#like i know this is both insane and rude. however sometimes i can't help myself and i really try very hard not to make it... ad hominem. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

purpurrock · 5 months

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Systems, I have to ask you something-

So from march-ish to may-ish this year I thought i was a median system. After all, I had alters with their own voices and names and stuff. However, I was never able to enter the headspace. Sometimes other alters fronted, but switching happened so fast that i didn't even realize i switched until later. I had no real amnesia either, although my memory is just shit in general.

One of my alters, I think her name was Addison or something, was bothering me a bunch. I don't remember exactly what she was saying, but her main thing was kind of like,, getting off on other people's trauma and saying she wished we had gone through things that our friends/mutuals on this site had gone through (and she was especially fixated on this one person) so we could be "really traumatized". I told a mutual that Addison was bothering me, and she typed something in all caps directed at her as a response. Don't remember exactly what she said, but my name and the word bitch were both definitely used (she wasnt calling me that though). I think it was something like "leave rocket alone Addison you bitch" or something like that.

And the weirdest thing happened. The moment I read that, Addison went quiet, and I had this migraine that was like,, a rising motion? And I felt like a weight had been lifted from my head. It was insane. Never heard from addison again. The other alters didn't say anything about it either, but to be fair I couldn't really hear them unless they were speaking directly to me or wanted me to hear them.

Around late may and early june, I'd done some shit on the site, hurt a lot of people both intentionally and unintentionally, and got unfairly banned. This practically broke me at the time cuz my parents were abusive and I had no friends n shit, so I practically had lived an entire 5-7 months on that site. By this time, all my alters were pretty much quiet. And now I can't find them. If I call out to them (pretty much just thinking their name) I feel some kind of movement(?) in the back of my head, kind of like a pulse. But I dont get a response. And ive never had access to the headspace, so I cant check there. I never really liked most of the alters, but I wanna know if they exist or if slightly younger me waa just in such a bad place that he created imaginary alters and thought they were real (I wouldn't put it past myself at all, honestly). Like, my birthday even passed and they didn't even wish me happy birthday! I think that's very rude if you literally live inside my head.

Anyways. Can anyone help me make sense of this story? Is it possible that calling Addison a bitch fused her in some way? Or was I never a system in the first place? And how do I get in the headspace, assuming I am a system and I didn't just make it up? I know these are dumb questions but I promise you this really did happen, this is how I remember it and I'm not trying to fake/make fun of plurality in any sort of way

#alters #median system #plural system #system #did this really happen or #am i just insane #headspace #systemhood #plurality

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addytheheartbreaker · 5 years

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Yandere! Joen x Addy x Overprotective! Nicol part 3

(Warning: this part story is angsty and trigger warning themes for only 16+ contains mild swear words, violence, hurt and comfort and death mentioned of the following story that you are reading. Please advice you to not read it if you are uncomfortable of this topic, thank you.)

(This is gunna hurt me as hell, believed me)

*Joen's POV*

Early morning, a perfect time to wake up since I couldn't sleep properly. I haven't got thoses sleeping irritation since my asylum days. Anyway, waking up early on 6:03 am, I wore my comfortable and simple straightjacket that could fit me if he came to happen on my way, the amusement park is still closed yet I'll be back to open on afternoon once I am done with him. I couldn't help but excited to see her.

Teleporting on my way inside to the Dog mansion, I am outside Doll's door. The halls are quiet then I ever expected, I was expecting his step siblings or one of the dog brothers to patrolling or sensing a presence throughout the hallways or around the mansion to guarding any intruder to their property. Thank the lord for having this gift of power to be able to get inside without going to this place with my own feet. That would be the pain in the ass you know?

I teleported again inside with my sleeping beauty covering with transparent curtains around the mattress. My guardian angel is wearing the same pajama dress and she is surrounded with her stuffed toys as some of her other stuffed toys fallen at her bed alone. Picking up those plushies to return back to the owner of these plush toys, I moved the curtain to get her fresh air to her sleep as I sit beside her sleeping form.

