#in my good smutty vampire longfic??
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on the one hand, I haven't technically even written ten fics yet -- on the other, Snow In Crimson, Starlight In Gold (Explicit) is already over 250k words. So... here's a weird and appropriately humungous list for Choices International Fanworks Day!!
Top Ten Times I Made My Characters Cry in Starlight (ID Longfic)
(Snippets below the cut are all SFW)
10. Clements Girls Night (bc Nicole's ex sucks)
Nicole hiccuped a laugh between her tears.
‘Okay, I have ice cream,’ Harrison said, shutting the door to Nicole’s bedroom with his hip as a cream-coated pug came barrelling past his feet. ‘I have tissues, I have chocolate, I have Teddy the Pug, I have a very expensive looking bottle of 1998 Sassicaia Bolgheri, and Jennifer’s Body on DVD.’
Harrison let the jumble of items fall out of his arms and onto the bedcovers, scooping up Nicole’s dog so he could come and snuffle at her outstretched fingers.
‘All the ingredients we need for a good night in. My suggestion is we sit here and don’t move for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.’
9. The Venandis grieving as Cas spraypaints a portrait of their late friend Rory on the water tower
He’d always been smiling. Even up until the end.
It came together in small details, abstract, at first, until it snapped together and Delphine sank back against the railing with a quiet ‘oh’.
‘Cas,’ Delphine whispered, one hand to her mouth. ‘That’s really— fuck, dude.’
Sinking down against the railing, Delphine started crying in earnest.
8. Gabriel finds the strength to talk about his family with Luca
Gabriel felt warm hands cradling his face, Luca’s thumbs brushing away his tears.
‘Tell me about them, as they lived,’ they said. ‘I’d love to know about them, if you’ll let me. Do you think you can, Gabriel?’
7. Gabriel and Luca cry into their pizza post-Autumn Festival reveal
‘What would have happened to you, if you’d exposed yourself as a vampire and I couldn’t keep you safe? I —oh, fuck, cool— Margherita pizza tastes good with tears. Good to know. Probably all the salt.’
Luca scrubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, and Gabriel felt the periphery of his vision turn to static. He couldn’t have torn his eyes away if he’d tried, his gaze locked onto the tears spilling down Luca’s cheeks. Crying. Luca was crying, for him. Because they were worried about what it would have done to Gabriel if he’d hurt them. If his secret had been found out by the humans.
Numbly, Gabriel handed them a napkin, his mind a screaming void of white noise.
6. Terri tries to sacrifice herself to save Luca
Snarling, suspicion in her eyes, Astoria shook Terri roughly, but she didn’t let up.
She never had. No matter what she had faced, Terri O’Rinn had never once given up. A sob caught in Luca’s throat.
‘You run, Luca, and don’t look back. I’ll try and buy you as much time as I can. I love you, my darling. Never forget that. You are so loved. On my signal, be ready.’
5. Viktor is wasting away from a disgusting lack of attention
‘I’m calling from a payphone,’ Viktor sighed, his voice muffled as he rattled about in the booth. ‘I have lost both my cell phone and my will to live! Literally no one on the planet has suffered more than I am suffering at this very point in time! I am the Bezos of suffering. Except instead of odious amounts of money, I have tears.’
Luca bit down on a fond smile. ‘Did you actually lose your phone, or do you just like the aesthetic of being a drunk, broken-hearted musician crying on his own in a payphone booth at 2am?’
‘Um, rude,’ Viktor scoffed, immediately sounding less watery.
4. Cas and Gabriel watch on as Luca dances through a breakdown
Luca was a ghost drifting quiet through a field of wildflowers, and a fury of lightning arcing over midnight sands, and every broken sob that ever choked up Cas’s throat at 3AM beneath the harsh, halogen glare of streetlights.
Before he even really understood what was happening, Cas was blinking furiously. Blinking through wet, refracted shards of light as tears spilled down his cheeks.
Luca took Cas’s pain and tore him apart with it. They gave him permission, they made him understand, in some deep part of himself that his conscious mind couldn’t reach. The way Luca moved gathered his soul together. They somehow found those scattered fragments and brought them home again.
3. The trio re-unite after the attack on the hunting party
‘Hold my hand,’ Luca sniffled, blotting at their tears with the heel of their hand.
Cas chuckled. ‘I promise I’m not going anywhere, babe.’
