wait what the fuck how the fuck have i only just found out that ADHD is a fucking ADA-recognized disability. I'm genuinely so fucking mad that it took me this long to be told that what the fuck

                       the first clear thought in years:                              I REFUSE TO DIE.

JACOB BATALON? No, that’s actually PETER PETTIGREW from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of AMBROSIA PETTIGREW and ALISTER MCALISTER? Only 20 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as a DISH WASHER and is sided with HIMSELF. HE/THEY identifies as AGENDER and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be CUNNING, HUMOROUS and ALLOCENTRIC but also OBSESSIVE, PASSIVE and COWARDLY. 

LINKS – pinboard, stats, app. CHARACTER PARALLELS – winston bishop ( new girl ), sid jenkins ( skins ), charles boyle ( b99 ), edmund pevensie ( narnia ), eric forman ( that 70s show ), bunny corcoran ( the secret history ) AESTHETIC –  ketchup stains on band shirts, an incomprehensible minute long string of curses, tracing the veins in your wrist, the smell of breakfast and fresh coffee, card tricks at three in the morning, freddie mercury impersonations, lying on the floor of the kitchen staring a the ceiling for three hours, trembling hands holding a joint, a guilty grin. HEADS UP – this intro contains mentions of bullying, death, mental illness (eating disorders (bed & bulimia) and depression and anxiety), self destructive tendencies and weed. ive trigger warned each bullet point where it comes up.

history ( 1960 - 1978 )

peter was born to ambrosia pettigrew, a halfblooded scottish-filipino witch. his father -- a muggle -- was not in the picture and hadn’t been ever since he’d learned of ambrosia’s pregnancy; he would sent her money every now and then, in the first years of peter’s life, but was never in the picture. ( and that was for the best, thought ambrosia; she didn’t love him, and he was a muggle, but still --- she was heartbroken and wished that she could give more to her son ).

peter grew up living with his mother in a small flat in glasgow. his grandparents lived nearby, and he spent a lot of time with them. peter learned how to be alone from a young age, with his mother working a lot and he himself lacking friends and peers to waste the days with --- as a child, he delved into fictional worlds ( superhero comics, roald dahl novels, animated tv shows ) and found friends there.

bullying tw / went to muggle elementary as well, but never felt at home there. he was the odd one out: his clothes didn’t fit well, his nervous habits were annoying to his classmates, his words were too clumsy and his eyes too shifty. he didn’t mind not having friends ( or so he thought, until he did have them ) but he did mind being picked on and teased. end of tw

death tw /  his grandmother died when he was seven and it was devastating; peter’s family was so small and compact, his social world so limited, that it had a huge impact. his relationship with his grandfather did grow much stronger through it. end of tw 

and then peter finally went to hogwarts! and peter made friends for the FIRST TIME. and he found a second home! ah, my god --- peter was so happy, he was really so hyped and in awe of his life and his friends. it all felt a bit surreal; especially because he looked up to james and sirius and remus so much --- james, mainly, but all of them were so amazing, and he was so amazed that they liked him, too.

peter always loved heroes. he loves comic books and people who save the day and get the girl and do it all. i think he kind of … projected that onto james and sirius especially? did not know how to do this friendship thing as an 11 year old tbh, was a mess, was blinded by their amazingness damn, and thus kind of hero worshipped them, didn’t see their flaws and faults.

re: peter being a gryffindor; peter admires heroism and bravery and chivalry, and it’s your values that get you sorted some place. and he always did try to be brave, and he WAS in a lot of moments, because he became a damn animagus for his bud! i mean! he was not a hatstall btw  — i choose to ignore that stupid bit of post canon. it took a while for the hat, sure, but no more than two minutes.  

peter was a pretty bad student, to be honest. not because he was stupid, but because he’s just not build for school. deadlines? exams? homework? no thank you --- those were both sources of stress and horribly tedious things and peter was much too occupied with shenanigans and having fun. peter learned better in different settings: he got very good at certain charms because they allowed him to be lazy ( hello, accio! ) and was able to put his mind to becoming an animagus because there was a necessity and a proper motivation, and became better at potions because of all the hangover potions he brew. 

becoming an animagus for remus was ! important ! to peter ! he did it for remus, not because of peer pressure, or anything else — he did it because it was right, and his friend deserved it and ! he did it, too, because he could. sure, his transfig grades may have been more than poor, but the kid did have some skill. he just needed motivation, which mcgonagall didn’t give (bc. she scared him.) and this situation? motivated the hell out of him.