She sprawl up straight with her head tilted on her right slumbering so peacefully. Is she supposed to wake up early this hour? She told me she will sometimes wake up so very early either 2 or 5 o'clock in the morning for no reason on her own head. Maybe insomnia or a sleeping disorder? Her own guts that woke her so early? It is complicated to understand herself with those situations to notices her issue. She looks so very tired. Did she wake up all night again or her work from her gang's status checking if her whole empire is under control with Doll still hiatus.

It doesn't matter to find out myself when I look at her as I started fuzzy again with my own feelings for her. I want to confessed to her. To be honest though, she looks just like Jessica Rabbit but much more different and better then I ever have in my life. Addy, my guardian angel, the Doll who saved me, company me my lonely days at the asylum, listen and understand me. But the only one thing that would complete the list is loving me dearly. The real Jessica Rabbit loves her husband Roger Rabbit, not by the looks but loving him for who he is honestly. She doesn't want to loved a man by their looks like some girls attracting to guys with muscles and charming features. Jessica loves Roger of everything about him, making her laugh and make her life happy.

That is what I thought of. I've been imagining myself as Roger Rabbit since that is what everyone called me before and my favorite childhood cartoon character. A silly, goofy and charming rabbit who makes everyone happy with my humorous tricks and magic to entertained them. But what is missing is my own Jessica Rabbit. That is where Addy came in. I noticed of how much she acted just like the female cartoon that I like. I said it many times in my own head: beautiful, lustrous, elegant, kind and gentle, a strong woman, serious, simple and a true babe she is. Doll is somehow a much more better version of Jessica. I liked a girl who is a bit shorter than me, simpler and unique, a good girl who secretly a bad girl inside and a wonderful personality.

Gazing on her sleeping position and hearing my own heart beat ringing through my ears and sweating a little as I gazed on her. Her long hair, her petite body, the feeling of love replaced it with longing and lust. I don't wanna rush things from her, but I couldn't help but gazed on her face until I stare at her lips.

Those pink lip of hers looks very divine and sweet through her well manner and shy/confident voice. I gulp while I keep staring at her lips as she sleeps very still. My heart and mind is telling me that makes me bite my own lip, I couldn't help myself no more as I leaned onto her carefully not to interrupt her slumber. My heart beats much more faster and my own guts twisted in excitement, I couldn't say no to her lips finally I leaned closely to her face with the help of my hand to cup her cheek to get a better angle as I finally kiss her.

My body twitch like an electricity spreading through my own body and heated up while I kissed her. Just as I thought about her own lips, so sweet and soft like a bunny. I kissed her deeply for more, I wanted more from her yet it so wrong if she woke up witnessing me kissing her without her permission. But I couldn't controlled myself of how much I needed her. God damnit, I could feel something underneath me painfully then my own hand started roaming down to caressed her abdomen and down to her hips.

Is this? Oh fuck it is happening. I wanted to kiss her even further to slip my tongue at her. I need her, no, I WANTED HER SO BADLY! SO BADLY THAT I WANTED HER AS MINE! I MIGHT GO FUCKING INSANE THE MORE I CRAVED THIS DOLL GIRL!

God, why did you make such a precious angel to make me feel this way, make me fallen to her beauty and kindness? She did deserved better then staying with that unstable mutthead, she belong to my wonderland where she can be safe and happy with those horrible people who had broke this masterpiece of a doll. How fucking dare they for destroying her and killing her several times while she is at her own era.

I didn't realized that have been kissing her for like an hour or long. I let go the kiss to stare of her lovely face again with a smile.

I snapped out from my own fantasy to hear someone interrupting the moment that I eagerly prepared for her just until I recognized voice then quickly glared at the person leaning back beside her door.

Oh that fucking asshole.

*Nicol's POV*

I couldn't sleep properly already, it was 6 o'clock in the morning and I can't get back to sleep. I always sleep on 12 o'clock but why didn't I sleep? Maybe I just worried to much? Maybe my problems are coming back? I already go through rehab to stopped drinking alcohol and drugs since 3 years ago. Why can't I sleep already?

