#ive been having these bouts of anger for around a year now lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clanoffelidae · 4 years

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Firefly Rescue Chapter 1: A Running Commentary

So it’s been a DAY (as my posts have shown) but I read through Chapter 1 and here are the notes I made while reading!@lupanaoflaminar

- dude i RELATE

- oh piss off mrs meddle leave her alone, is she doing good in your class? Yes? Then s h u t

- I read the paragraph about her arguing with her mom and immediately adopted her hello yes annabelle hutchinson is my new child

- :/

- -laughs in i had 100+ tardy slips in fourth grade get on my level anna i raised you better than this-

- oh my god this poor child

- Yo i am getting some VIBES off mrs meddle that i DO NOT like

- ‘Im just trying to help you succeed. You know that, dont you?’ PLEASE STOP TALKING AND GET AWAY FROM MY CHILD

- idk i just read that and the way the paragraph was written gave me instantly creepy vibes and im now realizing i may have overreacted 😂

- Yeah okay i think I overreacted lol

- The pat calmed me down

- Im so used to teachers being antagonists in school age fiction that she said ONE thing that could possibly be taken in a manipulative manner and i was just IMMEDIATELY ready to throw hands 😂

- Watch her actually be an antagonist and kaitlyn’s gonna read my comments like ‘HAH. YOU FOOL. YOUR INSTINCTS WERE RIGHT BUT YOU WERE SWAYED. BAMBOOZLED. YOU WERE P L A Y E D LIKE A F I D D L E.’

- IVE GOT MY EYE ON YOU MRS MEDDLE

IM WATCHING YOU

- People actually carried textbooks in school??? My school district just had a set in every class if we ever needed them which we rarely did so reading about people actually carrying them around is always a wild experience

- I originally typoed ‘wild’ as ‘wolf’ and like i know that there WILL BE WOLVES so… appropriate???

- Lewis is either the love interest, fake out love interest, or brother figure

- Okay see i know what strawberry blonde means but every time i read it i just get a mental image of

And i’m always just ‘??? what do you mean that’s their natural hair color???’ and then i remember that i am in fact just stupid

- It’s not jumpy nerves if your leg isn’t vibrating uncontrollably lewis

- ‘It’s a driver’s license everyone has one’ as a 21 year old without a driver’s license i b e g t o d i f f e r, lewis is doing better than me

- Oh yeah he’s definitely going for love interest/fake out/brother his IMMEDIATE thought is to tell anna

- Ah, a stepmother

- ‘Why had they both stayed home’ they are practicing responsible social distancing lewis as should you be

- Lewis: i dont like wolf stuff

No one:

Absolutely no one:

Not even god:

The wolves later on in this book: hey

Lewis: aaaaaAEEEEEE-

- I mean dude if you really hate your family that much boarding school might be a breather

- #FeedAngeliaToTheWolves2020

- #ActuallyDon’tThat’sMeanToTheWolvesTheyMightGetIndigestion

- Hey roadkill provides a valuable source of nutrients to scavengers which helps sustain their populations enabling them to keep our environments clean dont disrespect roadkill like that

- The absolute audacity of this mad lass

- He is in fact, a mop

- … i do not think that scene was entirely pg 😂

- ‘Book for kids age 8 and up’ -they stumble upstairs to clearly have sex in the first chapter alone- me: oh okay

- Lewis buddy u bout to break ya foot

- Also please dont kick the actual wolves you might then lose a foot

- I actually really liked him hitting the steering wheel in anger that was a very real display of emotion

- Wait a minute if anna’s in school and lewis isn’t… how old is lewis? How old is anna?? He just got his driver’s license yet he isn’t in school while she is??? How old are these children????

