#its choppy but im proud of myself
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which route will YOU choose??
#*shaking my audience by the shoulders* do you get it. do you get it#its 'are you proposing?' vs 'we're something else'#deltarune#noelle holiday#ralsei#weird route#snowgrave#(technically sort of) (you have to think about it)#art tag#this is the first gif ive made in like 10+ years. taught myself how to do it in csp#its choppy but im proud of myself#gif#flashing gif
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20 Fic Questions
I was tagged by @bewires ty pal!!!
1. how many works do you have on Ao3?
42. this is.....more than i thought it would be actually
2. what's your total Ao3 word count?
315,594
3. what fandoms do you write for?
the old guard mainly, but also asoiaf (and associated fandoms) and star wars. i have written for other fandoms, just not very much
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
Now I'm Covered in the Colors
the bittersweet between my teeth
throw me that smile
wedding party
second of his name
It is pretty funny (and reflective of fandom size) that my top by kudos fic are all from fandoms in which I have written like, 3 things total
5. do you respond to comments?
I try to! Im pretty slow with it and after a certain point I am just like "okay not responding to comments here because I simply have nothing to say" but I try to reply to comments all at once every few weeks or months or whatever.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't think I write terribly angsty endings...? I mean in general I like a happy ending, especially for fic ig, but... hmmm. Maybe blue lover, which I guess is an angsty ending for the POV character? Maybe tick tick tick, which is just ...canon compliant and that episode of himym didn't end well? (yes, I know, don't ask).
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Hmmm, this one is tough. How would you measure happiest ending exactly if they're all 'good' endings but not necessarily "Everything is fine now!" ones? I guess maybe wasteland baby? Or maybe pretexts, for the "we've figured it out!" after a fic full of angst?
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have gotten hate on fic but not very often and not exactly recently, so I guess...no?
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yeah!
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I do! I don't know if I've posted any crossovers recently, but I do think of them from time to time, and then... I guess the craziest one I've put anywhere near the internet is a doctor who/asoiaf crossover that I've since (i.e. since 2013, when I wrote it) taken down?
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yep, though this was back in like 2013.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, once!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I have begun co-writing fics and never quite seen it through to the end 😅
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Changes by the month
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
In things I've posted, I would really like to finish my star wars witcher au that I have the second chapter of written and the third chapter fully plotted, but ...I mean, I hope I'll finish it. But I doubt myself
In unposted things: that post-rots AU
16. What are your writing strengths?
Hmm, I'm not sure? I can say the things I enjoy doing and feel at ease with, which is description and worldbuilding and scene setting, but if they're things that people feel are particularly strong in my writing I do not know.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Finishing wips Probably working through passage of time or making things flow one from the next? I tend to think of things in static scenes, and trying to make it coherent and flow without too many breaks or choppiness, or just overwriting things that I don't need is something I struggle with a lot
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
It kind of depends on the context? I wouldn't try to include more than a line or phrase of dialogue from a language I don't speak without at least asking someone. And unless it was a specific choice that added relevance to the text, I'd either write the convo out in english with "they said in __ language" or "X said something in [language] that flew over Y's head" or.... whatever.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
The hindi tv serial Miley Jab Hum Tum, circa 2007. I was a baby!
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
the bittersweet between my teeth is definitely the fic I'm most proud of, for its length and the way I plotted and set it out, but I have also absolutely written things I like stylistically or feel are better in the (holy shit) 7 years since. I tend to think of my more recent stuff as better So in recent stuff, maybe some cupids kill with arrows!
Thanks again for the tag, aaaand I tag @chinchillinator @raedear and @werebearbearbar if yall like!
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Thanks for the tag @simplifiedemotions
How many works do you have on AO3?
47
What’s your total AO3 word count?
994094. I feel like I've been edging a million words for like a year, and then writing nothing but minifics and one-shots.
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Just two three. Harry Potter. Star Wars. Edit: And Avatar: The Last Airbender.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1. Manacled
2. All You Want
3. The Seduction
4. Love and Other Misfortunes.
5. Height
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I don't. When I started posting on ao3 I didn't realize it was a thing, and thought that if I replied that people would think I was doing it to inflate my comment count, and then by the time I realized that it was the polite thing to do, I was in really deep and had overcommitted myself with update schedules. And replying to comments gives me really bad anxiety for some reason, I feel really bad if my replies are repetitive, or like one person gets a longer response than someone else, and so then I start mentally spiralling and stressing about it, so I've just made it a rule that I don't need to reply to comments and prioritize chapter updates as a way of making it up to my readers. But I do read them all.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Probably Manacled, that's the one that has hurt the most people I'd say.
Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I haven't. I find worldbuilding in one universe gives me enough stress without adding on a second one.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Yes. Quite a bit of during the last year in particular. I have resigned myself that it's the inevitable consequence of having stories recommended outside of their intended audience, they start finding their way to people who are going to hate them. And I've never prioritized widespread appeal or catered to a particular readership, so it's not surprising, but still it does get to be a bit much somedays when it feels like I can't go anywhere without running into it. But I'm coming to terms with it... and I just stay off social media and keep my social circles small on the days when I don't feel like I can.
