im o tired and i cant even sleep cus its the wrong kind of tired even tho it kinda is that kind of tired and i have absolutely zero moivation to do absolutely anything and ive turned my sleep schedule around again which ngl makes sense. im alone with zero human contact and nothing to do and its been that almost a month i think and im starting to run out of food so i actually ahve to go buy food but i also REALLY wanna go to the thriftstore and see if they have any ctlery or a desk or something and it just feels. illegal somehow. like im not Allowed :tm: to buy a new desk or even buy cutlery or go there. cus then id need help getting the desk home and like. if i ask mom or dad for help i risk them being al "bUt YoU hAd A dEsK" like yeah but its a desk i ever use and it doesnt fit and i dont use it and id rather have a smaller one. but also cus it feels like im not allowed to buy new things if i want them?? also a lil bit cus i dont wanna go alone but i have noone to go with and i Could go alone but like. its been a month. since i talked to anyone. and noone is willing to spend time with me unless were Doing Something. so yeah, tired, probably depressed, bored ou of my fucking mind, need food and feel bad about it cus ill have to ask for a ride home and i dont wanna bug grandma but i also just. dont wanna go visit mom or dad. and i wanna see if i can find new cutlery i like and a desk and that feels illegal for no reason. FUN.