Blood Moon AU!! Part 1 - Nobles

Time for a second major AU yayy!! I’m still working on Millennium AU as usual, though I want to get started on another one that’s been on my mind since years ago but never really got the chance to put on paper.

So here we are. I’m calling this Blood Moon AU. The nobles and werewolves basically have a race swap in an almost brand new setting. Lukedonia and werewolf island still exist; it’s the characters that have changed.

All characters reference their canon counterparts to various degrees. Some are similar or even near identical to the original, while some are vastly different. This could apply to names, looks, personalities, heritage/family, moral alignment… etc. It’s gonna be fun! I’m going to let myself get crazy with this and change things up quite a bit, haha.

As for the story. To be completely honest, at this point I just want to start off this new AU as more of a simple artistic approach. Right now I’m much more interested in designing and drawing the characters rather than writing the story itself. Maybe I’ll come up with something much later but it won’t be nearly as complicated as Millennium AU, and it’ll be fairly straightforward. Even then, I don’t want to rush it so that’s for the future. If I end up liking this new AU more than I do right now, maybe I’ll give the story an honest shot and turn it into more of a long-term project, but time will tell.

(Fyi “Noblesse” does not exist in the world. Too early for details but they either never existed, are a now permanently extinct special type of noble, or they simply peaced out and ditched Earth and returned to their special heavenly realm… etc. Honestly doesn’t matter. In this AU’s setting, they are absent. “Raizel” and his brother do exist but they’re both human. Actual normal human beings, with a normal life, currently students at a normal high school, stuff like that. Just your average human. The trio are also unmodified normal human beings. They are scattered across the world and never meet each other. Basically, unlike their canon counterparts, their existence is minimal and contribute to almost nothing in this universe. It’s weird, I know! That’s just how this AU is set up)

I’m going to split the noble and werewolf characters into two parts. Doing the (originally werewolves) nobles first! Posting the werewolves in a future post aka. part 2.

The characters!

Lucretia Natalina “Lunark” Drosia: Leader of the Drosia Clan. Kendrick’s twin, and on-and-off lovers with Julius. A rather carefree woman who is primarily interested in having fun, and shows little to no concern for the future of Lukedonia as a whole. When it comes to her people, she is a decent Clan Leader and manages her family efficiently. Lucretia’s efforts only apply to her clan, and her interests in other noble affairs are almost nonexistent. She has a habit of ditching meetings and whatnots. Sometimes, she even tries to ignore the Lord’s summons but ends up going anyway because her lovely daughter makes her show up. The only thing that can get Lucretia’s blood pumping with true passion is an offer to spar. Lucretia is an excellent fighter. People have to be very careful to not interrupt her fights unless they want to unleash her wrath, because she hates it when people invite themselves into her business. She also likes to flirt with her opponents during spars. Lucretia has a bit of a weird relationship with Julius, who is the father of her daughter. They seem to have positive feelings for each other, but that’s only when both of them are very bored and have nothing better to do.

Kendrick Tian-Chen “Kentas” Ru: Leader of the Ru Clan. Lucretia’s twin. A prideful, stubborn man who believes that the stronger should rule the weak. Like his sister Lucretia, he likes to fight and enjoys a good spar. Sometimes, people can choose to settle a quarrel with Kendrick by offering to spar with him and he would gladly accept. You can trust him, because he’s a man of his word. No more grudges, no hurt feelings. Done. In a way, he’s quite simple. Unlike his sister, Kendrick does care about the future of Lukedonia. He has a strong moral code of his own, but that can be overridden by his belief of submitting to the strong. That is why Kendrick is extremely loyal to their Lord and never questions him even if the latter makes some controversial decisions. As of now, Kendrick has no children.

Marcus Duruvan “Maduke” Siriana: Leader of the Siriana Clan. Erica’s older brother, and the Lord’s advisor. The only person who truly has everyone’s best interests at heart. You can say he’s the most “good person” leaning guy in this entire AU. Marcus is quite worried about the future under their Lord’s reign. Life is pretty comfortable inside Lukedonia, which is by itself very isolated from the rest of the world. However, Marcus foresees the destruction of planet earth if no one stops the Lord, since the latter doesn’t care about other races and is only concerned with the prosperity of nobles. Though, he doesn’t want to overthrow the Lord and instead wants to convince him to step away from his current path of darkness. He believes there is still hope. Simultaneously, Marcus is secretly gathering followers and supporters who all share his beliefs and formed his own organization. Together they work to transport resources out of Lukedonia and deliver them to humans and werewolves in need because the Lord refuses the share.

Marcus is struggling to plan for the future of the Siriana Clan, in case the Lord gets tired of him and decides to kill him one day for “meddling” too much, because his younger sister Erica is insane and cruel which makes her the worst possible candidate for the next Clan Leader of Siriana. Marcus loves her, but also fears her. He doesn’t know what she is capable of. Marcus is trying to look for ways to bypass his sister and hopefully be able to hand over both his position and Soul Weapon to another pure-blooded Siriana who isn’t his sister.