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
I have been known to. I don't even know what kind I write. I've done all sorts at this point. I've found that I don't tend to like writing particularly explicit sex in longer fics because I feel like it tends to distract from the focus of the story, but I enjoy writing smutty one-shots and shorter fics where I can give my kinks a full workout.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yes... a couple times now. But so far its been something that's been pretty easily resolved.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes. I've been meaning to make a spreadsheet for translations because I've been trying to get more organised about fandom stuff.
What’s your all time favorite ship?
Dramione is what I always come back to in the end.
Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
Too many, tbh. I have so many projects that I've started and now they're languishing in my files and I just haven't found them compelling enough to finish or had the motivation to rework into something better.
What are your writing strengths?
I honestly don't know. I think my use of language is fairly vivid, visually/physically/emotionally. That's probably my main strength.
What are your writing weaknesses?
My sentences lean towards being too short and choppy all the time. I can't write first person that I don't despise. I get overwhelmed by large casts. And I can get too easily caught up in overanalyzing my plots and picking them apart and thereby never finishing them.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I enjoy it when there's a plot point to it.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Harry Potter.
What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?
Ugh. Hard to say. I have a lot of fond feelings for Manacled since I am pretty proud of it and I kind of... grew up as a writer in the process of writing it. But that also makes it a kind of painful fic to reread because it's hard for me to see the story people love because I just see all the technical issues and things I could have done better.
A lot of my other fics are based at younger ages like Eighth Year (now I'm currently writing a 6th Year fic) where the framework and perspective of the characters is narrowed by their age, and so even though I like them and really enjoyed writing them, they have less of a sense of resonance for me personally. I have a really complicated fic that I've been developing for over a year now that has probably my most interesting Draco and a very complicated Hermione, and if I can swing it, it'll probably be my favourite because it kind of hits a lot of my sweet spots story-wise. But god knows when I'll get around to publishing it.
Tagging: @bourbonrain, @lovesbitca8, @monsterleadmehome, @im-a-monster-fucking-princess @akashathekitty @wordsmithmusings265 @katsitting @littlemulattokitten @jmilzwrites
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first of all crediting @blak-pawed-stuffed-lion for the backgrounds i would not have gotten anywhere in this project without him (ur great man ily)
secondly, yall gotta guess who once again is creating an animation project because i want content of my bo y s
so i was watching glitchtale and underverse and the need to create my own series struck me. It’s finna be papyrus focused, and this image is about all i can give for info
in the last 2 days ive done 4 shots of animation so i’d call that a necessary pat on the back bc im damn proud of myself (even if its choppy shh). idk when the animation will be ready, but i hope yall enjoy it when it does come out
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bro ,,, the dramatic running away scene ,that shit made me feel like y/n's sum princess runnin away in a large poofy gown or smth,, and jk FINALLY chasing her is that cherry on top ,, ur work is so amazing im so thankful that u wrote this im blown away by ur talent and if possible r u gonna write ur thoughts abt it perhaps ?ngl i wanna read how u came up with the storyline n how everything came to be ,, but if u dont then its fine !! i just like seeing an authors thoughts on their work lol ilysm
the poofy dress was actually what I was imagining in my head!! except I didn’t write it because I was like no violet, too much lol. I don’t know if you are a telepath, but I’ve been waiting for someone to pop in my inbox and ask me this exact question hehe, so thank you for wondering about my creative process! I love sharing that but I didn’t think anyone wanted to know about it. I think THOABH will always be my baby, because it’s my first relatively larger piece that I’m proud of, and that I’ve been receiving an INSANE amount of love for.
I actually first thought of it when I had major writer’s block for “sanctuary”, and I googled different love story writing prompts. There was a quote on this one website that gave me the inspiration for writing about someone who kept sculpting the face of an old flame, not knowing why. That’s where I got the idea to make Jungkook an art student, and since I needed a way to introduce Y/N into his life, I decided to make her his muse.
So this story probably took me a little over a month to write, but I’ve been sitting on the idea for a while. I knew that I wanted to write a soulmate au, but I didn’t want to make it any regular soulmate au. I wanted there to be a lot of tension and conflict (because I’m a masochist and that’s what I like to write). Honestly, this whole piece was centered around what I like to read, and with every step, I imagined myself in the position of the audience instead of the author. I wanted both Y/N and Jungkook to have to go through these difficulties in their love lives so they can mature enough to find each other. That’s part of the reason why I included all of the other boys in the story as well! Almost as if they all help push Jungkook and Y/N closer. Everything else I wrote just kind of came together as I went with the flow.
Writing it, I struggled a lot with how to gradually make Jungkook fall in love with Y/N, and vice versa. I wanted him to be very cold in the beginning, a little bit of an asshole and then grow warm. I think looking back at it now, the transition was a little bit choppy and kind of sudden, but that’s more room to improve in the future!! It was also hard for me to come up with the dialogue between Jungkook and Y/N, without making all their conversations redundant or boring.
Anon, whenever you are curious about my writing process in the future, please do not hesitate to send an ask! I love sharing this with people when they want to hear it :)) You are so lovely and kind, and I’m so glad I am able to write something that you can enjoy. <3
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my feet don’t dance like they did with you
ship: race x albert
genre: angst ;)
warnings: implied breakups and people leaving, also like 3 curse words
editing: eh
word count: 1560
this is inspired by ghost of you by 5sos ive wanted to write angst based on that song since the first time i heard it
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The gravity of the situation didn’t hit Albert until he was at rehearsal the following day. The director had paired him with Elmer until she could figure out how to fill the perfectly Race-shaped space in the show.
