. But as it’s come to our full view, looking back at everyone’s game prediction for this series, the line-up depth of teams are now more important than their elite players on the roster in order to determine any given match-up of games/series. Thus, my pick for this years final 4: Boston (with tons of young lead by Bergeron, Merchand, and added weapons of the likes of Rick Nash), Tampa (lead by former Art Ross winner Stamkos, over Pittsburgh), Nashville and Vegas (over Winnipeg, both no need for explanation).

0 notes

junker-town · 6 years

Text

NFL Dad, Week 15: Always expect the worst, and you’ll never be disappointed

What’s it like to watch seven hours of football while parenting two young children? It’s not so bad, as long as you’ve given up any hope of things going smoothly.

The key to happiness in parenthood and sports fandom is the same: Get rid of any positive expectations. Prepare for disaster at all times, and always fear that the thing you love will turn on you and attempt to destroy your day in the blink of an eye.

Does the unending hyper-awareness dampen your joy when something genuinely good happens? Absolutely, but it’s insurance against the devastation of the unexpected. I was rooting for the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX against the Patriots, and I expected them to lose the entire game — I even predicted a narrow Pats victory — until Jermaine Kearse made that juggling catch to set up first and goal. That’s when I let my guard down and believed in Seattle.

Yadda yadda yadda, I couldn’t sleep for like six weeks. And that’s my fault for believing good things could happen to me. Take it from an expert: You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have expectations.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— I’m late to the games today. I don’t turn the TV on until 1:50 p.m. Eastern time because we’re late getting back from a friend’s house, where we ate bagels and helped our kids decorate gingerbread houses. I hate to say it was “brunch,” because I always want to remember brunch fondly. What I had was parenting and lox.

— After I put my son down for his nap, I click on the TV and get a trio of scores, right in a row: Bilal Powell niftily evades a tackler for a 2-yard touchdown that narrows the Saints’ lead to 10-7; someone named “Bibbs” takes a short pass from Kirk Cousins and turns it into a 36-yard touchdown against Arizona; and Sterling Shepard takes the Eagles to the woodshed on a 67-yard score that puts the Giants up, 20-7.

WE SEE YOU, @sterl_shep3! He gone. #GiantsPride http://pic.twitter.com/xUpUIE99km

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

— We got back late from not-brunch because my daughter threw a fit as we were trying to leave. So my wife left with our son, and I stayed back with the possessed one until the demons were exorcised. Mostly, this meant sitting in the living room and waiting for her to finish screaming through her timeout.

Two- and three-year-old kids have moods like the weather: Sometimes a thunderstorm hits, and there’s not much you can do but hole up and wait for it to pass. Eventually, the sun breaks through like nothing happened. As a parent, you feel your child owes you an explanation or apology for the 30 minutes you just lost, but you’ll get none. The weather has changed. You may as well shout at the sky, demand an explanation from the passing clouds.

— I’ve got two fantasy teams in money leagues that are in the semifinals this week, so I’m guilty of keeping an eye on the ol’ Yahoo scoreboards. After I beat a team with Alvin Kamara last week, I’m facing him in another league this week, so of course he scores on a short TD pass. Right after that, LeSean McCoy — who I’m also facing — scores his second touchdown of the day to put Bills up 14-6.

It's @CutOnDime25. AGAIN. #GoBills http://pic.twitter.com/K88Xqr08SA

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

I close the window with the fantasy scores.

— Stefon Diggs catches a touchdown pass from Case Keenum to put the Vikings up 24-0 over the Bengals, so I can safely ignore this game the rest of the day.

Somewhat related: Matt Hasselbeck made an interesting point to my podcast partner Nick Stevens last week: The top three seeds in the NFC are quarterbacked by Nick Foles*, Case Keenum, and Jared Goff, and people who follow the NFL are generally shocked that these three guys don’t suck the way that they used to.

What do they have in common? They all last sucked for Jeff Fisher. WORST. COACH. EVER. That guy ought to be sued for malpractice.

*Yes, the Eagles have made it this far thanks to Carson Wentz, not Foles, but Foles is in the middle of throwing four touchdowns to zero interceptions against the Giants.

