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swimmingismywholelife · 1 year

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Your Strength

Summary: After 2 losses in a row following a mediocre season, you become Kepa's source of strength when he finds he doesn't have any to spare.

Warning: Reminders of Chelsea's horrible game against Aston Villa, feelings of self doubt, slightly angsty but fluffy ending

Word Count: 1.1K

A/N: I don't wanna talk about Chelsea rn but at least Barcelona played my boy Pablo Torre

You and Kepa sat in silence as you drove the car back to your shared home. You knew there was nothing you could say that could make your boyfriend feel better.

Kepa hadn't had the easiest few years. Since his signing with Chelsea, he'd faced doubts, criticism, and negativity from all sorts of people. Even still, Kepa slowly rebuilt himself and it showed in his playing, regularly becoming a part of the starting XI and getting his first call up for the National Team in almost three years. His confidence was growing once more and he was becoming the player you knew he was always capable of being.

But just as quickly, things started to go downhill. Chelsea's season, quite frankly, had been shit. And although he'd managed a clean sheet against Norway in the European qualifiers, Spain lost to Scotland. 2-0. And tonight, Chelsea lost to Aston Villa. Another 2-0. It seemed like once again, the odds were against him, and he had no one to blame but himself.

"Do you wanna talk about it mi amor?" you asked as you parked the car in your driveway.

Kepa shook his head. He hadn't looked at you the whole ride, opting to stare out the window instead, afraid to see that you were disappointed in him too.

What Kepa didn't know was that he couldn't be more wrong. You'd always be proud of him regardless of whatever the outcome was. Tonight was no exception. He may not have kept a clean sheet, nor did he win the game, but he still went out there and gave it his all. And you were so proud of him.

You reached for his hand, which he gladly took in his. He intertwined your fingers, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb gently. He finally turned his head to look at you, trying his best to muster up a small smile. It broke your heart to see how upset he was.

"It's going to be okay Kepa. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, it will be," you said softly.

Kepa held your hand tighter before kissing the back of your hand in thanks.

"Let's go inside okay? That way you can shower before going to bed."

Kepa knew that he hadn't been the best throughout the past few games. He made mistakes that cost his team the game. He should've communicated better. He should've trusted his gut more instead of hesitating so much. He should've done this. He should've done that. His brain was on a constant loop of "You should've been better. If you were better, your team would've won. This is on you." After all, he was the goalkeeper and it was his job to prevent the other team from scoring.

Kepa barely registered that you'd led him into the shower. He didn't even flinch as the hot water hit his face. He only blinked, getting lost in his thoughts and self-doubt.

"Amor? I'm right here," you said as you hugged him from behind. "Stay with me right here, right now. I know you're hurting and I know you're blaming yourself. But you don't have to do that right now. Just focus on me and let me take care of you okay?"

He turned around, holding you close to him. Kepa was always touchy with you, but he especially needed your touch in moments like these. He didn't know how you did it, but you always found a way to bring him back when his mind wandered off. He closed his eyes, focusing on the way your touch made him feel. He reveled in the way your fingertips lightly scratched his scalp as you shampooed his hair. He shivered as you ran your hands all along his body, being as gentle as you possibly could. He lost himself in the sensations you gave him, allowing his mind to stop for a little while.

"Kep? I'm all done. You can get dressed now," you said while handing him a towel, turning the shower off.

Once the two of you were dressed, you led him under the covers of your bed. He laid his head on your chest, laying an arm around your stomach and intertwining your legs together. You ran your fingers through his hair and holding him close to you.

The tears slowly started to fall from Kepa's eyes as the events of the day starting to creep up on him once more. Kepa's silent tears quickly turned to sobbing, turning his head to further hide into your chest. You felt his arm tighten around you as he desperately tried to anchor himself. You kissed his head gently, allowing him to cry his stress and anguish away. Kepa needed this, and you just held him against your chest.

Eventually, the sobbing returned to quiet sniffles. Kepa's grip didn't let up, but you could feel his body loosen up ever so slightly. Even though words wouldn't take away his negative emotions, you hoped you could fill him with the love and strength you had for him.

"I know what you're probably thinking Kep. But no matter what, I'm here for you. I will always be here for you. A few bad games don't define you or your self worth. I'm sorry these past few games haven't gone the way you wanted. But you tried your best with what you were given and that's absolutely more than enough."