Albert struck the opening pose for the duet, a crouch in the downstage right corner, and Elmer took Races place, a lunge at center stage. The opening notes of the song began and Albert felt his body go on autopilot, completing every leap, jump, and turn with practiced fluidity.
That is, until about 32 counts into the piece when he and Elmer stood downstage center. This was the moment where they made eye contact and acknowledged each other for the first time during the piece before doing a complicated lift and turn sequence.
Some part of him had known, very deep down, that it would be Elmer’s, not Race’s eyes that he would be meeting. But somehow he was still shocked. Maybe it was the jarring difference of seeing Elmer’s brown eyes as opposed to Races luminous blue ones, or maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t met by Races familiar smell of laundry soap and cheap cologne that caused Alberts brain to short circuit. His dancing become choppy and disjointed. He barely had time to recognize the sudden difference before Elmer morphed into Race and the walls of the studio closed in around them, transporting him back in time to the hallway outside their apartment and the events of the night before.
Albert had just ran up the five flights of stairs to their apartment - curse this old building and its lack of an elevator - and had been rummaging around in his dance bag for his keys when he had been greeted by Race exiting the apartment, not even bothering to lock the door behind him.
“Hey Race,” Albert had called out, abandoning all hope of finding his keys, “going somewhere?”
Race had turned abruptly and stiffened slightly at the sound of Albert’s voice, almost like a kid who had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Albert hadn’t noticed that originally, but now every detail came back to him, screaming that something was terribly wrong.
Race had been wearing one of Albert’s old sweatshirts - the big green one he had a penchant for stealing - and a pair of adidas track pants with his sneakers. His big black dance bag had been thrown over his shoulder and he had a navy backpack on. Albert remembered thinking that he must be going to rehearsal.
But, if he had pondered that question a little bit longer he would have remembered that Race never had rehearsal on Thursday nights.
“Hey, Albert.” Albert, not Albie or Albo or Al: Albert. Race never called him by his actual name. Why hadn’t he picked up on that? “Romeo wanted to rehearse with me tonight for a few hours, not sure when I’ll be back.” His voice sounded fake, scripted, almost. And, of course now, Albert remembered that Romeo was out of town at an audition so there was no way Race was going to meet up with him.
“Okay,” Albert remembered saying, hand on the door knob ready to go inside, “I’ll see you later.”
Race had turned to walk down the hall, but stopped at the last second. He had turned around, and strode back toward where Albert was standing. Then, without any warning, he threw his arms around Albert’s neck and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Albie,” he had said. “Don’t forget that.”
At the time it had all happened so fast, but now the whole scene played back almost slow motion. Albert could see the tear tracks on Races cheeks and the slight tremor in his hand as he ran his fingers absently through his hair. He could see the glint of sadness mixed with regret and hopelessness in his beautiful blue eyes. If only he had seen it then.
“I love you too, Tony,” Albert had whispered back, opening the door to their apartment and stepping inside with a small wave at his boyfriend. Race had given him his trademark lopsided smirk before wandering back down the hall.
If only he had known that was the last time he would ever see him.
Back in reality, Albert could feel Elmer’s hand on his arm as they moved into the partnering section. He couldn’t help but notice that it was smooth, not callused like Races. It felt wrong. It all felt wrong.
Elmer caught Albert’s eye for a second. The look he gave him let Albert know he could tell something was off. Albert knew that Elmer would understand if they stopped, but he willed his body to keep moving in time with the music as his brain drifted back to the apartment.
Albert had stepped inside, breathing in the familiar scent of one too many sugared apple candles - courtesy of Race - and thrown his bag on the floor before heading to the kitchen in pursuit of a snack.
He had pulled out several bags of chips from the cabinet and was reaching up into the cupboard for a bowl when he had noticed an old pair of Race’s black canvas ballet shoes with holes in the toes laying on the counter. Race was always leaving his things in strange places, so Albert had been about to move them aside when he saw the note.
That was when everything had come crashing down.
In present time, Albert could feel Elmer spinning him around and around and around and he thought that that was fitting seeing how his head was spinning from remembering the letter Race had left him.
Dear Albert, it had said. I’m terribly sorry, but I won’t be coming home tonight. Or tomorrow night, or any night after. You didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, you were the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. But it’s become too much for me. I can’t really put it into words, but I need you to understand that nothing you could have ever said would have changed my mind.
Elmer stopped spinning him, and Albert flew into a switch split, but he landed weirdly, a sharp pain running up the inside of his ankle. He winced. He had never had a problem with that jump before.
I love you, the note continued. More than I love myself. Which is why I have to go now, when things are good before I screw everything up and we fight and break up the hard and painful way. I’ve been through that too many times Albie, and I don’t want to fight with you. I’m not very good at this love stuff, no one has ever wanted me in that way before, and I can’t fathom that you would be any different, nor do I have the mental capacity to get broken up with again.
Albert did a seat roll into a fish flop, but his knees banged the floor painfully. And there was Elmer’s hand, right where Races should have been, pulling him up for the last 8 counts of the dance.
