I genuinely like, die inside knowing how much Vash hates himself. How he doesn’t believe he’s worth anything. How much guilt he holds inside himself over shit he did not do. Things he didn’t want to have happen. Tried to prevent. Would have moved mountains to stop.

How he blames himself, internalizing every failure when he can’t possibly do everything he asks of himself- he’s just one person, no matter how capable. It doesn’t matter, those self-imposed short-comings only serve as nails in the coffin of his own perceived ineptitude. That ineptitude that exists as a traitor to the things he he holds dear. Every one of them, a failure to honor Rem’s memory.

He tries so, so hard to do right by everyone. To uphold and carry on what Rem instilled in him. To bring about the kind of future she believed in. One she would have been happy to help facilitate, knowing that that’s what she gave her life for. One she could smile down on and be at peace with.

But he’s still just one person, with too many burdens and a brother who intentionally, and without end, adds to the doubts that plague him. And still, Vash loves him. Because Rem loved him, too. Because he’s the only brother Vash has. Because they were always supposed to have each other. How could he betray that?

And, even if that weren’t the case, how could he ever hope to stand successfully on his own, when Knives has made sure to hammer into Vash at every opportunity that Vash will always, always be hopeless without him?