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hotchs-bitch · 2 years

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Hello hello! In honour my brain kicking into gear and letting me actually write stuff, I’ve officially started to make headway on…. 🥁🥁 part 2 of the Breaking Up Slowly trilogy.

It’s not a super popular work but it’s one of my favourite things that I’ve written, and if you’re a fan of it I hope you enjoy the ride that I’m about to take these poor bastards on <3

To inspire me (and to give you a little taste of angst), please enjoy a teaser for Part 2- Love You Anymore

It’s been nearly two years since the beginning of the end; shouldn’t it be done hurting by now? Shouldn’t it have… well, ended?

Okay, so maybe that isn’t completely fair. You hurt a little less now than you did after that weekend, the one where you walked away from a less-than-perfect life with the perfect man.

That doesn’t mean you’ve healed, though. For the most part, you’re fine. You go out with your new coworkers, you go for walks around the park near your apartment two or three times a week, you’ve gone on a few dates that ended in nothing except you dodging calls the next day. For the most part you’re fine, just like you knew you eventually would be.

Missing Aaron and Jack is in the little things. It hits you the hardest on sunny mornings when you take your coffee out onto the terrace, remembering when that was a tradition you held with Aaron. You see Jack’s face in every laughing little boy at the park, and you see Aaron’s in every staunch businessman at the bar who obviously doesn’t want to be there.

You go grocery shopping and find yourself reaching for Aaron’s favourite brand of chips, or the chocolate chips you used for the pancakes Jack begged you to make on the weekends. You’re fine, you’re alright, until you’re standing in the baking aisle of Walmart with memories flooding you and tears begging to be spilled.

It’s hard to believe it’s over, even all this time later. Nearly two years, and you can’t even see an ad for Rolexes online without thinking about your ex. Pathetic.

You haven’t been to your favourite coffee shop in years; not since the day Aaron bought breakfast from there, brought you flowers, and you retaliated by breaking your own heart. It’s hard not to wonder what could have been- what would have been, if you hadn’t done the selfless thing.

That’s become your new mantra. You did the selfless thing.

You did the right thing, the hard thing and walked away, leaving behind a family and a life and the best job you’ve ever had, and you did it for a reason. You did it for Aaron, and you have to remind yourself of that fact every time it gets hard to remember.

On the nights when grief hits you like a wave trying to drag you under, you bear it and hold onto the hope that he found the life he wanted, the one you left him to pursue.

Maybe by now he has a new girlfriend, and Jack has a mom who knows how he likes his sandwiches; crusts taken off, and shaped with the dinosaur cutter.

Maybe by now Aaron doesn’t remember your face, your voice, the way you held him whenever the nightmares got a little too real. The way you loved him and he loved you, and the way your devotion to each other was unwavering on the nights where neither of you felt worthy of any kind of love.

Maybe he’s doing just fine now, and you can’t quite decide how you feel about that idea, so you shove it down whenever it bubbles to the surface. It comes out of nowhere, despair slapping you across the face just because someone at work offers you a piece of Hawaiian pizza; Jack’s favourite.

Maybe they’re happy without you.

It’s an unspoken question that you don’t want answered

#hotch x reader angst #aaron hotchner x reader #< i suppose #500 words of internal angst rly #anyways validate this I’m begging #t writes #my writing #t’s blurbs

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