‘I know,’ Luca said, flailing their hand insistently. ‘Just hold my damn hand anyway!’
Cas stared at them, his face lit with something ageless. Eternal. ‘I’ll hold your hand every fucking day for the rest of my life.’
and
Cas tensed. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Because you won’t.’ Gabriel turned to face him, his thumb tracing tenderly over the inflamed skin at Cas’s neck. ‘So I’m doing it for you.’
Okay, just… *gestures broadly at all of Augury Pt II*, you know? Mmm, delicious near-death situations and characters being overwhelmed with how much they care about each other, my beloved.
2. (It's a tie!) The first "I love you" confessions
[Luca x Gabriel]
The starlight fractured him, cradled him, and reformed him whole.
‘I love you, too,’ Gabriel gasped, startled to feel the coolness of tears sticking to his eyelashes. ‘With all my heart Luca, I love you.’
‘You don’t have to say it back just because I said it,’ Luca said, his fingers skating feather-light against the fullness of Gabriel’s bottom lip. ‘If you’re not ready—’
‘No, I am! I do! I…’ An elated laugh burst from Gabriel’s lips.
[Luca x Cas]
Cas’s eyes were intent; he gazed up at Luca like they’d hung the moon for him. His fingers clutched at their thighs, as if the strength in his grip might hide the fact that his hands were shaking.
‘Please…’ Cas whispered. ‘Luca, tell me. I want to hear it again.’
Luca swiped a thumb across Cas’s cheekbone where a shimmering tear had slipped free from his eye, and fell in love with him all over again.
‘I love you, Cas Harlow.’
Cas surged up to meet them in a kiss.
Cas grieves finally his mother (with help from Terri)
(yes I'm dropping a 300 word "snippet", I freaking love this chapter lol. Cas Harlow + vulnerability? That's my JAM)
Cas took the brunt of those gentle words like a baseball bat to the ribs. The air heaved out of him, and quite suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
‘What did you say?’
‘It’s not your fault, sweetheart.’
‘Sh— shut up…’
Terri’s voice grew firmer when he would have up and ran, broken leg or no.
‘Cas. None of it was ever your fault.’
‘Shut the fuck up!’ His chest was nothing but acid and knives, burning silver wire coiling around him tight. ‘Don’t say that shit!’
‘Cas…’
And it was just that one little thing, wasn’t it?
Cas was almost mad at how easy it was.
It was just that one little gesture, as Terri reached out to place her hand on his knee, that caused all the pain, all the misery festering inside of him to come unstuck.
His eyes were wide open when the tears fell. He didn’t even have to fucking blink; one moment he was sucking in a sharp gasp, the next, his tears were overtaking him, cold on his skin as they spilled, the dammed-up weight of it all just too fucking heavy to hold in any more.
He could feel it building as Terri shifted closer and folded him into a hug. The tremor in his chin. His lower lip quivering. The tight constriction as phantom hands squeezed his airways closed.
One word tore past his lips.
‘Eomma…’
And then he was breaking. A howl of pure agony shredded through him as he curled into Terri’s shoulder and sobbed. His tears were so hot they were scalding; the weight of his anguish suffocating as it was crushed out of him; Luca’s mom’s hands so gentle as they stroked comforting circles on his back —Luca’s mom, their mom, he’d never had a fucking mother before, never known how it would feel to be held like this while he cried—
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
Cas hugged Terri back and cried even harder.
@choicesfandomappreciation
Happy International Fanworks Day!! (I say, as my characters are sobbing in the background lmao) 💛💛💛
#SICSIG#ChoicesFanworksDay#choices immortal desires#immortal desires#cas harlow#gabe adalhard#luca o'rinn#new drinking game:#take a shot every time the blorbos get soggy#emotional healing??#in my good smutty vampire longfic??#its more likely than you think
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Tagged by @altraes (thank you, it was fun to do this~)
List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!
*
(I wrote the first paragraphs because my first lines alone don’t make much sense lol)
1- ACQUIESCENCE
(Minato/Itachi) my first fic ever. darkish but just a little, angsty. I’m proud of it cause another author wrote a sequel to it.
to ac·qui·esce: to accept, agree, or allow something to happen by staying silent or by not arguing.
A flurry of leaves, swept away by the autumn wind, caught the Hokage's attention while he took off his large hat. That time of the year should have been warmer.
2- THE WILL OF FIRE
(Shiita, Danzo/Shisui, Danzo/Itachi) This was dark and shiita fans didn’t like it lol.
