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#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't
sensazioneultra · 9 months
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fatphobia is always tiring like always always but when it comes from your own family it's like. extra exhausting. it hurts soo bad. you can't ever escape it
#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't#be there it'll hurt for a bit but you'll live#but like beside super dangerous fatphobia (talking life or death shit like medical fatphobia) the one that does the most damage to me#is that coming from my own family.. it's just. you already put 43 conditions before the 'i love you' (that you don't ever say but anyway)#and then when i gained lots of weight that was... another one to add to the list#but maybe i'm not used to it yet idk it's been quite a few years atp but idk?#it just hasn't gotten easier to hear them call me ugly and fat (in a derogatory way) and make mean comments and shame me every other day#like! it hurts so bad! why do you think it's funny!!!!!!!#this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me#not like in a purposefully mean way at least#tho she does do some insidious shit like always going 'there's this new EASY diet that TOTALLY works' or saying x health problem is probably#due to my weight etc#which like isn't good? doesn't help? still hurts me? but it's different bc i know it's not rooted in hating fat people/me being fat#it's more like her own shit she went thru that she doesn't want me to go thru too and like yeah it's fucked up but i get it more than#just outright saying i am disgusting for being fat lol#like mh both suck but at least you're not joking about the fact even if i didn't eat i would be fine cause i'm so fat haha#yeah. just. a lot.#there's no escaping it i think the only way would be to move the fuck out and that would also help with uh. the misgendering thinly veiled#homotransphobia abuse constantly having to put up w their fighting and sometimes fighting w them myself#and the ableism and and and and#basically this is lowkey hell like i've learned to live with it more or less but jesus it is extremely exhausting#i just want out i've wanted out for years but every day i get closer to losing it#there might be something potentially coming up but i have to wait til the end of the month to see if anything comes of it#we'll see.. i rly hope i can rent this place idc if it's small idc if it'll suck most of my paycheck and i'll have to ask for my mum's help#i just need to at least try and get away cause like. i get to august every year and my father is absolutely impossible to deal with#and i know my mum feels the same and i hate leaving her ajnd my brother too but like#at some point i have to think about myself cause god what use am i even to them when i'm a ghost of myself in this house#it's just shit for everyone plus if i really get to rent that place it's literally IN FRONT of my family's apartment i could still help out#but at least i wouldn't LIVE with them i wouldn't feel so fucking trapped#whatever. bad bad bad day physical pain wise too
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wooahaes · 7 months
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of your choosing
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pairing: non-idol!vernon x fem!bisexual!reader [ft. coworker!scoups]
genre: slight hurt/comfort. established relationship.
word count: ~1.4k
warnings: reader's friend accidentally making a biphobic joke at reader's expense (she apologizes immediately). food mentions. vernon being a sweetie (+ cheol too). literally no proofreading btw.
daisy's notes: no taglist for this one purely bc its very self indulgent (like i entirely wrote this for me lol) + its a lil expansion of a fic i wrote on nonranghaes.
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Most people in your life now were the kind of people you trusted. While you’d never been ashamed of your sexuality (your support system while questioning had been too strong and there for you every step of the way)... Sometimes you felt as though people had grown a little too comfortable.
Not Vernon. Never Vernon: you came out to him a few months into dating him once you felt sure that he wouldn’t judge you, and he didn’t. He’d embraced your bisexuality with open arms, merely remarking a laid back “cool—how do you want me to respond? With a hug? I’m down for whatever,” and then his thanks that you trusted him enough to come out. Seungcheol knew, too, because the two of you had gone out for drinks after work and you’d drunkenly came out to him on the walk to your bus stop. His response had been a little different in the moment (it wasn’t judgmental in the slightest, but a “that’s not an excuse for not holding onto me—you’re going to fall!”) and he’d met you for breakfast the next morning to ask if he’d heard you correctly. Hell, Seungcheol was the reason you came out to Vernon: he’d set the two of you up, and you’d asked if Vernon was the kind of person to judge you for that.