I grunt myself angrily as I flop out from my bed as I lazily went my way to the kitchen to drink something to soothes me. Tea would be great to calm my nerves which only takes 15 minutes to prepared it. *sigh* such a nice aroma and taste, a bit bitter if I wish to add suger. Suddenly something feels wrong, very wrong. It felt like someone is inside the mansion unawared and possessive. I quickly finished my tea to investigate who the hell invaded my territory without my permission.

To my horror when I used my dog instinct to track down leading to Dollface's room. Prepared and ready myself in combat from the door and do a sneak attack to protect her. No one is going to hurt or kill my Dollface from me, I'll bite who evers faces to shreds real hard till I could taste copper tingling through my tongue.

The horror to my eyes suddenly changed into anger quickly. I quietly lean back beside the door, cross my arms, wearing my death stare look as I speak in a cold tone.

"What are you doing here, Rabbit?"

*No ones POV*

Joen glared straight into Nicol's eyes. Their eyes connected as sharp as a knife ready to stab to the death. Giving them silence between the two most former dangerous animals since Rivalry era, the two couldn't take their eyes off just until Dog's death stare breaks to analyzed what is going on. The Rabbit stands up from Doll's bed to greet him with his signature friendly greeting to pretend he had came in too early even if it means lying on his face.

Joen: ah, Nicol Mcgilles! I was just came here to check on Doll if she is safe. Well I guess she is still sleeping, I was wondering if yo-

Nicol: Cut the crap and stop lying to me Joen Roger. I know your game we used to played you Trickster.

Joen: *thought* did he just insult me? Wow, what a bastard he is. Well that is rude of you while I explained ya. *chuckles* if you could acted more nicely to me, I could have explained to you, ya crappy dogshit.

Nicol: *thought* grr that son of a- oh I knew he had hide something behind my back. That face that he was wearing. I repeat that again Psycho Bunny. What are you doing in Addy's room? Answer me with no shitty dodges yo got that?

The conversation became intense inside Addy's room, the atmosphere is not safe when the two keep their voices louder inside her room almost waking her up. Joen notices her movement still haven't waking up from their argument as the rabbit man dodges the dog man with a excuse.

Joen: why don't we go somewhere other than having our conversation here. Its very inappropriate for us to have this chitchat of ours while Doll is still asleep.

Both look down to checked Addy moving her head a little due to the noise which almost caught them from their loud voices if it keeps on going here. It is a good idea to go somewhere, but this pissed Nicol since she needed to stop the two from fighting. He hates to unleash his oldself back, but he had no choice however, he couldn't help but wanting to beat up Rabbit a lesson or two.

Nicol: yeah, good idea. Come this way Psycho Bunny, I'll escort you somewhere open to continue our discussion peacefully.

The two left Addy's room carefully not to disturbed her. Nicol escorted Joen through the hallways, guiding him the room much more open and a good choice to echo outside if anything happened, the dance room. That is where Nicol teaching Addy to dance since she haven't dance for a longest time and trained her to be ready for his performance in the Masked Singer. Two men face to face like a tournament ready to a fist fight, the two begin continuing their conversation earlier.

Nicol: okey where are we? Oh yes, What are you doing at Addy's room? Like I said, no shitty dodges for your nonsense of a lie. You are really bad at lying.

Joen: yeah, yeah I heard ya loud and clear Dog. I'm just here to get something what is mine.

Nicol: and that it?

Joen: taking Addy for myself. You actually just neglecting and forgetting Doll for a reason, for a reason of what? Your issues? your old self has coming back to ya? Oh that's right, your are just as horrible of day care as your old fucker doing when he is alive!

Nicol: don't you fucking dare mentioning the old geezer in this conversation, I am not like my ex master like that! I did what I did for her sake alone!

