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lettersofgold · 3 months

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-> unthinkable | chapter one | jules k.

genre: angst, fluff | authors note: i would like to reiterate that the self insert reader, y/n, is a black girl with a black girl as a face claim. although this is catered to black women, i hope you enjoy the fic. i want to be able to create works inclusive and catered to under represented woc - hope you understand & support. no hate will be tolerated.

warnings: google translations, loosely proofed

summary: jules could never get it quite right. no girl gave him the feeling that he had with you. he wasn’t even sure he knew how to love a woman until you came into his life - even when he was dating around, his loyalty and heart were with you. you couldn’t find someone who stirred the feeling of love in you the way jules did, but he was just a friend and he wasn’t done playing the field. the two of you were giving each other the love you both never felt before and after fighting it for so long, you realized you both deserved it and you were finally ready.

[ pictured fc: corey - black!fem!reader - kaia ]

Chapter 1

“Have you ever been in love?” You leaned into the French man who leaned into you at the same time - it was a sight to see: your elbow on the bar, the palm of your hand holding your tilted head, and him - his eyes unwavering and whiskey brown under the warm glow of the restaurant bar. Jules' head dropped to his lap as he laughed. The engagement party ended a while ago, but the two of you had comfortably sat at the bar talking about your lives and how you got to this point. It was over-sharing, but you both felt comfortable sharing the gritty moments that shaped you as people. Neither of you expected a mundane evening ending up at a bar telling your life story to a stranger. In the end though, you wouldn’t be strangers at all.

“Have I? Oh, Mon Dieu, I have loved women more times than I can remember.” (Oh my god)

Those first few hours with Jules were magnetic, borderline kismet, and there was not a single person who could have stopped the soulful hold you would have on one another. You previously described to your friends before your fateful decision to leave your home and find a new home in Barcelona; there was a piece of you, just a piece of your heart that hadn’t been touched in the relationships you were in before. You loved those men and were sure of that, but were you in love with them? The answer you and your friends decided on was a hearty no. Alongside their answers came warnings of the consequences of finally opening your mind and heart to complete, encompassing love. A breakup was no longer a simple text that decides who picks up the boxes of things. When you truly fall in love, and your heart gets broken, you grieve for an entire man who would go on living, a man who creates a new world where you are no longer a part of it. A heart grieves when it breaks, not because of sadness but because the grief was proof you had been in love all along.

“Everyone has loved someone. But have you been in love, Jules? Truly and surely, in love?” He blew a soft breath and answered because he came to terms with the things he wouldn’t grasp until he retired: “I wish I could have been in love or be in love, but my career hasn’t given me a chance to even dream of it.”

Jules did not plan on attending his trainer’s engagement party. He cared about the couple dearly. In retrospect, his relationship with Corey was beyond a footballer and his trainer. It was a man-to-man talk about life, love, and a bunch of sharing shit while working out and doing physiotherapy. Corey knew more about Jules' love life than any of his other clients and Jules was the one he called, sweaty and shaking before his proposal to Kaia. Yet caring about the couple wasn’t enough to combat the exhausting life he had been living - between the situationship, the season, his injuries, and the lack of sleep - he craved being alone. He found himself with crippling relationship issues when he wasn’t even in a relationship. He wanted a night alone, away from everything, to decompress and get quality rest but those dreamy ideas crumbled once Kaia’s cheerful voice met his ears. “I’m so excited to see you! I can’t wait to hear all about how you helped Corey.” He prepared himself to be there and be supportive but he couldn’t plan what was meant to happen sitting at the bar sharing stories with you.

———

“I swear if you spill another thing in my kitchen, we’re going to have problems.” The threat was far from empty, Jules knew that. He laughed and his voice drowned out the low sound of Sza’s melody that hummed into the air.

Your kitchen was homey and almost ancient. Anything that spilled ended up being a stain which, unfortunately, you learned after knocking over a huge cup of coffee. It took you weeks to clean it up and its ghost was still there next to the tiny dinner table. Months in Barcelona felt like you’d been there your entire life. You thought you were going to need to learn to love the city but it came easily. What worried you the most, after loving the city, was finding friends but once you met Kaia, so much fell into place. It warmed your heart to meet Kaia at a coffee shop during your first week at work. Coincidentally, she worked in the office at the school you taught at. If it wasn’t for her and her persistence of you attending her engagement party a few weeks later, you would not have met Jules. You’d be a recluse if not for your extroverted friends.