He’d stared at you and answered with “Would I have introduced you if he wasn’t?” 
(You suddenly grew to appreciate Seungcheol a lot more than just being your ‘big brother’ figure at work.)
Regardless, most people in your life were trustworthy. Therefore, everyone knew that you were bisexual. Simple. Anyone who judged you for being a bisexual woman in a relationship with a man was cut out of your life if they weren’t willing to learn. 
Anyhow, that was how pretty much everyone at this party knew you and knew of your bisexuality. Not everyone in the room was straight (a slight reassurance—you didn’t feel like a spectacle in any way), and you’d noted those people because several of them were your friends. One of your friends was drunk at this point in the night, sitting cross-legged on the couch. Vernon was whispering something into your ear, fingers grazing over your bare shoulder and playing with the strap of your dress. He’d drank a little, too, and it was enough to loosen him up to initiate physical affection like this.
To be honest… You weren’t sure what brought you to the moment. All you knew was that the friend on the couch, Jia, had laughed and said something about how you “were bisexual, so obviously you weren’t going to decide,” and it’d hurt.
See, that was the thing: Jia was not bisexual (she was an out and proud lesbian, actually). You could make jokes about being bisexual and not making decisions, because you were poking fun at yourself, not just your sexuality. It was hard to explain to people, sure, but there was a difference between you making a joke over yourself and someone else doing it at your expense. The sting of Jia’s words were evident on your face, and she immediately realized what she’d hurt you.
“Oh my god,” she said, “I’m so sorry—”
“No, it’s fine,” you said, waving it off. “It’s fine.” 
“No, I mean it, I didn’t—I didn’t mean that,” she said. “Really—”
You’d pushed Vernon’s hand off of your shoulder. “It’s fine! Don’t worry about it. I get it.” 
Although Jia had settled back into the conversation, Vernon could see it on your face that it wasn’t fine. It was never fine. His attention fell back to Jia, who had changed the subject entirely, and then to Seungcheol, who seemed to be silently steaming in his seat. He could see the way you avoided Seungcheol’s gaze for a moment, and then quietly excused yourself to get a drink. Except you didn’t go toward the kitchen—Vernon watched you make your way to the front door. A second later, he heard Seungcheol speaking up, saying something to Jia about coming to grab a drink with him (which meant Seungcheol was definitely about to defend you). Which meant Vernon needed to do his part: Seungcheol would talk to Jia, Vernon needed to talk to you. 
He found you easily enough. When he finally made it outside, there you were, standing underneath a streetlight and hugging yourself. You weren’t crying, but leaning against the base of it, rubbing your arms for warmth. 
“Hey.” He made his way over to you, thankful you weren’t crying. He’d feel like a shitty boyfriend if you were crying: he should have moved immediately to follow you. If you needed the space, you would have said it outright. He, in your own words, was safe for that kind of talk. “You alright?”
You nodded, looking back out at the street. “Just… Didn’t feel like staying any longer.”
“For what it’s worth,” he stepped into the space next to you. “I think she’s genuinely sorry.”
“I know,” you nod. “I can tell. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have pushed back and insisted so hard. You know how she is.” 
He watched the way you rubbed your arms again. You’d worn this sleeveless dress because it was one of your faves, and because it’d been warmer earlier. Vernon liked it, too: he thought the confident way you carried yourself was always your prettiest look. Yet the temperature had dropped lower than either of you had expected, but Vernon came prepared. He knew how to take care of his girl. If that meant stripping off his jacket and pushing it onto your shoulders, then so be it: he could handle the cooler weather.
“Thanks,” you pulled it closer to you. “I dunno. I mean, she immediately apologized, but it still kinda stings.”
“I get it.” He wrapped an arm around you. “Like… You can make those jokes because it’s you.”
“Right.” You leaned into him. “I dunno, I think it was the alcohol. I just…” With a deep breath, you shut your eyes. “I can’t help but feel like some people are expecting me to choose a side rather than a person.”
“I don’t. Cheol doesn’t, either. I don’t think anyone up there does,” he said. “But I know that doesn’t really matter.”