Marcus had a son, but he was assassinated sometime after his coming-of-age ceremony and now Marcus is once again childless and without an heir. To this day no one can figure out who the culprit is.

Erica Siriana: Marcus’ younger sister, and next-in-line for the position of Siriana Clan Leader. Wife of Lord Maximilian, and mother of Ashlynn. Erica is a ruthless, bloodthirsty woman. She is actually the person who orchestrated her nephew’s assassination. She made sure he was killed, then got rid of his killers, whom she sent, with her own hands. No one is going to suspect a thing and they’ll never find out no matter how hard they try. Erica did this to eliminate brother Marcus’ heir so she can regain her position as first-in-line. She’s been after her nephew ever since he was born, but waited for two whole centuries before doing the deed. To Erica, she’s just getting back what she’s entitled to, which is the full power, control, and privileges of a Clan Leader. Marcus is trying to be discreet but if Erica ever finds out that her brother intends to bypass her and give his position and Soul Weapon to someone else, she might actually just kill him and take over the clan immediately. Erica is truly a terrifying, power-hungry woman who will do anything to reach her goals. She does not care for anyone aside from her daughter Ashlynn and husband Maximilian, whom she genuinely loves. As messed up as Erica is, she is capable of being very loving and committed to whom she treasures. She and her husband are absolutely addicted to each other and he would let her do anything her heart wishes for, even if she continuously breaks Lukedonian laws.

Vivienne Branwen Di Ashlynn: Name means “lively and blessed raven of dreams”. Daughter of Erica Siriana and Lord Maximilian, and the next Lord of Lukedonia. On the surface, Ashlynn isn’t as straightforward as her mother despite their similarities. Ashlynn is just as ruthless and bloodthirsty as Erica, but the former puts on a facade in front of her people and pretends to be a sweet, altruistic future Lord. The perfect angel princess. And she’s very successful at it. Ashlynn is energetic, talkative, and empathetic around her subjects. She always tells them about how she wants her father to teach her power so she can protect not only her subjects, but also people around the world so they don’t have to suffer from hunger and war. In reality, she doesn’t care about any of them and she honestly thinks of them as a burden. They’re nothing more than cockroaches to her, and she’s only doing this because she enjoys deceiving her people and pulling on their puppet strings. She welcomes the love and respect they give her, and at the same time pities them for not knowing better, for she’s had them fooled this entire time. The world is her stage, and she’s the center. Ashlynn only drops her act and returns to her true self around her parents, who not only tolerate, but also accept and even encourage their daughter’s behavior. Well, their entire family is insane. Erica and Maximilian are totally overindulging Ashlynn while being completely aware of the fact that she is just as insane as them with no attempt to correct her, because she’s their little princess and hey, if she wants the world, then they’ll give it to her. Like Erica, Ashlynn doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t her family. Ashlynn loves both of her parents to the moon and back, and she might as well kill anyone who dares to speak ill about either of them. No one is allowed to disrespect them in front of her. Not a single word.

Ashlynn has a crush on Dominic and wants him for herself one day.

Eutimio Friedrich Di Maximilian: Name means “good-spirited and peaceful ruler of the greatest”. The current Lord, husband of Erica Siriana, and father of Ashlynn. Maximilian firmly believes that nobles are the most supreme beings to exist on this planet, and that they have a right to rule over every other species. Humans, werewolves, whatever… well, for now he’ll let them be for as long as they’re still useful. He won’t hesitate to unleash his power on them if he loses his patience. From a world view, Maximilian would be categorized as “evil”, but he doesn’t think of himself as such. In fact, he believes that he is doing good for his people, who are his priority. Which is true from a certain perspective, especially to the nobles who share their Lord’s vision. To them, Lord Maximilian is the greatest Lord in all of noble history. To others who strongly disagree with him, he is the most terrifying and coldblooded Lord in existence. Maximilian is only concerned with the prosperity of Lukedonia and doesn’t quite welcome the idea of distributing resources with the rest of the world. He doesn’t want the nobles to simply exist alongside other species; he’ll make sure the nobles are on the very top of the food chain. Everyone else is irrelevant and they’re all at his mercy. Generally, opinions are very divided and you either side with him, or you don’t. Life is very, very comfortable inside Lukedonia, and indeed, to some nobles, that is all they care about. Those with more empathy see beyond the obvious and are concerned with what goes on outside Lukedonia. The thing with Maximilian is that despite showing neither mercy nor any sign of remorse for his deeds in the outside world, he is actually quite lenient and loving with his subjects. You can say he has two extreme sides to him. He’s very kind to his nobles, but only them. He doesn’t mind if Lucretia skips meetings; he’d let her be. Or when his servants make mistakes, when someone does something offensive, etc... it’s alright, no big deal. In a way, Maximilian’s Lukedonia is teeming with freedom like never before under the rule of his predecessors. This is where Marcus comes in. He is just nervous and overthinking about getting killed if he says the wrong thing, but in reality Maximilian doesn’t mind voices of objection. He’s not going to give anyone a treason sentence or kill them for saying what they really think of him. You can tell him you disagree with him, he’ll just shrug it off and laugh. Say all you want, he knows you’re trying to persuade him, he doesn’t care. He’ll just keep doing what he’s always been doing. Maximilian knows he’s the Lord, and ultimately it is his decision to make. Just don’t let Ashlynn know, because she’ll come after your head if she figures out that you had doubts about her precious Daddy.