Just like his owner, Danzo's studio was dark and dusty. The man didn't look as old as Hiruzen, but he was twice as scary; thus would think a boy of Itachi's age. Not him. He was not allowed to be afraid.
3- WHAT HE WANTED
(Itasasu) Even tho I rewrote it cause I didn’t like how I initially characterized them and their dynamics this is my most popular fic. Maybe because it’s a post-ending, canon divergent, fix-it kind of story. Maybe because it’s Itasasu and I put so much love into writing their dynamics and, also, in giving Sasuke a good ending since canon didn’t do him justice.
Sasuke is where everybody wants him to be: in Konoha. With the battle and the arm he also lost the urge to fight. He's had enough of traveling. He's tired of chasing and being chased. So tired that even if he meant every word about starting a revolution, being the Hokage and build a new era, he had wondered, though only for a moment, if he would be able to really accomplish such tasks all by himself.
4- IN POWER WE ENTRUST THE LOVE ADVOCATED
(Itasasu) THis is my second most popular fic. This one too was written after the ending and tried to give Sasuke justice. I planned to write a sequel but I got busy with other projects and lost interest in it.
The gates open, letting the shinobi in after a successfully completed mission. Being on duty the following day Sasuke declines his team mates' proposal to have dinner together, the reddish sunset light forcing him to squint as he walks towards the Hokage's office.
5- PRESSURE
(Itasasu) Taken from In Power that can be read as a standalone oneshot.
Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.
6- IN DREAMS
(Itasasu, Izuna/Sasuke, DARKFIC). This is one of the darkest things I wrote. The Izuna/Sasuke crackpair was for @admiral-izusasu. The plot, the dynamics, everything has a double, or triple reading, plot related and metaphorical for other, real-life issues such as knowing people online, and emotional abuse from narcissistic people. I wrote it when I was fighting against one of these psychos, on tumblr itself, so this fic has a personal meaning for me. But also the plot and the canon divergent ending thing is cool, I think it’s one of my best fics, even though I coulnd’t care less about izuna.
They say that nature will always find a way. After the end of the war flowers keep blooming like nothing happened even if the light is fainter, filtered from the tall branches of the Shinju tree, now grown into a forest spread all over the world.
7- SOMBER CREATION PALE DESTRUCTION
(Madara/Sasuke dom/sub-ish). Darkish? Who knows, I write darkfish stuff all the time. I was (and am) very proud of this fic, the canon divergent turn it took (who am I kidding, it’s really cool lol) and the weird relationship/dynamics these 2 created. So I didn’t update it anymore, because doing so would break their thin balance. Ssssh, don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense, I don’t believe you xD
History teaches that Madara Uchiha died at the hands of Hashirama Senju. Their statues were erected in the Valley Of The End where their battle was fought, where the shinobi god ended his best friend's life in order to protect the village they founded together. No one knows that Madara didn't die there.
8- IN THE DARK
(kakashi/Sasuke, mob/Sasuke noncon). This is a very dark oneshot that I’m proud of, cause it ‘explains’ canon Sasuke personality in Shinden and later, and that I use as prequel for many fics, like WHW but also OFAF and Broken Things (see later for both).
Things never went as Sasuke wanted. After the war it's no different, although everything seems fine at first, Team 7 finally at peace with each other, the war ended and the village that Itachi protected, even as a dead man, safe. Nevertheless he is arrested when he's still in the hospital.
9- VICTIMS OF PEACE
(Shisui/Sasuke dom/sub-ish) I am so proud of this fic, of its non massacre universe, of the dark-ish slow burn relationship between Shisui and Sasuke I wrote, tentatively at first cause no one did it or thought much about it, and because that non massacre filler was bad, but still it was inspiration. I know shiita fans hated me even more for this cause shisui is only paired with itachi, and also itachi/itasasu fans were disappointed but still. This is maybe the fic I’m most proud of.
If a traveler arrived from a random village in the Fire Country he would certainly notice how different Konoha was. He would not be able to pinpoint exactly why at first, because the buildings, houses and shops are similar, just like their gardens, fields and animals. Only after some thought he would understand that the difference is in their people: other villagers are relaxed and casual, even loud. Children run around the streets, chasing each other, playing tag or hide-and-seek. Their fathers bring them presents and their mothers buy them new clothes.
10- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS
(DARK Narusasu) I received a lot of hate for this one, which makes me proud of it even more. so many naruto stans were butthurt by my characterization of him as a possessive not sunshine selfless boy and their dynamics as crazy.
Jiraiya used to complain that the first sign of getting old was waking up at night for no reason and not being able to fall back asleep. For Naruto, this only happened after the war.
11- BLACK ROSES
(Itasasu, dom/sub-ish) Smutty Bloody Darky Hokage Itachi/Anbu Sasuke oneshot
Because of his farsighted politics, his loyalty towards his allies as well as his iron fist against his enemies, Itachi quickly became one of the most respected leaders in the shinobi world, and because of his unequaled diplomatic skills, along with his vast culture, impeccable manners and refined appearance, he became popular among nobles, including the Daimyo, whose official visits increased since the Uchiha rose to power.
12- NELL’IPOTESI GRANDE (=IN THE BIG HYPOTHESIS)
(MetaMoro, not Naruto) I’m very proud of this one cause it’s a psycho-pass inspired longfic set in a retrofuturistic Italy with a totalitarian consumeristic regime. But that fandom is so shitty and they all hate me cause I called them homophobic fascists so no one cares. The excerpt is translated too.
He’s reminded of Pirandello’s* words as he’s riding the automatic taxi across the city, exiting the center towards EUR. COmpared to Milan with its skyscrapers, multilevel streets, automatic cars and incessant novelties, the capital is basically the same as it was portrayed in old illustrations: renaissance and 20th century buildings, seagulls, pines among the Roman ruins, sycamore trees on the Lungotevere, that was probably already busy with traffic when people travelled on horse carriages.
(*an Italian writer)
13- DA UOMO A UOMO, MANO NELLA MANO (from man to man, hand in hand)
(Metamoro) lol I was hated a lot for this one too. tbh the hate I received in the Naruto fandom is nothing compared to this other shitty fandom
For an artist like Fabrizio, mainly focused on expressing what he has inside, public relations are the hardest part of his job, especially when it’s about events where, instead of fans, of whom he perceives the sincere affection, other artists and professionals are invited. His experience taught him that most of them are hypocrites ready to jump on the winner’s bandwagon as quickly as to throw mud at the loser.
14- STRENGTH THROUGH WOUNDING (wip)
(Obito/Sasuke, Obito/Itachi, dark.-ish)
There is something nostalgic in the eerie way the boy's screams resonate through the dark cavern-like hideout, their pain bouncing from one curved wall to another, their anguish filling their crevices. It’s like hearing his past self from an external perspective, like Madara did. Which is fitting, for Obito is Madara now.
15- WORDS UNSAID (wip)
(Kakashi/Sasuke)
A black flame that cannot be extinguished: they had been warned about Amaterasu by Jiraiya, but seeing it was impressive nevertheless. The whole area was surrounded by black flames and the rain pouring hard could nothing against it. They found Sasuke there, surrounded, imprisoned by black flames that were extinguishing themselves, so they found a breach.
16- BLEEDING ME
(Metamoro vampire/priest darkfic) No one can understand this in the Naruto fandom but it’s an AU interpretation of the Da UOMO A UOMO character dynamics where one is an emotional vampire-like person. I’m very proud of this fic tbh.
According to folk stories the forest was so big and full of dangers that God himself put a church where it ended, so that its priest would protect the people living nearby. It was a small, white building that didn’t match the typical stones and wood brownish ones of that region, with no stained glass windows or fancy columns, spires or gargoyles, only crosses with skulls and bones, and an engraving in an unknown language.
17- WILD CHILD
(Metamoro cop/drug dealer AU). At this point I hate that fandom so much but I like my ideas and I write only for my girl whom I met in that very shitty fandom.
Everything seems bigger in children’s eyes. Like the playground in the courtyard of the church, with its slides and swings that for Ermal’s siblings were the setting of countless imaginary adventures which they told him in detail, enthusiastically interrupting each other, when he picked them up after school.
18- TRUE COLORS
(Itasasu, dark, dom/sub) By now I’m only interested in writing dark IS and I enjoyed writing this one lol
"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me."
Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.
19- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS 2: TO REPAIR WITH GOLD
(Dark Narusasu). Cause I didn’t piss off NS fans enough I guess? lol this is ongoing and I like this idea so much
It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice. Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.
