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avrenn · 2 years

Note

“ how long have you been holding onto nothing? ”

@j-egr hehe thank you for asking this one ~

prompt here

Go ahead and cry, little boy

You know that your daddy did too

You know what your mama went through

You gotta let it out soon, just let it out

It was late, the moon heavy and cradled in the constellations as the blanket of night yawned openly across the city. The pines outside the window groaned, nettles and branches bracing the harsher winds of the season. Avren was glad to be inside the earl’s estate and not in a tent. Or worse, taking refuge in said pine trees. He would take his victories when he could, even though this night did not feel like one.

Idly, he shuffled his cards. Old, worn-out and faded things the drow carried with him at all times. Avren had lost count on the number of drinks he helped himself to. He was warm, content, sore yet unwound only in the way he’d feel after indulging in his vices. When he craved comfort, he sought out Laeken’s company, enjoying the silence they shared as the warlock charted the stars above onto fresh parchment with expensive inks.

Though, tonight, he ignored those searching eyes, burning with green fire as he pinned Avren for all he was worth with a single glance. For the only eye Avren wanted on him was the color of molten amber, more brilliant than the most beautiful gold piece.

“You’re still here?”

Avren looked up to the voice that drew him from his thoughts. Speak of the devil. He would know him in his sleep, sun-blind, through a crowd. He could go years without listening to that accented lilt and still know its owner the moment he spoke.

J'egr approached and Avren regarded him as if he were evaluating a threat. “Yes, I am still here,” he replied simply, following the ranger’s movements with his eyes as he took the empty seat across from him. “I’m partial to the kitchens when the staff retire for the night. It means I’m left alone.”

“I see,” J'egr nodded, eye trained on the slightly dented flask on the table, then lingering on the flush coloring his cheeks. It accentuated his odd, white freckles, making them stand out more prominently. “Well, you aren’t left alone anymore.”

“No, Leo already made quick work of that.” Avren couldn’t help the wry smile that tugged at his lips. The fellow rogue graced Avren with his presence an hour or so prior. Wielding his dice and calling for a game to lighten the mood, Avren agreed all too readily for bets and sly hands that never remained fairly placed on the table for long.

J'egr cocked his head to the side, his long curtain of red hair tipping with the movement. “Not quick enough, considering the state you’re in.”

“The state I’m in,” Avren echoed with a roll of his eyes. “Haven’t you made your point already? This is all I have, let me enjoy it while I can.”

The elf fell silent, lips pursed and expression hardened. Avren matched him, hazel eyes flinty as he held his gaze evenly, unwilling to back down as ever. “I’d hardly call drinking yourself into a stupor something to have.”

“Fuck off,” Avren countered, for the umpteenth time that night, though it held no real bite. “What would you have me do instead? I have nothing. Nothing but this, to have and to hold.”

“And how long have you been holding onto nothing, Av?

Avren blinked, stunned, the open expression of puzzlement clear as day across his features. Cutting through the haziness of the alcohol, Avren felt the sobering question settle deep and heavy in his gut like a rock. His eyes lowered to the table, choosing instead to watch his fingers idly pick at the fraying edges of his playing cards.

How long had he? As long as he could remember. From the walls he lived in as a child not uttering a sound, to the ways he learned to hold a knife properly in his tiny fist. The things he did, said, to make sure his stomach never met his spine. A dagger with a velvet grip and blade of crystal under his pillow to stave off bad dreams. Lost, misplaced, aching in its absence as he searched to find it again. Heart picking up its pace as he enjoyed the thrill of a hunt, only to meet the staggering loneliness of an empty warehouse and a meal with mice for company. Bourbon, burning his throat twice over, yet finding comfort in how it chased everything bad away. A crutch, a habit, a vice.

"All my life,” he murmured, so soft J'egr nearly had to strain to hear it. The words rang too true, and a crescendo of emotion welled up hot and humiliating in Avren’s chest. “All my life,” he uttered again, louder. His lashes clung together as a painfully familiar wetness obscured his vision. He was grateful for his hair, the locks long enough to hide his face. "J'egr, I'm tired. I don't know what else to do."

He startled, flinching away at the touch to his cheek, a thumb brushing under his eye against the wet tracks his tears left. J'egr gazed at him, somber, understanding. “It's late, come to bed,” he said finally. And Avren felt nothing but the weak, soft urge to comply. “We don’t have to talk, just come to bed.”

So he did.

#hey guys it's me your best friend with boundaries peach #welcome back to another episode of avren fanfic #ike comment and subscribe for more tears and drama #oc prompt #oc ask #oc; j'egr #oc; avren #i forget all my tags #ggs #if you see any typos i missed no you didn't!#answered #misc; friend ocs #misc; ocs

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