actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

TMA Headcanons

I sort of spoiled myself in terms of headcanons for The Adventure Zone, so now I try to finish/get caught up on podcasts and form impressions entirely in my head before introducing visual ideas via fanart. And lately I've been focusing on The Magnus Archives SOOOO here we go:

My headcanons for The Magnus Archives. A few were originally written after listening through s2. I've added my s3 thoughts below characters or in a new section. I'm only 3 episodes in to s4 so no spoilers after the end of s3.

Jon (I only recently discovered that there's no H in his spelling, whoops) aka The Archivist - Obviously Jon doesn't really have fun ever, so the main word I think of is 'austere.' He's a pale white guy with dark hair and greyish or brownish eyes who basically always dresses formally--collared shirts, slacks, maybe even vests, usually neutral colors. He's thin, but not fit--just the type of guy who doesn't put on weight since he doesn't focus much on food. Rectangular face, maybe has facial hair… I haven't decided, but if he does, it's like a goatee/mustache scenario that's always well trimmed. In my mind, he's young to mid 30s, but could look older. When he's scared or disshevelled though, he looks a lot younger. I think he's also kind of short, maybe 5'8", so he keeps really good posture to make up for it. Ben Whishaw is almost right, but he'd have to be homelier. S3 updates: Not really any? Although apparently it's Jon without an H. I've confirmed that he looks older than he is since the spider picturebook episode (which I would love Don Hertzfeld to animate, perhaps with assistance from Jules Feiffer who is 90 gd years old… that episode is so vivid in my head). Also I forgot Jon has worm… scars? Pock-marks? Not sure how that works, but you probably don't see them much, given I can't imagine him in short sleeves or shorts, although maybe he has a few on his neck visible pretty frequently, above collars. I'm was pleased to learn he is canonically asexual, but not all that surprised. Something about the way he interacted with Georgie in her apartment had me wondering… maybe it reminds me of me and my ex (I'm the asexual one, my ex isn't, but we still get along).

Martin - I immediately imagined Marty (Terry Gross Waters-Waters SAT tutor in Gayle) when I learned more about soft, sweet lad Martin, so Matty Cardarople has always kind of been in my head. That is probably just a similar name situation, but it's kind of perfect. Since Martin said he wasn't the smallest of guys but still made it into a basement window, I imagine he's kind of tall and chubby, but doesn't seem tall, slouchy, not the most confident person. Sort of a Neville Longbottom situation (before the glow-up). I think somewhere between Matty and Nick Robinson is around the correct appearance: a little more clean shaven and formally dressed than Matty often is with shorter hair (but still flippy), but softer than Nick is. This guy wears sweaters a lot. I guess he's canonically 29 at the end of s1--I had imagined him in his mid 20s somewhere, but I guess he was pretending to be older since he claimed he had a master's degree. S3 updates: Martin is probably the one who was most easy for me to imagine. I never really thought of his fixation on Jon to be a crush, which I'm really intrigued by in terms of character development. I was parsing it more of Martin being a bit of a subservient character, that he was like that to everyone in the office, but we only saw it from Jon's POV as the primary narrator. If I do a re-listen, I'll be very interested to pick out some Martin/Jon moments now that I have a different context.

Sasha (or maybe Sascha) - I sort of had Sally Donovan from BBC's Sherlock in mind initially. I tried to stray away from that and looked up "half black actress." I picked out Zawe Ashton without even realizing that she had in fact played Sally (in one episode, so not her main actress) because of her hair and skin and the fact that her face is pleasant, but not the typical hyper-button baby doll face that some actresses have. Sasha has natural hair with light curls (sometimes straightened). I originally pictured a small afro, but I think in s2, they refer to her as having long hair, so I guess not? I'm also not clear if that was Not-Sasha imitating her, or just straight up not looking like real-Sasha at all. She's slim, pretty posh/minimalist in style--grey herringbone peacoat, umbrella, boots. I imagine she's half Russian heritage-wise, since is a common Russian diminutive for Aleksandra. I would put her in the 25-27 age range. S3 updates: I caught on to Not-Sasha (partially because I saw the name in the voice actor credits, whoops), but I think I also caught something in Lottie's flat affect that clued me in. I thought that the imposter was just good at disguise, not that people had been cursed to forget what real Sasha looked like, so Melanie's introduction and take on Sasha/Not-Sasha threw me off a bit. I don't remember if the "long hair" comment was for real- or Not-Sasha. But I don't have any headcanons about Not-Sasha… just that she looks nothing like the original.