20- BROKEN THINGS
(Shisui/Sasuke) My latest creation, I’m so proud of it cause it’s Shisasu again, my rarepair! and it was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer because they have such a cool dynamic that things just happen and get longer.
In the Land of Water summers were hot and damp, autumn and spring were damp for the frequent rains and winter was no less, with its cold temperature and ubiquitous dampness. It wasn't a problem for Sasuke though.
*
Tagging: @renamon15 and all the other authors I can’t remember right now and who want to do this, tag me back so I can read your first lines lol
#I'm not reading nar fics so xD#I'm actually back into reading my old favourite bleach fics cause I used to be into bleach so much before naruto#ask meme/tag game#my writing#fics & art recs#lol for some reason the pressure first line seems funny out of context
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I got tagged in this and meant to do it last night and forgot because i got distracted :) here ya go @antivan-beau
WRITERS if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me to see your responses!
How many works do you have on AO3?
25 works?? hello?? How did that happen
What’s your total AO3 words count?
Whatever I last published recently pushed me over the 200k mark at 200,980!
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
5. Zevran is Home - Post-Blight fic featuring Kallian and their daughter <3
4. Daddy’s Girl - Tabris family visit with the good good dad!zevran which apparently people like given number 4 and 5 on this list.
3. Red Sunrise - Longfic! My canonical retelling of Origins featuring my warden Kallian and Zev. I’m so proud of this monster.
2. That Look - Surprise surprise, it’s smut. I still like this one because it preludes the smutty goodness with some fun card games and teasing between Kal and Zev.
1. The Taste of a Lover - Who doesn’t love oral sex amirite. That’s what this smut piece is about. Zev has great oral skills 😉
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Absolutely. I love letting people know their thoughts are appreciated and getting to gush a little more about certain moments or plot points. I have met many friends through comment discussions. And keeping the previous response on here down below because... yes that is how we met 😌🙏
Also I met my literal, irl girlfriend through AO3 comments, so ~you never know~
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Definitely It Had Claws. It deals with deep depression so it’s fairly heavy emotionally and I deeply love this fic for what it allowed me to express.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Hmm I’ve written quite a few short fics that is largely just fluff so it’s hard to say about happy ending. I suppose for one that starts out tense but ends happiest would be To Rescue Her which is a Zev POV of rescuing the warden from Fort Drakon.
Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?
I do toy with AU’s but never done a direct crossover.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Luckily not lol
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Sure do! I tend towards writing kink scenes to be honest. I have several fics up on AO3, with some being kink and others just exploring a relationship kind of scenes. Someday would love to finish the vampire smut I have hiding away lmao.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I have not, but would never say no to translation.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
A couple of times actually. As for an actual published one, I wrote When All the Elves Love Each Other with @raymurata and its a fun OT3 story where our respective OCs talk to their best friends about the dynamics of their relationship (and get concerned voices wondering if their partner is cheating)
What’s your all-time favourite ship?
Zevwarden. If its not clear by every fic on my AO3 and that was listed here lol.
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I’m afeared i will never finish my mutant AU WIP. I keep restarting it and being unsatisfied but the idea has literally lived in my head for years at this point.
What are your writing strengths?
I love love love dialogue. I don’t usually fret too much about character voices and it feels easy to follow the natural flow of conversation. I’ve been told I’m also good at writing fight scenes which came as a surprise because I find them challenging but I’m glad it pays off. I’m really visually minded so I guess seeing how it all plays out in my head makes it a bit easier.
What are your writing weaknesses?
I’ve been on a block for a long long time so i’m trying to resist saying EVERYTHING right now. But I do worry about pacing. Sometimes I want to just jump straight to the next interesting thing, sometimes I think I spend too long on conversations or setup that the reader doesnt really need.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
It’s usually done poorly lol. Either translated weirdly, out of place, or you know the “oops sorry I forget to switch sometimes” kind of writing. If someone is mixing a word or two of another language in with what they are saying it doesn’t seem weird to include it (like swearing or endearments) but I think it tends to look cleaner if it just says “they spoke in x language.” Even if writing out dialogue in that other language - I’ll use Antivan for example lol - just write it in English and say it was Antivan if your POV character does indeed understand it. And if they dont understand it, no need to write it out at all.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Lol it was TWILIGHT.
What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
This is silly but its still probably Drunk Warden is Drunk because I had so much fun writing it, I still love it now even though its a few years old, and there’s not a single thing I would change about it.
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