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desmondbeaumont-blog · 7 years

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nightmares

@artisticfade

too uncreative to name this a real name. but it’s basically sam and des talking about nightmares.

trigger warnings: nightmare talk, death talk, hints of sexual assault

Sam: -wakes up from a nightmare and immediately hops up from the couch, rushing down the hall, stubbing his foot on the way, and peeking into des's room to check on him. Is surprised to find him awake- oh... hey... you okay?

Des: -Des startles when his door suddenly opens, peering at Sam in surprise- Er...yeah. Are you okay? You're pale. -He doesn't think twice before patting his bed. He doesn't know what's going on with Sam lately but he has to admit it's kind of nice to have him back again-

Sam: -he hesitates a long moment, for obvious reasons, like the fact that he hasn't been in des's room in years, but he slips in anyway, awkwardly, self-consciously, running his hands through his messy blond hair, biting his lower lip- I'm good, I'm good, no worries.... -the lie is not smooth enough and he winces, but comes over to the bed anyway, flopping down onto the bed in a curled up position on his side- your couch really sucks..

Des: -he scoots over to give Sam more room, closing his laptop from when he was watching a film- Sorry, mate. You can sleep here if you want. -He shrugs nonchalantly, though his heart stutters at the prospect- Or you can go home. You don't have to stay here if you don't want.

Sam: Shut up.. -sam closes his eyes at the suggestion of going home. Of course that's not gonna happen, if sam could sleep better at his own place, he wouldn't have come here at all in the first place, not that he could ever tell des that. He pauses a moment- you ever get nightmares, des? -images of them all dying, being torn to pieces, race behind his eyes-

Des: -he frowns at the question. He could lie like he has to everyone else, hiding the fact that for the past year he's been having frequent nightmares that leave him gasping for breath. He doesn't want to lie to Sam though. Hes just starting to get him back. so, he puts away his laptop and scoots down to lay beside him- yeah. a lot actually. why?

Sam: -sam's eyes flutter open and he watches des just lie next to him, suddenly wondering if maybe the nightmares aren't only just him, if maybe they're all having bad dreams and he's not going crazy all by himself- really? You are?? About what, what do you dream about -he tries to keep it hidden, but the intensity is leaking into his sleep deprived eyes-

Des: -Des is okay with admitting he has them but he doesn't want to go into details, because he hates thinking about them, but he sees the desperation in sam's eyes, like he needs to know the answer. so he takes in a shaky breath and looks up at the ceiling in thought- i don't know. most of the time i can't remember. i just wake up panicking. the glowing helps me calm down. -he explains- But sometimes it's just like...hands all over me, but the person doesn't have a face.assuming this is after the festival or during)

Sam: -Sam turns and shifts onto his back, locking his eyes onto the ceiling so he doesn't have to maintain eye contact, because now there's real fear in Sam's heart, but when des starts describing stuff, his emotions get all mixed... des is not having the same sort of dreams that Sam is having... sam is still alone- oh I see... too many people around you? Dreams about being pulled apart?? - he pauses- do you ever like... dream about the others?(Also yes, after festival

Des: -he looks over at Sam with concern written all over his features. it's obvious he's asking for his own sake and after what happened with jude and imogen, he wonders if it's all connected- well, it's more like dreams about one person. are you having dreams about the others?

Sam: No. -his answer is quick and curt, his eyes hardening and refusing to look at des now- I'm not, we're not-- I thought we were talking about you.. -he chuckles a little, mirthlessly, aware that des is watching him-

Des: But why are you asking me about nightmares? -des asks carefully, trying to tread carefully to not set off sam. he averts his gaze to put less pressure on sam, playing with his blanket idly- look, i know things between us have been a mess these past years, but you can still tell me anything, yeah? i've been so shit to you, and i'm sorry, but i still care. i won't judge you.

Sam: I... don't know, can't I just ask about things? -it bothers him how much des picks up whenever they're around each other and even though he's starting to feel bad about hiding things from him and everybody, he still feels like it's necessary- des, don't. You... haven't been shit. Things just happen sometimes and people stop getting along. But you know I didn't... I mean I don't mean any of that stuff I said...