Tim - In my head Tim is the tallest main character, maybe 6'2", and pretty fit. He's imposing at first glance, but since he's so congenial and laid back (at least in s1 before Jon totally pisses him off) everyone who knows him knows he's a nice, fun guy. He's black, with fairly dark complexion, short hair, clean shaven. He probably wears sweaters too, but like… the thinner kind. None of this bulky knit from grandma that Martin rocks. I first think of Alan from Russian Doll (Charlie Barnett), but darker, just black instead of more mixed. I'd say he's around Jon's age. S3 updates: RIP in pepperinos. I guess him being fit is not unreasonable since he is… canonically? (does Alex and Jonny joking about it make it canonical) an outdoorsy adventurer. I certainly missed his friendly nature, but my headcanons didn't really change. He just looked a lot more tired up until the end of s3.

Elias - He is older than the rest of them, I would guess in his 40s or 50s, but given that it's canon that he rose in the ranks kind of quickly, maybe he's not that old after all. I don't really have a good mental picture of him, maybe because I can't differentiate his voice from John's a lot of the time until I piece the context together. In my mind he has a beard and mustache though, kind of full, and maybe dirty blonde hair that's greying a bit. S3 updates: I wouldn't be surprised if he carried a cane that was actually a sword or a gun (I'm American, so having a gun seems very easy to me, so I'm not sure if that would be rare in England). Also, did I hear something about having a grey bun? Maybe I'm completely confusing it with something else, but I'm chuckling about man bun Elias.

Michael - Well, he isn't human… but he looks kind of like a really pale guy who is mishapen and thus wearing a lot of clothing at first glance? He probably wears a lot of clothes so you can't really make him out under the trench coat, scarf, hat, etc. (I might be confusing him with someone else). I think it's canon that his hands are large and maybe have too many bones. For some reason, Michael reminds me of tourmalinated quartz--black and white for the most part, striations cutting through the clearer crystal--sort of like a metaphor for how he kind of… dimension hops? Ends up where he isn't supposed to? I imagine striations of his appearance sort of blip in and out when you look at him based on the static he causes on recordings. S3 updates: I now know that he was an assistant to Gertrude. I guess my idea of his human form is basically the same color and demeanor, just not other-worldly in proportions and bone count. Probably the tall gangly type of white guy. ALSO I guess he's kind of Helen now…? I'll do a separate one for Helen.

---BREAK to add characters I didn't write about until the end of s3---

Basira - I assume she is a Muslim woman, based on her name. I imagine she wears a hijab. I picture her as Middle-Eastern, perhaps Iranian, but she could also be black (there are a fair amount of black Muslims in America, not sure if it's common in England). Other than the hijab, she's not very feminine in her styling. Being on the force probably means you want pretty functional, utilitarian garments. I don't remember if she talked in great detail about how she joined the police, whether it was straight from school, but in my mind she's late 30s.

Daisy - I think I recall she has a back tattoo? She's a murderer so she has a tough air about her, but she's also a subtle murderer, so nothing about her screams that she's dangerous… you just get that feeling, you know? I imagine a white lady, short blonde hair, blue eyes. Kind of like Brienne of Tarth, but more plain than ugly. She's maybe early to mid 40s. I'm not sure if her relationship with Basira is supposed to be romantic or not. I kind of prefer this weird closeness that doesn't always equate to trust given their specific experiences. Regardless, I imagine they are around the same age.

Melanie - Melanie is probably the youngest, early to mid 20s. Typical build and height, maybe a little chubby, but not unable to climb fences or anything (gotta hunt them ghosts). She has a short, asymmetrical bob, dark hair, but part is dyed a bright color of pink, purple, maybe green. I imagine she has a go-to windbreaker that has some neon colors.

Helen - I'm so sad that we had to lose Michael to gain Helen. I really love the Spiral and the characters we've met who are involved with them. Helen in my mind was a badass realtor, ready to close a deal, very driven… and that carried over into becoming SpiralHelen. She sort of outsmarted it with the locked door, didn't she? I can't imagine that's very common for humans/avatars to get the better of their entities. She seems really strong willed, so I'm excited to see where she goes as a human who is becoming an avatar. I think her personality translates into her being 40-something but like lowkey hot? She probably rocks a suit with a skirt in bold colors that men's wear usually doesn't offer (all over red suit, tailored to her, pumps, straight brown hair, nice makeup). I'm not sure how the Spiral would affect her… maybe her angles just get a little more pronounced? She's probably not yet to the point of disfiguration that Michael was anyway.

