#in primary school especially i was like. 'must watch peer interactions so i can spot any traps that may lead to me being made fun of' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mntcoronet · 2 years

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"you have general anxiety, you are deficient in several things, and you may also have autism" local doctor states to me. referral for assessment and cognitive ball therapy pending, however

#maggles ramblings #i didn't know which mix of the two 'c b t' acronyms to use so i made my own. no balls will be undergoing therapy in my health plan though #ANYWAY !! due to the anxiety bit she knew i disliked unplanned change. so asked me if my interests were kinda narrow #and I'm like. absolutely. there are specific games n shows i like and that's all my brain knows or cares about at any given time #and she asked how good i am at picking up social cues. and i wasn't sure abt that one but i know ive always been more of a social observer #in primary school especially i was like. 'must watch peer interactions so i can spot any traps that may lead to me being made fun of'#like i didn't get why it happened; i just tried to observe and avoid what i could #and i still feel like i don't always Understand most of my peers. my best friends have always been the ones who also weren't great socially #bc with them there was never any 'secretly judging you/not interested in what ur saying/can tell this conversation isn't natural for u'#kind of vibe. idk it's tough like i feel like i am Some level of good at social interaction but also feel like im just pretending to Get It #and there's just. certain people who match my vibe and won't think im strange or too passionate about the things i like. those r my friends #but yea anyway she said some of it could be the anxiety but it was just! a relief honestly. to know that Maybe there's a reason for #how I've been feeling a lot. for a lot of. life i guess #+ even if it's not that and it Is just All Anxiety; it'd still be a relief knowing precisely how it's impacted my mindset for things #but like also it'd make sense to me if it was both. bc i do indeed get v nervous about not knowing How to Do certain social situations #in new situations i often plan what im gonna say and write notes bc if i don't know what to say or do i get overwhelmed and cry easily #but YEA it was just. cool hearing that I'm not just Completely unfounded in my suspicions about that yknow #afterwards even my dad said he's thought of it as a possiblity for years and I'm like WHY DIDN'T U TELL MEEEE #but anyway. day is being had

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