#ive been disassociating a lot recently and seeing her doesn't help at all but i know it was the right thing to do
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Hurghhhhh
#im feeling all kinds of a mess but i always do when i spend time eith my nan i feel mean for it#but she just scares me so much sometimes with how much i see myself in her and it makes it difficult#ive been disassociating a lot recently and seeing her doesn't help at all but i know it was the right thing to do#crouch speaks#i feel like im wearing a different body like i am possessing something it feels too foreign#i look in the mirror and i can't tell if i see a sad little man or some horrible creature or if those two things are never the same#i feel guilty already but i think im gonna spend too much time tomorrow being clingy to el i need human touch to feel human#blerghhhhh im kind of glad im not at northern unfest rn bc i think thst would make this worse#i want plunge my fingers into my chest my stomach my throat tear grab onto my body within loosen this chain around me be free#my ribs hurt even when im not wearing my binder now#this body isnt working for me#may be i should see if i can add hsir dye to my budget at all that might help
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