“I told you I couldn’t cook, blame yourself.” Jules argued with an extended arm and open palm towards the mess he created dicing the tomatoes. He always wanted to eat your food but never wanted to help, so you forced him to start pulling his weight. There were no free handouts - Jules was no exception.

“It’s amazing how skilled you are with your feet but you can’t do the most basic thing with your hands.”

“My hands work fine - never had any complaints.” Jules smirked, earning an eye roll from you. You could have never guessed that your closest friend would be a guy who happened to be a skilled professional footballer, especially one who found more comfort sleeping on the couch in your tiny apartment, than in his massive home with designer furniture. You stopped making dinner for just one because of Jules. It was habit that he would raid your fridge, eat the dinner and then tell you how unhealthy yet delicious it was.

“Candace seems to have a lot of complaints.” You teased and it was Jules’ turn to roll his eyes. Jules sighed and ran his hands down his face.

“Oh Mon Dieu cette femme.” He complained. (Oh my god that woman.)

Until Jules, you had never met a man so unphased by the sheer amount of women that he dated. One week a girl was there and then the next week, they weren’t seen again. Women came and went and his latest girlfriend wasn’t exactly someone you saw as a friend, either. Candace had a hold over Jules. She had been around for a little over a month - a personal record for your noncommittal friend. Candace would not budge when it came to Jules. She wanted it to be clear who she was to any person who was in the same vicinity, breathing the same air, to know that Jules’ was her man. In her mind, Jules’ was hers to keep and it didn’t seem that Jules was trying to get rid of her. He just complained. It was Jules’ own downfall because he never set boundaries for her to not cross and you weren’t going to be the one to tell him that she had hungry eyes and you knew it wasn’t for him but for the life he could give her. You had only been around Candace a handful of times but that was enough to make you exhausted - you avoided her if you could. Luckily she didn’t live in the same city so she was rarely with the rest of the friend group that you grew to know and love.

“You know what I’m going to say.” You replied.

“Yes, yes. ‘Why don’t you just leave her?’” He mocked in a high pitched voice. “It’s not that easy, poto.” (Friend)

“I think it is. But if you like it, then I love it.”

You gave up long ago trying to get it through his thick skull that he didn’t owe her, or anyone, his time and his energy if they frustrated him so much. The sex must be absolutely amazing for him to still have her in his life. The thought of it made you frown but you moved past that disappointment and focused on other things that weren’t correlated to your best friend’s sex life. At the end of the day, Jules was still just a man who had to learn his lesson and no amount of chastising from his friends would change that. A man with needs, you thought as you recalled her perfectly sculpted figure. Jules had a type and you were completely opposite of it. Did it bother you? A little. Would it ever truly matter? No. You turned back to the pasta on the stove as Sza’s voice continued to sing: I came to your city, lookin’ got lovin’ and licky ‘cause you promised to put it down.

“All done.” Jules commented as he stood behind you while dumping the plate of terribly diced tomatoes into the pan. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders before resting his chin on your head. Jules was a koala, clinging onto anything with a pulse. He lived up to the French stereotypes: fashionable, passionate, and very loving. If he wasn’t touching you, he was fiddling with his fingers or his hair.

“You haven’t been to a match in a while, why?” He questioned slowly.

“J, I love you but I don’t want to see you chase a ball around for two hours.”

“I don’t chase it…I score.” You could hear the pout in his voice and it made you giggle.

“The weekends are the only time I get to rest!” You argued. It was true that you didn’t want to watch men run back and forth but you weren’t telling Jules the thought of being stuck in a room with all those people wasn’t boring but actually agonizing.

“I check ESPN to see what’s happening - it’s basically the same thing.” You pulled out of Jules’ hold and began setting the table. Jules eyed you with folded arms before muttering out, “Liar.”

“You always tell me what happened in the game. Why watch when you tell me?” You continued to explain. That was about as strong as your argument was going to get. You did not want Jules to know the idea of being there was making you uneasy. Especially if Candace was in attendance. He said she was harmless. All bark, no bite. Regardless, of whatever dog-like tendencies she did or didn’t possess, you wanted little to do with her. You learned a long ago that your friends’ love lives were not your business.

