#lik ei really liked this one scene in resonant crowbar series where gordon guts a medic who didnt know to get forewarning before sticking
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and for just the briefest moment...
#gordon freeman#alyx vance#half life#half life 2#idoindeeddraw#ponderingradioactivedecay#i dunno i just think about the hug scene at the beginning of ep1 alot#cuz like canonically speaking this is the first time we see gordon be touched by someone without the intention to harm him#like alyx is like the person gordon is closest to throughout all the games#and like i imagine gordon to be like in general really uncomfortable with physical touch in general and can really only tolerate it with#people he really trusts and is close to like rally close to like even with his parents he struggled with touch and affection#but everything in the games just decimates his ability to tolerate touch at all#like if u touch him with enormous forewarming ur likely to comeaway with a few broken bones at the very least#lik ei really liked this one scene in resonant crowbar series where gordon guts a medic who didnt know to get forewarning before sticking#him witha medpack#like that scene rocked#so back to this scene in th eep#that bried moment of purely relieved affection on layxs part and the sudden physical contact was prob just so overwhelming for gordon#but he trusts alyx so much so damn much by this point that its almost tolerable#and it for just a second leaves him missing it when its over...#it just reminds him that hes a person befor ehe can reel himself back in to be a weapon and that moment hurts more than anything#god now i wanna write that scene#tho in my funny canon he technically had a brief hug with barney but its still different#cuz there he broke the hug himself he couldnt handle it and after he didnt even want to touch barney again he couldnt have handled it#but with alyx he didnt want it to end even if itdve kill edhim and caused him to crumble he missed being that close to someone#i dunno i just#i love that scene and i love alyx so much but god i have no idea how to write her :(((#i want to write her so bad and ive started multiple things that ahve her in it but i just dont know here#maybe i should try something from her pov that prob help#figure out her head and voice before i try anything else
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