Kepa pulled you even closer to him. You stroked his hair as you continued.

"You'll bounce back from this, mi amor. I know you will. You've trained so hard for this and I know you put your heart and soul into what you do every time you step onto that field. So while it hurts now, I promise your hard work will pay off. And when it does, I'll be right there in the crowd to cheer you on. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to feel disappointed. But tomorrow is another day to restart and try again. So you don't have to be strong tonight if you don't want to Kepa. I've got you."

Kepa truly didn't know how he managed to get someone like you. You were always so patient with him, especially when he was at his lowest and didn't know what to do. You understood him like no one else, not even himself. While his head was full of nothing but disappointment, his heart was full of love, and it was all thanks to you. And he knew that no matter what happened, whether it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow, you'd always be there with him.

Kepa brought his hand to your cheek, allowing you to rest your forehead on his. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. The way he gently kissed you spoke to how grateful he was to have you in his life.

Taglist: @neverinadream @pulisicsgirl @masonspulisic @lovelynikol16 @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti @thoseboysinblue @pianoisland

#kepa arrizabalaga #kepa arrizabalaga imagine #kepa arrizabalaga x reader #kepa arrizabalga fluff #swimmingismywholelife

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raphavarrane · 6 years

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say anything (kepa arrizabalaga)

PARINGS: kepa arrizabalaga x OC (chloe)

WARNINGS: slight angst!

complete and utter silence. multiple pairs of eyes were on the couple in anticipation for what was about to happen. but little did they know, that it was not as it seems.

when kepa had moved to england, he didn’t know anyone that wasn’t associated with his football team. however, on a rainy day at the indian takeaway outside his apartment, he met the love of his life. none of the girls back in spain could measure up to chloe’s laugh or her smile. the way she floated through life like a cloud and that nothing else mattered but the happiness of those around her.

whenever kepa was by her side, he felt untouchable. even as in outsider who had just made his home in england, chloe made him feel at home. her homemade meals are to die for, even when they didn’t look as appetising. kepa couldn’t imagine anything better than being with chloe.

which is why 10 months later at chloe’s annual spring family barbecue, kepa was on one knee and chloe was looking back at him with wide eyes. her hair blew in the cooling summer breeze and she looked even more whimsically beautiful than usual. kepa was waiting for his fairytale ending; for chloe to put that ring on her finger and to ride off into the sunset. but then, everything went to shit.

he didn’t want to hide the creeping feeling of disappointment. kepa was shocked but he didn’t want to make that known, so he continued flashing his million dollar smile. but chloe was a wavering mess. she didn’t really understand what was going on until the small diamond on the ring started sparking. small droplets of tears fell down her face and kepa couldn’t keep his act up any longer.

kepa’s smile quickly turned into a hurt frown as he took chloe’s hand in his own. he felt no embarrassment as her entire family stood and watched with mouth wide open. kepa pulled her into a hug, hiding her face from the onlooking eyes.

“mi sol, please say something. you’re scaring me.” he whispered, smoothing down her hair.

all chloe did was stay still in his arms, remembering how she earned the nickname kepa bestowed upon her.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chloe had a rough day at work; self-centred customers, annoying children and to put the cherry on top; her boss blamed her for all of it. when she walked through her flat door, exhausted from everything that had gone on, she didn’t expect kepa to be in her kitchen, wearing a ridiculous chef hat.

after eating a slightly burnt lasagna, the couple sat on the couch, watching reruns of how i met your mother with sweets and ice cream for dessert. chloe laid on top of kepa, her smaller frame fitting perfectly against kepa’s chest. chloe’s head rested against his chest, kepa’s slow breathing calming down chloe’s frantic head.

“thank you kepa. you didn’t have to do all of this.” chloe murmured, wiping away the stragglers of tears on her face.

“i love you mi sol. this was no problem whatsoever.”

she stayed silent, trying to figure out what ‘mi sol’ meant. kepa had been trying to teach her spanish ever since they met, but never before had he said that word.

“what’s does mi sol mean?” she asked, resting her chin on kepa’s chest.

kepa smiled, before taking ahold of her face and planting kisses everywhere; from her cheek to her neck to her nose. he had so much adoration for chloe that she didn’t mind him showing that, even when she wasn’t in the mood.