Maximilian is a very loving husband and father to his family. He is obsessed with them just as much as they are obsessed with him. On a personal level, while Maximilian himself doesn’t crave for the blood of his own kind like his wife and daughter do, he doesn’t mind letting them do whatever they want for the funs and thrills. Erica and Ashlynn are free to break the law all they want. Though, they’re smart and strategic with it and don’t commit murder in broad daylight. Still, Maximilian is aware of his beloveds’ occasional killings, and he lets them be. He’s the type of person who would let them burn down the entirety of Lukedonia to nothing more than a pile of ash if that is what they wish to do. It’s no big deal, he’ll just rebuild Lukedonia to be even grander and more luxurious than before! To Maximilian, they are the only two existences in this world to come before Lukedonia. How sweet.

Zivon Tradio: Leader of the Tradio Clan. An elderly sorcerer who is quite the hard worker, and spends most of his time studying existing spells as well as coming up with new ones. He’s from the previous generation of nobles, and he stayed behind because he’s just too damn cool to die. Just kidding, his love for magic is why he’s still rocking it. It’s still too early! Zivon’s ultimate goal is to push the boundaries of noble magic and to create what has never been seen before. A true spectacle to behold. Zivon is one of Lord Maximilian’s favorite subjects and the latter even has an entire wifi system built and set up in Lukedonia as a gift just because the former has the hobby of streaming and likes being an “influencer”or whatever the humans call it. Zivon is quite an internet celebrity and Lord Maximilian is supportive of his work of “spreading superior noble influence over humans”. Zivon is also Princess Ashlynn’s tutor, who calls him “teacher”.

As of now, Zivon has no children.

Julius Loyard: Leader of the Loyard Clan. On-and-off lovers with Lucretia. An elegant man who is well-received by his fellow nobles. Julius is a man of few words and usually doesn’t express himself beyond the bare minimum required to be polite. While Julius does admit to enjoying the lavish lifestyle that was a gift from the Lord to all nobles, he is beginning to see why this is a problem for beings outside Lukedonia and starts to sympathize with them. It isn’t easy for him immediately to give up what he’s been used to all these years, but he’s starting to steer away from that lifestyle in support of the less fortunate. Julius was one of the first members to join Marcus’ secret organization of smuggling resources out of Lukedonia to help those in need. Currently, he’s responsible as the leader of the food distribution sector. In his free time, Julius is a jewelry designer and Lord Maximilian is a fan of his work.

Julius’ heir is his son whom he had with Lucretia. He is fond of her but doesn’t entirely agree with her rather carefree personality. They seem to have positive feelings for each other, but that’s only when both of them are very bored and have nothing better to do.

Giada Agvain: Leader of the Agvain Clan. Like Kendrick, she is extremely loyal to their Lord. She’s been by his side since the beginning, and they are childhood friends. Everyone knows that Giada used to feel one-sided love for the then-Maximilian and now Lord Maximilian, but what they don’t know is that she is still in love with him. Well, maybe it’s better for them to continue to believe that she has gotten over him. It’s not like he’ll ever like her back anyway, and you’ll never know what Princess Ashlynn will do if she finds out that anyone other than her precious Mommy is “coveting” her beloved Daddy. Giada is one of the few people who knows about Ashlynn’s true nature despite the latter’s angelic facade. While Giada does love Max on a personal level and is loyal to him, she doesn’t agree with his actions. She is also one of the first members of Marcus’ organization. Currently, Giada is responsible as the leader of the money distribution sector. In her free time, Giada tends to a small spider lily garden.

Giada’s heir is her daughter whom she had with an unnamed noble woman.

Dominic Raffaello “Dorant” Blerster: Leader of the Blerster Clan. A calm and rational man who remains unfazed in extreme situations. He is also the youngest to become Clan Leader, because his mother and predecessor saw so much potential in him, she passed over her title and Soul Weapon to him as soon as he came of age. Dominic pretends to be fairly neutral, and most people think he isn’t dedicated to anything or anyone, but he’s actually Lord Maximilian’s right hand man in the shadows. On the surface, he is simply Clan Leader of the Blersters and does a good job of managing his clan. When he no longer needs to act as Clan Leader, Dominic goes to the castle and reports everyone’s moves to his Lord. Dominic is actually a member of Marcus’ secret organization and oversees the medical distribution sector… as a double agent. His allegiance is with the Lord and he’s only there to watch what everyone else is doing to report back to his master. That includes a long list of who is working with Marcus, what resources they have been smuggling out of Lukedonia, who is on the receiving end… etc. Every. Single. One. So Lord Maximilian is very much aware of Marcus’ “betrayal” thanks to Dominic. Curiously, Lord Maximilian tells Dominic to just let them be. Perhaps he finds this to be amusing. Nobody knows what he’s thinking. Dominic, on the other hand, is in total awe of his Lord for his immense generosity for the “traitors” even though they clearly don’t deserve it.

