#it's been ruining my mental health for a few days now ❤️ i think I'll have to make an appointment with my psychiatrist ❤️ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

morallyinept · 7 months

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HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE! 🖤

How has your week been, lovelies?

My week started off with a touch of a cold, but thankfully hasn't developed into the flu or anything. One of the things I really can't stand most, is that feeling of being all bunged up in your face - bleurgh. Just no thank you ✋🏻

Otherwise, it's been all systems go as usual on the Jett plane. ✈️ Busy with work, busy with friends and busy with writing! 🥵

So Jack, let's crack that whip n' get into this week's whip round, sugar. Yeehaw!

Catch up on last week here, sugar.

☆ Things I've posted this week

Five Days - Chapter 3 - We're starting to get into the meat of this Joel Miller story a bit now and I'm so thankful for all of you that read, re-blog and leave comments on this. I am so glad you're all enjoying it!

Polynesian Kiss - One Shot - My first time writing for Max Phillips which was super fun! 🩸

Ring Toss - One Shot - Donuts & Frankie? Always a tasty treat. Inspired by the awesome & lovely @secretelephanttattoo and her Doughnut Debauchery Marcus Pike Fic. 🍩

Clickbait - Joel Miller GIFLET. I went over 500 words on this one, and I'm not sorry.

Cuts Like Glass - Dave York GIFLET. I'm considering expanding on this one... got a few ideas brewing in the ol' noggin for Dave. 😏

Ezra Ask - My lovely @sweetenerobert was putting ideas into my head first thing on Monday morning, and this quick drabble was the result. 🥵

Lazy Sunday Frankie Vibes HCs - This pic of Pedro from the La Vanguardia shoot, got me thinking some hot Frankie thots... 🔥

I also had some spicy Frankie thots on this awesome post by @rebel-held too. 🖤 Frankie Friday messed me up this week! 🫠

This week's Self-Care with Dieter & Jett focused on Sexual Expression & Repression. And we had World Mental Health Day on Tuesday. 🌍🧠❤️

Phew! It's been a busy week! 🥵

☆ Things I'm currently working on

• Editing the final draft of my Halloween fic to drop on Oct 31st. I'm excited for this one!

• Working on some more GIFLETS as always.

• A fair few one shot drafts that I've always got brewing. Have finished editing a Marcus Pike one shot that I'll probably post next week.

☆ Things I've read this week

My Favourite Fic Recs List hasn't been updated yet this week yet as I've been busy with other things, however all these stories below, and more, will added next week. 👇🏻

A few fics that stood out in particular that I read this week were:

Mystery Strain - @rebel-held I really enjoyed this alternative take on a sex pollen troupe from Rebel's Kinktober prompts, and may now also have a thing for Dieter's big, soft belly after reading this. 🤭

For You I Would Ruin Myself - @thelightsandtheroses Sticking with Dieter, this was a great emotionally charged story, and I love how Dieter was written in this. As much as I love reading smut (who doesn't?), I also really love stories where you are pulled into the inner workings of a character's emotions and thoughts, and sex isn't the main plot point, and this story really impressed me by doing that. Deffo recommend. 👍🏻

Behind Closed Doors - @sweetenerobert Where do I even start?! This was just utterly delicious and debauched. I had so much vivid imagery in my head reading this that a cold shower was needed afterwards, let me tell you. This was such a super hot read and I am so here for it! 🥵

Private & Confidential - @sin-djarin Becca has created the start of something truly wonderful here, I just know it. My Agent Pike senses are tingling to see where this story goes. You should totally check it out too. 🖤

50 - @linzels-blog This was a fic I really enjoyed this week, and I highly recommend it if you're looking for non-age gap fics specifically. It was utterly wonderful and features our favourite pilot, Frankie. 😍

In Another Life - @chronically-ghosted This beautiful Frankie story moved me. The way Taylor writes moves me. I am still thinking about this story and will read it over again. I urge you too also. You're really missing out on something utterly spectacular if you don't. 🖤

I Might Kill My Ex - @beskarandblasters This was such a fun, twisted little tale inspired by the song by Sza, about Joel, and I loved every second of this. It was super hot, and I really liked all the twisty turns this took me through. Deffo a must read. ☝🏻

☆ What have I been watching/listening to this week?