I’m leaving you my old ballet shoes. They were what I was wearing the day I met you. Remember that day? It was the first time we ever partnered. It was so magical Albie, we just worked together so well. Everything suddenly made sense the moment we touched. Did you feel that way too? Probably not, I’m being stupid. I knew in that moment I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t. So maybe you’ll consider taking these shoes in place of me, or maybe you’ll throw them out, I don’t care. Whatever happens, Albie, never stop dancing.
Albert heard the music cut out. He barely registered that he was in his final pose, hugging Elmer, although it should have been Race, it should have been Race, goddamnit. He backed away quickly, like Elmer had burned him.
“Are you okay, Albert?” Elmer asked gently. “That run was a little...rough.”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Albert lied, fighting to meet Elmer’s gaze, reminding himself that this was who he had to dance with now because Race wasn’t coming back. Race wasn’t coming back. He was gone, nothing but a mere memory. A memory that would never be brought back. “I’m just not used to dancing with you yet.”
Elmer nodded. “Okay, we can work through it. You’re a good dancer, we’ll make it work.” He offered him a smile, which Albert was hesitant to return.
“Yeah, okay,” he said, looking down at his feet, which were wearing Races worn out ballet shoes. They were a size too big on him, but he could still see the tips of his toes poking through the holes. He remembered when those shoes had begun to get those holes in them and he’d teased race endlessly for it until he had gotten a new pair. Was the reason he had hung onto them so long because they reminded him of when the first met? He forced down tears as he willed himself to work through the dance with Elmer. He’s not coming back.
Race had told him to never stop dancing. Oh, Race, he thought, how is that even possible when my feet don’t dance like they did with you?
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im kinda low key proud of this ? i love hurting my bois angst is my specialty, so if there’s anything anyone wants to see feel free to hit up the ask box !! feed back is always appreciated !!
#saphie scribbles#newsies fic#newsies#race x albert#ralbert#ractrack higgins#albert dasilva#elmer kazprzak#why does everyone in this fandom hurt race#im not complaining im just asking#i love hurting race
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DAY 3: Letters to A Loved One
for @saboace-week
TWO PARTS:
Letters to No One ( written by me ) multiple chapters
a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955610/chapters/32125773
A Couple Years Too Late ( written by @reiji--san ) single chapter
a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955889
Summary:
A collection of letters written over time with no set destination, but always a person in mind.
Letters to No One
Dear Sabo,
This is stupid.
Makinos got this idea in her head that I’m sad. Which I’m not. Im not sad anymore at all. I’m not. Its just hard. Youre not When you died FUCK. Whatever. fuck spelling and whatnot too. not like you can read this anymore anyway. look. this is suposed to help i guess. a coping mechi mechen method. i write this letter and she stops naging at me. whatever it takes to make them all stop loking at me like im going to snap any second or try to run off again. not like i would anyway.
i know youre not coming back.
you’re dead
you left and you died and theres nothin i can do to turn back time or bring you back or get revenge becus the people that killed you are already GONE and i didnt even know until it was already to late
but im fine
im fine
im not fine
luffy is well hes been better but hes always been a crybaby so he’ll get better. im supposed to be strong now, stronger but i dont really i don’t know how to handle the emotions and whatnot. not like you did. you always seemed to just GET it always sayin the right things, calmin me us him down. i can’t do that but im trying. im getting better i think.
we’ll get thrugh it
fuck this is stupid
what’s the point in writing a letter youl never read? or writing at all damn it
you taght me how to do this bulshit but i never thought id have to use it like this
fuck im not supposed to cry. messed up the ink now. not that it matters but still i wanted to fuck i dont know what i wanted anymore
sorry
im sorry sabo. i should have been i dunno. something. its different without you. too quiet and theres this pain in my chest all the time. like i’m the one that got shot. don’t get it but i hate it and it hurts and i just i wish you were here. i really wish you were here
i miss you
ace
sabo,
hey i uhh found the other letter. never ended up giving it to makino but i think she knew i wrote it at least. luffy did but i don’t know what he did with his. i kept mine in the tree house, under one of the loose boards. its a little water damaged but i don’t think you really care huh?
this is still weird, talking to you like this. even though its not really a talk if its only one way. just like talking to an empty room but not even talking out loud
sorry
its been two years now to the day. maybe thats why i ended up finding the old letter in the first place. havent really been to the tree house much since then anyway because
well you know
went to the cliff tho. the one we used to sit at? i went there first yknow when i got youre letter. took me a while since im still not great at reading. getting better tho. it was quiet. always kinda is but really quiet this time with just a little wind. I think it would be a good day to go sailing. was it like this when you left too? dogma said it was a nice day but i dont really remember it that way.
i dont know why i do this to myself. same as last time i always get i dunno. my chest still hurts. theres a doctor in foosha i went to once a while ago. thought maybe something was wrong with me. he said it was heart break. youd think this is something id get over but i guess not
youre still dead and im still breaking
i dont know when its gonna stop
if it does at all
ace
sabo,
Is it nice where you are?
Overheard some people talking about it today. Talking about death and what comes after. It sounds nice. Heaven. If thats where you went. I think it should be. Where you went, that is, but nice too I guess.