Dominic doesn’t know that Ashlynn has a crush on him.

As of now, Dominic has no children.

Undine Mergas: Daughter of the leader of the Mergas Clan. A woman with a short temper who is also easily provoked. Undine’s father, the current Mergas Clan Leader, believes that she is unfit to become Clan Leader due to her personality and tendencies to boss the knights around instead of being a responsible and respectful leader like she is supposed to, but he is hopeful that she will change one day. Undine is best friends with Mimi and the two of them are almost always seen together. On one of her travels to the outside world, Undine met a human named Michael Travis Osborn by chance and she has had a crush on him ever since. He’s pretty cute. Maybe the Lord will let her capture him and bring him back to Lukedonia, she thinks.

Mimi Elenor: Daughter of the leader of the Elenor Clan. A woman with a similar personality to her best friend Undine, but less impulsive and more calm. That’s why they get along and are best friends because they have much in common. Mimi has an older brother so she likely won’t become the next Elenor Clan Leader, but she’s fine with that. In fact, she’s glad she won’t become Clan Leader because all those responsibilities, hassles, sitting in meetings all day, blah blah blah… ew, just too much work. She just wants to have fun, so her brother better be competent so she won’t have to bother with her clan at all. Mimi, like Undine, also has a crush on Michael Travis Osborn. They chat about how cute he is. Both of them want to capture him and bring him into Lukedonia. They’re thinking about discussing this with the Lord. If Lord Maximilian hears about this, he’d approve of the capture and tell them to go ahead and enjoy themselves because of course he wants all of his nobles to get their hands on everything they wish for. Plus, these two remind him of his daughter Ashlynn so he’d be even more generous towards them.

Kushaal Kertia: Leader of the Kertia Clan. Cousin of Galileo. A respected fighter known for his immense speed and agility even amongst the Kertia. Kushaal is also honorable. He dislikes dirty fighting and is fairly open to acknowledging his own weaknesses and strives to become even stronger and faster. He has heard about a certain blonde werewolf warrior who is the fastest of his pack, and wishes to fight him one day. While Kushaal enjoys and supports the luxurious lifestyle given to him by their Lord, he believes that humans and werewolves could use some help from Lukedonia. After all, if they’re all gone, he’s not going to have anyone interesting to fight with anymore. Kushaal would love to spar with the werewolves, so he hopes that they’re doing well. In his free time, Kushaal likes to collect rare werewolf artifacts to display in his home because they feel familiar to him, for some odd reason.

As of now, Kushaal has no children.

Galileo Kravei: Son of the leader of the Kravei Clan. Cousin of Kushaal. A man who has a bit of an inferiority complex because his abilities seem to have hit a wall, and he can’t get stronger with his own strength. Galileo is probably going to get by just fine, even though he himself is more impatient than anyone in terms of wanting to gain strength. Other than that, no one really knows much about him since he tends to keep to himself. In his free time, he plays with his three supernatural pet aquatic snakes: Ramen, Ramyeon, and Lamien. Galileo has a huge love-hate crush on Kendrick, and people will tell you he’s both extra mean and extra nice to him. He sends him cheesy “let’s fight” love letters written on rose scented paper. Yeah. He’s totally in love.

And that’s it for now!

Again, very open to questions and discussion. Quite happy about my second major AU! While this post only touches the surface of what I have in mind, I have a feeling that I will grow to like this AU even more. Maybe I’ll even create brand new OCs specific to this AU lol.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for future posts!

Koharu Nishino  西野小春

old d'masiv songs are so good this man is crying sobbing on that mic *SICK GUITAR RIFF* more crying sobbing

Haruskah aku mengubur mimpiku dalam-dalam. Seperti kesempatan yang ada semakin menyempit. Waktu semakin menyenja tak menerangi jalan. Kunikmati detik ini di persimpangan ini. Kuarahkan fikirku hingga jauh. Benarkah semua ini pada akhirnya akan begini. Upaya-upaya itu tak berhasil. Tak mengantarku pada impian yang aku inginkan. Remuk memang tapi semesta bagai tak berpihak. Apalah daya yang bisa aku perbuat.

Bendungan mata ini begitu menguat. Menempuh cobaan seperti tidak semudah menerima bahagia. Melepas mimpi sungguh begitu memilukan hati. Meyakin-yakinkan diri bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih baik menanti di depan sana. Tapi setelah senja ini kuharus melewati malam pekat itu terlebih dahulu. Semoga nanti pagi yang datang, membawa hangat yang lembut. Membuat lupa akan gelapnya malam yang sunyi.

Hai dunia,

Sudah masuk di Juni .

Entah juni yang ke berapa.

Entah sesak ini tak kunjung kulegakan juga.

Rasanya diri ini semakin jauh dari kata benar adanya.

Entah bagian mana kuharus bisa menjadi berani adanya.

Aku akan menjadi sebodoh ini?