“it means my sunshine.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chloe pulled away, finding it hard not to put that ring on her finger. technically, she didn’t have a reason not to put that ring on her finger. she loves kepa and could imagine spending the rest of her life with him. but seeing that ring, her future in one small peice of jewellery, made her more scared for what’s to come.

“I never thought I’d be so lucky, especially not in this lifetime to love someone like you chloe. so if you want to wait another lifetime mi sol, i’ll wait.” kepa whispered, kissing the top of her forehead.

she sighed once again before grabbing the small black box with the beautiful engagement ring. chloe didn’t know exactly what she was scared of; kepa had always treated her right and she never felt in danger when she was around. in fact she felt the opposite around kepa, in his arms, was the definition of safety.

without saying a word, chloe slid the ring onto her finger. chloe’s warm smile spread along her face as more tears fell down her face. but this time, they were not because she was scared; they were because she was excited for what was to come. her future with kepa. kepa picked her up by her waist and span her around in pure joy. in the whirlwind of blurry images, the thing that stayed in focus was kepa. which was all she needed to know.

the kiss was passionate but still gentle, neither wanting to step away and breathe. eventually when they did, forehead’s touching and breath’s mingled together in a heat filled exchange, nothing else mattered. they were one body, one mind and one spirit.

#smol bean #kepa arrizabalaga #kepa arrizabalga imagine #chelsea #football imagine #soccer imagine #chelsea fc #chelsea fc imagine #my own writing #football fluff #soccer fluff #kepa imagine

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swimmingismywholelife · 1 year

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Wherever You Are

Summary: You realize that you don't want to live without Kepa anymore.

Warning: Angsty beginning but fluffy ending bc all I seem to wanna write is angst these days lmao

Word Count: 2.5K

A/N: Inspired by "Wherever You Are" by 5 Seconds of Summer. Also if anyone has requests feel free to send them my way! Right now I'm writing for Kepa Arrizabalaga and Christian Pulisic, but I may be adding Kai Havertz to the list soon! Also also shout out to the Puli girls for always being so supportive and constantly inspiring me to write every day 💙

"Every night I almost call you

Just to say it always will be you

Wherever you are."

Kepa laid awake on his back, staring at the ceiling. He should've been asleep to get some well needed rest for his game the next day, but he couldn't. His mind wandered aimlessly, just like it did every night. No matter what he did, all he could think about was that night, the scene playing on constant repeat whenever he close his eyes.

Your forehead was on Kepa's, suitcase in hand. You knew once you walked through airport security, you wouldn't be able to turn back no matter how much you wanted to.

"Tell me to stay. Just say the word and I'll stay," you choked as tears ran down your face.

He held your face in his hands, keeping you as close to him as he possibly could.

"You know I can't, mi vida," he said, trying to remain strong for you. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I can't ask you to pass up just to stay here with me."

You sobbed harder. He was right. Your dream company in Spain had accepted your application and you were set to start the week after. You'd known from a young age that this was all you ever wanted. Everything you'd done up until this point in your life was geared towards this job, and you finally had it after years of hard work and determination.

Kepa threw a wrench in those plans. You never anticipated falling in love along the way. The years you spent with him were some of the best moments of your life and you never wanted it to end. You didn't know what the future would hold for you, but the only certain thing was that you wanted him in it.

You had to make a decision once your received the email. Kepa couldn't just up and leave with you no matter how much he wanted to. His place was in London playing with the team he so dearly loved. But Kepa knew that this was your lifelong dream and wouldn't let you give up on it just for him. You both wanted to go long distance, but with your work schedules it wouldn't have been realistic to sustain a relationship anymore. You would be staying indefinitely in Spain and he would be indefinitely in England. Keeping a relationship would prevent the two of you from growing, and he never wanted to hold you back from the happiness he knew you deserved.

It absolutely broke your heart to know you couldn't be with him. You wanted him as much as you wanted this job, but you couldn't have both. Your head was telling you to suck it up and get on the plane for a job you'd longed for since you were a child. But your heart begged you to stay with Kepa. And you would've. He just needed to say the words and you would've given up everything for him.

Kepa couldn’t ask you to do that. And you knew he couldn't.

He wiped the tears from under your eyes trying to memorize your face with the little time he had left with you.

"I promise one day I'll find you again. I swear it. I promise I won't stop until I find you," he stated firmly.

