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#indifference always plays a role on how significant it is to suddenly now be insignificant to someone else
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#sometimes realizing you no longer like someone when theyre now far away is much too difficult to accept#it surprises me how much of the love i had for friends simply came undone and vanished the moment we parted ways#its a strange feeling. to stop loving someone#to grow indifferent to their lives#i think it bears a heavier feeling in my heart than having followed on opposite paths due to anger or misunderstanding#indifference always plays a role on how significant it is to suddenly now be insignificant to someone else#or to see a (once) loved one as more than just. one that exists#it hurts to know that i was probably not built for long term love#maybe there is something wrong with that statement#or maybe not#but its still strange at how this hollowness gnaws at me#why should i feel bad for something that isnt there anymore#i think maybe thats not really the right question#i think that. its not the mourning of what you lost#but of what you once held so dearly and now doesnt even seem to be able to grasp - no matter how hard you try#its not the item itself you mourn for#but the clear off-putting feeling of its absence through the memories of its presence in the past#like when something gathers up enough dust on a shelf#and once you take it out theres a mark of where it used to be#the only part of the shelf untouched by the layers of dust#now open to be filled again - yet never again with the same thing#i honestly dont know how to express this#ive just been thinking a Lot about this recently#maybe a couple of weeks by now#maybe it was proximity the only thing that held us together#and maybe it was our opposite thinking that entertained us#but did not necessarily mean we were friends because we liked each other or the knowledge we had available to share#maybe the proximity and every day life rotine just made ourselves relatable to one another. and that made a sort of connection#and there is still love in whatever this is#but the likeness of it all was just simply gone the minute they left
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