peter would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken a bit aback when he learned about remus’ lycanthropy — not because he was scared of him, to be honest, but he was just ? shocked ? he was more scared for remus, and so sad? so fucking sad for him? : ( he cried

he also loved spending his time at hogwarts playing games; from muggle card games to chess to gobstones. collected chocolate frogs Very Seriously as well, and still does tbh.

weed & anxiety tw / peter started smoking pot in the summer between his fourth and fifth year, and never really stopped. it made him slack more at school, but also eased his anxiety, which had started to develop in his fourth year. as months passed, peter became more and more of a stoner, which made him both more relaxed and funnier, but also … a whole of a lot lazier. end of weed tw

peter had always been a bit … fidgety, easily on edge, a bit nervous, but he’d never really known anxiety until around fourteen years old. his insecurities grew, as he started comparing himself more to his friends and finding nothing but things he lacked in comparison to them, and questions as to why they put up with him. end of anxiety tw

so his schooldays mostly looked like … doing nothing, playing games, having fun with his mates, getting high, forgetting his homework, stressing about homework, and somewhere, in a tiny corner of his being, worrying about the war. whenever those worries started coming up, though, he was able to push them away, because the war was not yet there, not for him at least. there was graduation to worry about first, and once that was done, then he could worry about the war.

post graduation - now ( 1978 - 1980 )

peter joins the order along with his friends, because it was what was right. peter believes in their cause, hates the death eaters, hates discrimination and racism and terrorism --- of course he fucking does, and so he joins, even though he feels incompetent. i have written a lot about this in his app too, which is linked above! 

he starts working as a dishwasher in muggle glasgow, preferring a bit of a break from the wizarding world every now and then. peter’s not unambitious, per se, but he doesn’t have enough faith in himself to try and pursue a career ( and besides, what’s the point in the midst of a war? ). plus, peter doesnt need any more stress on his plate, and dish washing is laidback and at least kind of fun. 

depression & weed & eating disorder (bed/bulimia) tw | peter feels useless in the order, though. he seems to lack the skills, the guts, the everything that the people around him have. before, their heroics mightve inspired him; now they just make him feel like a shitty person, like a burden. peter starts secluding himself a little, hiding in his mother’s home. he smokes more pot. he sometimes goes almost week without seeing someone besides his mum and his coworkers. he watches too much telly and reads comics and drowns in fictional worlds and he becomes depressed. he sinks into it without noticing and can’t come back from it. his eating habits ( which have always bordered on unhealthy ) turn worse; peter binges, and then restricts, falls into a cycle. it’s the only routine he has.

when he’s around his friends, he lives up a little. he cracks jokes and wants to play games and laughs and feels a bit more alive, but he always craves his time on his own. that’s his new way to feel safe: to stick to his newly found routine, hidden in his room, away from reality. | end of tw

the idea to join the death eaters comes out of fear. peter feels like the order is losing, and feels like death is inevitable. i dont know how true this is, but the fact is that the death eaters are ruthless and that his life is on the line because of his position. i wrote a Lot about this in his app too, so if u want a more comprehensive explanation i’d def read it here, its the second hc!

he joins, because he thinks it will give him a saver position. play both sides, play for the winning side --- he’s always had a bit of an opportunistic streak, which definitely helps sway his decision. in the end he’s just afraid of dying, and that’s why he joins; he’s twenty, his life has hardly started --- he doesn’t want to die, no cause is worth that, none at all. ( he should have just ran )

he joins in may 1978, for timeline reasons, so he’s been a death eater for only a few months. it’s been a lot different than he imagined ----- peter thought he’d blend in the background quietly, that he’d have to do shitty jobs ( which is true ) and that he’d be left alone. he underestimated it, because well --- he was desperate when he joined, and he didn’t think about the consequences, and he didn’t think about how voldemort’s cruelty wasn’t just reserved for his enemies but for his followers, too. there’s no stepping out of line with the death eaters; mistakes are not treated lightly and peter --- afraid, a bit of a bumbling idiot, learns this quite soon.

his function is mostly just to be a spy; relay information and share plans, name members, etcetera. he’s not very active because he’s a spy, but i imagine that he is present at the bigger meetings. AND FML HE’S GOOD AT IT! he’s good at lying and sneaking and being a sly bastard --- he used those skills for pranks, once. now he uses it to betray his fellow prankers : D

peter, at that point, hates himself. he’s always had a bit of self loathing, but it’s gained the upper hand now and he’s drowning in it; it does allow for him to ignore his conscience, though, for him to ignore the reality and just stew in his negativity. he’s got a woe is me mentality, for sure, and he’s so god damn passive about his situation. 