Georgie - She is like a terrier who will bark at a big dog because they don't know to be afraid of it (or… how to be afraid of it, in her case). She is short, 5'2" or less (I just remembered that a lot of the listeners probably use metric measurements, so sorry for that, but I'm not going to bother converting). I imagine she is cute--she dresses up for her dates to Hungarian restaurants (my favorite detail omg girl get it) and wants to look hot, but really she can't get away from cute. Brown curly hair, big brown eyes, button nose. But resting bitch face… gotta ward off those catcalls and get taken seriously somehow.

Jergen? I can’t spell, it’s Jurgen - Jowly white guy. Wispy caramelly colored hair that's going white. Probably pretty tall, which I'm sure what an annoyance in those tunnels.

Gertrude - At first glance, just some old white lady. But after you get to know her, you realize she can probably murder you and is nowhere near as frail as you think. Curly, wiry grey hair.

Gene/Alex Scenes That Made Me Go Whoa… [6/6]

How can I write about this scene? How can it possibly be put into words? The feels. The atmosphere. The epic fucking chemistry. The undiluted and irredeemable angst of this missed opportunity…

(You can bet I’m gonna try).

First let me say that this whole episode makes me go whoa. Whoa #1 occurs when Gene glances about at the mourning crowd gathered in Luigi’s and mutters: “Where’s Bolly?”. Whoa #2 happens during that intimate scene in his office when they tentatively arrange their date. Whoa #3 comes as they each get ready for this long-awaited evening, knowing or at least suspecting – hoping, anticipating – how it might end. Whoa #4 comes when they both show up – Gene resplendent in his tuxedo, with his golden mane swept back, Alex Goddess-like from top to toe and wearing the fur coat he first picked her up in. The effort they have each gone to in preparing themselves – their bodies, faces, outward appearance and inner equanimity – wordlessly betrays how deeply invested they are in each other, in this moment and its rapidly approaching outcome.

I say rapidly because everything seems to happen all at once in this ep. There’s no gradual build-up. The third series of this show is so much about the differences and difficulties that divide these two radically different characters. It’s a brilliantly frustrating move on the writer’s part, one that’s clearly deliberate and clearly intended to build to this incredibly URST-y crescendo in Alex’s flat. The whoas keep coming with just the opening of a door between them, the expressions on their faces as that final physical barrier falls. It is Gene that seeks Alex out, after their date is interrupted. This, along with his attentive personal grooming, I find so touching. This is a man who reveals so little, who refuses to invest personally, brushing off any attempt to create personal, sincere connection. Revelling in his “un-reconstucted” nature, he can become dangerous if the boundaries round his heart are threatened or breached. Yet here he is, putting himself out there for a woman he utterly adores but never thought would bestow on him a first, let alone second, look. There’s uncertainty in his stance as he hovers on her threshold, unsure as to whether her earlier offer of intimacy remains valid. As so often happens in the show, Alex’s eyes offer the emotional barometer of not just where she is at but where they are headed. The incredible depth and range of emotion Keeley is able to express through her eyes gives this show its emotional language and drive. So when the palpable uncertainty in every cell of Gene’s poor, primed body is pointing out that they were just about to sleep together and enquiring whether that was still going to eventuate, the straightforward sympathy in Alex’s gaze answers unequivocally: “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Further whoas arrive with the scene on the couch. Because this is what Gene needed earlier in the ep when he couldn’t find the one person he wanted at his side during Viv’s wake. He looked about, seeking his comforter, his voice of reason, his emotional support. Everyone around him shuffled, knowing that no one else would do. No one but Alex’s can fulfill this role for Gene. When Ray tries to tell him that everything will be alright, the assurance has zero effect. Ray is someone who needs Gene to lead, to be strong, to be the legendary Manc Lion. In moments of doubt – though he’d never admit to them or their antidote – Gene needs someone equal, someone who can match his own strength and determination. He needs his Bolly. Of course this time, in this scene, he doesn’t get the comfort he requires. He doesn’t get her looking at him with only half guarded affection and telling him he’s a good, kind, decent man. He doesn’t get her clinking her glass with his and agreeing that they will stand tall against any and all threats of police corruption. He doesn’t get her whispering in his ear that it’s okay to be scared. Or conceding with identical world-weariness that everything is indeed shit. This time, when he swings his head her way and questions whether things really will be alright, Alex avoids answering. In fact, it’s possibly only because they both sense that things aren’t going to be okay, that they aren’t going to ever be the same again, that they’re allowing themselves what they have so long denied.

