#like noah fence if u follow me n ur christian but like... im not gonna be quiet about my shit experiences in church
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and like god since im still mad about it like.... i just get so viscerally uncomfortable and pissed off when people bring christiantity up all casually
#like noah fence if u follow me n ur christian but like... im not gonna be quiet about my shit experiences in church#but like idk WHY i get like that and i have to tune out and listen to music and get all broody about it#but it still sucked like#i was never given a CHOICE and my own mom didnt want to baptise me before i could even talk but she was pressured into it by everyone#and i was forced to believe in some fake idol that lives in the fucking clouds and that hes te boss of everything JUST BECAUSE#theres no reasoning behind it and i spent years struggling and gradually adjusting to what i believe now#im MAD i had to deal with those feelings on my own.#im MAD i was forced to sit in a classroom for two hours every sunday to listen to conservatives preach their hate through their god#im MAD i was made scared of going to hell if i quit believing in god#and im mad everyone acts shocked when i act out against it. like im the bad guy in the situation#and not an inherently toxic environment where adults forced me to never question The Word Of The Lord#and i still cant believe there are people who are religious after all of that. who pretend it was their choice to believe in god#also re: baptizing i realised she woulda forced me when i was like ten intead of when i was a baby so nvm.#i think it feels like being casual is like ignoring my and others' bad experiences. like it doesnt happen or it doenst mean anything#i know its not but its the best explanation i have
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