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thehorrorofnachosandhamantaschen · 7 years

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A Mist Minute: Episode 8 - The Law of Nature

Sometimes we just don’t have the time to make a whole podcast episode about something like a TV show because they’re sooooo many episodes long and we’d need a million podcasts to cover them adequately. Who has time for a million episodes? Certainly not us! Just putting out 40 or so a year is killing us already and the sacrifices we’ve had to make in our personal lives are unmentionable. But every now and then there comes a TV show, nay, TV event, that we feel that we have to cover, especially when they relate to episodes we’ve covered already. I am of course talking about the new The Mist show, based off of the story by Stephen King (And 2007 Film) which we have definitively covered more extensively than anyone else on the internet ever and you can listen to HERE. So without further ado, the first of our “Minute” series, The Mist: Episode 8 - The Law of Nature:

EPISODE EIGHT - THE LAW OF NATURE

The Gang is driving around in the mist and decide to drop in on the Gaunt Friends’ family home to see if they’re still alive, also to siphon gas. They decide to do this not by pulling up next to the car they’re going to get gas from, but instead parking on the street, one driveway away from the car.

The people in the church are not super impressed by Frances Conroy stating that her living is the miracle rather than something big coming. She reminds them that everyone else who wasn’t impressed with her is dead, so just FYI...

At the mall Gaunt Mom and her group are worried that Isiah Whitlock Jrs group is running out of food and getting antsy. Gaunt Mom says she needs a room without windows STAT while looking on at Rapist Footballer.

In the Church Shitty Cop admit to Frances Conroy that he thinks his son actually raped Gaunt Daughter. She in return starts going on about Chemtrails in the sky, ramping up the crazy to a whole new level, and tells him that he needs to kill his rapist son in order to restore order.

Gaunt Friend finds his Shitty Dad eating at home and that his mother is dead, pecked to death by birds. “To Death” in this case seems to mean “eyes pecked out and a few peck marks on her face”, which as we all know is an instant killer.

Dad sees a blinking light and drives off to go look at it, because when you’re siphoning gas for a car the last thing you need for it is the car to put it in. Good thing Gaunt Former Addict and Jonah are too busy banging in the back of the other car to care. Bringing sexy back!

Gaunt Daughter and Rapist Footballer are skating around the mall and having fun and making out, which The Mother of the dead child who is lighting candles at the shrine for the dead child believe it or not finds objectionable. The Mother goes to narc to Isiah Whitlock Jr about it and he tells her to chill the fuck out about it, but the Security Guard thinks they should hear her out.

Rapist Footballer and Gaunt Daughter get back to their area and he is told to go get some water from the other room. He does, only to find out that the room is the windowless one Gaunt Mom was looking for earlier, complete with a cot, bucket with TP to shit in, and a few football magazines, and is immediately locked inside by her.

Gaunt Friend and Shitty Dad have a real heart to heart about how he hates his son because he’s gay. Shitty Dad thinks that Dad has been banging Gaunt Friend too and that he’s crazy, so Gaunt Friend shoots him and admits that he was the one who raped Gaunt Daughter! The thing we guessed several episodes ago!

Frances Conroy decides that what her group needs to do is go to the mall and kill Rapist Footballer.

The blinking light belongs to Crash from Crash and the Boys who has somehow survived walking out through the mist for the past few days and Dad lets him in the car. He warns Dad that things are getting kind of bad at the mall, which only makes up his mind all the more that he needs to go there.

Gaunt Daughter goes looking for the Rapist Footballer and goes to the other group to look for her at the other group. The Mother is all “Maybe don’t be making out with the guy who raped you” and everyone thinks that’s a bit too far, except the Security Guard.

The one Army Guy left goes up to Isiah Whitlock Jrs office, almost catching him eating his secret hidden store of food, warning him that he’s got to get a handle on The Mother going on about her dead kid and how Gaunt Daughter caused the whole thing.

