I think it's really important to reflect on when and how you're giving advice. It's so important to ask yourself:

Am I the right person to be giving this advice? (is it appropriate for me to provide this advice?)

Is this the right time? (will they be receptive right now?)

Am I suggesting something actionable?

Please can you tell you friend @theborders that it’s too late to delete posts and act like nothing happened. Alexa has seen them and is upset. I think she should apologise. I didn’t realise telling her would be so bad considering they were posted on a public website. How can you post stuff about someone on a public blog and expect them not to see? Also she probably told Sam about how she loved country just to be close to him

Okay, this is a late reply considering this was sent to me the other day, but I wasn't sure whether replying or not since I thought this would've simmered down. Well, I was wrong.

Things that drive me insane: a bullet point

• Faceless users on the internet exhorting strangers online to do something.

Going 28 and I usually don't take any advice from people who aren't in my personal bubble, but I'll make an exception today. So, I oblige. @theborders this anon is dying to let you know what they think 👉🏻🥺👈🏻

• Faceless users (omg! once again) not paying attention to the content of the different blogs they dive into.

I don't know if you're new here, but I have said many times that I'm not interested in it, therefore I have never posted any gossip, it's my policy. I don't give a flying sock about it. I don't know why you sent this to me, you would've spared this wordy rant from my behalf. We were talking about gossip, weren't we? Well I don't like it, but other people do and it's fine because it's life. Everyone's different, you know. A blog is like a house; every house has its own rules, same goes with blogs. Everyone's free to talk about whatever they please on their blog and I am nobody to tell people to apologise for things they've said about certain matters (I don't have an opinion about as I don't care about the matter per se). It's not my purpose on Tumblr. I am nobody's mother lmao

• People venting about something they've done and I have nothing to do with. Sorry, but you did tell Alexa and put theborders in a very bad mood and now you're gonna take the consequences that come with it. It's too late.

(For the record, I have just got the gist of what happened with Alexa considering I don't give a shit about gossip - yeah, I think it's good pointing it out every now and then to make it seep in order to avoid the wordy rant mentioned earlier. You say she's upset and I get it, but I mean she's a public figure and people on the internet talk about public figures, that's nothing new. Same thing for what you've said on chatting about what she did on a public blog. There's no difference. So... 🤷🏻‍♀️)

• People thinking they're the good ones for the purpose of """helping""" their peers, but they drag others down instead.

Can you imagine giving away to thousands of bystanders private information, like the place where someone lives just because you don't like what a person has said/done?! Mad stuff that. You doxxed her. I don't believe you realise what you've done. It gives unhinged vibes. You are eligible for a charge. Plus, you cyberbullied and harassed her by leaking her personal info online. I think the penalty for the guilt commited isn't quite right. There's a significant imbalance. We're only human after all, making mistakes is within our fallible nature. Your actions reek of arrogance. You can make mistakes as well, and sure enough you did so I am having words with you. No one is infallible and you're not a judge to decide what to do with people you think they did wrong in your eyes. Believe it or not, she didn't say anything that lousy to give away her info online. Stop being obsessed with this whole thing. We're trying to forget about it but you seem to be relentlessly devoted to drama.

• People hiding behind anonymous asks and not having the courage to come off anon to have a normal interaction with the person everything started with. Do you think that sending anons to every Sam Fender blog related on Tumblr is a clever move? Think twice before you do something.

One more thing before I go, are you trying to plant the seed of gossip on my blog with "Also she probably told Sam about how she loved country just to be close to him"? Anyway, I don't know what you're referring to as I don't know every detail of what happened AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

Anonymous submitted:

My sister who is 18, soon to be 19, has serious problems she refuses to address. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD and learning deficits, so it takes her longer to understand things but she is by no means stupid. The thing is though she’s digging herself into this huge hole of just nothingness and I can’t get her to change. She lacks motivation to do ANYTHING. My parents have to hassle her constantly about getting a job/going to school. They aren’t pressuring her by any means, they just want her to start doing something with her life. They have never asked anything of her and she has grown so dependent it’s ridiculous. All she does is lie in bed or on the couch for hours on end watching Netflix or scrolling away on her phone. While this is worrisome enough it’s not the reason I’ve come looking for advice. She’s begun catfishing guys online and I only noticed when I saw she got a notification on her phone with someone addressing her in the text, only it wasn’t her name. So I asked her about it and she told me she was pretending to be someone else to which I tried to get a reason as to why that she couldn’t produce. I know why though, she lacks self confidence in both her appearance and social skills face to face. I tried to be as heartfelt and big sisterly as possible when telling her that she was someone that has a lot to offer the world and REAL human beings - not some faceless stranger on the internet. She seemed to understand and told me she’d stop. It seemed like she did, she even got close to a real life guy and they were dating for a while. He turned out to be a dick tho and well that ended. She didn’t seem too broken up about it, but I’ve started to see her constantly glued to her phone and sneaking off to have conversations on the phone and whisper when I enter the room. I’m almost sure that she’s at it again, the catfishing.