Ya terlalu kasar,

Apakah aku sepatah dan sepayah ini?

Aku mengeja.

Terlalu lamban melangkah..

Allah...

Ampuni ya rabb..

Ampunkan diri yang tak tahu diri ini

Apakah kuharus bersurban, untuk terlihat Islam?

Apakah kuharus putih, untuk terlihat bersih?

Apakah aku harus membuktikan semuanya didepan kalian ,yang tentu tak sesuci pakaian yang kau kenakan?

Oh tentu aku tak ingin menuruti ocehan kalian, yang aku inginkan hanya mengatakan persetan padamu !!!

HAMPIR MENYERAH

Sesak didada ketika apa yang sudah diperjuangkan 1,5 tahun diobrak-abrik, dikurangi. Rasanya hampir menyerah, padahal sudah mau selesai, Sesaknya baru terasa, Hampir menyerahnya baru dimulai tapi sudah mau selesai. Hampir menyerah tapi kuharus selesaikan.

TERUNTUK D

Malam ini nampaknya harus kubuka kembali apa yang sebenarnya ingin kututupi.

Bukan apa-apa sih cuma takutnya jika kau masuk atau mampir kemari kau akan mengira bahwa diriku ini enggan menanggalkan masa laluku.

Jadi...jika kau mampir nanti, please ya aku bukan tidak bisa melupakan yang lalu hanya saja tempat ini sudah kusiapkan untuk menyimpan baik dan buruk setiap persinggahan, jadi tolong dipahami ya dinda! (kalau gak kuat jangan scroll kebawah) hehehe...

Semua berawal dari... entahlah aku bingung harus memulai dari mana, karena sebenarnya sudah sejak lama aku mengenalnya, i mean... pertama kali say hi sudah beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Waktu berjalan sangat cepat rupanya hingga entah bagaimana dan apa maksudnya sampailah di salah satu situasi dan kondisi aku bertemu denganmu.

Hanya menyapa sekali lalu bertemu dengan tidak menjabat tanganku... kesan awal yang entah bagaimana membuatku sedikit kagum karena hanya dirimu yang enggan menerima tanganku ketika bertemu, mungkin malu kataku dalam hati sambil memandang kearahnya.

Situasi saat itu berjalan sebagaimana adanya namun tanpa kusadari mataku selalu tergugah untuk mencuri sedikit-demi sedikit kearahmu yang pada saat itu benar-benar tidak menggubris keadanku (nampaknya) namun setelah di konfirmasi ternyata dia cukup mendengar.. sok humble katanya hahaha...

Sampailah diakhir waktu yang begitu singkat tanpa sadar kau sudah harus beranjak... padahal sebenarnya sungguh kuingin waktu berjalan sedikit lebih lambat jika bisa.. masih ingin mentapmu dari sembunyiku..

Aku akui setelah itu kuharus menyelesaikan apa yang seharusnya usai karena bukan aku jika maju meninggalkan masalah yang belum usai. jd setelah pertemuan itu aku kembali fokus pada apa yang sedang kujalani memastikan semuanya selesai atau sebaliknya.

Sampai pada akhirnya semua terjawab dan jawabanna adalah harus usai.

Seketika ku kembali teringat akan dirimu yang harus kuakui sempat mondar-mandir di benakku.

Ketahuilah dinda sebelum ku berani menyapamu lagi banyak sekali yang berputar di kepala..

apakah dia akan merespon, apakah dia akan menerima, apakah dia sendiri, apakah... apakah.. dan apakah yang terlalu banyak.

Namun rasa penasaranku lebih besar dan mengalahkan apakah-apakah yang ada di kepala sehingga dengan berani dan yakin kuputuskan untuk memulai.

Assalamualaikum D apa kabar ? ya se formal dan sebasi itulah kumulai mencari dirimu.

Semenjak hari itu kukeluarkan semua basa-basi lelaki untuk mencoba mendekat denganmu.. namun apa ?? hampir satu minggu akau membuatku layaknya seorang wartawan yang hanya bertanya lalu dijawab, tanpa ada pertanyaan balik.. bahasa jamanku kuliah komunikasi dulu ialah komunikasi satu arah hahaha...

sehari,dua hari, tiga hari mungkin aku masih cukup sabar untuk meladeni pertahananmu yang cukup kokoh. Ayolah dinda aku bukan lelaki bodoh yang tidak membaca semua caramu membentengi diri kataku dalam hati.

Namun maaf seorang Aries ini nampaknya sedikit lebih tidak sabar untuk mendapat atensi darimu, wanita yang sudah seminggu membentengi dirinya dan mohon maaf juga lelaki aries ini tak akan pantang pulang sebelum menaklukan lawannya.

"D boleh nanya ga?" kataku diambang batas sabar.. "iya nanya apa kak?" katamu..

"itu tombol tanda ? di hp nya rusak kah ? dan tidak katamu sembari bertanya kenapa..

Dan dengan sisa sabarku aku berkata "iya soalnya selama seminggu ini kayanya g pernah ada pertanyaan balik deh"...