- Lewis is skipping isnt he

- I mean mood

- Well that went from 0 to 100 real quick

- HE ALREADY HAS THE STUFF PACKED

- OF COURSE HE DOES

- Oh boy that escalated real fast didnt it

- these kids lives are just all sorts of fucked up aint they

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mynameisnotkarl-blog1 · 5 years

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1/2

I see people are coming to me about assumptions lately

Things im hearing seeing would make you think these dudes hate me

its 50/50 so i guess they can split that evenly

Going outside is feeling more like a chore now

thoughts im having would make you think i gone senile

i been so self aware that its hard to be me now

so selfish i don’t even pretend to be me now

THIS SHIT CORNY 🌽🤣😂🤣😈

but this what the pression sounds like on a good day

and i know this shit can get worse like anyday

i know im selfish i didn’t even show up

Im feeling whoozy i think im bout to throw up

running from my problems like dont ask me

i don’t believe that l#%$ is real if you ask me

feelings going in remission

i missed it with it precision

i just couldn’t risk it

(Ive been in that void)(pitched down)

Ive been out that void

and i still cant tell difference

like who making these decisions

I got some good news

you can’t fit these shoes

i got some bad news

i can’t get over ...

it’s been a few years

ok maybe a couple fews

i mean couples views

i wish weren’t different

and the thought of it yeah it really hits

i hit the doc for a script

you don’t know it but you are god-sent

maybe that was a little extra

why do i be so extra

and then i thought about it but i really didn’t think about it lol

Aint nobody going to judge me harder than i do me

last years of high school got me feeling like a zombie

last years of colle got me feeling like i want to harm me

yeah i know i don’t fit in

but this trigger just clicking

“well did you check the safety”

oh yeah that’s my conscious

i say we get along

he barely do me wrong

when i step like iverson

broad day victim going missing the public

don’t go outside cause a niggas mind is sick

oh you getting closer yeah i think i got to dip

oh im getting so sober yeah think it’s time to sip

and when the reason is no reason at all

When i see heaven i just want to ...

But its bugged when you on the other side

or in between

thinking back on it yeah i wasted my teens

opana had my lov i should of got therapy

i had these tears all froze in my face

i had these feelings all put away

this shit lame and wack

you need to grow up👿👺

Maybe you can turn this shit all around

you didn’t mind being the clown

Thinking their laughter is more important than the pain that you’re feeling now

Goal #1 look in the mirror more

#2 try more

yeah wish it was that simple

but simple how im feeling lately

looking in the mirror thinking why that guy hates me

hate i know it can be a strong word

so excuse me for my ignorance

I seem to lack for a better word or world

and it all seems the same

like how every song sounds sad and it’s starting to become lame

imagine putting your all into a track just for anthony to call your shit lame🤣😂🤣 i guess you got to start somewhere

i got so bored i was going to put %£$ name in the google search bar and face my worst nightmares and see if i can handle it or not

ive made myself an object of a pointless concept

no strong purpose

i think it’s funny how their is always someone who will take the news of your death with laughter and it will be a genuine laugh

told my $&@#%£* marriage is a cool concept n all but really dude

btw im the last person you should be taking advice from

compliment

read n tak a hint

ask &@$ if &@$ wants to get use to just touching each other

is this a relationship

can it be this simple

sometimes i realize how sad i am

and how pathetic i look and sound

do people get mad at you when you’re this pathetic

am i pushing it if i say im average

i wonder if my ancestors went through something like this

i feel like the future can be bright but no time is better than it is now

i wonder if $@&#%€ thinks about me

i wonder if i made anyone cry

i used to think about 9/11 daily

but then $&@ came along then

it was $&@ every other second

the adderall help but the isolation did not

i think about how i thrived in my world

but in your world i could not

i once thought about how i could just be being dramatic

like how im concerned if “just be being dramatic” is grammatically correct or incorrect or if i should just know that either way it’s not the first time nor the last (even this is a edit)

first time I seen the &@“$& i was scared to death

the second time i seen the &@“$& i was at peace

ive🔒 a note with all my thoughts and now i dont know my thoughts

you ever get so conscious of your walking you feel like every step you can trip

i want to make a song named “I stay strapped in Prague”