“It’s better in person AND you can hang out with Candace and the other girls and talk about how hot the players are or whatever.” Jules furrowed his brows before questioning, “what do girls talk about up there?”

“Don’t ask me, I haven’t been in forever. I doubt any girl I know is even still around.”

You met a few of the WAGs months ago when you first arrived to Barcelona and hadn’t kept up with any of them since. Majority of them were nice but you kept to yourself and decided that you weren’t in a hurry to go back. The food and drinks were nice, seeing Jules happy made you happy, but there was just no desire to go. Jules sat at the tiny kitchen table and you followed and placed the two bowls of pasta down. The table was incredibly small and whenever Jules sat with you his knees touched yours.

“Why would I go to hang out in that suite?”

“Candace is going.” He said as if it was obvious.

“Okay…and?” You questioned.

Jules was never one to speak outright about how he felt. He never wanted to make people think he needed anything. For a man who was in relationships constantly, he was very guarded. You saw parts of him that his fans, the public and even parts that Corey and Kaia didn’t see but, it still puzzled you that he had trouble opening up to you considering you never judged him. You shook it off, knowing that someone he trusted in the past used his vulnerability against him and as you looked at his pleading face, you couldn’t blame him for having his walls up. Yours had been up for years.

“She’s scared to go alone. She needs a friend.” He dropped his fork and put his hands in a begging motion, “Please? For me?”

You found yourself in between a rock and a hard place. You would do almost anything for Jules. The two of you bonded over loyalty and how important it was to you. You had your friends’ backs through thick and thin - even if it was a bit annoying, even if it was a request like this.

“You’re lucky I love you.” You sighed. Jules stared at his pasta with a beaming smile as if he won the match right there in your kitchen. You poked at your pasta aimlessly for a moment and considered all the ways you could back out when Jules made you feel even more guilty by continuing on about his matches.

“You should support me anyway, I’m the best footballer you know.”

“You’re the only footballer I know.”

It never crossed your mind that Jules wanted you to come to his matches. He, Kaia, and Corey knew weekends were your time to decompress after working with children all week. You were an English as a Second Language teacher at a small private school with the most incredible students. You cared for them as if they were your own, but with that came the emotional exhaustion from helping them navigate their futures, teenage melodrama, and the stress from their own personal expectations. It was the most fulfilling job you had thus far. You found purpose with the kids in your classes. It was a win-win situation - you spoke Spanish to the kids and they spoke English to you, all mixed with animated banter. Even on the worst of days, those students breathed life into you with their rambles and thoughts. You loved them to death.

“I’m very lucky. I love you too, poto.” (Friend)

“Can I invite Kaia, at least?”

“You can invite anyone. I just need to know a few days before so I can add you to the list.” Jules shoveled a large fork of pasta into his mouth and moaned aloud. The moan made you flush - Jules was attractive and that noise made him even more so. “You are the best cook, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would survive and I don’t know, actually eat the stuff your chef cooks for you.”

——

It was a long week and no part of you was looking forward to the match. The thought of the crowd was intimidating but not as intimidating about being in the suite during such an important game. Jules mentioned once during the week that he was gunning for more - he wanted to play to his best potential and knowing your friend, there was nothing going to stop that. You admired Jules. Not only for his talent but for his work ethic and you were intrigued to see how he would channel all the ethic into the pitch (not field, as Jules scolded you once before.), since it had been months seen that last time you watched him play. Even in thinking about that admiration, you knew it wasn’t enough to help you navigate all the little social interactions that awaited you in the suite. Once you arrived at the stadium with Kaia and made it through the security check and finally got settled in the suite, you got a text. You decided that you would sit outside on the balcony on the first row with Candace in between you and Kaia in case you needed a moment alone. It was well before kick-off but it took you by surprise that Jules texted you. You hadn’t even got a chance to make a drink and head to your seat yet.

Ju: Candace is running late. Have fun, drink a beer.

You: Hate beer. Shouldn’t you be kicking a ball?

Ju: Yell loud for me.

You: Only if you score a goal and do a little dance. I bet you five dollars.

Ju: Make it dinner and five dollars.

