#like jfc i have had LONG conversations about the overlaps in kink appeal MULTIPLE times | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

callmearcturus · 2 years

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I saw your comment on bloodsbane’s post and figured it would be best to follow up with you directly. What appeals to you about kink if you’re ace? Is it the emotional aspect?

(Same guy as before, ace and curious, yadda yadda)

/looks at my long long long long collection of fic with kink elements

lmao this post is gonna be a mess, sorry ahead of time.

It's hard to explain, but the most brusque and surface level version is that "eh, vanilla boning is just boring," because while I do genuinely understand for the participants that it IS fulfilling and enjoyable

obviously most of my interactions with sex are as a creator and as someone reading/watching content. and fictional vanilla sex itself does not interest me unless its exceptionally well-written or very emotionally charged (but even then, its not the Sex, its the Emotions)?

so what kink adds can be understood as The Spice.

like, many kinks explore more complex flavors of intimacy and control and trust. there are many many many scenes I've written that if I take out the Kink aspect, they lose the emotional point of the scene. the one that comes to mind right off is in a story I wrote, SWDKTOWL, there's a chapter with restraints and consensual non-consent. and while I fully hope it was titillating to read, there was also a point being made with that sex in that specific configuration, and it's a point that I couldn't have made without the kink.

it's not unlike music. if Plain Ol' Fuckin' is the metronome setting the time/beat, all the kink adds the instrumentation in. it gives it more character to me.

for me, being an ace writer who is mildly notorious for my kink smithing and how it is folded into broader stories with complex emotional themes, it's a much used part of my toolbox, as much as tropes and motifs and any other part of The Skillset.

and I'm personally a sex-disinterested ace person. even when I have written what I think is the Hottest Hot Shit To Ever Come Out Of The Skillet, I have no personal interest. and I think that's a huge reason why myself and a lot of other ace people are kinksters. (and why a lot of ace people are also into xeno!)

(this part is admittedly hard to put into words, but I'll do my best:)

because when sex is not personally important to your daily life in the way it can be for allo people, I think the barrier to entry for exploration is much lower. there is functionally very little difference to me between a piece of amateur missionary sex and professionally shot BDSM dungeons. there is, due to being ace, no real reason to assign value to one over the other. so I feel like I am able to examine the Catalog Of Kinks more open-mindedly, because my own body is not part of the equation.

so, its easier to ask "how does impact play make me feel? how does non-con make me feel? how does breathplay make me feel?" because I lack a lot of the baggage I think other people start out with.

that is my personal theory, as someone who enjoys kink and talks about kink a lot. there's exceptions to every single aspect of this because every person is singular, but this is a broad strokes explanation.

kink is great! love it.

ETA: ALSO WORTH NOTING queerness broadly also provides a lot of this removal of value-weight, so this isn't unique to ace people, just this is the ace POV on it, ANYWAAAAAY

#Anonymous #talking about writing #the wondersmith and all of her kinks #like jfc i have had LONG conversations about the overlaps in kink appeal MULTIPLE times #its interesting!!!!

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