“It does, actually,” you said, opening your eyes again so you could meet his gaze. “I’m glad I have you guys. I just… I dunno. I’ve seen people say that kind of stuff before. I’ve cut people out because their opinion of me changed when I went from saying that I’m bisexual to saying that I have a boyfriend.” Shifting your weight from leg to leg, you let out a sigh. “I just—Can’t I just exist? I’m not ‘picking a side’ by being with you, I’m picking a person that I love. That doesn’t make me any more or less bisexual than I was before.” 
“I know.” He leaned in, pressing a kiss against your temple. “For what it’s worth… I’m kinda glad you chose me.” 
Your gaze met his again, a little teasing. “Kinda?”
He chuckled, warm as ever, and planted another quick kiss—only this time he’d pressed it against the corner of your mouth, ever the tease. He changed the topic with ease, fingers brushing against your arm again as he pulled you in closer. “You hungry?”
You looked back at the building behind you, “What about—”
“It’s boring,” he said; a complete lie, but one you were grateful for. “Besides… Cheol’s talking to Jia. He’s got your back.” 
It earned a smile from you. Seungcheol always seemed glad to watch out for anyone he cared for: whether it was you and politely acknowledging the fact some male coworkers were disrespecting you, or picking up his friends when it was late and they needed the ride. He cared about people with his entire heart. You would have to thank him later, maybe bringing him his favorite coffee when you went into work next. 
“I was thinking… Maybe we could find an Italian place?” Vernon pulled you along with him, arm resting around you. “Or tacos—Babe, I could murder some tacos right now.” 
All you could do was smile, giggling a little as you fell into step with him. At least you had Vernon by your side: the person you chose to have there.
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wavbleu · 3 years
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for all my fellow black girls muah muah<3
Vinnie hacker: A little spice
Tw: raceplay , slaveplay , whips , degradation , usage of the nword<3
(NAH IM JUST JOKING SIDJSJ)
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Vinnie and you have been coworkers ,  you have been working at a small (yet busy) ice cream shop called "Scoops of joy".  Since the store was fairly small and could only house up to 5-7 employees, Vinnie was the only person there who wasn't over 30 and was actually somewhere near your age. Obviously you became 'friends' and sooner or later grew close. He always takes you home (since you don't have a car) and offers you to go to fun places with him. Downside, you get into silly fights about stupid useless things , like who gets the last ice cream cone or who gets the attractive customer.
Occasionally you would even fight to the death with the left over ice cream and whip cream and have gotten threats of getting fired multiple times.
Now you have a cute little love hate relationship where you get on each others nerves, But you like it. A little to much perhaps?
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"Vinnie, shut the hell up." You'd say angrily as Vinnie kept irritating you with the "Sweet chocolate Nubian princess" shit. Its a small inside joke between you two ever since a middle aged white guy called you a "Beautiful chocolate Nubian queen."
"Im so sorry my chocolate cocoa mocha Nubian African goddess princess." He giggled before dodging your swing at him, he  giggled as you chased him around the parking lot hitting him before you finally had enough and took a seat on the curb.
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Its become a religious thing for you two to hang outside of the store after a long day of work and just talk, you'd take a couple of ice creams then just sit on the parking lot curb  and overlook the dark night.
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You'd sit back down on the sidewalks curb and pick up your plastic , flimsy spoon to begin eating your vanilla ice cream, you looked up at the beautiful full moon that shined  and glistened over the both of you .
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"Isnt it pretty?" You exclaim.
"Uhh yea."Vinnie caught himself staring at you as you sparkled under the moonlight giving you an ethreal and unreal look. You even made the Beautiful full moon look glum .
"You feel crazy yet?"He says,attempting to make conversation out of the pure silence, glimpsing at the moon then down at you.
"What?" You tilted your head at him confused.
"The full moons suppose to make you crazy."He explains.
"Can it make you stressed out of your mind to?" You sigh.
"Why are you stressed?"