You: you’ve got a deal

You were ripped out of your thoughts when a woman’s voice shrieked out and then, suddenly, her arms were wrapped around your midsection. One manicured hand was holding a drink that spilled down the entire front of your shirt as she bounced you around excitedly.

“Oh my gosh we have all been wondering about you! We were all asking, ‘where has Jules’ pretty little girlfriend been hiding?’”

You were spun around by the set of arms but your focus was solely on your soaking wet beige shirt and the fact that it was becoming see through. It was as if cold water had been splashed on you when you finally realized what she was saying, on top of the fact that the whole suite was staring at your chest. It could not have been more mortifying. As if you weren’t scared enough to begin with, the universe decided to add a sprinkle of disaster in the form of a blue mixed drink.

“Oh no, that’s not.” You stumbled and Kaia came to your aid with napkins. “I’m not his girlfriend. I’m just a friend and this is Kaia, my friend.”

“Oh my gosh! I could’ve sworn it was you! You’re Y/N, right?”

You nodded but you were wiping away at your shirt aggressively. You didn’t even know the lady’s name but she was staring at you as if she knew you, which, she apparently did. She knew your name and knew that you knew Jules.

“Iñigo says Jules talks about you all the time.” She said. Okay, that’s odd, you thought to yourself.

“I’m sorry I really need to get another shirt, is there anywhere I can get one?” You pleaded with strong dismissal of the information that was dropped on you. Why was Jules talking about you to his teammates? You grabbed your purse in a hurry and told Kaia to stay in case Candace arrived while you were gone. You needed a moment to breathe and secure a shirt before the game started. The shop was a mad house of fans and you were growing irritable with the sugar from her drink beginning to stick to your skin. You opted for a simple Barca t-shirt and as you turned away from the register you bumped into a man - a very handsome man at that. You apologized and he disarmed all that irritably you harbored with his smile and sweet, smooth voice. He was an olive skinned man with a wide smile, accented by a small dimple. His dark hair was curly and it contrasted his blue eyes. Damn, you thought. You knew Spain had gorgeous men but you forgot how gorgeous they could be. You realized you were still staring and holding onto his elbow so you took a few steps back. The shop was crowded and people were bustling by the two of at a feverish pace.

“You’re okay, I don’t mind bumping into a pretty woman like you…are you alright?” His accent took you by surprise but before you could mutter another apology out of habit, you saw his eyes and how they scanned your entire see through shirt which made you cross your arms and you dangled your new shirt between the two of you.

“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta get back upstairs before the game starts.” You gave a soft smile and tried to walk past him, but he grabbed you gently with his hand.

“Upstairs? Are you in a suite?” His eyes scanned your face and you weren’t sure how to take the question just yet. He must’ve seen the confusion because he continued without your reply, “I’m in the family and friends suite and I’ve got no clue of where to go.” He flashed his yellow wrist band that matched yours as if to prove he wasn’t some creep.

“Oh, uh, yeah I am. You can follow me if you like, if you want. I need to change my shirt first.

“I’ll wait for you…”

“Y/N.” You replied.

“I’ll wait for you Y/N right out front.” He smiled again and this time, it made your heart flutter and warmness filled your cheeks.

You found your way back to him and his head was deep into his phone, so you cleared your throat to get his attention. You had no idea what his name was. He smiled at you and your eyes drew towards his adorable dimple. He ran his fingers through his hair before he placed his phone in his back pocket and motioned for you to lead the way. The crowd of attendees rushing towards their seats hadn’t slowed down as you hoped, so you took his hand in yours and pulled him along without hesitation. His hand was large and warm in yours as you steered him through the crowded concourse and to the suite check in kiosk. You flashed your wrist band and he did the same. His hand had yet to leave yours. You were slowed down by the fact the security guard wanted to double check the man.

“Name?” The stone faced security guard asked.

“My name is Davi Félix.”

“You’re good to go.” Davi thanked the man and pulled his hand out of yours to open the door to the stairs.

“Ladies first.”

“Thank you Davi.” You smiled. Maybe the game wouldn’t be so bad after all.