Joen: your sake, my ass! That is why you are getting in my way since you are a selfish, heartless and irresponsible motherfucker to leave her behind almost to her death!

Nicol: I don't understand Joen! What is it have to do with Addy anyway god damnit? Yes, I failed to know her unstable mentality is getting worse and her mental breakdown but I don't get the fact you kissed her. What is it have to do with her after I saw you kissing her?!

Joen: you always getting in my fucking way when you are beside her! I'm jealous for your closeness to Addy just like your own jealous of me and my brother's healing and strong bond together! I wanted her so badly to become as mine yet you happen to keeping her from me!

Nicol: *realization* are you saying you have a crush on Addy? Dude, do you have any fucking idea what you are doing right now with your head? You can't just kiss her while she is asleep. Just don't come near Addy with those creepy-

Joen: *thought* and that is what I am trying to fucking telling ya, yo mindless asshole! Don't you take my girl away from me!!! *grip tighten hands through raged* Fuck this and fuck you Nicolas! I'm taking her myself!!!

To be continue.... Coming up....

Joen's ending

#the masked singer human au #the masked singer #masked au #mask au #fanfiction #yandere! joen x addy x overprotective! nicol

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jeichanhaka · 7 years

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To Say Goodbye

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Chapter 6: Confession

Three days passed since Hinansho disappeared, Yusuke and everyone else waited at Genkai's for him to return the night he left, but he failed to—and when Hinansho failed to show, Genkai called the hospital to discover that Hinansho never showed. Hearing this news, everyone suspected Hinansho had runaway, but somehow this didn't bode well with any of them. Hinansho wasn't the only one missing—Hiei hadn't showed up as well, in fact no one saw him since the first day of Kurama's illness. Disappearing without a word wasn't unusual for the fire-demon, but Yusuke couldn't help but wondered about the strange occurrences: first Kurama came down sick and then Hinansho and Hiei turn up missing. It was too much of a coincidence; all three occurrences must be related. But how?

"Damn it. Hiei, Hinansho, where are you two?" Yusuke muttered staring out of the window of his apartment, desperately wondering if anything else could go wrong. While Yusuke stared out the window there was a knock on the apartment's door. Hoping that it was Hinansho (Hiei would never knock) Yusuke rushed to open the door only then realizing that Hinansho didn't know where he lived, and his hope gone, Yusuke opened the door unhappily, believing now that it was some stranger at his door.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"That's a rude way to greet visitors, detective." The visitor replied, his blood-red hair reaching his waist, matted with blood and sweat, tangled intensely as though he failed to take care of it for months. His auburn eyes—or eye, his left one was scabbed over, three long scars running over it from his forehead down to his cheek, staring at the Spirit Detective desperately. Everything about this being seemed ragged and weak, only a strong desperation seemed to allow this stranger to stand. Yusuke's stare took in the stranger's roughed up appearance while his spirit awareness sensed the fact that this person was a demon.

"Wha…?"

"No time for that, help me get him to a couch." The demon visitor spoke cutting off Yusuke who just noticed that the demon held someone at his side. "I would've made it here sooner but I couldn't carry him all the way."

"Hinansho!" Yusuke gasped grabbing the human boy from the demon's grasp, desperately looking for some signal of life from Hinansho's body. Noticing his heartbeat, Yusuke laid Hinansho down on the couch looking over the bandaged wounds across the boy's chest and abdomen, the cloths covered in blood. "What happened to him! Who are you?" Yusuke demanded of the demon who now stared at Hinansho wistfully, longing sadness in his remaining eye.

"Hinansho…." The demon's voice, soft and desperate for hope, spoke that name, his fingers caressing Hinansho's locks of soft black hair lovingly. "You can help him, can't you?"

"Wha…I…." Yusuke stared at the demon, unable to help feeling sorry for him—something about that desperation in the demon's voice convinced Yusuke that the demon cared about Hinansho. "I….Are you Karaikasai?"

"Yes, can you help Hinansho, please? I'm too weak to use my spells to save him. Please, can't you help?"