It sounds warm.
I wonder sometimes if my mom went there too. Still dont really know much about her but she sounded nice. Maybe youve met? Is my d Nah it doesn’t matter. I hope its nice there. I dont really beleive in that kinda stuff normaly, still kinda dont but i hope its true and youre happy there. Happier than you were here
I know its probably a stupid thing to ask but do you think ill ever be able to join you there?
The waves were choppy at the cliff today. Almost angry. Theres a storm comin but i think ill still go there later. Maybe
Ive been thinking about death a lot lately
ace
Hey
I didn’t jump, obviously, since i’m writing to you now. Again. Sorry for the silence. Sometimes I just— I dont know. Everything rushes to my head all at once. It helps, occasionally, but then there are the times where my head fills with one singular drive or emotion and thats it, that’s all I can focus on. It used to be anger. So much anger. That was easier than the sadness though. Or the guilt.
There’s things I haven’t really told you. A lot of things actually. I was trying to be strong I guess. Still am. But Makino was right about one thing. It does help, these letters. I like to think sometimes that you just know. That you can read them or that my words somehow magically transfer to you. Wherever you are. But I know that kinda stuff doesnt happen. Not really. So this is more me talking to myself then. That I can do.
So for starters I guess, I had a dream about you last night. I used to have dreams about you a lot. Nightmares too. It’s been a while though, at least a few months since the last one. Normally the dreams are the same, extended memories or something small but usually just the two of us, sometimes luffy. Last night you turned to me in my dream but your face wasn’t right. And I think that’s more terrifying than any of the nightmares i’ve had.
I’m starting to forget what you look like, what you sound like.
It’s been six years now. Longer than the time I knew you. All I have left is the flag Luffy and I found in the wreckage of your ship. I tried to look for more but most of it’s been buried now and i’m afraid. I don’t know what Id do if I found your bones there.
We never took any pictures, never saved enough for something as meaningless as a camera and i regret that now.
I think i’m going to get a tattoo soon. Before I leave the island. Even if I forget what you look like and the sound of your laugh I still want to take you with me somehow. So you can sail the seas instead of — well.
I just don’t want to forget you sabo
Ace
Me again,
I got that tattoo that I said I would in my last letter. It’s been a while now but it still itches every once in a while. Hah, you should have seen the guys face when I explained what I wanted done. People still keep mistaking it for a mispelling. As if I didn’t know how to spell my own name.
Anyway, got that done a little before I left Dawn and a lot has happened since then. I have my own crew! And a devil fruit too, though man was that a surprise. Still don’t really have the best of control over it and I set random things on fire sometimes but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. I’m a CAPTAIN now! Got my own flag and everything. We’re the Spade pirates. Isn’t that cool? The Ace of Spades is supposed to be a card that symbolizes death but I don’t think we’re so bad. Hell, we’ve actually helped a lot of people so I hope you’re proud of me. Still wish you could have been my navigator but we probably would have ended up fighting all the time huh? Can’t have two people that want to be captain in the same crew obviously. You would have loved this life though.
I know you’re probably in a pretty nice place yourself right now but the open sea on a clear day is the most beautiful thing. And the STARS Sabo — when the sun sets down low you don’t even need the moon to see, the stars are so bright. Brighter than they ever were on the island.
You’re up there somewhere huh?
Is the view better than the one I’ve got right now?
Seven years is a long time my friend. I’ve grown a lot since I last saw you. Do you grow at all where you are? I bet I’d still be taller than you.
Wish you were here
Ace
Hey Sabo
I think I need some advice right about now.
It’s been 103 days since Whitebeard defeated me and took me onto his flagship. Yeah, uhh, probably should have updated you on that sooner, huh? My bad. My crew was defeated not that long after I was too. We’re all here now but we’re fine I promise. Actually, that’s kinda my problem.
I want No, I wanted to kill him at first. Whitebeard. All this time hearing about my dad and all he accomplished in life, all he did. So many people that respected or hated him and I just — I don’t know. I heard that Whitebeard was around and I figured if I could just be the one to take him down, the one to kill him even when Roger couldn’t then maybe — Maybe I could prove myself. Prove that I’m stronger than him, than Roger. That I’m better somehow. Or at least different.
Not that that really worked out.
Could have killed me but instead he took me here and made this stupid speech about family and trust and wanting me to be his son or something and I told him no. Obviously. I don’t need a family after all, or at least more family. I’ve got Luffy. And you. Plus I wasn’t I’m not about to just throw away my own ambitions yknow? I promised you, I PROMISED you that we’d go out to sea and live free lives, the life of pirates. I don’t want that to end, not when I wanted to take you with me on that journey, the life you never got to live.
So I kept fighting and fighting and fighting over and over again, new tactics, new plans. But Sabo I’m so tired now.
So tired.
And they’re really starting to grow on me. As much as I’ve tried to avoid the crew or even piss them off. There’s this one guy, Thatch, in particular that is just too god damn nice ALL THE TIME. And Marco too though he’s kinda stuck up. And they keep talking about family. About belonging and — I don’t know.
Is it bad that a part of me wants that? To have an actual home? To belong?
They don’t know though, not yet at least. They don’t know who I am and maybe — FUCK I don’t know. I don’t know how they’d react to knowing who I am, what I am. I’m scared to find out. But is it worth trying?