"ohhh jadi mau ditanya balik ?" katamu... Allahuakbar kataku dalam hati ini anak beneran gatau apa pura-pura bego sih ya ALLAH... ya iyalahhhhhhhhhh menurutmu seminggu ini aku ngapain ??

Namun kembali aku percaya bahwa ditengah kepasrahan dan kelapangan hati kita untuk bersabar disitulah terbuka jalan, siapa sangka kalimat terakhir yang ku ucapkan itulah yang menjadi kunci untuk membuka dirinya dan memberi sedikit ruang untukku masuk.

Dari malam itu aku berhasil berkomunikasi selayaknya lawan bicara tidak seperti wartawan lagi hahaha...

Beberapa hari kulalui dengan bertukar kabar, mencoba mengenalmu lebih dekat dan ternyata tidak butuh waktu lama untukku menaruh hati kepadamu.

Kepadamu wanita yang pernah ku chat sekali, bertemu sekali dan kembali ku jatuh dalam lingkaran hubungan yang terpisah oleh jarak. entahlah sudah berapa kali aku bertarung dengan jarak mungkin jika kasus ini ada dalam pemerintahan aku akan menjadi menterinya karena sudah terlalu sering menjalani.

Namun entah mengapa aku selalu menerimanya.. menerima bertarung dengan waktu dan jarak, mungkin lagi-lagi alasannya karena wanita ini pantas untuk diperjuangkan jadi urusan jarak bisa kutangani sendiri.

setelah beberapa waktu ku menjalani denganmu aku mengerti akan beberapa hal, tentang bagaimana mencoba lebih menghargai lagi satu sama lain, mencoba hal yang sudah menjadi kebiasaan, lebih memegang apa yang sudah diucap.

Dinda... kau harus tau bahwa denganmu aku percaya bahwa aku bisa melakukan apapun yang kumau, denganmu aku bisa menjadi diriku yang sebenarnya.

Ada beberapa hal yang mungkin belum ku ungkap padamu tentang kagumku akan caramu memandang dan menilai suatu hal, hal-hal yang belum terfikir olehku namun kau sudah jauh memikirkannya dan itu membuatku senang.

Dinda.. maaf jika aku mungkin belum menjadi lelaki yang baik untukmu, asih tinggi egoku, masih sering cuekku namun aku masih selalu berusaha dijalanku untuk nanti bisa lebih baik bersamamu.

Aku sadar mungkin hubungan ini bukanlah hubungan yang selalu diwarnai dengan roman picisan disetiap harinya, sedikit kesal sebenarnya dengan hubungan yang sedikit kaku ini menurutku namun percayalah aku sedang berusaha menikmatinya asal itu masih denganmu.

Sebenarnya masih banyak yang ingin aku tulis disini mungkin lain kali akan kutulis jika sudah waktunya.

-Selalu senang bisa menjaga dan berada disampingmu dari jauh

Pacar Pertamamu,

Rufalzyh

mungkinkah hatinya sudah beku? mungkinkah kuharus menunggu hingga hatinya cair kembali?

Doodle compilation of noblesse characters and some of my noblesse ocs

From top to bottom there’s Reiner, Cordelia, Kaelestis, Seira, Karias, Zaiga, Kuharu, Umbra, Asa, Jalia

OCs: Reiner is Raskreia’s son (Lord’s heir), Cordelia is Kravei CL, Kaelestis is Karias’ son, Umbra is Agvain CL, Asa is Drosia CL, Jalia is Ashleen’s younger full sibling from a different AU

Hope I can post more often in the future. been busier than usual these days.

Miss y’all ❤️

Dear Mr. Sometimes-sweet-sometimes-bitter,

Kangen!

Suddenly these days I was craving for Tengkleng we had last time, and for craving it I just miss you more.

Wondering what should I do to meet you? Wondering what should I do to keep a conversation with you on WhatsApp?

I miss you so so much! I miss having a conversation with you! I miss sharing jokes with you! I miss hearing your story about your daily life, about your past life! Happy kangen! gimana dong dong dong!

Wanted to chat with you and ask you to go out, but I'm afraid I will bother you. Since 26 June somehow I adjusted the way I communicate and interact with you, because I can't predict you huhuhuhuhuhu.

Kuharus gimana kalo kangen Happy?

Happy, whatever you do, hope you do good, hope you will get ease from Allah for whatever you do. Hope you will get berkah and rizky from Allah. I hope you and your family always be healthy and happy. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamin Happy I wish you follow up your toothache so you won't get toothache anymore yaaa. Get well soon yaa. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamin

Berapa banyak orang yang terluka karena lisan. Ia seperti panah yang melesat tak dapat kau kendalikan ketika perkataan keluar dari lisan entah siapa yang akan terkena tajamnya. Kuharus menjaganya. Tapi kusadari selain menjaganya. Yang harus kujaga adalah apa yang kumasukkan ke dalam fikir. Karena apa yang keluar dari lisan adalah apa yang banyak mengisi fikiran. Masukkan yang baik ke dalam fikir adalah bentuk ikhtiar menjaga lisan.