"I can't heal him myself, but I'll call Genkai, she'll heal him." Yusuke replied, picking up the phone and making a quick call, then he turned his attention back to Hinansho and Karaikasai. " You care about him a lot, don't you?"

"Yes. Hinansho is my life."

"But…you two broke up, and you put a curse on him…."

"That wasn't me."

"Wha…?"

"That wasn't me. I haven't seen Hinansho for ten weeks, two weeks before he said he broke up with me, my brother…."

"Your brother what?"

"My brother attacked me and made me his prisoner. He forced me to teach him spells, threatening to kill Hinansho if I didn't comply. He also forced…he forced me to do other things as well."

"Other things?"

"Things I don't wish to talk about." Karai replied, turning red and wrapping his left arm around him. "He's a sadist."

"Oh, um…." Yusuke didn't know how to respond, and was sure he shouldn't push the question. "So, what happened to Hinansho? Did he find out about your brother?"

"No. I was forced to teach him how to disguise his appearance, he took my form—and Hinansho."

"You let him take Hinansho as a lover?"

"He threatened to kill Hinansho if I didn't do what he told me to. He vowed not to hurt Hinansho as long as I did what he said."

"What happened to Hinansho though? His wounds, how did he…?"

"My brother attacked him three days ago, I don't know if Hinansho realized it wasn't me though. I tried to heal him but I can't—I could, but I wouldn't survive to look after him if my brother found out he's alive." Karai shivered, tears falling from his goodbye, his lips trembling. "It's my fault though."

"What?"

"I brought my brother back from the dead—I didn't think he'd hurt me or Hinansho, and he's my brother, I thought it was the right thing to do."

"Who is your brother?"

"Karasu."

"Karasu! Holy shit! You brought someone like him back from the dead? Are you insane!"

"He's my brother." Karai mumbled looking away from Yusuke and studying Hinansho who was breathing slowly now, audible only to someone right next to him. "It wasn't the best idea, I see that now, but he was family."

"Well, I guess what's done, is done. But if we have to kill him again, promise me not to bring him back."

"I promise."

"Good, and…." The door opening attracted their attention, Yusuke looked toward the door curiously. "Genkai?"

"Yes. It was Kuwabara who opened your door without knocking."

"Why knock? He was expecting us." Kuwabara grumbled, then remembering the good news, he turned to Yusuke. "Guess what, Urameshi, Kurama's awake!"

"Wha…really? That's great, finally some good news." Yusuke replied, turning back to Karai and Hinansho. "Before we celebrate, can you heal Hinansho. It'd be bittersweet if Kurama survived and his current lover died."

"Yes." Genkai replied glancing once at Karai without saying a word, then focused on healing Hinansho. As she did so, Kuwabara studied Karai with interest.

"Who's the demon?" Kuwabara asked Yusuke, pointing at Karai.

"My name's Karaikasai. It's rude to point and ask someone else who I am when I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself." Karai replied, cutting Yusuke off before he could answer Kuwabara.

"Sorry." Kuwabara mumbled, he had thought Karai looked too roughed up and preoccupied to answer him, but he assumed wrong. "Urameshi, have you heard from Hiei yet? Kurama has been muttering about him ever since he regained consciousness."

"No. I haven't seen Hiei at all. But you know Hiei, he just loves disappearing without telling us anything."

"I guess you're right. But Kurama's worried and keeps muttering something about Karasu…."

"WHAT!" Yusuke and Karai exclaimed, gaping at Kuwabara disbelievingly, both jumping up at the sound of that name. "Kara…Karasu? You're sure?"

"Yes…we think he may've just had a nightmare, there's no way Karasu could be alive…." Kuwabara replied, mistaking Yusuke's and Karai's responses to merely be fear that it could be true that Karasu was alive.

"Um…actually…Karai's told me…."

"Huh? What…?"

"Karasu is alive." Kari finished Yusuke's sentence bracing himself for Kuwabara's and Genkai's responses.