— Eli Manning throws an ugly pick on 3rd and 10 that gives the Eagles life. A nifty return by Ronald Darby gives Philly great field position that leads to a Zach Ertz touchdown. The Giants’ lead is down to 20-14.

— Aaron Rodgers escapes pressure and flips the ball to Randall Cobb, who dances through the defense for a touchdown at the end of the half. The Packers take a 14-10 lead.

Oh, ok @aaronrodgers12. OH, OK @rcobb18. Wow. Touchdown, @Packers! #GoPackGo http://pic.twitter.com/WtlBRp4rKp

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

— Tyrod Taylor scores on a quarterback keeper, and I love this play design: Trips right, with tight end Nick O’Leary split out to the left. Travaris Cadet motions out to the right to draw the defense to the wide side of the field, and Taylor runs to the left with O’Leary blocking near the goal line.

.@TyrodTaylor will do it himself! #GoBills http://pic.twitter.com/X4UIx10aAc

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

Still, this play doesn’t work without a quarterback as shifty as Taylor; a less mobile player would have been taken down at the line of scrimmage. This seems to suggest that Sean McDermott, despite his “Nathan Peterman should make his pro debut against the NFL’s most fearsome pass-rushing tandem” position, may actually understand the abilities of his signal-caller.

— On 3rd and 22, Duke Johnson coughs up the ball well short of the first down marker, and the Ravens recover. They score three plays later, when Joe Flacco finds Ben Watson in acres of space for a 35-yard touchdown. The Ravens lead 17-7 just before halftime, and I can’t help but marvel how insanely bad this Browns team is, week after week after week, at the most basic aspects of pro football. It’s remarkable.

— Trey Burton scores a touchdown for Eagles, and he follows with my favorite celebration of the week:

.@TreyBurton8 hauls in the TD pass... Then the @Eagles gather around the #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/NVSJpSWtZD

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

It’s not that spinning the ball and warming your hands by the fire is so wildly creative, it’s that Burton spun it long enough for two teammates to join him. Look, I’m impressed by anything that isn’t a children’s game repurposed in the end zone.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— As I close my eyes for a little catnap, the Packers leave Greg Olsen wide open on a blitz, and Cam Newton hits him for an easy touchdown.

I’m not really all that tired, but with the kids napping, my wife lies down on the couch to close her eyes, so I mute the TV and pull the shades. But then the apartment is so dark and quiet that it would be wasteful to be awake.

— When I open my eyes, the first play I see is another Panthers touchdown. But it Damiere Byrd falls out of bounds, so the refs rule it incomplete. Ron Rivera foolishly challenges the call, and ... gets it reversed?

STILL have no idea what a catch is, this was ruled a TD after review when called incomplete http://pic.twitter.com/YYccOsBcp0

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 17, 2017

Apparently, the refs contend that one butt cheek landed inbounds a split second before the rest of his back hit the end line, which ... Man, I’m too tired to get mad about catches any more. It is EXHAUSTING to follow the twists and turns of the catch rule every week. Anyway, the Panthers are up 24-14, and Aaron Rodgers needs to do that thing where he miraculously rips the guts out of his opponents if the Packers want to have any chance of making the playoffs.

— DeShone Kizer gets sacked in his own end zone and fumbles, and the Ravens recover for a touchdown and a 24-10 lead. Am I facing the Ravens D in fantasy? YOU KNOW IT.

— On 3rd and 10, one play after taking a vicious hit from Panthers defenders, Aaron Rodgers scrambles away from pressure, sees Jordy Nelson downfield, and throws a laser … to James Bradberry. It’s his third interception of the day, and his first three-interception game since 2009. I’ve seen Rodgers hit Nelson for a long completion in that scenario so many times over the years that it’s clear No. 12 isn’t 100 percent yet.

— Someone named Tavarres King scores a long touchdown for the Giants, but the offense fails on the 2-point attempt. The Giants trail 31-29. It’s a beautiful-looking cover (+7) right now, though. I wish I’d taken the home team +7.