Would you hate me if I gave up a part of my freedom for something more?
I feel like I’m betraying you somehow. But at the same time I think you would want me to be happy too.
I don’t know yet for sure but maybe, maybe this is my one chance.
Ace
He KILLED him.
One of the few genuine friends I have and he’s dead. All because of GREED. Why does this keep happening. Every time I grow attached and start to feel safe something like this happens again just to prove how messed up the world really is. Over a stupid FRUIT and now thatch is dead and— fuck. A member of my own division too. My responsibility and I failed again. Just like I failed you.
I can’t protect ANYONE. Even after all the training and the fighting, the missions and responsibilities. But when it actually matters I’m not even there and my friend gets stabbed in the back and left to DIE.
The blood’s on my hands. I should have known. Should have picked up on the signs and done something — anything . But I was too late. Again. And now he’s gone and that TRAITOR is who knows where.
Well not this time.
This isn’t going to be like what happened with you, with an enemy I never knew and had no chance of finding.
This time I’m going to find him and I’m going to make him pay.
I don’t care if I’m cursed. Maybe I brought this on them in the first place, just by being here. But I’m not going to just sit by and let this happen again. I couldn’t take revenge for you but I can for Thatch.
I can at least do that.
Sabo,
I’m getting close.
I know you probably don’t care, but writing to you like this is the only thing that seems to be keeping me sane recently. It’s like I’m chasing a damn shadow. Every time I get close or feel like I’ve finally caught up the bastard does something to out maneuver me or fuck me up somehow. It’s been months now but this time I think I’ve finally cornered him. Teach is apparently on his way to Water 7 now and there’s a little island, Banaro, that he’s sure to stop at. If I can get there before he leaves then I can finally avenge Thatch. I can make up for my own failures and make sure that he never hurts anyone from my family again.
I dunno how it’s going to go yet but he hasn’t had much time to master his new fruit yet so I should have the upper hand regardless of whatever that rat has planned.
Short letter this time, I know, but I don’t really have a lotta time to waste right now. I’ll be reaching port soon and from there — well, who knows. Guess I’ll probably update you again afterwards though, or whenever I get back to the rest of my crew.
It’s nice to know that I’ll finally be able to avenge someone important to me. Risky, but I know you’d do the same.
Ace
Sabo,
I’m being executed today.
Guess that’s a solid way to start off my last this letter, huh? Yeah, nice going Ace, well done. I really know how to keep things upbeat in these damn things don’t I?
Damn it.
Teach, well he, FUCK— sorry.
I don’t want to do this.
He beat me. I don’t have any excuses, nothin I can say to make up for what happened or explain it in anyway. He just did. Just another reason to hate him I guess, but if the alternative was joining him then this is better. Much better, Still, uhh, it hasn’t exactly been fun. Impel Down was just about as bad as I expected, maybe worse even. There’s— you know what, it doesn’t matter what it was like. You don’t need to know that.
Maybe I’m just stalling now.
They don’t really give a lot of time for these things apparently, even when they’re last requests. Bullshit, but I think they just don’t want me to be late for my closeup. Gol D. Roger’s only son means I’m about to broadcasted all around the world. Thanks dad. Great perks. Though, I expected as much. Just proving what I always feared.
ANYWAY, at least I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. Don’t actually know how long I was locked up in there but the silence does things to people, to me. I didn’t dream much while I was there, kinda hard to sleep, but I thought about you a lot. Actually, been thinkin about you a lot for a while but this was different I suppose.
The guys down there like to talk a lot. It helps pass the time but most of them are kinda shit people so I didn’t reply much. Still listened though.
Y’know, in twenty years, I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, experienced a lot— more than most my age, but there’s a lot I didn’t get to do too, didn’t learn about.
I never really thought about love until recently. It’s not really a pirate thing, huh? High seas and all that nonsense but life moves fast and a lot happens all at once. Not a lotta time to sit around and, I dunno, dream?
Whatever. Well, the guys down there talked a surprising amount about it, like it’s something magical, better than any other treasure, and it got me thinkin. I’ve never really cared about that stuff, haven’t since I was a kid. But I guess that’s because I figured no one would be able to stand me for long, no one would actually accept me for who I am. But, that’s not really right, huh? Since you did that right from the start. I’ve known that for ages but guess it didn’t really sink in until now.
Call it childish innocence or whatever, but you accepted me even back then when I was broody and angry and maybe a little murderous. You knew who I was, my history, my dreams, and you didn’t laugh or run away or anything like that. You smiled that stupid smile of yours and just accepted me, all of me.
Here I am about to— about to leave , and it’s because there’s a whole fucking WORLD out there that can’t seem to do the same thing a five year old noble brat could — no offense.
And y’know, if that’s the closest I get to love then I’ll take it. Hell, maybe I even love you too. Actually, no. I don’t think maybe is even a factor anymore. Seems stupid now that I think about it, but I probably loved you even back then. From the very start. Little late to be figuring that out now, huh?
They’re rushing me. Marine bastards.