He says in a concerned tone, turning his body to you.
"Well" You began before a cold breezy wind hit you , making you shiver as a reaction . You tried to carry on as if you weren't chilly but failed miserably at it .
"Your cold." He mutters rubbing your knee gently.
"Wanna go to my car? It heats up fast " He smiles, warming your heart.
You nod , he put his hand out for you to grab so you can get up; Although it wasn't much and was just out of kindness , but the size comparison of your hand to Vinnie's , the soft warmth , and firm grab of his hand still managed to give you butterflies.
You allowed him to take you by the hand to his Vehicle. Kindly, He opened the door for you to enter the passenger seat.
"I know how to open doors, Vinnie" You said in a bothersome tone although you secretly appreciated it.
"Its called being a gentleman , Y/n" He responded in a mocking tone.
You took a seat in the car as Vinnie closed the door heavily, scaring you and making you flinch.
"Gah damn" You say under your breath.
You watched Vinnie go around the car to the drivers seat and also closed the door heavily on his side to.
"Bitch you finna break your door." You exclaim .
"It'll live." He says shooing the problem away.
"Anyways whats wrong with  you. Tell me whats wrong ."  Vinnie said in a caring and empathetic tone, turning all his attention and focus to your face and  your voice.
"Its nothing much honestly, just been stressed out." You continue.
"My family has been struggling with money after my mom lost her job, now i have to pick up extra shifts here. I hardly even have time to do homework or go out and have fun and be a fucking teenager. Like i have to cram in all my studies and homework in those gross ass bathrooms because i don't have time to do it at home since im cleaning and taking care of some snot nosed kids that ain't even mines."
"I make all the money and im probably gonna be the sole provider of my house till my mom finds a job. Or until my dad comes back from his trucking thing."  You look down at your melting ice cream while picking and playing at it with the spoon.
"Its just kind of tiring y'know.. like who knew food was so expensive? Or that Calculating your monthly spend gives you goosebumps and grey hairs." Your eyes started to tear up, vision getting foggy and blurry from the tears. Your voice broke and you were clearly super distressed.
"Hey hey... look at me." Vinnie said with worrisome in his voice, he'd rub your knee for comfort before you leaped in  and gave him a tight hug.
Vinnie wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly and affectionately. "Id do anything to release the stress from you right now" 
You sniffed as you didn't know Vinnie could actually be so kind, or tolerable even. You felt a small peck on your forehead as Vinnie kissed your forehead lovingly.
"You are incredible . Smart. Marvelous. Beautiful..." Vinnie mumbled the last part under his breath hoping you didn't hear, but oh you heard. You propped up from his arms and decided to tease him about it.
"You think Im pretty?" You'd bat and flutter your eyelashes at him, puckered up your lips and poked your cheeks, hoping to brighten up the gloomy and sad mood.
Vinnie laughed as he watched you pose and stunt and make cute adorable faces; Watching you made his face redder than a rose.
He licked his lips and smirked as your poses began to get a little sexual.
You'd squeeze your boobs together and do a kissy face before  asking.. "Do you think im sexy to?" You tease and giggle before looking him in the eyes, awaiting your answer.
"You know how sexy you are." He said in a low-tone and mellow voice , glancing at your lips before grasping you by the neck and attaching himself to them.
You kissed him back, grasping and caressing his golden blonde hair.
You licked his lips signifying that you wanted to tongue and he accepted it, your tongues rolled over each other and swirled, exchanging spits.
You took turns sucking and kissing on each others top and bottom lips, you both felt like two contrasting magnets stuck together, to mesmerized by each other to pull away.
You looked down at his hardening dick and took the chance to grope and softly stroke it through his pants. You felt his cock throb through his thick khaki pants, His breath quickened and hassled before he abruptly broke the kiss, leaving a trail of spit. 
"Fuck baby can we please go to the back?"  He'd speak with a needy tone  , wanting you already.
You quickly hopped to the back of the car while Vinnie entered through the back door. You pulled Vinnie by his cute striped tie as he towered himself over you, Kissing you a little more before he looked down on your perfect body and bit his lip.