— Newton hits Byrd for another TD, this one legitimate, to put the Panthers up by two touchdowns with 12 minutes to play in the game. That’s enough time for some Aaron Rodgers magic, but he hasn’t exactly been magical today. Better than Brett Hundley, sure, but not the fearsome demigod the Packers usually rely on.

— With the Vikings up 34-0, HERE COMES TEDDY BRIDGEWATER!!! It’s his first action in almost two years, and the Minnesota crowd is deafening in its welcome for him. On the sideline, Case Keenum joins in, clapping enthusiastically.

Bridgewater’s first pass is an interception. But it was an EMOTIONALLY RESONANT interception! It leads to a Gio Bernard TD that ruins the perfect day that my fantasy def— er, the Vikings defense was having.

— With the Browns driving to get back into the game, DeShone Kizer throws his weekly red zone interception. He now has turnovers in both end zones, which HAS to be redeemable for, like, a free burger and fries somewhere. The Ravens are gonna wrap this one up comfortably.

— Rodgers gets sacked on 4th and 14 with about five minutes to play, and that’ll do it for the Packers’ playoff hopes. Womp-womp.

— My son wakes up from his nap, comes into the living room, and says “Fot-paw!” when he sees the TV. RedZone is really pushing the Washington-Arizona game right now, but I refuse to take notes on it. Sorry, I’m allergic to mediocrity.

— I go into the kids’ room to get my daughter up from her nap, and my son comes along. A few minutes later, I exit the room singing “Jingle Bells” while the kids shake sleigh bells and maracas. After the song, I ask my son what color his shaker is.

“Bee.”

“What color?”

“Bee,” he says again.

“Green?”

“Yeah!”

So, we have some work to do on pronunciation.

— Now wait just a damn minute. When I last saw Green Bay-Carolina, the Panthers had taken over in Green Bay territory and were up by two touchdowns with five minutes left. Now it’s 31-24 Panthers, AND the Packers have the ball with two minutes remaining. I MISSED RODGERS MAGIC.

— Lucy screaming in kitchen while wife makes soup. Owen screams too.

— Trailing 34-29, Eli Manning expertly leads a two-minute drill into the red zone, but it stalls just short of paydirt. On 4th and goal with just a few seconds left, Manning — stop me if you’ve heard this one — overthrows a covered receiver, and the game ends.

— The Packers’ Geronimo Allison fumbles as he picks up a first down, and the Panthers recover, thus denying us precious Rodgers Magic, and ending the Run The Table narrative before it had a chance to begin. Stupid broken clavicles.

— Results from the early games: The Eagles clinch a bye with their win, the Vikings clinch an NFC North title, and the Jags clinch a playoff berth by dominating the Texans.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Before the late games kick off, I will not be taking any notes about Rams-Seahawks and have no plans to write about it whatsoever. I’ve gone over some of the previous NFL Dad, and I don’t like the way the late games often read like a Livejournal for my fanboy neuroses. So, no Seahawks today. I feel better already.

(UPDATE: For those of you who know how Rams-Seahawks went, this may look like a convenient development for a Seattle fan. I swear that I went into the afternoon with an iron determination not to write about the game, regardless of result.)

— The other late afternoon options are Titans-49ers and Patriots-Steelers, which is criminally being held out of a primetime slot so NBC can air Cowboys-Raiders. PUKE.

— It’s starting to rain in Pittsburgh, which should do wonders for the historically tidy grass at Heinz Field. Up in a luxury box, Ryan Shazier fires up the crowd by waving a yellow dish towel, and it’s good to see him well enough to make an appearance.

The next play is a bomb to Brandin Cooks from midfield down inside the Steelers’ 10-yard line. The Pats punch it in with Rex Burkhead to take a 7-0 lead.

— I am not even looking at Seahawks Twitter, and it is helping greatly with my mental well-being.

— Facing 3rd and five, Big Roethlisberger throws a jump pass to Antonio Brown, who snags it and makes a nice run after the catch to move the Steelers into field goal range.

The movement of @AB84... #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/0HCIY1AAlf

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

A few plays later, Roethlisberger hits Eli Rogers for a TD to even game.

— My daughter asks, “Mommy, do we have a menorah?” On the way to the subway this morning, she had pointed out a large menorah in a public square, so I explained to her what a menorah was.

