also: i just finished n*torious sorcerer, and enjoyed certain aspects of it but was left unimpressed/unconvinced by others (longer letter later on this, maybe? no promises tho), which i guess makes it yet another addition to the growing list of m/m tradpub fantasy novels i wanted to love but ultimately didn't, quite? part of me is honestly starting to wonder if the capacity for love is burnt out of me, although that sounds awfully dramatic and i quite frankly think it's equally possible that we're just getting more and more writers coming up by way of fandom and that it's eaten particular, recognizable sorts of holes (ha) in their skillsets...

B, K, R for the ask meme!!

ooo hello hello dear thank u so much!!

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B:  What was the first fandom you read fic in?  Which was the first you wrote fic for?

ahhh throwback lmaooo i first read and wrote fic for the phandom (dan and phil phandom lmao i know there's a few of those) this is weird to say when most people my age grew up with fandom from like ages 12-13, but i really didn't get much into fandom until i was out of college?? i did follow a few people who posted stuff about doctor who when i was like...a freshman in college or so and i'd just started watching the show, but i really didn't even know that fic was a thing at the time? which like. really that sounds so bizarre looking back lmao

but yeah! dan and phil phandom for both!

K:  Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

slkdfjlkdsf i feel like any time i see the term 'guilty pleasures' i have to clarify that i like. don't feel guilt in any capacity for enjoying these things? it's more just like. this is stuff i probably don't mention or talk about much? of which i would say ovipos (when it's not tied to eggpreg) thank u zhongli for awakening that one lmao. and probably mermaids when i come across an intriguing fic with that as a premise? on the less spicy side, i do love a good truth serum/forced admission of feelings, esp if it's tied to enemies/rivals lmao. close contenders depending on the context are probably aphrodisiac/fuck or die/sex pollen and tentacles

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

oh wow this is a really good one sdfkjsdfjl and tbh i'd probably be very hard-pressed to take apart my writing style itself and trace it back to certain authors/writers? i cut my teeth on first person pov, which i could probably owe back to some of the books i was a big fan of (first thing that comes to mind is 'shatter me' by tahereh mafi). i think that overall the slew of ya novels i read when i was younger probably had a pretty healthy influence on my writing style? i'm super picky nowadays with the kinds of writing styles i enjoy reading (both in books and in fic) but i was definitely always drawn to books that focused more heavily on emotions and reactions and internal motivations, so ultimately i probably sought out more of that and it played into the kinds of ways i prefer to write. i'd also have to call out rose as an influence which she's hardly on tumblr nowadays so she won't see it lmao but her writing is absolutely what i'd call poetic and evocative and i think she has introduced me over time to a lot of writing styles i might otherwise not have sought out/seen. i also think often of a dan and phil fic i read many many moons ago (x) that really sticks with me and comes to mind now and again, specifically for this:

THE END.

(For you, that is. For me and Phil? This wasn’t the end, nor was it the beginning. It was just another moment, just somewhere in the middle. Just one peak of happiness in a mountain range. Just a minute of soft light and a minute of peace. Just a minute of conviviality, of just the two of us as one. Of love. This wasn’t the end of the story, and this wasn’t where happiness began. It was us. It was now.)

idk something about this like, clings to me stubbornly even years upon years after i first read it. it serves as a reminder of multiple things for me personally, including the idea that the story i'm writing isn't (and shouldn't be!) the entire story that exists out there - it's just a fragment of time that i've shed light on and shared. it's the freedom to make a story exactly what i want it to be, to tell everything i want to tell and nothing more, nothing less. to (much to my worldbuilder friend's chagrin) not worry about the structure and workings of the entire monumental universe surrounding that story, and to better know and understand when and how i want something to end

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