I just don’t get it. How can such a fake online relationship even be satisfying? Just as she’s pretending to be someone else, the person on the other end of the phone can also. I don’t know what to do this time around. She needs therapy, which I have brought up to her before because she has all sorts of abnormal behaviors, but she refuses to even consider it. I hate that it’s such a negative thing in her mind. I’m worried about her, but at the same time I feel that I’ve done all I can and at this point I’m just frustrated that she literally could not care less about anything that she is doing.

if she’s flat-out refusing to address these issues, then there’s not a lot that you can do ): a person can only be helped, if they want the help, yah feel? like they can only get help and support if they’ve acknowledged that there’s a problem to begin with, they can only be helped if they know that there’s an issue that needs to be resolved.

I’ve never been involved in a cat-fish situation, so I can’t really give a lot of insight on why people do this ): and as she’s 18 and legally an adult, there’s not much that you can do to stop her, sadly. I mean you could try having another chat with her, talk about self esteem and try to show her how much she has to offer? try getting a bit deeper and finding out why she might have self esteem issues, ask her what it is that makes her feel badly about herself, sometimes knowing the root of a problem can make it easier to resolve. 

if you’ve tried your best to get through to her and nothing’s worked, you could maybe try bringing your parents into it, or a close friend of your sisters that she likes and respects? sometimes people need to hear advice from someone who’s not family for it to really have an impact! ultimately though it really comes down to your sister and her wanting to change and to find different ways to achieve positive self esteem without hurting others -- she needs to want to change, in order for others to help + support her. <3

- tash

Hello and welcome to my VUNDERBALL world

This right here has been my entire life. I spent way too long being “anti” what ever the fuck everyone else is doing, and at this point I shot myself in the foot. Everything I have ever produced I hate immediately and never wish to share. I have a couple people who I have enjoyed “gloating” about my little accomplishments, but for the most part this is the most public I have ever been. I have told myself for a very long time I am not good in comparison to others. And I am not, but only because I have never practiced. Before even attempting a new project I always look around wondering who is watching and how I can compare myself to others. It has held me back from so much. I’ve heard people say that how you perceive others its how you think others perceive you, but I have never been one to think negatively about anyone’s expression of art, but I have judged others for “selling-out” their art. I guess, who am I to judge someone for using their talent to manipulate a population of people to give them money for something they did with no heart? I’m a romantic and I feel I have a good perspective of when something is done with the intent of expression of self or when something is done for a shallow and lacking purpose. 

I spent 4 years of my life, during the most influential years of my life, acting. I absolutely loved it - talking, lying, dressing up. I won awards and was convinced I was the best actor in my troupe. The first time I ever won an award (not only for participation) was my superior excellence in a district acting competition. I don’t even have the document anymore stating that I went to the state thespians to perform. I only got an excellent and a good during that so I did not make it to regionals. I acted in one more play after I graduated. A little play I don’t even remember that name of it. I found I was busier with work and my boyfriend to feel like my time was being used effectively. I stopped acting and never pursued a career in that field because stage fright took over my memory of being strong on a stage.

In high school I had hobbies of photography and video games. I really enjoyed candid photos of all of my friends at parties when I was underage. I could barely post any of those photos because of the fear my father would find out I wasn’t actually spending the night at “insert friend name here” so my photos never were used. Half a terabyte full of images from the past with people who are now nameless to me. I gave up. Everyone and their mothers decided photography was their skill, and I decided I was too cool to be good at something. 

Fucking hobbies man. Double edge sword of fighting creativity over copycat and personal self interest vs following a crowd of people on the internet who shamelessly need to be portrayed as “interesting”.

There will never be any prolific ending to my writing, and I will never provide any advice that would be considered useful. I continue to express to the faceless world of strangers who can quickly find out who I am and where I live. But who cares, right? Little useless speck of dust here to live in this world to the fullest I can think of at the exact time I question my existence.  Thinking I would have had all this magically figured out on its own with very little effort on my end was the bullet in the foot. Figuring out I wasted a lot of the precious time I will never get back on the earth is a little push to not giving a fuck about how I express myself artistically, and fuck anyone who laughs or judges. Here I am. Bold and idiotic. Loud and needy. Doing everything and nothing at the same time.