timeclash reaction.

peter’s reaction to the timeclash was ... a lot. i wrote about it in his app, so if u want to read my whole ass rambling, i rec that. but tldr: he’s shocked, at what he becomes. the peter he is now is a traitor, yes, but he’s not yet the person who ends up betraying james and lily and harry, who frames sirius --- and it’s ground shattering to find out that he’s on the road to become such a person. 

self destructiveness, weed, alcohol tw / his self loathing grows more. peter wasn’t doing very well before, but the timeclash makes something snap inside him --- he abandons his needs, punishes himself in small ways, loses sight of himself. he drinks and smokes too much. he’s so scared of himself. he’s in hiding, when he first finds out, scared of his friends and the death eaters and the order members and the people from the future who have met a worse version of him end of tws

part of peter is also like “i havent done any of these things yet, i know i am not the BEST person but i am still . not That Bad! stop being mad for something i havent done yet!”

around this time, he’s realising that he can either keep hiding, that he can completely destroy himself and all the ties he has, or he can take this opportunity to change his course. to not become the person all these people from the future know, to change change change, to make up for the wrongs he has committed and the wrongs he will commit if he keeps on going the way he is --- and that’s where he’s at now.

on another hand, he definitely watched all the star wars movies that came out over the past 50 yrs and hates kylo ren and cried when han died!!! he is in awe of the mcu movies but also thinks they did the comics dirty. i wish someone would introduce him to video games bc he would cry from happiness.

personality & details

OKAY onto the fun stuff, that was way too depressing and peter is usually a comedic icon

peter parker is his favourite superhero just because … they share a first name and because peter parker is a bit of an underdog too and peter is just like! amazing! he named his owl parker.

he hates cats. used to love them — he was allowed to take the cat from home with him to hogwarts when he was eleven, but he brought him back home after an unfortunate incident where his cat nearly ate him while he was in his animagus form. “sorry ma, i don’t love him any more. here. have him.”

peter is actually a solid cook. this is because he learned to make some basic food when he was still a kid, first with his grandma, and later on his own. he liked doing it for his mother and he was. .. good at it? peter is also just passionate about food and finds comfort in cooking. breakfast food and baked goods are Prime Food Categories.

he is asexual af, panromantic. has kissed both guys and gals and nb pals but did not like it??? confused. does not understand sexuality and all that jazz but tries not to think abt it because like! he’s got enough stress! doesnt need to think abt this!

peter is also agender, but i think he’s a lot less aware about this, because it’s confusing and so he just tries not to think about it. he does feel okay with he/him pronouns, but just doesn’t feel connected at all to being a boy/man

peter has abandonment issues because his dad, well, never even bothered to be there. not even for a second. he’s just constantly scared that people will leave and it’s funny, because he will probably end up abandoning all of his loved ones KDJFHSDF.

peter is quite non confrontational but also not … meek? he just avoids it, either by physically staying out of people’s way or by dismissing most of the things said and getting out of there. a Passive Kid. 

he’s such a fucking dork i swear to god. but he’s funny! peter is really funny. i deeply believe in this. he makes great puns and is able to just come out of nowhere and make a comment that just. hits the nail right on its head.

peter curses a lot and has a scottish accent and sometimes he will have a minute long cursing session that no one rly understands.

(comparing movie and TFP Jolt Drive)

so jolt drive has two designs for movieverse. the lilac one is up to AoE and the dark purple one is for TLK. 

so for movieverse bio, here:

1-4 Movies:

