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flightysquip · 4 years

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hi, what are some signs i should look for if i think i'm bipolar?

thank you for the ask! so first thing i want to say, i am NOT a medical or psychiatric professional, but i know sometimes it helps just to have a sort of baseline

so first off, if you think something is wrong, you should see a doctor. full stop. the thing with bipolar specifically is you really shouldn’t self-medicate. it’s tempting--god it’s tempting as hell--but while i’m all for self diagnosis, the thing is self-dx isn’t going to be enough to get the resources you’ll very likely need. there’s a lot that you can do to help yourself, yes, but that’s more supplemental coping mechanisms than treatment on its own. please, see a professional. i understand that insurance can make this difficult, and anxiety, and i know it’s not as simple as just ‘see a doctor’--i KNOW it’s hard. but it really is best if you do see one. i’m not an expert by any means, but if you’re having trouble figuring out who to see or what sorts of financial options you have, or if you just need someone to help you make a phone call, or anything, i will do what i can to help you find these resources.

i also highly recommend, if you’re able to, taking someone with you for this initial appointment/assessment. outside observations can really help pinpoint symptoms you don’t even realize you exhibit. the relative objectivity can absolutely be good for your mental health. also, having someone on your side in a situation that can feel frightening and unfamiliar can be important enough. it’s important to find someone who can be a good advocate and support without actively speaking over you, though. outside observations are important, yes, but you need to be able to communicate too.

now with that out of the way, as far as some signs to look out for...i mean, obviously mood swings are going to be the big one. it was called manic-depression for a reason, right? the real important thing to keep in mind is the extremes--extreme highs (i’m talking euphoria) and extreme lows. everyone has mood swings, yeah. everyone has various emotions. not everyone goes from the pure nirvana of feeling like an omnipotent god among mortals to the crushing devastation of not even being worthy of suicide or leaving a pretty corpse. (also, hey, important sidenote, mentally healthy people don’t want to kill themselves anyway, so even if you’re not bipolar, wanting to kill yourself, even in an idle sort of way, is reason enough to seek out professional help)

but that all sounds pretty subjective, right? it’s hard to judge whether something is ‘how people usually feel’ or ‘am i unbalanced in some way’. especially if you’re afab, it’s super easy for people to dismiss your feelings as “hormonal” or “pms”. hey, for the record? even if it is "just pms”, if you’re distressed enough by your emotions to want to kill yourself? no fucking normal and not okay. you deserve better. also frankly, just because something is “hormones” doesn’t invalidate the pain or suffering of it, so screw their sexist bullshit anyway.

the big things i can think of with bipolar off the top of my head though, if i had to bullet point it, would be:

extremes in moods

risk taking behaviors (gambling, hypersexuality, picking fights with strangers, theft, drug use--so i’m not talking about “likes to ride rollercoasters a lot” as a risk taking behavior, i mean things with very real world consequences)

moderation? what’s that? (everything is an extreme of an extreme, black and white absolutes. indulgence and lack of impulse control)

delusions of grandeur (you think you’re the most important person in the room, you have a sense of being ‘the main character’ in the narrative of life, you literally think you’re a good, you’re the most talented/most intelligent/the only qualified person on any subject whatsoever)

disrupted sleep patterns (too much/too little sleep)

disrupted eating patterns (too much/too little eating)

aggressive/agitated mood at little to no provocation

inconsistent/illogical mixed mood patterns (suicidal fixations in the midst of an otherwise pleasant mood, fits of anger during sadness, etc etc)

precarious moods (specifically being in a very good mood/emotional state, only for something very minor to completely knock you down again)

memory issues and issues with the perception/passage of time (suddenly realizing it’s midnight when it seemed like it was just 9 am a moment ago)

making big bold lifechanging plans on a whim (suddenly deciding to move across the country, changing career with little research or thought into it before)

financial irresponsibility (reckless shopping sprees, buying things on a whim continuously on unnecessary things, opening multiple credit cards and maxing them out)

a lot of these are specifically mania-focused, i’ll admit, because i feel like culturally, there’s more education on things to look for in depression. there’s also a good deal of overlap between symptoms with bp compared to other disorders. that is to say, just because some of these things ring true to you, doesn’t mean you’re necessarily bipolar (off the top of my head, other things that have similar symptoms are bpd and adhd, but that’s not an exhaustive list, of course).

and i also cannot stress enough to listen to those around you. the thing about delusions is, when you’re in the midst of them, you probably don’t realize you’re being delusional. it’s sorta be design. the thing about being angry is, when you’re in the midst of your rage, self-righteous fury can feel really toxically good, or at least justified (and it certainly feels better than depression and numbness). the thing about euphoria is you really don’t have much of an interest in ‘baseline stability’. the thing is, the delusions go away, the rage fades into shame, and euphoria is not sustainable. a trusted loved one expressing concern can feel like an attack, but it can actually be a gift to have some clarity when everything is so stormy and off.

that being said, you never mentioned a loved one saying you may exhibit symptoms, so that’s just a tangent. my advice really is: if you think you’re bipolar after seeing others with the disorder or reading about symptoms or listening to your gut, please see a doctor. whether you get confirmation or not, there’s no shame in seeking help. i know a lot of people say that these disorders are a moral failing, that they mean you’re predisposed to bad behaviors or toxic mindsets, but that’s just uneducated fear-mongering. i don’t advocate for treatment because i think you’re broken or wrong if you’re untreated. i advocate for treatment because you deserve to have a healthy, happy, stable life. you deserve better for yourself.

i hope this helped answer your question. thank you again for the ask!

#more mental health talk and stuff #i hope this made some sense #like everything i post it's fine to rb

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