I know I’ve talked a lot about, well, death. So many years spent just thinkin that I deserve it, just because of who my father was, but now that there’s this whole messed up world agreeing with me, is it wrong that I’m— fuck — I’m scared Sabo. Absolutely terrified and there’s nothing I can do about it. All these years I’ve practically asked for it and now—
I know it’s late to start saying this, way too late now, but Sabo, I want to live.
I want to do so much with my life than this. I want to explore more, see more. I want— I want what I can’t have anymore. And it sucks. It really fucking sucks, but this is how it ends for me. Goin out the same way my shitty pops did. Apparently. What a sick joke this all is.
But I'm running out of time now. Guess I’ve spent what time I had. Garp knows what to do with this after... after everything. I know it won't matter in the end, but I think all of these should be together, y'know? Just in case. It's nice to know that he still considered me family, even now. He's the only one here that seems to actually care. You would think these assholes would cut me a little slack now that we’re here but I just… I don’t think it matters to them that I'm about to die. Not even a little bit. Shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I’m still human after all. Just like them. But maybe they don’t see it like that.
I’d pray for miracles but I don’t think there are any gods out there to help me. I still don’t think there are any gods at all. Doesn't really bode well for what comes after, huh?
Luffy’s going to be mad at me. I promised him that I wouldn’t die.
Maybe we can both watch over him though? You’ll probably be mad at me for saying this but a part of me is a little relieved. At the end. At least I’ll get to see you again, right? I don’t even know if we’ll both end up in the same place, but I can hope. I really, really hope. It’s selfish but I’m glad that I won’t be alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
Ace
A Couple Years Too Late
Dear Ace,
It’s been a while, has it not? I’m sorry, but man do I have some things to tell you.
If only I could tell you.
I got your letters. Well, more like I found your letters. Stored away in a box at our old tree house. Can you believe it’s still intact after all these years? Pretty good for a couple of kids huh?
.
.
.
Dear Ace,
I’m sorry. I can’t believe I stopped so soon. Not even a couple sentences in and I had to leave the room. What an idiot. Let me start again.
Hey Ace. How are you? Are you eating well? Getting enough rest? You have to make sure to take care of yourself, I’m not there to nag at you anymore now. You’re all grown up. I sound like such a parent I’m sorry. I just care and want the best for you. I got your letters. I’m sorry the delivery took so long. Way too long. It’s a shame this is how we reunite. I hoped I could have seen you at least once before
.
.
.
Dear Ace,
I did it again. At this rate I’ll clean out Headquarter’s paper supply. I’m sorry. It’s just, every time I write, my vision gets blurry and I can’t see anymore. How can I properly reply to you if I don’t know what I’m writing? Would be embarrassing if I had a bunch of spelling mistakes especially since I’m the one that taught you how to write.
Speaking of which, you’ve gotten a lot better! I can see from the different letters you wrote. It makes me happy to see that, shows you practiced a lot. Did you help Luffy too? I only taught him so much before I left, I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard on you.
It must have been really hard on you…
I’m sorry. I keep speaking nonsense. I just don’t know where to begin, what to say. This is the third time I’m trying to write to you and you are right—it’s pretty stupid. Maybe a part of me is just hoping that the same thing will happen with you. That you’ll get this letter in 10 years or so and then maybe we could meet again, somewhere in this wide ocean.
Or maybe somewhere in skies up above.
I can dream, right?
.
.
.
Hey Ace, Is this how you felt? When you wrote every one of those letters, did it hurt this badly each time? I’m sorry, I should’ve come to get them sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t even be writing this right now if I had. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to write them if I had come sooner. I’m sorry. I really made it hard for you huh? I’m happy you wrote though. It feels as if you are here, talking to me. Telling me of your struggles, your adventures. All the good and the bad—even though I already knew some of this. I’m happy for you Ace. Truly I am. I wish I could’ve been there when you sailed out to sea, we could’ve sailed out together. Met your first crew, that I wouldn’t be a part of because I would have had a better crew.
When you found a family .
I’ll have to visit them one day, and properly thank them. It’s the least I can do.
Hey, remember the declarations we made back at the cliff? I still haven’t done mine, been busy, it’ll probably take a while. Still, you did yours did you not? You let the whole world know who you were. Fire Fist Ace, that’s a pretty cool name they gave you. You were always the better big brother so I’m not surprised you beat me to it. Mine’s a little bit harder so cut me some slack okay?
Weird how the past couple days I struggled to write and now it’s all just pouring out, I’m sorry it’s such a mess of words. I still don’t know what to really say. My vision is still blurry but I’m fighting through it. I’m sorry the paper may be a little wet.
…I’m sorry.
Twelve times. Twelve times I’ve said those two words but nothing changes, nothing will change. I’ve come to that conclusion. Took me a while.
A long while.
It’s been two years or so since you left. Every night I have the same dream. And every time you’re always out of reach. Every single night I wonder “Would things have been different if I was there?” People kept telling me there’s no right answer to that.
Would you be alive right now if I had remembered just a little sooner?
Ah that’s right. I haven’t told you. I didn’t think it would matter if you knew since it wouldn't change anything, I’m sorry. Thirteen. I lost my memories. Pretty shitty thing for me to do right? I know. While you were suffering I didn’t even know you were a part of my life. While you died, I paid no mind because I didn’t know. You must be really mad at me. For forgetting so easily.