My wife replies, “We do not, because menorahs are for Jewish people, and we’re Catholic. So we have a Christmas tree instead.” My wife’s answer is perfectly straightforward, but at the same time, there are probably some conceptual hurdles for a three-year-old who’s familiar with the Nativity and going to church (sorry: Mass) but not so much terms like “Catholic” and “Jewish.” But to my relief, my daughter asks no further questions.

— The Titans intercept Jimmy Garoppolo, and refs rule it a catch — for the Niners. I dunno about that one; it looked awfully Golden Tate-y.

Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

The catch rule stays undefeated.

— After the kids finish their dinner, I have tell my son AGAIN not to touch the Christmas tree. He has pulled it down while playing with it twice over the last eight days. The first time, he suffered only a glancing blow, and the second time I was sitting nearby and screamed “OH NOOO!” before catching the top of the tree just before it fell on him.

Fun note about your Christmas tree falling over multiple times: It sucks to redecorate! We put a ton of care and effort into getting every ornament in exactly the right place when we first put the tree up, and that kind of scrutiny is only enjoyable once. Now there are a dozen ornaments on the windowsill that we just don’t have the will to put back on the tree. Hard to believe we’re not enthusiastic about putting all the glass orbs back onto our holiday safety hazard.

— My daughter eats some candy off of her gingerbread house, so my wife moves it out of reach. Ear-splitting screeches of “MOM-MEEEEEEE!!!” fill the house and drown out the Sesame Street playlist we were listening to. Three-year-olds are delightful.

— Let’s take a look around the league at halftime of the late games! Pittsburgh leads New England 17-10 after a Martavis Bryant TD caps a 15-play drive. Here’s the newsworthy part of that:

Yes this is JuJu Smith-Schuster re-enacting his own taunting penalty. @btsteelcurtain #Steelers http://pic.twitter.com/qV3TUQBmwC

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 17, 2017

Elsewhere, a Delainie Walker TD late in the half gives the Titans a six-point advantage in Santa Clara at halftime. And in Seattle ... (squints) ... Ah, it would appear that Todd Gurley has 144 yards and three touchdowns as the Rams lead 34-0.

I go over to the iPad, which is playing “I Love Trash” by Oscar the Grouch, and press pause. The song keeps going. Yes, this is a metaphor.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Good news and bad news about Antonio Brown’s injury: X-rays were negative, which means nothing is broken, but he’s headed to the hospital, which is not where you go when everything’s A-OK.

— I click over to CBS for the second half of Pats-Steelers because (A) I don’t care about Titans-Niners, and (B) it will prevent me from seeing any more Rams-Seahawks than absolutely necessary. Also, Tony Romo! Love that guy.

— The kids have tied scarves around their necks to wear as capes. They play “Ring Around the Rosie,” and after they fall down, my daughter starts crawling around and meowing, so my son does the same. “We’re being cats,” my daughter clarifies.

— Pats keep a drive going with a completion to Gronk on 4th and 1. 3rd and goal, Brady steps up in pocket and finds Cooks for the TD, but the PAT hooks left. It’s 17-16 Steelers.

— One of the best/worst things about watching a game on CBS is seeing ads for all the CBS shows that look like parodies of CBS shows. Even the movie trailers seem targeted to the dumbest, oldest audience: Father Figures looks like a CBS sitcom and a FOX sitcom had sex and gave birth to a movie.

youtube

Warning: Only click play on that button above if you want to see Terry Bradshaw talk about sex. HARD PASS.

— I give my son his bath, then hand him off to my wife so I can try to convince my daughter to get in the bath. Every goddamn day, man. It takes forever to get her in the bath, then she has the time of her life and won’t get out of the bath. Hardest aspects of bathing my kids, ranked:

Getting them in the bath.

Getting them out of the bath.

Trying to stop them from drinking the bathwater. WHY DO THEY LIKE IT? IT’S SO GROSS.

Anyway, while I’m try to reason with the weather, I get to watch a nice interception by the Pittsburgh defense.

Tom Brady's pass is PICKED. #NEvsPIT http://pic.twitter.com/HfvxbjUdb6

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

That sets up a Steelers touchdown that puts them up by eight, which I don’t see because I’m giving my daughter her bath.