"WHAT!" Kuwabara yelled jumping back away from Karai.

"How do you know if…?" Genkai asked, controlling her surprise to question Karai.

"Because I resurrected him."

"…wha…you idiot!" Genkai rushed up to Karai and hit him over the head, wondering how anyone could be dumb enough to bring someone like Karasu back to life. "How could you be that stupid?"

"Hey, back off! Karasu's my brother and…." Karai fell silent seeing Genkai's and Kuwabara's fearful, distrusting stares—obviously he shouldn't have said that.

"Your BROTHER!"

"I'm nothing like him though! Honestly!"

"Yeah right."

"I'm nothing like my brother!"

Elsewhere, while Karai was arguing with Kuwabara about Karai's relative, the imposter Karai, who was Karasu disguised, sat down, relaxing on a cushioned, oak wood chair, gazing sadistically ahead of him at the unconscious Hiei. Capturing the fire-demon had been a joy in itself, and Karasu had the ecstatic pleasure of enjoying the fire-demon for three days. Enjoyed to the fullest extent, which proved too much for the little fire demon—Hiei had collapsed a few times during their fun. Well, Karasu's fun, Hiei still fought incessantly against his tormentor's abuse until he fell unconscious, only to continue the fight when he regain consciousness.

Right now Hiei laid unconscious on the stone floor where he had fallen ten minutes before, exhausted and sore from Karasu's roughness—the longest he stood down after collapsing. Unknown to Karasu, however, Hiei for the moment merely pretended to be unconscious; he was fully aware of his surroundings, but too wary to endure Karasu's lust again. Hiei never encountered anyone like Karasu before, no one had ever overpowered the fire-demon for this purpose—and Hiei was all too glad that Karasu stopped when he collapsed.

Oh, if only Hiei knew the demon was Karasu beforehand, he would never have agreed to any deal, he knew Karasu would never keep his side. But Karasu said nothing about his disguise until the fire-demon was in his power, and Karasu only told Hiei his identity because the disguise spell wore off. The spell wore off—that was what Hiei waited for now, if the spell connecting him to Karasu wore off, he would at least be able to truly fight against Karasu. As it was, Hiei could only shout and curse at Karasu, the wretch demon had control over the fire-demon as long as the mark on Hiei's right shoulder remained.

"That mark's much more efficient than just a demon mating bite." Karasu spoke, surprising the fire-demon, but Hiei remained still—Karasu spoke sometimes to catch Hiei faking loss of consciousness, but if Hiei didn't move Karasu continued waiting. "There's no use in pretending. I see you staring at that mark on your shoulder. It's been too long for you to truly be unconscious." Karasu spoke as Hiei continued feigning unconsciousness, but the fire-demon quickly flinched when Karasu stepped toward him. "Thought so. How long have you been awake, my pet? I waited five minutes longer than the last time, were you awake those five minutes?"

Hiei only glared at Karasu, growling savagely at the demon, cursing himself silently for not remaining still longer.

"Five minutes wasted when I could've been enjoying you, my pet. I don't appreciate that at all." Karasu stepped behind Hiei, placing his one arm around Hiei's shoulder and his other hand—Hiei tried not to think about where Karasu put his other hand.

Hiei cringed feeling Karasu enter him roughly with no thought about how much he hurt the fire-demon, each time seemed as rough, if not rougher, as the other times during the past days—Karasu aimed to hurt Hiei as much as he could. Only the fact that Hiei's body didn't respond to Karasu's rough caresses and thrusts saved Hiei from losing hope—it hurt him tremendously, but the fact that Karasu couldn't control Hiei's body with pleasure reassured Hiei of his pride. And pride was all he had now. No one, not even his fox had come to help him yet, and though it hurt his pride to be so much in need, it hurt something else even more to be forsaken by Kurama. Hiei didn't know that Kurama truly couldn't leave to find him yet—he had assumed Karasu lied to him about everything when he revealed his true identity. Hiei didn't know that Kurama had been, and was still, deathly ill.

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