And then life rewards me my memories when I see your death mention in the papers. That’s pretty fucked up huh? Maybe I should’ve looked at the papers sooner.
Hey Ace, do you know now? Is it pretty up there where you are? Have you met your mom? She’s up there too right? I’m sure she is. If there is a Heaven I know you’re there. Regardless of what people say, what they may have called you, Heaven is where you belong. The image of an angel truly suits you, you know. Maybe you always were an angel, and god sent you down to me. Can I let you in on a little secret? Thanks to you, I was able to become who I am today. If I hadn’t met you that day you pulled me out of the Grey Terminal I probably would’ve been back in that castle, suffering. You changed my life for the better and I’m eternally grateful. And seeing as you brought it up first; I love you too. Always did. Even during my amnesiac years, I’m sure that part of me was still there. Loving you even if it didn’t remember you. Sad that we’re sharing such things now huh? It’s almost laughable. Yet not even a smile comes to my face right now… What am I saying? I’m sorry, I ramble a lot.
Fourteen.
It’s been almost two years since then Ace and the pain just gets worse. Does it ever go away? Did it ever go away for you? It’s like a nail is constantly being hammered into my chest. Some days they slam the hammer harder than others. Some days they slam it so hard I can barely breathe… I can cover it up better than before at least, can function in my daily life. Oh yeah—I’m a Revolutionary, have I told you that yet?
Do you think if this world was different, you would still be alive? I wonder.
Are these letters really supposed to help? The only thing it’s helping with is making the pain worse. Will you even read this? Maybe if I send it flying high enough, will it reach you? Or maybe you're watching me right now as I write it? If you are then well…
I miss you.
God I miss you so much.
It’s not fair. Why did you have to be the one to leave? My first friend, best friend, my partner, my brother, my… There are so many things I want to share with you. I want to see you again. See you smiling, laughing, angry—I just want to see you. Even if it’s just one more time.
Would it have been better if I had died that day? Would I be with you right now? I’ve had that thought so many times. And maybe I tried to join you…so many times.
But I’ve thought a lot. Luffy is still out there is he not? I can’t just leave our little brother like that. I’ve already fucked up enough as it is. Even if he hates me, pushes me away and never wants to see me again—I’ll protect him. I asked you to take care of him before, now it’s my turn.
By the way, I’ll be visiting you soon—no, not like that. Sadly. I’ve avoided doing it for a while because I didn’t want to believe it but I think it’s time now.
I’m sorry…that I can’t be with you, not yet. But you aren’t alone. I may not be next to you, but I’m always thinking of you. Every waking moment and every time I close my eyes. You’re there.
Fifteen.
We’ll meet again soon. There are just some things I have to take care of here first. It may sound a little selfish but please wait for me okay? Just a little longer.
Sabo
#saboace#acesabo#saboaceweek2018#I REAAAAALLLYYYY HOPE WE HAVEN'T HYPED THIS UP TO MUCH#BUT I'VE BEEN WAITING TO RELEASE THIS PROMPT FOR /MONTHS/#I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY
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So I wrote this Hamilton fic forever ago and rereading it I fucking sucked it was so choppy but whatever. The premise was Hamilton died and reincarnated as Burrs daughter theo so I rewrote dear theodosai for it and its like the one thing in the fic im proud of so here ya go
“Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?
You have his eyes; you have your mother’s name.
When you went and left this world I cried, and I fell apart.
I could have dedicated everyday to you, but I always thought, that we would have awhile,
To see you smile, it means part of you lives on, it means I wasn’t wrong.
You were taken by our new nation, but we did nothing for you, nothings all I seem to do,
But now we’ve won our liberation, I’ll make it up to you, the world won’t be torn from you
And you’ll blow us all away. Someday, someday, yeah you’ll blow us all away.”
*buries self in a hole and shovels dirt over myself* ok there you go kill me
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im feeling SO fucking smart right now. So japanese vocaloids can’t pronounce consonants if they’re at the end of a word, or by themselves. For example, the word “don’t” is usually kind of impossible to achieve, due to the fact the ending “T” doesn’t get pronounced. It just sounds like “don_”.
The recommendation people will always give you for this problem is “add a vowel to the end.” If you do this, while it’s true you CAN hear the “T” now, it sounds super awkward. I tried adding an “E” to the end (”don’te). It sounded awful because while the “T” sound needs to be short, doing so cuts off the end of the “E” sound, making it sound choppy.
and so i was just about to give up when i remembered the ~secret~ “unvoiced” vowel sounds that are now in vocaloid3 voicebanks. I mean theyre not really secret but nobody ever talks about them so idk how you’re supposed to know theyre there unless you read the entire longass wiki word by word.
but ANYWAY i figured if the “T” isn’t audible by itself, and adding a vowel sounds bad, if i add one of the almost-silent vowels, maybe it would give the “T” a jumping off point so it’d be audible. So i cycled through all the unvoiced vowels ([t e_0], [t i_0], [t o_0], [t a_0]...) and none of them sounded great either until I tried the unvoiced “U” ([t M_0]) and guess what. it sounds fucking perfect. it sounds just like its supposed to. holy shit.
i got gumi to pronounce “Don’t”. i am so proud of myself!!!! I wonder if other people know about this trick??? because ive never seen it suggested......
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