Des: You can. It just seems like you've got something specific in mind. -Des murmures, deciding not to push it further. Of course, he wanst to know what's going on with Sam, but he doesn't want force it out of him. It'd only make him resent him, which is the last thing he wants. Des tears his gaze from the ceiling and blinks at Sam in surprise- You didn't? Then why did you...? -He pauses with a shake of his head- We're really fucking stupid, you know that, right? If we had just bloody talked to each other, we might have fixed this ages ago.September 25, 2017

Sam: -sam doesn't answer, the truth squirming in his chest uncomfortably. He doesn't want to explain his powers, he doesn't want to scare des, tell him he can see the future and oh by the way, he has also been dreaming of everyone dying. It's not fun. Again Sam feels des's eyes on him but he doesn't return the look, simply shrugging- I don't know... I get really caught up in things and it frustrates me and you keep... we keep making things hard for each other. I feel like I try to talk to people about things but they're never satisfied with what I'm saying. Like nobody trusts me, why should I trust them? -he sighs- I'm... sorry we keep fighting though. It's not really what I want

Des: -des nods in understanding, unable to help but feel guilty. sam's behavior makes a lot more sense know, considering he isn't feeling heard . des knows that he's definitely a culprit of doing the same thing to him, too caught up on the fact that sam was mad in general and getting defensive about it- I'm sorry too. -he murmurs- I was unfair to you. I was so quick to shoot you down instead of hear you out, and I don't want to do that to you...I miss you. -He admits-a lot more sense now*

Sam: -the last sentence sort of throws sam a little bit and his eyes falter and flick around the room unsteadily. part of him wants to look over at des now, but most of him is worried he's going to start crying or some shit and he really cannot break down right now, he has to be strong. for des- you really.. dont need to apologize, desmond. i've been an ass, i know i have, i just... i have my reasons, yknow? i dont know how to go into things without going into them, but i have things under control now. -which is only partially true, as evidenced by the way his voice shakes a bit. he pauses a moment before nudging des's arm- hey now, we're getting way too mushy. -he ought to change the subject quick- have you been in here working on school?

Des: -by the shakiness of sam's voice, it's obvious that he doesn't have things under control, and des really wants to dig deeper to find out what's really going on. all he can hope is that sam will come to him when he's ready, which goes against all of his instincts, because he's not patient. he blinks in surprise at the nudge, giving sam a weak smile before shrugging- no. just watching a film. i couldn't sleep.

Sam: You couldn’t sleep? -that sounds oh, so familiar. he doesn’t want to push the subject but at the same time, a nagging voice in the back of his head is wondering if maybe des is having the same sort of nightmares too. something in sam is desperate to find someone, anyone, in their group who might be going through what he’s going through. so far, no such luck- not been sleeping well? are you.. i mean.. do you wanna talk about it? i read a book once one interpreting dreams, maybe i can help. -he chuckles a bit, reciting the complete lie-

Des: -des averts his gaze to his sheets, fiddling with them idly as he debated whether to tell sam or not. it seemed a bit unfair to be opening himself up when sam is diverting the subject away from his old problems, but the temptation is there. admitting it aloud makes it real though, and des isn't sure he can handle that- so you're an expert now? -des asks with a weak laugh- there's not much to talk about, i guess. just have bad dreams a lot. maybe whatever happened that beach fucked with my head.

Sam: -at des’s admission, sam actually does turn and look straight at him, his eyes bright and clear and wide. he’s still hesitant to tell him anything of his own issues, but knowing des is going through nightmares also leaves him feeling… mixed emotions. on one hand, he’s not as alone as he thought maybe he was. on the other, no one deserves the kind of turmoil their going through- i have bad dreams a lot too. -he nods slightly. his throat starts burning with untold secrets- i haven’t slept well either. not for… a while… maybe what happened at that beach fucked with all of us. i know you and jude and everybody think it’s great but i just… i don’t -he looks down-

Des: -des’ gaze snaps to sam, surprised by his willingness to open up. it’s his first step towards admitting that something happened to him that night too, a stark contrast to the time they argued about it in Brighton- im starting to see the cons now. -he admits with a quiet laugh, still upset about hurting imogen- but hey, i’m sorry about pushing you to talk back in brighton. just...if you ever want to tell me your side of what’s going on, i’ll listen, yeah? i want to be here for you too.

#nightmares #c: sam

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