——

Luckily, Kaia secured your seats. Candace sat next to her and you offered Davi the seat on the other side of you which he took it happily. Candace introduced herself to you, something she did every time she saw you, and it was a difficult task to not roll your eyes. You weren’t sure if she was petty of just not the smartest. Davi sat for a moment then decided to check what the bar had to offer and asked if anyone wanted one. Kaia declined, Candace waved her cup with a cheeky smile, and Davi turned his attention to you.

“For you, doce?” He smiled softly and you hesitated, getting lost in his eyes that were holding your attention as he leaned over to hear your answer. (Sweetie)

“I’ll take what you get.” Davi nodded and headed towards the door with a glance back at you before heading inside.

“Doce? Sweetie? Who is that!” Kaia asked, leaning forward past Candace, who was eyeing you with an intrigued smirk.

“That’s Davi, I met him downstairs while getting this shirt.” You tugged on the shirt you got. You bought it because it was cheap and you could finally match your students on their dress down Fridays. Half the class would love it and the other half would despise it. It’ll give them the opportunity to debate while practicing their English and you knew football was a passionate topic. It was going to be an entertaining debate day.

“That’s João Félix’s cousin.” Candace looked between the two of you as if it was obvious. You glanced at Kaia then back at Candace who promptly stated more information.

“João Félix…here on loan. Never mind, he’s a player on the team.” She indulged but it still did nothing for you or Kaia. You truly had no clue about Jules and his job besides the fact that he was strong, fast, and ate like he was never satiated.

“Right.” You answered feeling a bit dumb. You knew why you didn’t know, but it still felt dumb to not know it.

“He’s cute, he’s got hearts in his eyes while looking at you.” Kaia raised her brows. Her own eyes glimmered mischievously.

“Kaia I just met the guy.”

“So? He’s a man, he’s got eyes, and he clearly likes what he sees.” Kaia said, leaning back into her chair. The team began filling the pitch with kids alongside them signaling the start of the game. Davi rushed back and handed a drink to you gently with a wide smile.

“Hope you like it

“I’ll love it.” You placed your cup down and awaited the anthem and the start of the game while fighting a childlike smile. Kaia cleared her throat and you turned to find her mouthing, “I’ll love it.” You slyly shot her a middle finger and turned back to the pitch.

There was Jules. Your best friend. His head was down and his hands were on the shoulders of a little girl who had a few missing teeth. She was laughing at whatever Jules was saying to her. She tugged at her braids then Jules tugged on his own in return. They were matching. It was adorable how good he was with children. You always told him that he had a natural ability with kids and he should take advantage of it - maybe start a charity or foundation. If kids were drawn to you, it meant you had a pure heart and a golden soul, your mom once said. You didn’t doubt that about Jules. It was the truth. He was as golden as it could get. From his brown skin to his brown eyes, he was golden. From the moment you met him, he had been nothing but sunshine in your life.

As you stood to your feet for the long game ahead, the rowdiness of the crowd sent adrenaline through your body and Davi’s whistles aided the excitement growing inside you. He yelled in Portuguese which seemed to catch João’s attention. Although you were upstairs, you were still visible to the eye if you caught someone’s attention. Jules seemed to hear the whistle as well, and he grinned, waving up to the suite. The three of you waved to Jules while Davi waved to his cousin who was standing next to Jules. For once, you were excited to cheer on your best friend. This could be fun, you thought. Davi chanted along with the fans and began bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Are you a big fan?” He shouted over the growing noise of the stadium chants.

“I don’t know anything at all!” You admitted sheepishly in a loud voice, trying to be heard over the crowd. Davi leaned into your ear and lightly yelled, “Don’t worry doce, I’ll help you.” (Sweetie)

You couldn’t hide the goofy grin that spread across your face and you returned your eyes to the pitch to find Jules staring at you, his smile no longer there. You thought he was concentrating on the game but it didn’t seem like his expression was a reaction to what was about to unfold on the field. It felt as if it had something to do with Davi and it left you wondering about what you were told earlier.

Did he know Davi? Why did he talk about you to his teammates? Why did that woman think you were his girlfriend? But, instead of mulling over those questions you decided to enjoy the game and not let anything, not even Candace, sour the excited mood you suddenly found yourself in and began clapping along side Davi, who was chanting loudly.

“Boti, Boti, Boti! Madridista, qui no Boti, eh, eh!” (Jump! Jump! Madridista who ever doesn’t jump!)

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