Name: Jolt Drive nicknames: Jolt, J.D, stardust, princess, kid (hates that name), kiddo (hates that name), Jojo (don't call her that, she hates it), Maho Shojo. faction: neutral (Tibetan mastiff) age: late teens aprox. gender: femme alt. mode: 2017 Corvette Z06 C7 family: Linear range (younger brother), Timewarp (carrier/mother), Wrecktrain (sire/father), Mirage/dino (cousin) theme song: "Lights & thunder" - Gareth Emery and Krewella personality: everyone who meets her, for some reason, says Jolt Drive reminds them of an anime girl, particularity one from the "Maho Shojo" genre. She's cheerful and has an optic for detail. She is know to have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD or Autism) which in some ways does affect her behavior. she can't pick up on metaphors straight away or if there is a social rule she doesn't know of involved in something. when she gets excited, she 'stims' by fanning her servos close to her face and bouncing. loud unexpected noises are her biggest issue. she cowers and covers her audio sensors when she hears a noise that overwhelms her. music at a certain volume, car revving and jet engines are completely fine. but sirens and chatter are a no. she's clever and intelligent and can pick up on certain patterns (like how a building might be structured). she's also a very good puzzle solver. she can't make decisions quickly so she often needs time to think. she always puts other needs before her own, which has lead her into trouble in the past. sometimes she puts on a childish demeanor to see if she can trust someone. she's also super fidgety. she's very creative. she loves drawing and designing and music. to break up her creative subjects in her education, she took chemistry which allows her to solve more issues. she can make links to other things but sometimes she makes mistakes. she is also very difficult to alterations in a routine that she always has to stick to and has issues concertinaing more that what should be required. overall, she's someone who just want others to be happy, even if it means she'll be in danger herself. stats: Strength:6 Intelligence:9 Speed:3 Endurance:8 Rank:6 Courage:3 Firepower:5 Skill:4 Armor:1 weapons: -the 'Bellona' a light machete which she can use in close combat or for throwing when needed. it's a very old sort of thing, but she treasures it dearly as it was the first weapons she designed entirely. she even decorated it herself. she named it after the roman goddess of the chaos of war. the blade is lilac purple hard light and the handle is purple metal with magenta decals. - the 'Mars' a small dagger for emergencies. it's more like an army knife in how it retracts into the handle, so she uses it for when she needs to escape from something. she named it after the roman god of war. the blade is silver metal and the handle is purple metal with magenta decals - the 'Chataan' named after Typhoon Chataan, this is her blaster which transforms to her right hip or in her 'backpack'. she uses it occasionally since she prefers the 'Bellona', but she has it around. of course she locks it away unless it's absolutely necessary. it only fires two bullets at the same time in the barrel.   - the 'Halong' a wepon she's very rarely used. the blaster transforms to her left hip or in her backpack and can fire 6 bullets in the barrel. it's named after the typhoon that came one week after Chataan. it's heavy for her arm and too much fire power for her. thus she doesn't use it unless she needs to. - intelligence be very careful around jolt drive. her mid is as deadly as her weapons. she can recognize facial expressions and body language which can tell her if someone is lying. - her pigtails if jolt swings her pigtails hard enough, they can hit someone. back story: Jolt drive was forged/born into a normal cybertronain family. she had a loving sire and carrier and younger brother. her extended family loved her too. they supported her a lot in her younger years. as time grew on she found out about her diagnosis of autism and how people also on the spectrum were being treated. She wanted that discrimination to end so she decided to take up a career that would make her famous to stop this stigma. Balancing her studies, she took up music and became an Iacon sensation. She was also a great student at the Iacon academy of arts. She studied design courses, taking up chemistry to balance out her creative studies. She was going well until an arson attack during a meeting she was attending would stop her in her tracks. She got caught under rubble which knocked her unconscious. she was saved from the incident by a bot named Mirage, who carried her outside and handed her over to the medics. the medics who arrived on scene where ratchet and his young apprentice, airborne. airborne saved jolt's life and befriended her. jolt also befriended mirage, wanting to know the person who saved her from the rubble. jolt and airborne, with mirage's assistance decided to create a safe place for bots with disabilities or who were looked down upon by society, since airborne also has autism. from there they ran into clawmark, a predacon wolf femme who hated hiding with her clan and wanted to break free. clawmark was also born very premature and is scared of what others might think. then from there they met sharpend, a talented artist who is struggling with people constantly bombarding her with request which doesn't make her feel safe, electric shock, another autistic femme and charge up, a femme who needs hearing aid due to her partial deafness. the group called themselves the Tibetan mastiffs and formed the core mastiffs, the leaders, when new members started to come forward. jolt drive continued her musician career when she was all healed. that was short lived though. soon the war came and Iacon put a ban on entertainment in fears of propaganda spreading. without having a source of income to help keep stuff running in the mastiffs and energon on the planet running low, they had no choice but to flee. the mastiffs, and jolt drive, fled cybertron to a different planet occupied by other neutrals. there, they settled and jolt started up her career again, until fate started to march back in. they were going to be discovered by undercover Iacon agents when the planet they were on was going to collide with a larger one. jolt drive and her friends fled to earth in their ships as a fleet. from there, they met the autobots when they landed despite being neutral, the young group decided to have an alliance with the autobots. at the time, this was before DotM. mirage, now known as Dino, started noticing Jolt and him had family members with similar names. upon further CNA testing, it was reveled Jolt and Dino were actually cousins. Dino cheered in joy and told jolt he will protect her. when the government began hunting all cybertronians, Dino cloned himself then fled with Jolt and the Mastiffs to Europe, where they now reside. and jolt, as a bonus, sparked up a music carrer in her holoform, under the stage name "Janice Neon". extra: - she is a cancer (zodiac) - her 'birthday' in human time is 20th of July - her birthstone is a ruby - she refuses to talk to abelists - she loves magical girl animes and wants to become a magical girl - her favorite musicians are Krewella, Mitchie m and Livetune - she has a cybertronian form of Raynaurd's syndrome, thus she dislike the cold - she sounds a bit childish. - with her autism, she has echolalia, in which she will repeat a phrase she's heard from a TV show, Movie, video game, someone else, or what she said.

