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kuronanox · 2 years

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Weak - Kyoraku Shunsui

(Authors note: HAPPY 30th CHAPTER!! Wrote this one while listening to tek it from cafune. Anyways I'm sorry if it's cringe! I tried my best. I look back at my old stories and cringe, especially my GRIMMJOW ones LMAO. But warning mentioning of self harm and suicide. Story not edited.)

"It's happening again." She thought walking the streets of seireitei holding her food she bought from a street vendor after scouting Rugongai.

She walked straight with her head high but in her peripheral vision she could hear the snickers of other Shinigami talked down about her. All her life that's all she ever heard. Being the granddaughter of the head captain held a reputation that apparently she did not meet.

"I can't believe they are related, she's not even a seated officer and been under the 8th division for so long."

Stuffing a dango in her mouth (Your Name) sighed, she was the talk around the place, she felt like a celebrity and everyone knew her. Everything she did and said was always judged and she couldn't catch a break.

"Hello my little flower." Kyoraku greeted placing a hand on her head as she looked up to her captain surprised. Her cheeks stuff with dango.

"Taicho." She uttered as he winked at her and she smiled towards him. "What are you doing here?"

"Captains meeting."

The other Shinigami around bowed with respect and didn't utter a word about (Your Name) anymore as she pulled her sleeve down by routine.

Kyoraku noticed but chose not to say anything as he grins at her and walks off.

Sitting in her room she felt empty as she stared at the empty wall "what's wrong with me? Why aren't I enough?" She thought staring at the blade across the room, her lungs were getting heavy and she hugged her arms for comfort.

"Don't do it, don't do it."

Sighing she picked up the metal and cried, would the pain make her feel better again.

The cherry liquid spilled as she let it drip down her arm as she slept with haunting thoughts.

"(Your Name) is she late again?" Nanao asked the other members as they had a mandatory practice session.

Most of them rolled their eyes and snickered, most believed there was favoritism because she was the grand daughter of the head captain, it was also why she was strongly disliked by lots of the members.

"I'm sorry! I'm here!" She yelled as Nanao sighed and let her join the line.

"Pair in groups of two, we will be doing self defense today."

As everyone scrambled to find a partner, everyone she asked either pushed her aside or already had a partner. Sadly looking around she was randomly placed with a fellow member.

"Don't think you're gonna get it easy." He threaten her as she bit her lip from lashing out on him.

"I'm strong, I'll be fine."

With a few kicks in and punches he was knocked out in no time, but that didn't leave the Shinigami on the floor quit as he threw dirt into (Your Name) eyes and wrestled her to the ground.

"Tch, don't get all high and mighty because you won, you're still weak for what reputation you got going up."

Clenching her fist she bit her words back because she always thought about what grandpa would do, he wouldn't let trash get into her brain.

Yet it did, although she never physically fought anyone back she hurt herself, constantly. Weather it was mentally believing she wasn't good enough and physically with a blade.

"I'm not crazy, we are Shinigami, a small cut is nothing." She convinced herself everytime. Getting off the floor she left him no mind as Nanao could see that (Your Name) was stuck in her thoughts again and gripping her arm like gorilla glue.

(Your Name) was to consumed into her thoughts that she didn't see that Kyoraku had saw the whole scene.

"(Your Name)~" he cheers as she walked past him without a thought in the world still consumed in her head. Grabbing her shoulder lightly she jerked and met the eye of her captain.

"Taicho?"

"Let's walk together." He suggested as she averted her eyes, her captain was such a patient and handsome man, she almost felt guilty that she couldn't go to him.

"I don't think the other members would like that." She says looking back to see some of them with distaste written on their face.

He glides his hand down her back and pushes her forward as they walked side by side.

"Anything you need off your mind?" He genuinely asks with care in his eyes as she averted hers.

"I'm okay taicho, just haven't gotten enough sleep."

"Huhhh looks like my little flower doesn't want to tell me the truth." He overly exaggerates and falls to the floor.

"His little flower? Taicho!?!"

She laughs a little as he chuckles and linked his arm with hers, he definitely knew something was up once she stiffen from his touch.

"I know people talk about you. And I know what you've been doing." Kyoraku seriously tells her as she looks down in shame.

"So what?" She whispers as his eye widen in shock from her change in behavior. "You never did anything to stop it. Why should you care now? Because my grandpa taught you? Because he was your sensei?!" She yelled at him.

Out of anger, she felt selfish for being upset but all along her captain knew and he knew she needed help.

"(Your Name)." He says as she ran away, angry and embarrassed that she yelled at her Captain. He wanted to help, he was going to and she had to ruin it like everything else in her life.

"Ahhh!" She yelled breaking her room apart, she hated it here. Everyone was the same even if they were dead or alive. The stigma behind mental health was complicated. Most people would just tell her to grow up and words don't hurt but words hurt.

Hearing she was the failure of the clan and she wasn't good enough for anything drove her to madness as she cried out and pulled her hair as she fell to the ground.

"I really am the worst." (Your Name) says as tears slipped on the floor.

"I don't want to be here anymore. I just can't."

Staring at her katana, would her zanpakuto forgive her for committing such a sin? She wondered as she blankly stared at it.

Grabbing her katana she left to the hill.

Kyoraku was upset, he had no right to confront her but he understood why she was upset at him. He knew everything and never once stepped in or checked up on her. Of course he tried to in subtle ways but she was to much in her head to notice.

He felt guilty as he looked out into the sky getting a bad feeling in his stomach.

Deciding to check on her, he found her room empty as he panicked.

"Nanao Chan, have you seen (Your Name)?!"

"I saw her leave towards the mountain, she told me she was going to train."

"No no."

Kyoraku rushed to the country side hoping he would make it on time, there was no way he would forgive himself if she really did disappear.

Then he would be just as bad as everyone else.

"(Your Name)?!" He yelled finding her by the edge sitting on the floor looking at the whole seireitei.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She whispers to him sadly watching the night life of the Shinigami and people of Rugongai.

"Come here little flower." He ordered as she turned back to her captain.

"I don't think that will be necessary, I'll already made up my mind."

His lungs hitched as he saw her sword pierced through her body, how could he not see.

"(Your Name)!" Kyoraku yelled as he grabbed her body, looking at the damage he sighed in relief because it wasn't deep. With years of experience and knowledge he knew if he rushed her to the 4th squad she would be okay.

"Stop!" She yelled holding onto her katana.

"(Your Name)." Kyoraku says in pain as he saw the pain she carried in her eyes.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" (Your Name) cried into his arms, upset at herself again that she once again took the easy way out. "I'm such a disappointment."

"You are not a disappointment, I chose you in my Squad because I see potential in you. Everyone has their time. The head captain is proud to have you as his grand daughter. Now don't make it anymore painful than it should. Let me take care of you."

(Your Name) wanted to laugh at how ridiculous she was, she really was the worst.

"I can't promise I'll be better if I go back."

Kyoraku felt heavy as he knew not all wounds fully heal. For her she was so young and that bright future she dream of was slowly crushing away from the toxicity of peoples words and action.

"My flower, forgive me."

There was a moment of silence between them as she sighed and pulled the katana out. Kyoraku watched (Your Name) as she hooked her arms around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry." (Your Name) cried as she held him tightly and feared that she made a mistake. "It hurts."

"I know, but please let me take care of you. You always have me to fall back too." Kyoraku encouraged as he lifted her body heading back to the 4th barracks.

"I won't promise anything Captain." She whispers hiding under him. As of right now though she felt safe and comforted but for how long she didn't know. The only thing that matter to her was maybe one person did care.

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