"How can you know that? How do we know things won't change between us?" you cried, desperate to hold onto him while you still could.

"Because you're worth fighting for, and you will always be worth fighting for."

Kepa softly kissed you, pouring all the love he had for you into it.

"Do you hear me? I'll fight heaven and earth, all the gods in the sky, every higher power that could possibly exist if it means I get to be with you. I won't ever give up on you, on us."

The two of you stood in the terminal in your own world, holding on for as long as possible. You could feel time ticking away and you prayed it would stop just so the inevitable wouldn't have to come.

The announcer's voice over the speaker brought you back to your harsh reality. You were going on a plane to fulfill your dreams, leaving the love of your life behind to fulfill his. Time was finally up and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

"I love you Y/N," he said softly.

"I love you Kepa," you cried, "so much."

He kissed your forehead tenderly before kissing your lips, savoring what very well might have been your final time.

Reluctantly, the two of you stepped away from your hold. He handed you your bags, letting his fingers linger on yours ever so slightly. You could see the tears in his own eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Your heart broke even more knowing he wanted to be strong because you couldn't be.

"Bye Kepa," you said so softly it might as well have been a whisper.

He nodded his head, but you knew it meant two things: he was giving you the courage you needed to walk away and he was telling you that things were going to be okay.

And with a deep breath, you headed towards the security gates. You turned around to look at him one final time, tears still falling from your eyes. He gave you a small smile, both of your hearts breaking in that moment. With your heart feeling heavy, you broke his gaze and headed towards your destination.

Kepa stayed in the airport until he saw your plane taking off in the distance. He stared out the window longingly, finally releasing the emotions he was trying so desperately to suppress.

"Bye Y/N."

Kepa relived that moment every night since you left almost two years ago. While you hadn't blocked or unfollowed each other on social media, you hadn't spoken since. It would've been too painful knowing you were so close yet so far out of his reach. Kepa would've given up on his own dreams to be with you. But you wouldn't want that for him and he knew that, just as he didn't want you to do the same. He wanted to be selfish, but more than anything he wanted to see you happy. And if you had to be out of his life to be happy and finally achieve everything you'd ever wanted, he would make that decision every time.

Kepa instead focused on his own career, putting his best onto the field. And it paid off, returning to his incredible form for both his club and country. Kepa had finally proved himself to be one of the best goalkeepers in Europe and gained the respect of both fans and critics alike. He'd won a few pieces of silverware, and he was only just getting started. He had regained his confidence on the pitch and it showed. He was so proud of how far he'd come despite all of his setbacks and his dreams were right within his grasp. Everything in his life was falling right into place. It was almost perfect.

Yet the one thing he wanted the most in this world, he couldn't have. There weren't any football trophies or medals in the world that could compare to the feeling of having you in his arms again. Every picture he'd taken with his awards only served as a reminder of what he had lost, who he had lost in the process. While it wasn't necessarily a decision he regretted, it didn't make the thought hurt any less.

Kepa never really tried to move on. He couldn't forget about you, nor did he want to. While his teammates attempted to convince him to go on other dates, he knew that no one could even come close you. You weren't together anymore, but Kepa's heart was still entirely yours whether you knew it or not. He didn't know what the future held for the two of you, and that was the worst part. Not knowing if he was waiting for something that would never come or if the right time was coming and he just didn't realize it yet. But he knew he desperately wanted you to come home to him.

Spain had been an absolutely incredible experience for you. From the moment you landed, you fell head over heels for the country. You learned so much about yourself and gained memories that you knew would last a lifetime. Your dream job turned out to be everything you wished for and more. You wanted to spend forever there and you easily could have. It seemed your future was almost set in stone displayed right in front of you.

But life in Spain was almost perfect. It almost felt right. It was almost your forever home. That word and that feeling kept surfacing. Almost, almost, almost. This was everything you dreamed about for as long as you could remember. So why did you constantly feel like something was missing?

You stared at the pouring rain through the window as your taxi dropped you off in front of a familiar house. You didn't know if this was a good decision, but for once you decided to listen to your instincts and follow your heart. You grabbed your bags, thanked the driver, and walked up to the house.

As you walked closer and closer to the door, your hands began to shake, your heartbeat increasing with every step. There was no turning back at this point, and there was no telling what was going to come of this encounter. But you weren't going to back down. You weren't letting this go without a fight.