i found my 👇

thoughts

1. they was close now they talk behind my back

2. are they friends or are they just using me

3. most of the whispers are about me

4. why do i want people to like me

5. i see dark objects that are not there

6. the majority of people i meet are against me

7. i know that i exaggerate things but does it stray away from the truth

8. i thought they was close but i got to cut ties now

9. i can absorb the outside world but it is difficult to interact

10. they can see right through me

11. they try to hurt me for a reaction

12. i cry most of the time just because it is good for me

13. they request things of me i don't want to do

14. isolated is when i feel most comfortable

15. i distance myself to protect me and sometimes others

16. i think im selfish even when im not trying to be

17. people think i don't like them but i don't have the energy for them

18. sometimes i avoid looking in the mirror

19. eye contact is becoming more and more difficult

20. most of my expressions are manufactured

21. don't care for the future don't got any plans

22. i love my family i love my family

23. i think about disappearing never coming back

24. ideal death will be alone deep in the forest

25. im scared

26. i damaged myself far past the chance of repair

27. distance distance distance

28. dissociation is easy

29. i don't know my family

30. why am i holding on to this anger

31. i might be sick

32. i don't know if i care

33. i think im pathetic for doing drugs

34. its hard to remember my childhood

35. i wonder if eight or ten year old me will like me now

36. accomplishments feel anything but

37. i notice things

38. im done with a lot people even ones i like

39. my thoughts paralyzes me

40. trust is difficult don't trust

41. don't know what my thoughts on what &&&& is yet

42. i don't want to do this how do i get out

43. i need help

44. i don't want help

45. enemies will laugh and joke in your face

46. if i try to enlist in the military they will deny me

47. i cant tell nobody about the problems i got nobody

48. i don't know where im at right now i just hope he is alright

49. j coles kod got me thinking he the goat and i only listen to the intro

50. ?i deleted this one it was too dark?🙄😢🙇🏾🤦🏾‍♂️

51. the album-art cover of the kod is amazing. subliminal

52. kill edward is jcole

53. if this is it im not

54. itiiinimpressed

55. im going to stop thinking about her

56. regret is a persons worst enemy

57. pretty sure i got an anxiety disorder

58. pretty sure i got ptsd

59. i use to skip meals because of my anxiety

60. i don't need nobody to tell me i need help but i know

61. im sick

62. im sick

63. how did i get sick

64. im a little dramatic

65. tpye mistake but i didn't want to backspace

66. thought this line should be a dark one but nah 6ix hundred more to go (ಥ﹏ಥ) that was an accident too but it still works i guess

67. fiona and v that will be a good 3hree

68. believe im capable of love but choose not to

69. i don't want to get high anymore but i am

70. i find myself in that empty place quite often

71. i dismissed all her advances im sorry

72. this is going to be... a long one

73. im not good with eye contact for a lot of reasons but i seen something in someone's eyes thinking how is s•• alone? is s•• alone? and things were never the same it changed everything it happened too fast but feelings weren't mutual and now i feel numb most of the time

74. i suck at rapping and producing but it feels like i can change that so easily but im lazy and scared mostly scared lol

75. i hate that shit "lol" but i still do it smh devon no lol

76. sorry its just most of the time ur not

77. im too busy trying to love myself

78. oh im sorry if it looks like im trying too hard but i am

79. i would do anything to push people alway but very little to keep them

80. everyone is against me i got few if not any

81. i need to get swollen i already told some people i was planning on too

82. i only laugh with my friends i think

83. hope this car ain't no scam hope is empty but it feels good

84. i just want it to feel good

85. i think ye might have lost it

86. i have problems sleeping

87. i slipped in that dark place again and i don't want to be there

88. behind my back

89. thunder without lightning how frightening

90. it's either i care too much or for not

91. i really don't want to disagree

92. Cringe

93. how do u make demons out of angels

94. if i hit the lottery with millions i promise myself to show someone this list

95. who are you?

96. i don't want to think about it when i think about it

97. you don't want to know the places i go

98. had to correct that👆👍

99. just sitting here chilling with my shoes on unlaced

100. i think im sick... in the head

101. i think about the most darkest things

102. i don't think im going to sleep for a long time

103. now i know why people go to far with things

104. but when you do it right the outcome is amazing

105. i can understand someone else's choice better than i can explain min

#happy #sad #thoughts

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