"Do you want me to f*ck you?" He asked in a low and comfortable tone, while slowly lowering himself to your area, unbuttoning your pants. "Yes please~" You'd consent in a sexy tone, watching him quickly pull of your pants and throw them on the car floor.  He nibbled on your thighs and lightly placed kisses on them.
He opened your legs and sternly demanded you to keep them open. he slowly pulled off your soaked white panties and threw them to the side. He spread your lips apart and linked his mouth to your cl*t.
Going slow at first then speeding it up. Swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit while looking up at your moaning face.
He  sucked on your clit softly grasping onto your thighs holding them apart.   He slowly slid in his middle finger and fingered you curling it and rubbing your g-spot , making you slip out a few more moans.
"You taste so good~" He compliments continued to lick your sweet pussy.
He managed to work in a second finger, you let out a loud gasp while your legs closed as a reflex. He forcefully re-opened your legs, making them shake a bit. "You heard me, legs open." ,"I wanna make you feel good." He says before going back down and attacking your clit.
Your loud and sexy moans filled the car rapidly, hopefully no one was near because you could probably be heard from down the road. "Do me a favor baby, cum all over my face." He murmurs while speeding up his fingering and licking pace.
You arched your back in pure pleasure and grabbed and firmly grabbed his hair making him stay in that spot. Vinnie ruthlessly fucked your tight hole with his two fingers while sucking on your throbbing clit. You loudly moaned as you felt a familiar knot grow and form in your stomach.
"Atta girl~" He encourages as he feels that knot too. "Fuck!" you threw you head back and squirted, you watch Vinnie continue to finger you wanting all of those precious juices out.
"Mmmmm..." He growled as he witnessed you climax all over him and his chest. "Im sorry-" You felt ashamed of the mess you made, all on the car roof, on Vinnie's shirt and even you.
But Vinnie got off to you being like this, a little messy whore. "All good babygirl." He replied.
He started taking off his khakis and throwing them on the floor and loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt but not fully taking it off.
"Ride me."He says beginning to lay down; you crawl and sit right on top of him, right before his dick.
You decided to let your long box braids down from the tight bun they were once in. You seductively pulled the hair tie out of your hair and let your long box braids fall to your sides and back. Vinnie threw his head back, "fuck you are so sexy." He erotically whispered.
You slowly rubbed your wet pussy against his dick , looking down at him; watching him softly moan your name made you even more wet than before. Every time it hit your clit, you would teasingly let out a soft and sexy moan. "Please dont tease me." Vinnie would bite his lip before eagerly grabbing your hips and inserting his long, hardening cock into you.
You'd both let out a small gasp as it all happened out of the blue, you moaned as his big dick quickly filled up your small hole clenching around it and giving him complete euphoria.
You grabbed onto the front seat to maintain balance and composure as Vinnie savagely fucked your tight pussy with no remorse . You felt his dick curl and throb inside you , Hitting every spot you wanted him to.
Vinnie occasionally let out deep loud growls as he kept using you and fucking you hardly.
You let out a sexually stimulating moan as he  grabbed your hips, digging his dull nails into them and slammed down onto his girthy , long, 8inch dick.
Petty, you dig your red acrylics into his muscular shoulders.
"Yea you like that don't you? Dirty bitch." He hypothetically asked, then slapped your ass letting it jiggle.  You felt yourself about to finish before Vinnie unexpectedly flipped you and put you onto all fours.
"Can i?" He kindly asks, offering to pull your braids. "Mhm." You quickly and impatiently let out. "Great." He mutters before pulling your hair back and forcing himself back into you.
You threw your ass back onto him letting out small moans and mumbling curse words under your breath; Vinnie pulled your hair and  fucked his dick into your small hole, making your ass clap onto him. He liked that.
He'd pull you back by your hair and growl into your ear as he was close to cumming.
