re: learned helplessness post // (please know i am not intending rudeness)

the problem isnt that these people need specific instructions, its that they (for lack of kinder terms) make things harder for themselves, and also that instead of asking someone who can help them in person, they just quit and blame the online recipe. the blame of the online recipe is where the helplessness part comes in

to use the boiled egg ex., most recipes or guides online actually *do* tell you that you need a pot big enough for the amount of eggs, enough water just to cover them, and to set the stove on high until the water boils. there are specific instructions. asking what temperature to set the stove to needs only a follow-up "what temp does water boil" google search to know that water boils at 212F/100C

the point of "learned helplessness" (i do agree the term has become watered down from its actual meaning) is to frustrate the person helping you into just doing it for you, or to convince them youre too incompetent to do it and, again, do it for you

as someone who also genuinely stalls and gets overwhelmed when i dont have a specific process lined out and practiced, there comes a point where you do need to help yourself. ask to be shown specificly in real life how to do something. watch a how-to video if thats not an option. instead of just giving up and deciding not to do it because its scary and new (/not mean)

in conclusion i am not intending any snide tone or sarcasm or meanness or anything so please dont think that i am attacking you or your brother. that post is specifically about people who are unwilling to find a way to do the things they need to do, not people that need help in general

hey, thanks for such a respectful message and adding to the discussion! its really interesting hearing these different perspectives

i guess in the end we dont personally know the people in the screenshots. are they demonstrating learned helplessness? or are they simply venting a frustration that they experience in their day to day lives as a disabled person? i know in the end they chose to post those things online, instead of googling solutions or connecting with other people privately to find solutions, but i guess in the end we dont know who they are, what support networks they have/who they can reach out to, or if they're using the boiling egg as a vague example to demonstrate that some tasks arent as simple as abled people find them! and for the record, i have had my fair share of online recipes that really vaguely say "add a splash of" "use a generous amount of" and other really vague instructions, so i guess its a luck of a draw on what recipe you find haha!

but in the same vain i do see where you're coming from. i think it's important for people to challenge themselves. someone i know also has troubles doing "simple" tasks like boiling an egg, and they explained that they have learned to challenge themselves with these tasks, and overcomign the anxiety of fucking it up. and theyve fucked up a lot trying to heat frozen meals, or making toast, and like, its shit cuz it costs additional money cuz youve burnt the food and can no longer eat it, but if you are able to afford to make those mistakes, then yeah, go for it. especially if theres no financial consequence, i think its really important to self-evaluate, find your threshold, understand yourself and your limits, and push yourself in that compassionate way. like with my ADHD, i definitely dont do the "i have this thing, oh well guess im just doomed to do [symptom] forever". i try to approach it with "maybe i cant do all 10 tasks ive been putting off doing all in one day, but im going to make it a goal to do at least one today" "im going to forget and be overwhelmed, so im going to set 5 different alarms 5 mins after each other to remind me" doing things like that to set yourself up for success.

so in that sense, yeah, i definitely agree that it benefits when people challenge themselves, in ways that are practical. i do admit my brother for example struggles with confidence, but he also has some personality difficulties where he feels the world owes him. he definitely demonstrates learned helplessness in some aspects.

and i think my brain just went on a tangent, because i was mainly getting heated at the comments on the post, wehre people were being downright ableist and shitty. and i think i just see this rhetoric way too much, where when someone genuinely struggles with something, it's generally met with a "haha! how can you find that difficult? thats so easy!" and that always rubs me the wrong way. i interpreted the screenshots as the people talking about finding it difficult to boil an egg as them trying to provide insight into the idea that something seemingly so simple is actually really complex for some people.

but anywaayyy, as i said in the end we dont know who these people are, or their intention, but i personally interpreted them as just being very candid in explaining their struggle. and maybe, yeah, they could learn to take risks and attempt to boil an egg instead of talking about how much they cant do it to the online sphere, but i know i dont know the context, and therefore dont wanna make assumptions