It’s Alex that shifts them along, moving them out of the professional and into the personal, out of their routine of comforting companionship and into something more sensual, more sexual. Of the two of them, she has always been the more forward. Most of the overtures Gene has made have been veiled in smutty innuendo or braggadocios indifference. Such (unconvincing) indifference also veils his response to her suggestion of a dance, to her insistent, extended hand offering him contact and closeness. Her insistence is probably made a little easier by the fact that she knows (as we all do) that he’s been itching to get his hands on her for years. How Philip Glenister plays this scene is so perfectly pitched because he doesn’t just simultaneously conceal and reveal the hidden desires of the man behind the self-created persona but also the doubt and insecurity of the boy whose past is about to be uncovered. I gotta say, the first time Alex pressed play and the Spandau Ballet song came on, I laughed a little and thought: “Come on, Alex, could you pick a song that made it anymore obvious that you wanna make out?”. I stopped laughing real fast though, because this scene demands that this song – now thought so laughable, so corny, so daggy – be taken seriously. It returns it to its original context and makes you listen to it anew. And the lyrics certainly seem to fit this couple and the moment they have come to. The unapologetic sentimentality of the song also suits Alex’s purpose. She needs to make her intentions clear here because Gene Hunt has proven tougher to get between the sheets than anyone would originally have thought. You can see in the way she looks over her shoulder at him on the couch that there remains a fear of rebuff. And a Gene Hunt rebuff is far rougher than that of any ordinary man. But the rewards of taking such a risk are also much greater than those of any ordinary man. So she lets the layers of protection fall away, hoping that he will do the same.

For me, there is a major whoa in just the way Gene moves in and takes her in a loose dance hold, one hand holding hers as the other unseen hand presumably moves around her waist. Fucking WHOA... What is that?! And how do men know how to do that?? Do they learn it at some point? Do they take boys aside when they’re of appropriate age and give them instruction in how to sexily manoeuvre women into a slow dance? Well…some men. Actually, I don’t know if it’s a male thing or just yet another spectacularly sexy Philip Glenister thing. It may well be the latter. With his bowed, golden head and his reticent, pouted lips and his aura of cool…jeez. It gets me. Every. Single. Time. And from here, it’s just whoa upon whoa upon whoa upon whoa. Gene makes a last ditch attempt at humour, at dissipating the heat and saving some face. Alex looks him in the eyes, clear and knowing, and doesn’t let him get away with it. If he wants his chance to be with her, he needs to really be with her. She wants the man beneath the façade, not the façade itself. I love that they leave them dancing for a while, moving closer, all obstacles and defences removed. It feels like a real slow dance. Wordless, slightly awkward and filled with intense longing. Lingering here feels earned too, after all the words these two have exchanged. After all the difficulties and resolutions, all the confusion and suspicion and separation of this series. Now, words become redundant and acts take over.

Alex’s head lolls and drops to Gene’s shoulder in an act of absolute acquiescence. To me, this is a deeply significant moment for her character. Since she arrived in his world, she has resisted it, resisted him. She has resisted being there, staying there. She has resisted engaging with him, siding with him, investing in him, relying on him. She’s resisted needing, wanting and loving Gene Hunt. And this here is her final capitulation. She is done. She is here. Finally and completely. No part of her longs to be anywhere else. She is content. She is at peace. Gene seems to register the significance of this act with a little whoa of his own. His eyes close and brows raise and for a moment he looks overwhelmed by sensation. Not just the sensation of her physical proximity but the weight and importance of her emotional surrender. There’s a moment in which they just sway, then Gene responds with a telling act of his own. A soft, protective, affectionate kiss on her hairline. I say protective because, as we all know, Alex has a thing for daddies (her own, Evan, Mac a little bit, and even Keats). Her trauma around her father’s early death and betrayal has turned into a bit of a kink. Gene is older than her, the one constant authority figure in her world. He’s the booming father of CID. He is also the angel-man who shielded her on that hill in the moment she lost both the idea and actuality of her own father, the man who was meant to protect but instead endangered her – a dynamic that was repeated with Evan. And – this is the fear Keats taps into – may be repeated with Gene.