🎃 As it's spooky season, I watched a couple of horror films this week.

I rewatched Evil Dead Rise. I am a lover of the original films with Bruce 'The Chin' Campbell, but the remakes are quite good, particularly this one, I thought. I'm partial to a good horror film and it's been a while since I watched one that made me cringe and recoil at the gore. (The cheese grater scene, if you know, you know! 😬🫣)

Also rewatched both Scream and 30 Days Of Night this week too. Classics, IMO. 👍🏻

I'm looking forward to watching Talk To Me when that comes out on streaming too. The trailer looked fab.

Earworms of the week:

I just love Ronnie Radke's version of this Papa Roach original! I imagine it playing to the backdrop of an epic sex scene in a movie or something...

☆ What have I been up to this week?

Aside from the usual humdrum of work, I went on another short hike yesterday. Always good to get out and stretch the ol' legs.

A very good friend of mine cooked me a wonderful meal this week too when I visited them for a catch up. If you feed me, you can guarantee I will absolutely be your friend forever. 😀

As always, thanks to all those who have DM'd and sent Asks. It's so much fun getting to know you all! 🖤

Well, that was pretty much this week all whipped up in a nutshell! I hope you've all had a great week and are enjoying yourself this weekend too.🤘🏻

Stay kind & stay creamy 🖤

🖤

#jett's weekly whip round #agent whiskey #agent whiskey jack daniels #whiskey jack daniels #agent whiskey kingsman #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #jett's pedro boys #jett's writing #jett's giflets #ezra prospect #dieter bravo #joel miller #fic recs #jett's fics recs #jett has spoken #Spotify

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hotforharrison · 3 months

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Hi! I want to hug you so bad!

(If anything, English is not my first language, but I hope it will be understandable, everything I write with the help of a translator).

Good for you for speaking up! You don't have to keep all the pain inside. It only hurts us more and also the feelings in our heads keep pressing on us even longer. I'll be honest! I have always been overweight myself. I'm not good with English weight meanings, but google says 200 pounds fits what I mean. And I weighed that in my teenage years because of family and school problems. I thought I could never change. I thought really horrible things. I really thought that death was the best way out. I might have weighed more, but at some point I stopped getting on the scale. I wish I could say that something universal helped me in the end, something that could help you quickly too! But it was more of a moment of acceptance. I realized that I was hurting myself. That all these thoughts were ruining me. I wanted to be happy and healthy! And you know what? You're realizing it, too, and that's a huge step forward. And the important thing is to remember that. There will be good days and there will be bad days. That's normal! But gradually things will change. It took me a couple of years to lose the weight, and it took me a few more years to figure out a little bit about myself and my problems, including my food problems. And maybe the help of a psychologist is what you need most right now.

It's also important for you to recover from injury and surgery. This will take even more time. But don't berate yourself and your body! It's a lot of stress for him and trust me! He's working very hard to recover. And you should be grateful to your body. One day things will go faster. You'll see! Just give yourself time. I know you want the best here and now, but when we've been eating and hurting ourselves for years at first without realizing it, and wanting to fix things quickly isn't going to work.

And about your husband. Honey, I'm probably not the best person to help you with that, and I'm sorry. I can imagine how hard it is, being together for so many years and in an open marriage, but still at some point to realize that you are not so important anymore. I'm really sorry, honey. I think you're realizing it yourself and you know what will happen in the end. Again, it's the realization and acceptance that counts. It's going to hurt, darling. But time heals everything. Your attachment to your husband now is more a fact of your habit and the bargaining constancy you're used to. And change is always stressful. But whatever happens in the end, everything will be all right. You're going to get through this! And you will achieve your goals. Step by step, everything will be fine. You can do it, I believe in you ❤️

Thank you so much!

