#last thing at work was a 1 hr mtg that turned into a 1.5 hr mtg which i ended because i needed to get home to call friends
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#last thing at work was a 1 hr mtg that turned into a 1.5 hr mtg which i ended because i needed to get home to call friends#the last part of the meeting was me trying to hold it together saying I didn't think I was the right person to do [part of my job]#especially in light of the prev 80 minutes in which i barely contributed#and my manager asking in front of two other people if I wanted to keep doing [thing] and that it would be an opportunity for growth#and me trying to say can we talknabout this tomorrow#because i don't feel like i can deliver a good result and i don't feel like i have the support to actually learn from this experience#and getting through a couple rounds of trying to be diplomatic and then saying i had to leave#biked home feeling a bit like i was gonna throw up and stressed about being late to the call and then all three people flaked#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#negative#i don't know literally the first thing about what I'm supposed to be doing and i have had trouble asking for help/mentorship#we got more progress in 80 min than I'd made in multiple days bc people just Know things and are familiar with the task#when i asked for help/feedback/tasks/specific requests before i really struggled to get anything solid#and previously it was like 'make a prototype cause we'll use it for xyz' and i make it and it doesn't get used and i ask for more specifics#and i make more and they don't get used! and don't get feedback and then i find out they wanted something different when i go to present#my work and not when i specifically ask avout it and yes. i could do better about asking what i need to do and asking for help#but i keep asking for tasks and deadlines and having them be super inactionable or just not real deadlines#and i don't feel like i am equipped to succeed and I've tried to say that#i don't know how to ask for the help i need#it feels like what i need is to work with someone or work under someone on the first design project i do in ages#and not start by owning an entire subsystem whose basic function i am not familiar with
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