But however chaste the forehead kiss may seem, it also seems to be a bit of a gateway kiss, a way of him working up to the real deal. Alex’s eyes flutter open but her head doesn’t lift straight away. She’s noticed the slight pressure of his lips, noticed that Gene is at last making a move. His lips move a little lower, resting against her forehead. And perhaps he plans to continue downwards, kissing her brow…then nose…then lips… But Alex lifts her head, nudging them along when Gene is struggling to muster the courage. There’s really no writing about the near kiss. Not just because it’s inexpressible in words but because if I think about it too long and hard I’m gonna cry and throw stuff. Suffice to say, it’s so amazing to see the tenderness between two characters who started out so different, so divided, so exasperated by each other. To think of the Alex Drake and Gene Hunt of s1, with their endless sniping and insults and tantrums, and see how they have become this tender, complex, uncertain but deeply invested couple. All the petty hurts of the past melt away as they begin to heal, to make love instead of war. Even during the hottest and most volatile of their battles, there has always been sexual tension. But this coming together is not rash and passionate and fierce, as it might have been back when they first met. It is heated, no doubt. It is intense and fraught. But there is certainty as well as uncertainty, love as well as lust, passion without force.

It’s worth mentioning here that Gene and Alex are both dressed in black and white, Alex having changed out of her white dress. She has often been dressed in white, her signature jacket from s1 & 2 being the most significant example. Gene’s signature coat is as black as the looks he shoots from under his furrowed brows. It’s not just 80s aesthetics that matter here though. The monochrome colour scheme taps into the life-and-death themes of the show. Black and white represent a series of polarities: light/dark, day/night, good/bad, angel/devil, dead/alive, heaven/hell, redemption/damnation. This man and woman are no longer polarised though, no longer opposites. They are each a mixture of light and dark, good and bad, alive and dead. They have learned from each other, drawn from each other, grown more like one another. Gene has developed his Alex aspect while Alex has developed her Gene genes. She is not just white and he is not just black. They are black and white fused together in a complementary pattern. Or at least, they are about to be fused. They are this…fucking…close.   

The only other thing I will say about the near-kiss is this: I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY TOOK AWAY THEIR KISS. Just in case anyone wasn’t sufficiently frustrated by this scene, I will let you know that the original script did actually have Gene and Alex kissing before being interrupted. I give you Exhibit A:

Now, objectively speaking, if I were one of the showrunners, I would probably have made the same call. It just makes for a more memorable love story if their first/last/only kiss is postponed until those last moments outside The Railway Arms. And I would probably be happy (happier) with this scenario if that kiss expressed even some of the intensity and longing present in this scene. It’s a different kiss, it expresses different emotions. It is tender, intimate, affectionate, sad. But a little underwhelming. It is, after all, the very last kiss either of them may ever have, certainly the last kiss they will share together in this universe. It is the last time Gene will see the woman he waited decades in purgatory to meet and fall for. And it is the very last act of Alex’s sadly truncated life. It might be worth making it count. Just a little. For this reason, I can’t help but find their final kiss wanting and longing instead for the aborted kiss here to have gone ahead uninterrupted. There is a bittersweet angst about it as it stands and leaving the audience wanting more is a smart strategy. So, yes, objectively, rationally, I see the reasons behind making this call. Emotionally, however, my lil shipper heart just can’t get over it. Which is, I assume, precisely what they want – people still crying over this pairing a decade later. Nicely played, A2A team, nicely played. In recompense for this deliberate cruelty, however, I vow I will loathe Keats for all eternity for his epically bad timing. I will sigh wretchedly every time Gene’s head dips in defeat, as what he wanted for so long and thought he was about to get is snatched abruptly away. And I will forever (internally) brandish a fist at the heavens at Alex’s whispered directive to wait in the bedroom for all that sentence promises but doesn’t deliver.

Again, I am in two minds about the ending of this ep. Part of me thinks that Alex emotionally surrendered to trusting and loving Gene in that moment at the end of their date when she told him he’d pulled. Not to mention the physical acquiescence to relying on him, needing him when her head fell to his shoulder in this scene here. These moments communicate such faith, such unswerving devotion. As a result, her last minute dash feels a little contrived. On the other hand, I understand that Alex is still working through the daddy/trust issues that she is in limbo to resolve, issues that deeply implicate her relationship with Gene as well. Because of these unresolved issues, Alex can’t fully love Gene Hunt until she truly knows him, until she solves the mystery of who he really is. She pursues the truth about her enigmatic angel/tormentor/boss/other half as the intrepid investigator she trained to be in her first life, ruthlessly unravelling his story and its connection to hers. This is the ultimate and shatteringly beautiful irony of Ashes to Ashes – for, while it is only in knowing Gene that she can really love him, knowing him completely also means leaving him, at long last putting her own issues to rest and entering The Railway Arms alone, parted forever from the love she died in order to find.