5th movie:

Name: Jolt Drive nicknames: Jolt, J.D, stardust, princess, kid (hates that name), kiddo (hates that name), Jojo (don't call her that, she hates it), Mia Stella (only Dino calls her that) faction: neutral (Tibetan mastiff) age: late teens aprox. gender: femme alt. mode: 2017 Corvette Z06 C7 family: Linear range (younger brother), Timewarp (carrier/mother), Wrecktrain (sire/father), Mirage/dino (cousin) theme song: "Fortune" - Krewella personality: despite her young age, jolt drive is incredibly intelligent. having to survive on her own, she has mastered various skills which have helped her not only live, but fight. jolt drive doesn't trust anyone much, mostly due to the government on cybertron's threats towards her. she's always very cautious and wants nothing to do with anyone else. if she does end up trusting you, she's helpful and kind. she never ditches anyone she trust so she usually expects the same. she's been taught to believe in fairness. if you do something for her, she'll do something for you. she's not quite mature yet, and acts like a stubborn teenager sometimes, but her innocence is still there, somewhere. she isn't too easy to open up but if you've gained her trust, she'll start talking. her main goal is survival and will stop at nothing to live. once she's your friend, she gets clingy and protective since she doesn't want to loose you like she lost her friends. stats: Strength:6 Intelligence:9 Speed:3 Endurance:8 Rank:6 Courage:3 Firepower:5 Skill:4 Armor:1 weapons: -the 'Bellona' a light machete which she can use in close combat or for throwing when needed. it's a very old sort of thing, but she treasures it dearly as it was the first weapons she designed entirely. she even decorated it herself. she named it after the roman goddess of the chaos of war. the blade is lilac purple hard light and the handle is purple metal with magenta decals. - the 'Mars' a small dagger for emergencies. it's more like an army knife in how it retracts into the handle, so she uses it for when she needs to escape from something. she named it after the roman god of war. the blade is silver metal and the handle is purple metal with magenta decals - the 'Chataan' named after Typhoon Chataan, this is her blaster which transforms to her right hip or in her 'backpack'. she uses it occasionally since she prefers the 'Bellona', but she has it around. of course she locks it away unless it's absolutely necessary. it only fires two bullets at the same time in the barrel.   - the 'Halong' a weapon she's very rarely used. the blaster transforms to her left hip or in her backpack and can fire 6 bullets in the barrel. it's named after the typhoon that came one week after Chataan. it's heavy for her arm and too much fire power for her. thus she doesn't use it unless she needs to. - intelligence be very careful around jolt drive. her mid is as deadly as her weapons. she can recognize facial expressions and body language which can tell her if someone is lying. - her pigtails if jolt swings her pigtails hard enough, they can hit someone. Backstory: Jolt drive was forged/born into a normal cybertronain family. she had a loving sire and carrier and younger brother. her extended family loved her too. they supported her a lot in her younger years. as time grew on she found out about her diagnosis of autism and how people also on the spectrum were being treated. She wanted that discrimination to end so she decided to take up a career that would make her famous to stop this stigma. Balancing her studies, she took up music and became an Iacon sensation. She was also a great student at the Iacon academy of arts. She studied design courses, taking up chemistry to balance out her creative studies. She was going well until an arson attack during a meeting she was attending would stop her in her tracks. She got caught under rubble which knocked her unconscious. she was saved from the incident by a bot named Mirage, who carried her outside and handed her over to the medics. the medics who arrived on scene where ratchet and his young apprentice, airborne. airborne saved jolt's life and befriended her. jolt