Your words are completely understandable and clear! I wouldn't have guessed your first language wasn't English.

I don't keep them completely inside. I do talk to my bestie about all these things (I met her on Tumblr over 4 years ago, and she's the best -- @skymoonandstardust )

I also have a counselor who I talk to, including about my disordered eating and relationship with food, but I've had some trouble getting sessions with her over the past couple of months. She's always booked pretty far out, and the last few sessions have been canceled due to the counseling center scheduling an appointment wrong (seeing both the marriage counselor and my solo session on the same day, which no one mentioned most insurances won't allow), then a massive power outage, then severe weather, then she had a family emergency and had to reschedule her appointments a few more weeks out. I hopefully have another session on Monday, if nothing happens to cancel it.

I'm sorry you went through all that with your weight and mental health issues, but I'm so glad you were able to work through it and that things got better for you! Being happy and healthy is so important.

I lost a lot of weight (around 80 lbs) my first year of college when I was 19. I was very active, both walking everyday and hitting the gym at least 3-4 times a week. I didn't count calories, but I did eat sensibly. The only problem with that was that the weight loss was entirely for my first... partner, I guess I could call him. It was a really messed up situation. I moved to be with him, minus all the weight. He hadn't seen me in a year, and he didn't comment on my weight loss at all. That hurt a lot after I worked so hard.

I'm losing the weight for me this time -- a good portion of which is for my health.

I had to do a pre-op complete metabolic panel for my ankle surgery back in January. There's a range in fasting blood sugar levels that indicates prediabetes, and I was 1 into that threshold, out of I think 26 -- something like 101 when the range was 100-126. Diabetes runs in my family, and a genetic test I had done several years ago indicated I was much more likely to develop type 2 diabetes than the average person.

There is the dating component, too, but the weight loss isn't for my future boyfriend (hopefully) so he'll think I'm hot or whatever. It's so I can be comfortable in my own skin. I'm obviously not going to be ready for a relationship if I don't want to be naked in front of anyone else because of my own intense insecurities.

I've also amassed a box full of clothes in my goal clothing size that I bought on clearance that I'd very much like to wear. I used to wear men's fandom shirts, like Marvel, and men's athletic pants pretty much exclusively. I felt terrible about myself, and it reflected in my appearance. I learned over some time that I feel much better about myself when I dress in feminine clothes that make me feel pretty, which I do also have in my current size.

I know didn't gain all the weight overnight, and I'm not going to lose it overnight either as much as I'd like to. Patience is definitely difficult with as much as I want to meet my goals, but I know it is important. I'm not going to help future me at all if I rush things and don't allow my body to heal like it needs to. I'm going to begrudgingly listen to my doctor and physical therapist and not push things.

The prospect of divorce is particularly hard for me because my husband was my first boyfriend, first legitimate actual relationship where I wasn't a dirty little secret. He's been my only real relationship, and the only person I've ever loved romantically.

I had a "boyfriend" in 2016 when we hadn't been polyamorous for long, but I use the term "boyfriend" loosely. The relationship was very short lived and more wishful thinking on my part because of being new to polyamory and wanting to have a boyfriend in the general sense of having one. We weren't very compatible. He was just the first guy who showed interest in me, and I went with that.

I know salvaging my marriage is likely the same sort of wishful thinking as well, and I realize that more some times than others, but I'm not ready to completely give up yet. It hurts too much right now. Just thinking about it leaves me in tears.

I think it's part of why I've been writing one of my fics again -- to escape from the reality of my marriage and imagine being in love again, when my heart fluttered and was full of joy and there were shared smiles and laughter and inside jokes and nothing was forced, instead of this aching in my chest with what I desperately wish was a premature sense of loss and grief, and profound loneliness that doesn't go away even when we're together, and trying to somehow recapture what used to be there between us when I just don't know how to accomplish that, and the only thing that seems to be left now is denial and a stream of tears that never fully dries up.

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