Getir rasanya melihat orang lain terluka karena kita. Sedang kita tak dapat menyembuhkannya. Yuk ikhtiar dan berdoa semoga lisan ini terjaga.

Sering meragu

Bahwa ada yg akan menerima apa adanya

Tanpa kuharus menambahkan apa apa untuk membuatnya nyaman

Dan dia yg tak harus menambahkan apa apa untuk membuatku senang

Sayang, ragu itu belum hilang

Hingga ku masih juga percaya bahwa masih tidak ada,

Tentang mengungkapkan perasaan

Suatu hari, seperti biasa, aku membaca jawaban-jawaban di Quora. Satu hal yang menarik dari sebuah jawaban yang kubaca adalah, keputusan seorang laki-laki untuk bersikap biasa saja terhadap seorang rekan kerja wanita yang diam-diam menyukainya. Namun pada akhirnya, si laki-laki ini tahu perasaan rekan kerjanya karena kecerobohannya sendiri. Namun di lain sisi, ternyata si laki-laki ini menyatakan bahwa ia mungkin akan menjauh, jika rekan kerjanya tersebut menyatakan perasaannya secara langsung, maupun via chat.

Aku pun bertanya-tanya, kenapa harus menjauh jika wanita itu sudah memberanikan diri mengungkapkan perasaannya? Ternyata jawabannya klasik, si laki-laki tidak mau memberikan harapan palsu. Hmm, lantas apa bedanya jika si wanita tetap diam-diam suka jika laki-laki tersebut tetap bersikap biasa saja, bukankah justru bisa menjadi bahan bakar si wanita untuk menjaga perasaan sukanya membara?

Sebagai pihak yang menyatakan perasaan, dijauhi oleh seseorang yang aku sukai tentu saja sangat menyakitkan. Membuatku bertanya-tanya, apakah perasaanku salah, apakah aku semenjijikkan itu untuk memiliki perasaan lebih terhadap orang lain?

Sepertinya aku agak paham dengan fenomena menyatakan perasaan di hari perpisahan, entah yang terjadi di dunia fiksi maupun nyata. Ya, supaya orang-orang yang bermental sepertiku tidak akan terlalu sakit hati, dan tidak perlu menanggung malu karena ditolak. Bayangkan jika kita harus menghabiskan suatu masa dimana orang yang kita sukai terus menjauh. Itu seperti menggarami luka, sudah perasaannya ditolak, dijauhi lagi.

Namun, sebagai pihak yang menerima pernyataan perasaan, sepertinya aku yang masih puber akan mengambil langkah menjauh. Itu yang aku lakukan ketika menerima confession pertamaku - dan satu-satunya sejauh ini - di kelas 1 SMP. Jika diingat lagi, aku jahat banget sih. Tapi di kelas 2 SMP, aku bisa berdamai dengannya.

Setelah membaca jawaban di Quora itu, aku jadi penasaran dengan bagaimana sudut pandang orang lain. Aku pun mencari pendapat pada teman-temanku: apakah kalian akan menjauhi orang yang menyatakan perasaannya kepada kalian, tetapi kalian tidak ada rasa terhadap orang tersebut.

Dari 6 orang responden, 5 diantaranya menyatakan bahwa menjauh itu tidak perlu. Ada yang sepakat jika menjauh hanya akan memperburuk keadaan, terlebih jika semuanya berjalan baik-baik saja sebelum perasaan itu diungkapkan. Jika masih bisa berteman, kenapa tidak? Lagi pula, dia hanya mengungkapkan perasaannya, yang itu adalah fitrah manusia. Dan sebagai pihak yang menerima pernyataan suka pun, kita tidak bertanggung jawab terhadap apa yang orang rasakan terhadap kita. Begitulah cerita mereka.

Sebagaimana reaksi Noguchi Yae di dorama First Love/Hatsukoi, dia mengungkapkan bahwa dia senang saat rekan kerjanya menyatakan perasaan cinta padanya. Namun sayang, Yae-chan tidak memiliki perasaan yang sama. Dan voila, mereka tetap menjadi rekan kerja yang asyik. Bahkan si rekan kerja ini mendukung Yae untuk meraih cita-citanya. Terus apakah Yae berubah suka gitu? Enggak.

Satu orang yang memilih menjauh, memiliki sudut pandang yang sama dengan penulis jawaban Quora tadi, supaya sosok yang menyukainya bisa lebih mudah move on, selain supaya tidak menjadi korban PHP.

Aku saat ini, memiliki sudut pandang yang berbeda dari diriku 10 tahun yang lalu. Lagian, woy, siapa sih yang enggak seneng kalau ternyata selama ini ada orang yang memandang kita lain daripada yang lain? Aku tidak akan menjauhi orang yang confess padaku jika ternyata aku tidak memiliki perasaan yang sama terhadapnya, meskipun realitanya selama 10 tahun ini tidak ada, hehehe.