also befriended mirage, wanting to know the person who saved her from the rubble. jolt and airborne, with mirage's assistance decided to create a safe place for bots with disabilities or who were looked down upon by society, since airborne also has autism. from there they ran into clawmark, a predacon wolf femme who hated hiding with her clan and wanted to break free. clawmark was also born very premature and is scared of what others might think. then from there they met sharpend, a talented artist who is struggling with people constantly bombarding her with request which doesn't make her feel safe, electric shock, another autistic femme and charge up, a femme who needs hearing aid due to her partial deafness. the group called themselves the Tibetan mastiffs and formed the core mastiffs, the leaders, when new members started to come forward. jolt drive continued her musician career when she was all healed. that was short lived though. soon the war came and Iacon put a ban on entertainment in fears of propaganda spreading. without having a source of income to help keep stuff running in the mastiffs and energon on the planet running low, they had no choice but to flee. the mastiffs, and jolt drive, fled cybertron to a different planet occupied by other neutrals. there, they settled and jolt started up her career again, until fate started to march back in. they were going to be discovered by undercover Iacon agents when the planet they were on was going to collide with a larger one. jolt flea to her ship but a malfunction occurred in which it locked early and no one else could get on board. trying to figure out how to get the locks to open again, she accidentally set a course for earth, stranding her friends. the distance put her in stasis before she crashed onto earth. upon arriving, she was greeted by Mirage, who now went by Dino, and Hot rod. the two of them, with Dino knowing jolt drive, helped nurse her to health. in which Dino and jolt drive started noticing some facial features looked similar on both of them. jolt's ship had a CNA test lab for her friend airborne. with Hot Rod's knowledge of how to operate it, the two found out they were actually cousins. with this knowledge, Dino vowed to not let any decepticons touch jolt, even though she was a neutral. Dino and Jolt drive at one stage during their stay with Hot Rod, started joining protests and riots against people who said that transformers were illegal, under holoform disguises. jolt's holoform wore a gas mask as she used the same holoform to express her music career as a pop star. Jolt drive missed having the fame on cybertron, thus sparked a career on earth, going under the stage name of "Janice Neon". she when asked Dino how he survived the whole hunting thing she was hearing about, Dino explained he cloned himself, let that clone be killed, and fled to Europe. Dino and Jolt hid during the events of last knight, with Hot Rod's assistance. Hot Rod and Jolt had a strong bond as friends, since Jolt believed she had lost her friends in the planetary collision, which plunged her into grief when she first arrived, which had her change her tone from a lilac to dark purple. even though she has gone int acceptance, she still keeps this paint so she isn't easily seen. her and Dino run a secret service for hiding autobots, helping them hid and keeping them alive in exchange for energon and shelter. after the events of the Last Knight, Jolt and Dino aren't ready to go back to cybertron yet as they still want things to be right on earth, unaware of the lurking danger still on, well in, earth. extras: - she's autistic - she has a cybertronian form of raynaurds syndrome, thus she hate the cold - she sounds a bit childish. - with her autism, she has echolalia, in which she will repeat a phrase she's heard from a TV show, Movie, video game, someone else, or what she said. - she is a cancer (zodiac) - her 'birthday' in human time is 20th of July - her birthstone is a ruby - she refuses to talk to abelists - she loves magical girl animes and wants to become a magical girl - her favorite musicians are Krewella, Mitchie m and Livetune

