#im writing this because a friend thats also attatched to the old world (read: hasnt processed capitalist propaganda) messaged me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thickest-antivirus-programs · 2 years

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I know im not the victim here but i learned about how capitalism sucks and child slavery still exists through tumblr and really lost faith in humanity... its weird cause i cant go back to who i was as a child and teenager because all my dreams were fuelled by a very inacurate view of the world (i guess thats what growing up is but i thought there would be more similarities) and on one hand its good i dont wanna go back, on the other i have to go against alot of things i promised myself..

#cause im not talking about small things. my grandpa raised me as much as my mom and my mom (his daughter) had no opinions #my grandpa still identifies as fascist openly. recently he flirted with the idea of becoming a jehovas witness. hates anyone whos different #and hes an artist. the most fucked up combination. to him any way i stray away from fascism is just temporary for funsies #its so hard to distinguish because he agrees with some things but for different reason. eg we agree old fueniture is cool but #i just like reduce reuse repourpouse. hes in love with the old world #i do stuff like shaving my head to reclaim my body but to him im doing it for activism points bc he thinks one day i will be famous #and he lives with us (or rather we live in his house)so he like. manipulates my intentions constantly and recasts his way of thinking on me #until i started writing this i didnt realise he was such a bad influence on me.. hes not controlling he just keeps reinstating how the ways #i act fit into his way of looking at the world but i want to forget his world. i dont want being gay to be rebelious i want it to be normal #his views are so invidious and pervasive. annoying. i honest to god cant wait for him to die #and hes sort of the head of the house everyone listens to him but again he doesnt make himself look controlling but he controls everything #im writing this because a friend thats also attatched to the old world (read: hasnt processed capitalist propaganda) messaged me #and it reminded me of all this stuff we used to believe in like hard work and being a self made rich person #were both artists but shes more of a musician. i wanted to be a pop star. still want to be praised and recognised but in a different way #wanting to be a celebrity seems so wrong now not bc its so unattainable but bc celebrities suck. i hate them i dont wanna be like them #im curious how shes changed though #anyways 3 years ago i still liked memes like 'how to tell a stroke: says real communism hasnt been tried yet' shes a friend from that era #idk idk i wanted to end these tags in some way but i could just keep talking theres no good point to end this monologue

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