— While I’m watching the game, my son approached the couch and says, “Moo!” to our dog. He wants her to move. This is a frequent source of confusion for my wife and me, because he relies on a cow lovey for soothing (“Moo!”) and will point out the moon in any book we read (“Moo!”). So a lot of times we’ll hear “Moo!” and come rushing into the room with a lovey, only to see the dog laying at his feet, barricading his progress.

— While the kids brush their teeth, Brady gets sacked on 3rd and 10, and the Pats kick a field goal to go down 24-19 with about four minutes left. Grim scenario for New England.

— While my wife reads to our daughter, I take my son into the other room for Llama Llama Gram and Grandpa. It’s no Llama Llama Red Pajama, but that’s no surprise. If you think movie sequels are bad, just wait until you enter the world of children’s book franchises. Once you think the well is dry, the author comes back with an 8-page book for each holiday.

— It’s bedtime for the kids, and my daughter requests “The Little Mermaid Song” (sic). My wife sings “Part of Your World,” and they go down without a fight. When I come back to the TV, the Pats have 1st and goal with a minute left, and the next play is an eight-yard touchdown run by Dion Lewis. Gronk gets the 2-point conversion for maximum drama. Pats lead, 27-24.

— The Steelers have 52 seconds and one timeout to answer. The first play is this:

JUJU! #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/qKnP38lKGk

— NFL (@NFL) December 18, 2017

The play goes for 69 yards, and Jim Nantz carefully calls it a “nearly 70-yard play,” because Jim Nantz can’t even accidentally make an oblique reference to oral sex. He’s like one of the robots in Westworld, unable to see evidence of his own machinery. Except, y’know, for sex.

— Before we get to the ending of Patriots-Steelers, let’s take a look at the other late games:

In Santa Clara, a Ryan Succop 50-yarder gives Titans 23-22 lead with a little over a minute left. Garoppolo counters with a drive into field goal range. Robbie Gould drills the 45-yarder straight down the middle for the Niners’ third straight win.

In Seattle, the Rams coasted to a 42-7 win. I believe it was 40-7 at one point, so I think the Rams got a safety. I already know more than I’d like to.

— The Steelers’ next play is a touchdown to Jesse James. 30-27, with a PAT pending. The Pats will have 28 seconds to answer.

No! It’s called incomplete! Once again: Everything you know is wrong, and the catch rule stays undefeated.

They showed the replay 10x before anyone could figure out why it was a replay. Probably a sign that it should be a catch.

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) December 18, 2017

— Oh no. Oh no no no. Speaking as someone without a horse in the race: Lord, no.

PICKED! #NEvsPIT http://pic.twitter.com/4OerTkMB5c

— NFL (@NFL) December 18, 2017

Coupla questions here:

Did you really think the Patriots, of all teams, would fall for a fake spike?

Will NFL teams PLEASE stop running goal-line slants against the Patriots? Don’t let the Seahawks death be in vain.

Speaking of the Seahawks, I would one THOUSAND percent take that ass-kicking from the Rams over the anger and heartbreak of a close loss like this. “But the Steelers should have won!” you say. Yes, they should have. That’s what makes it worse. That’s what causes the misery. I’ll sleep much better knowing that my team deserved to lose.

-- When the game ends, I leave to go work out. When I return, my daughter is on the toilet, trying to poop. My wife is sitting on a footstool next to her. “We’ve been sitting here since just after you left,” she says.

I take over poop duty while my wife stretches her legs. I read a book to her. I sing to her. I encourage her to push. No poop.

“It’s time to shit or get off the pot” is a cliché we live a couple times a week. When we eventually pull our daughter off the toilet with no product, she freaks out. She screams and won’t lie in her bed. We leave the bedroom and she yells, “MOMMY COME GET ME!” repeatedly, for so loud and so long that she starts coughing.

Her brother, who sleeps in the same room with her, tries to roll over and ignore it, but eventually he starts crying, too. My wife and I are FURIOUS at our daughter. And do you know why?

Because we thought we could relax for the night. And really, that’s our fault.

0 notes