He got a little too aggressive and put your head back onto the seat and began to press down on your mid back and go deeper. You let out loud, deepening moans as you felt that knot form in your stomach again, he rocked your shit, fucking you so hard that the car was shaking aswell.
"Cum on me baby thats it.." He lightly begged for your sweet juices to be on him continuously , His dick throbbed and his balls slapped your clit , his hard strokes falling sloppy.
You grabbed onto the seat preparing yourself for your powerful orgasm, you clenched yourself around him and moaned "Fuck yes just like that~" as his dick hit your g-spot just in the right place.
"Cum fuck cum~" He growls holding himself back from cumming as well. You loudly released yourself onto his dick , your legs started to judder and shake making poor old Vinnie finish not so soon after, he fucked every bit of cum deep into your limp and tired body  then allowing himself to fall onto your back. 
"Shit.." He groans into your ear, beginning to rub your quivering legs. "You came hella hard chocolate nubian queen huh ?" He giggled and you giggled to.
"You get on my nerves." you sarcastically say
"You like it though."  he mumbles   before placing small kisses onto your shoulders.
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(edited 🌚🌝)
A/n :
I genuinely enjoyed writing this, sorry for the inactivity , and 2nd part of the highly requested jordan powell random is coming up. You prepared for a deep throat? ;)
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nightfayre · 5 years
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Hey Fay
oh my goodness! you’re too kind!! I have way too much fun writing responses to asks, and I’m so grateful that you enjoy reading them, too!
god, the puppy is such a complicated/touchy subject in the He family. obviously, their father has no idea that it even exists, so the problem has remained exclusively between the He brothers throughout all these years. as such, I’m positive that the secret has weighed heavily on Cheng’s shoulders. with no one to turn to (especially not his only brother, who hates him specifically because of the dog), I’m sure that Cheng struggled a lot more with hiding and caring for the dog than he lets on. it certainly can’t be easy to work a full day as a mafia member, pick up dog food on the way home from work, and be greeted at your front door by the very thing that has severed your relationship with the rest of your family. the guilt would be incredible, but Cheng would probably think he deserves it, on a certain level. 
thus, Qiu was probably the breath of fresh air that Cheng didn’t know he needed. we’ve no idea how qiucheng met, but it’s obvious that they share a relationship that goes beyond mere “coworkers.” based on what we know about both He brothers, I’m also sure that Cheng is as closed off and protective of himself as He Tian is. the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, after all. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took many months (years, even) for Cheng to reveal the dog to Qiu. and, knowing how difficult the He brothers can be, I also wouldn’t be surprised if Cheng didn’t go into detail about why he needs Qiu to dogsit while he runs a mission, or why he needs Qiu to let the dog outside for a few hours, or why he needs Qiu to keep his mouth shut and fake ignorance when their coworkers notice dog hair on Cheng’s suit. and Qiu would surely have his interest piqued, but he wouldn’t ask questions unless Cheng gave him an obvious opportunity to. after all, it’s dangerous to poke your nose into the business of a member of a renowned mafia group. 
however, I think Qiu is smart enough to notice the tension between the He brothers, and I think he’s smart enough to connect the dots. I can’t say for sure whether Qiu knows the dog’s secret existence is directly related to Cheng’s and He Tian’s unspoken resentment, but he probably has his suspicions. after all, why would Cheng have Qiu watching over his dog if Cheng has a little brother who has more than enough room in his giant apartment and is completely capable of dogsitting, too? questions like that are the ones Qiu probably has sitting on the tip of his tongue, but he knows better than to poke at sore spots of someone as reserved as Cheng. 
to some degree, I think it’d be realistic if Cheng revealed that he had “issues” with He Tian, but nothing more than that. however, I could be wrong since we’ve yet to be exposed to enough canon content involving qiucheng that could potentially reveal how deep their relationship runs. nonetheless, I’m sure that Qiu is aware of Cheng’s tendency to go quiet or spend time alone, reflecting on something unspoken, and Qiu can only watch from afar. speculating. 
even to Qiu, the He brothers have proven to be a handful in their own unique ways. 
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