To Do or Not To Do?

Do you think that substance abuse occurs on a continuum?  Or do you think there are fundamentally different characteristics that separate substance use from substance abuse or addiction?

Hell yes, I believe a continuum exists. But before I support my statement, we need to describe/identify the difference between a person who has abuses drugs and a person who does not abuse drugs. If a person can continue a healthy lifestyle, have healthy social relationships, is not causing themselves financial hardship, and does not become ill from their usage, then I would list them as a “recreational user”. This label can change very quickly to that of “drug abuser or addict”. Let me give you a personal example.

I grew up in a small town in Iowa. Everyone was friends with everyone, but I was lucky enough to have a best friend for over 50 years from this small Iowa town. We did everything together until we were teenagers. Then my friend started dating and before I knew it, she was married and with child. In the 1970”s, it was very common for people to get married at a young age. Well, it wasn’t for me. As with most people, we each got on with our life.  Fast forward eight years and my friend returns to small town Iowa with two children and no husband. I didn’t care: my friend was back and I was happy. She and I and the children get a place together and everything was going well and then my friend explains that she needs more privacy so she has rented an apartment for herself and the children. I understand and support her.

One day you realize your friend has been acting strange for quite a while. She's hanging around with a different group of people.  Previously her friends were people she went to school with or worked with.  Now her  friends do not seem to be employed or  go to school. I noticed  she was missing a lot of work . You tried to talk to her but she's too fidgety to pay attention to you.  Then you notice how her appearance has changed.  She used to be so proud of how she looks, never a hair out of place.  Now she had a disheveled look about her and she has lost a significant amount of weight. Then one day you get a phone call that she wants to borrow money for rent. So I think to myself,  she never goes anywhere , and she never does anything with the kids,  then where does her money go.  But you're a good person and you've got extra cash and the children are involved so you loan her the money. A few days later at work , during a coffee break , you overhear some of the people talking about the different amounts of money they had loaned your friend but as of yet, there was no attempt at repayment.  If she doesn't have  money for her rent, does she have money to feed her two children?  So you go to her house before she gets off work to check on the children and see that there's very little food and the children are fending for themselves. To make a long story short ,  we converse about the situation and we decide it would be best for me to take the children home with me until the situation changes. The children come home with me, I get them registered in school and I happily raise these two beautiful children.

After a few years, information is received concerning their mother. Your friend is getting married and would like to repair the relationship with the children because she wants to get custody of them. The court returns the children to her and within 24 hours, you receive a call from the kids because “mommy is chasing the new husband down the street with a gun”. The children were back with me within two hours.  Throughout all this you continually tell her how important she is, how much she means to you, that you love her and that you're proud of her. And you do love her, you love her with all your heart but it never really seems to get better. The battle goes on for most of your life. Over time, you have learned to accept your friend but you do not trust her. The kids grow up and start families of their own. Your friend moves in with you so you can look out for her.  She does so well. She went for six years without a drink. It’s so nice to have your friend back. Then it happens: you find vodka hidden in your house. When will it end? It ended in a few days, when your daughter came in and found her deceased in her bed. Your daughter yells for you and you run in the room, where you see your friend. I then performed CPR until the paramedics arrived. Nothing I did seemed to help. She’s dead and I’m angry, heart broken, and my daughter is traumatized.  NO. NO, NO, this can’t be happening. Her daughter is getting married in 48 hours. Don’t you dare do this to her. Wake up! She is staying with you and you have been monitoring her behavior. She had stopped drinking for six years so why had she started again? But the damage was done from years and years of drinking and drugs.  You tried everything you could to fix  what was missing but nothing seemed to work.  You don't even know what was broken or if it could be fixed.  All you know is that choices that were made had a profound effect on so many people in so many ways and we're left but no answers, only questions .

This doesn't have to happen to everyone. Regular drug users do not have to progress to more harmful substances. They may be able to limit their use so that that   they are not harmed by the substance , such as drinking in moderation. Most people who consume alcohol or take drugs do not have the adverse effects and are able to stop using if they want to .

It's when a person begins to compulsively use a substance/alcohol and negative effects associated with withdrawals occur, that we should be worried. The repeated abuse of a substance is now having an effect on the person's health, social status, relationships, finances and emotional well-being. Their bodies have undergone significant chemical changes and now they require use of the drug in order to avoid the painful symptoms of abstinence. People in this stage are unable to control their drug use and they are preoccupied with the drug. It is at this stage that they may become violent, depressed,  anxious, and physically ill when they no longer have the drug.

You may not realize it but I have just discussed the continuum stages in the life of an addict ( Darare, R.,  2018).  Let me be more specific:

1. Non-use is the stage when a person makes a decision not to take the substances. This could be for personal ,health or cultural reasons.  whatever the reason,  kudos to them.

2. Experimental drug use is when the person begins to explore the world of substance abuse.  They are have limited exposure and there's no development of regular use. disconnect her because the person is curious about the drug or they may be being pressured like your friends to indulge.

3. Recreational or social use is a casual use of a drug. This experience maybe like a music event or a social event are going to a bar. The person may drink alcohol in a social setting and take cocaine sometimes or smoke marijuana sometimes but they don't do it all the time , In other words ,they need certain elements such as music or certain people to partake with.

4. The regular use of a substance is a frequent and pattern shipped occasional do a regular pattern abuse. this is when you going to notice the changes in person because the drugs are going to adversely affect them and it's going to become a parent in their appearance

5. Dependent use is  when a person compulsively uses a drug and as a result experiences the negative effects of withdrawals . These people are living on the edge.  All they do is think about where they're going to get their next fix.  They've spent all their money, they may be homeless, they sold everything they had, many turn to illegal activities to finance their habit. They become depressed, physically ill, and often violent .