Sebaliknya, aku akan bertanya apa yang dia suka dariku, supaya aku bisa lebih berhati-hati dalam bersikap kepadanya dan tidak membuatnya semakin berharap, terlebih jika ternyata aku suka sama orang lain. Lain halnya jika orang ini ternyata mengganggu ketenangan hidupku. Jika diperingatkan tidak mempan, ah sudahlah kuharus menjauh saja.

Aku pun sebenarnya selalu mengingatkan diriku sendiri untuk melakukan background research dulu sebelum jatuh hati. Iya kalau dia sedang kosong hatinya, kan bisa aku usahakan supaya dia juga memiliki perasaan yang sama, hehe. Beda ceritanya jika ternyata dia sudah memiliki orang yang dia suka, atau bahkan sudah memiliki pasangan; entah gebetan, pacar, atau bahkan istri. Ya peluangku untuk membuatnya jatuh hati jadi 0, setidaknya itu yang kupikirkan. Meskipun kata temanku,

"Kalau kamu suka sama orang yang single, sainganmu banyak. Coba kalau sama yang udah punya pacar, sainganmu cuma satu~"

Lah!

Tapi itu bukan prinsipku.

Kalau udah terlanjur suka, eh ternyata di tengah jalan dia sukanya sama orang lain? Ya ... siapa suruh nggak confess duluan?! Aku akan mundur alon-alon.

Apakah aku pernah confess? Oh, pernah. Ditolak? Jelas. Namun ada satu momen di mana aku ingin confess, tapi setelah kutahan, akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk tidak jadi dan jangan sampai pernah muncul ke permukaan, karena ternyata dia sudah memiliki pacar. Ya, meskipun perasaanku hanya remeh temeh masa lalu - iya, aku pengen confessnya setelah aku udah nggak ada rasa - aku nggak mau mengganggu kehidupan asmaranya. Jangan coba-coba jadi pelakor.

Namun hal terpenting sebelum confess, menurutku, adalah memastikan perasaan kita sendiri. Apakah kita benar-benar suka, sayang, cinta, ata hanya perasaan sesaat yang mampir minum kopi. Jangan membuat orang yang menerima pernyataan kita jadi bingung.

Pada akhirnya, perihal perasaan manusia, itu pasti rumit, bukan? Apalagi aku tidak memiliki latar belakang psikologi yang bisa mendukung rasa ingin tahuku terhadap misteri perasaan manusia. Aku pun hanya menerka-nerka dan mencoba melakukan yang terbaik supaya kedua belah pihak tidak sama-sama terluka.

Ah, apa misterimu tentang "menyatakan perasaan"?

30 Nov 2022

So, this is my first time write in this blog.

Sebenernya gamau nginget2 ini ya, karena bakal jadi jokes suami tiap tahunnya. "Yeay Adit setahun lebih muda". Hmmm.. iyee deh iyee. Padahal mah 2 bulan lagi juga dia di usia yang sama. Just because lintas tahun aja berasanya jadi beda setahun. Ga terima akutuh 🤣

So, jauh2 sebelum hari ini tiba, aku udah bilang ke suami, ga usah beli cake, karena kubisa bikin kapanpun aku mau. Ga usah ngajak makan2, karena aku udah planning buat bikin naskun. Ga usah ngucapin, karena si jokea di atas bakal keluar lagi. Cukup didoakan, agar istrinya ini jadi pribadi yang lebih baik dan lebih taat sama Allah, setiap harinya.

Alhamdulillah, hari kemaren terlewati begitu saja. Meskipun ada beberapa kawan yang mendoakan dan ngasih portal baru 🤣 padahal aku udah jarang banget main ingress. Wkwk

But then, diantara semua hari lahir, ada 1 hari yang paling berkesan, yaitu masa2 peralihan menuju manusia dewasa, ditemani banyak kawan, banyak kegiatan, banyak hadiah tentang klub sepakbola favorit. Jiwaku berasa penuh. Ya, my sweet 17th set standard so high.

Jikapun di hari lahir ini kuharus berdoa, maka akan kuminta sesuatu yang selalu kuminta setiap habis solat. Lapangkanlah rejeki keluargaku Ya Allah. Masih ada kasbon yang harus dilunasi dan kebutuhan harian yang harus dipenuhi. Laluberikan kami rasa cukup atas rejeki yang Engkau berikan. Aamin.

وَمَا مِنْ دَاۤبَّةٍ فِى الْاَرْضِ اِلَّا عَلَى اللّٰهِ رِزْقُهَا وَيَعْلَمُ مُسْتَقَرَّهَا وَمُسْتَوْدَعَهَا ۗ كُلٌّ فِيْ كِتٰبٍ مُّبِيْنٍ

Wa mā min dābbatin fil-arḍi illā 'alallāhi rizquhā wa ya'lamu mustaqarrahā wa mustauda'ahā, kullun fī kitābim mubīn.

Artinya: Dan tidak satupun makhluk bergerak (bernyawa) di bumi melainkan semuanya dijamin Allah rezekinya. Dia mengetahui tempat kediamannya dan tempat penyimpanannya. Semua (tertulis) dalam Kitab yang nyata (Lauh Mahfuzh).