Gaunt Friend fakes that his father had attacked him so when Dad comes in and finds the dead body it doesn’t look suspicious. Dad helps clean Gaunt Friend’s wound and says he’ll always be part of the family, no matter what kind of horrible things he did. This is put to the test instantly when Dad finds Triazolam in his medicine cabinet, the same drug used to knock out Gaunt Daughter. Gaunt Friend pulls the gun on him, and is about to shoot when Dad jumps up, pushing the gun aside at the last minute and getting knocked out in the process. Gaunt Friend runs out to the car and convinces the rest of The Gang that Dad is dead and they need to get to the mall STAT, no need to go in and check for a body or anything!

The Mother admits to Isiah Whitlock Jr that she got a little crazy and doesn’t really believe that Gaunt Daughter caused the mist. He accuses her of starting the fire, and she accuses him of hoarding food in his office. He won’t admit to doing so and she wants to tell everyone, so he smashes her in the head with a candlestick and then strangles her, which I’m sure he will step up and take the blame for.

Frances Conroy i s getting ready to go to the mall, but some of her group doesn’t want to go with her and just stay in the church. She say “oh no problem”, and then burns the church down around them while her group leaves via the sewers while listening to a Nick Cave song. They have some differences between what the definition of a “problem” is.

When his group finds him and the dead body of The Mother, Isiah Whitlock Jr of course does not step up and instead blames the murder on Gaunt Daughter instead.

We’ve done it! We got more of that hot sexy sex that we were promised would be what makes this series soooooooo hot and steamy! Yep, up to three whole instances (Four is you count the rape, and as much as this show goes on about it I guess we’re going to have to) of the thing that this whole making-a-TV-version-of-The-Mist was sold as and that nobody wanted. Good on you marketing team! Admittedly it is good that it isn’t a show where every episode is just different members of different groups just hooking up, but since you certainly can’t sell this show as being full of cool monsters the next best thing you’ve got is to highlight all the sex. That’s why the film didn’t make a billion dollars right, because they took out the sex scene instead of putting in four or five?

I do have to commend them not making the stereotypical footballer rapist guy the actual rapist (NOTE TO SELF: Remember to refer to that character as Falsely Accused Rapist Footballer going forward) that must have taken some restraint with all the other stereotypes going on in the show. The fact that it’s the troubled gothy gay teen character they make have mental problems and be a rapist killer instead is at best troubling and poor writing, and at worst means they’re probably not even of the stereotypes they’re littering the show with. #notallfootballersarerapists, #notallgothygayteensarepsychoticandrapists.

Two episodes left. As we can see all our groups are now heading for a showdown at the mall where both Gaunt Daughter and Falsely Accused Rapist Footballer are probably going to get killed by angry mobs. Who will survive, and what will be left of them? More importantly, will anybody care? Viewership is a little more than half of what the series started at, this episode garnering about 374,000 view is Wikipedia is to be believed. Is this good in general? Is this good for Spike? The only other shows I know of that are on the network are Bar Rescue and Catch a Contractor, whose viewship numbers are not available on Wikipedia, and reruns of COPS, which don’t count. Shockingly this show is doing better numbers than Twin Peaks (280,000 views of the last episode) which is goddamn mind blowing, so maybe The Mist will get a second season? We’ll see!

Also check out:

Episode 11 - The Mist v. The Mist

A Mist Minute: Episode 1 - Pilot

A Mist Minute: Episode 2 - Withdrawal

A Mist Minute: Episode 3 - Show and Tell

A Mist Minute: Episode 4 - Pequod

A Mist Minute: Episode 5 - The Waiting Room

A Mist Minute: Episode 6 - The Devil You Know

A Mist Minute: Episode 7 - Over the River and Through the Woods

A Mist Minute: Episode 9 - The Waking Dream

A Mist Minute: Episode 10 - The Tenth Meal

A Mist Minute: Show Retrospective

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