These stages in my continuum do not necessarily go from one stage to the other stage. Some people will remain experimental. Some people are non-users for a lifetime.  Some people skip stages and become dependent users early in their drug use. This epedemic is not improving ( Darare).

The cost in dollars is astronomical In the United States.  Prescription opioid abuse is the most significant health problem in the United States. In addition, it is a health problem among pregnant women.  From 1992 to 2012, admissions for prescription opioid abuse increased from 2% to 28%, particularly in the south. Demographic characteristics of these pregnant opioid abusers also changed to younger, married, white, non-hispanic women, criminal justice referrals, and those with a psychiatric morbidity becoming more common. We need to see an increase in treatment centers that address the needs of these risk groups of people. It would be beneficial to include medically assisted treatment for this crisis.

According to the National Institute of drug abuse, economic estimates indicate that due to the consequences of drug abuse, 20% of the federal budget is used in this battle          ( Birnbaum, H., et al, 2011). Drug use is also correlated with crime, making the drug issue one of public health and safety. The abuse of tobacco, alcohol, prescription, and illegal drugs is economically taxing to the United States, costing approximately 137 billion in direct health care expenses . Cost estimates that include crime and lost work productivity balloon to over 600 billion dollars.

71% of Americans drink some sort of alcoholic beverage in the last year. Nearly 223 billion dollars in health care costs and lost productivity are attributed to alcohol use disorders. Alcohol related deaths are the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States: nearly 88,000 people die each year from alcohol-related causes.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and prevention,  every day in the United States, 114 people died as a result of a drug overdose and another 6748 are treated in emergency rooms for the misuse or abuse of drugs. Nearly nine out of 10 poisoning deaths are caused by drugs.(Birnbaum).

Now let's talk about lost workplace productivity.  This loss in productivity is estimated at 25.6 billion dollars in costs.  We can further break the costs to:

-  11.2 billion dollars due to premature death

-  7.9 billion dollars in lost wages

-  20 billion dollars  in treatment cost

-  1.8 billion dollars in medically-related absenteeism

-  2 billion in incarceration costs

-  Over eight hundred million dollars in excess disability

Specifically, employees with opioid abuse accounted for 64.5% and 90.1% of excess medically-related absenteeism and disability cost .( Martin, C. et al, 2014).

Then we have the health care cost.  These are somewhere over 25 billion dollars. Opioid abuse patients account for 92% of these cost.

Substance abuse treatment are 1.1 billion dollars.

Prevention abuse treatment cost 85 million dollars last year.

 69 million dollars was spent on research for effective substance abuse treatment.

We also have to remember that cost of the Criminal Justice System. Last year's tally was 5.1 billion dollars.This money was spent on: 

1. correctional facility cost

2. police protection

3. legal cost

4. lost property due to crimes committed by the addicts.

Causes of Preventable Deaths in the U.S. (2011)

This is not an over exaggeration (National institute on Drug Abuse.(n.d.). NIDA InfoFacts: The science of drug abuse and addiction. http://www.drugabuse.gov/).

The media is not blowing this problem out of proportion. Perhaps this problem has been under-reported. No one wants to believe the epidemic problem of drug abuse. People do not want to believe that this problem is in their neighborhood, that their children are susceptible to it. It is no longer a disease of the poor.  All of these contributing factors make it difficult to see a silver lining. We’d  like to hear that there is hope around the corner. We want to believe they are friends or family that are afflicted with this order can be cured. We want to believe that this is not going to happen to our family.  We want our fantasies to come true. I want a world where there is no need to use drugs,  where we are happy and do not need anything to enhance our mood,  non-addictive pain medication is developed, cancer is curable and alzheimer's disease does not exist. But that is not life.

Resources

Darare, D., The complex nature of abused substances and getting help for addiction, Journal of Positive Psychology, (2018), 4(8), 136-140.

Birnbaum, H., Whire, A., Cleveland, J., and Roland, C. (2011), Societal costs of prescription opioid abuse, dependence, and misuse in the United States, Pain Medication, 12(4), 657- 667.

Martin, C., Longinaker, N., & Terplan, M., (2014), Recent trends in treatment admissions for prescription opioid abuse during pregnancy. Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment,

(2015), 48(1), 37- 42.

National Institute on Drug Abuse. (n.d.). NIDA Infofacts: The Science of Drug Abuse and Addction. http://www.drugabuse,gov/.