You took a deep breath before knocking on the door. You heard soft murmurs and the sound of footsteps before the door opened.

To say Kepa was stunned to see you drenched outside his home was an understatement. The moment he saw your face, his heart stopped. His brain stopped functioning properly and he struggled to catch his breath. You two stared at each other, not a word being exchanged as your minds raced.

"I'm sorry I just showed up unexpected like this but I needed to tell you this and it couldn't wait any longer," you said to him after a minute of silence.

Kepa couldn't find his words, so he just nodded his head to let you continue.

"You were right. The job was incredible. Spain was incredible. I loved every moment of it and I had absolutely everything I wanted. My dream job, amazing friends. It was what I dreamed about and more. Everything was perfect."

You took a deep breath, your voice beginning to waver as you spoke on.

"But every day I could feel something was wrong. No matter what I did or where I went, it always felt like something was missing. I thought maybe it was homesickness, maybe it was restlessness, anxiety from a new job and a new experience. But the longer I stayed, the worse the feeling got. I kept trying to ignore it and move past it, but nothing worked because I knew why I felt that way."

You couldn't hold the tears in anymore, letting them mix with the rain that was currently running down your face. You lifted your head and looked right into Kepa's eyes for the first time since you left that day.

"I didn't have you. I had everything I could've dreamed about, and it all paled in comparison because all I could think about was how much I wanted you, how much I wanted to be with you, how much I missed you."

You let out a sob, trying your best to stay strong.

"And God Kepa, I miss you so fucking much. I know we agreed that I couldn't just stay behind, but I've thought about that moment every day for two years and how much I fucking regret leaving you that day. I fought with myself, trying not to call you every night just to hear your voice. I avoided watching matches so I wouldn't see if you'd moved on or not. I tried to convince myself that I was ready to let you go."

You were shaking, but it wasn't because of the rain. Kepa just let you go on.

"But I lied. I lied to myself because I knew I would never stop loving you. And I couldn’t just let you go without fighting for us. I've realized that I can't live without you anymore. Spain was perfect, but I don't want perfect. I just want you."

You hesitantly stepped closer to him.

"I know it's been a long time and things have changed, but I can't give up without fighting for this. So tell me to go and you'll never see me again. But if you tell me to stay, I promise I'm never leaving ever again."

Kepa didn't even hesitate. In one swift motion, he gently cupped your cheeks with his hands and for the first time in two years, he kissed you. It wasn't a small peck, but a kiss that conveyed every emotion he'd ever felt in the time you were gone. There would never be enough words in the world to properly describe how much he needed you in his life and this was the only thing he could do. You kissed him back with the same energy, tears streaming down both of your faces.

Kepa pulled back from you to look deep in your eyes before kissing you again, much gentler this time. He wanted to savor every bit of this moment, one that'd he'd dreamt about every night since you left. He didn't want perfect either. He didn't need it when he had you because you were more than enough for him, and you always would be.

He pulled away again, this time choosing to rest his forehead on yours.

"I made you a promise that day," Kepa whispered, "a promise that I would never give up on you. I said I would fight even God above if it meant being with you. And I will never ever go back on my word. I would wait the rest of my life just to be with you at the end of it all."

Kepa pulled you as close as you physically could, planning on doing so for the rest of your lives.

"So stay with me now. You don't have to be away anymore. You're home now."

"I love you Kepa. And I never stopped loving you," you whispered.

"I love you, Y/N. I never stopped loving you and I never will. Because it doesn't matter how far you are from me or what universe we're a part of or how much time has passed. It's you. And it will always be you wherever you are. And nothing will ever change that."

The two of you stood in the doorway, your hands were covering his and foreheads pressed together as you both tried to memorize the other. You held each other tightly, just as you did in the airport all those years ago. Only this time, you weren't begging time to stop so you can be together just for a little longer because you would have each other forever. And as Kepa kissed you, you knew you would never have to say goodbye ever again.

Taglist: @neverinadream @pulisicsgirl @masonspulisic @bracedes @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti @thoseboysinblue @pianoisland @lovelynikol16 @chelseagirl98

#kepa arrizabalaga #kepa arrizabalaga imagine #kepa arrizabalaga x reader #kepa arrizabalga fluff #kepa arrizabalaga angst #kepa arrizabalaga fic #swimmingismywholelife

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