#if nobody got me i know ryan guzmans got me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

newagesispage · 1 year

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FEBRUARY 2023

THE RIB PAGE

I hear good things about the book Beaver Land. Check it out!

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Will one of the next Knives out star The Muppets??

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Tom Brady and Ozzy Osbourne have retired. ** Dr. Phil is hanging up his show.

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Some singer I have never heard of named Chris Young apparently acted like an ass to Elle King on a new show called Barmageddon. Word is he could not take the heat when she started beating him in some sort of game. Do we care?

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Ok.. So I know pretty much nothing about Melissa Rauch who leads the new Night Court. I must give her respect though. She walked onto Seth Meyers in sweats. Yes!! Why these people want to sit there so uncomfortable is beyond me. Good for her for being herself. Hey, hooray for the people who wanna get dolled up but she should be herself. ** So it wasn’t but a few days later that I saw Colbert thanking Trevor Noah for wearing a tie and jacket. He also belittled Don Lemon for the way he was dressed on CNN. Colbert claims that it is a late -night show and people should make an effort. Oh please, it’s a late show, calm the fuck down. When did the Late Show host become the fashion police?? UGH!!! Colbert also asked Noah what his first concert was. That is a Kevin Nealon question. Let’s all hike with Kevin where one can be casual.**Bill Maher complimented a guest’s Converse but stated he couldn’t wear them at his age. When did these old liberal guys get so hung up on dress etiquette?? Please, nobody wear white after Labor Day on these programs. Live and let live? And one more thing about Maher. He gets a lot of shit about his thoughts on obesity. I don’t really care but on the Jan. 27 show, I have to admit that he really got himself worked up about it. It was almost comical.

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For the first time since 1923, there were multiple votes in the House of Representatives to pick a leader. Boebert and Greene reportedly had it out in the ladies room and Gaetz and Rogers about went at it out on the house floor. Kevin McCarthy did finally prevail after many promises to other Republicans. ** It seems to have brought he and Marjorie Taylor Greene together. They love the attention. Steve Scalise is the majority leader. Should we let the 118th congress hold us hostage? ** We have their rants against the IRS and indoctrination in schools to look forward to. The Republicans have gotten rid of the metal detectors. It seems they are itching to get the public and their weapons inside. The southern border and Ukraine will probably suffer because of their cuts. To be fair, we have spent about $50 mil or is it billion so far? Biden is sending the Abrams tanks but that could take a year. ** Do we have enough proof yet that most of the dysfunction stems from Republicans? They sure keep filling up the swamp. ** I heard someone say that there were twice as many Mikes in the GOP as women. That sucks but there really are a lot of Mikes out there. I was engaged to 3 in a row!!

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There are reports that gas stoves should become a thing of the past. I get it but cooking would suck.

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Is someone going to make a feature film about Michelle McNamara’s life?

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The Dallas zoo is under tight security. Recently there have been cut fences and shady dealings with the Leopards, monkeys and a dead vulture.

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New Zealand’s new Prime Minister is Chris Hipkins.

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Ryan Seacrest and Andy Cohen seemed to be in a bit of a feud after the New Year. That sounds like THE blandest fight of all time. I mean who gives a fuck? How did these guys even become famous. I will never get their relevance. `1

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What the fuck is going on in Mexico and Brazil??El Chapo’s son, Ovidio Guzman was arrested and people were told to shelter in place. Airports were closed and school suspended. South America is pulling a similar coup ala USA. It is all a big game to Bannon and Bolsonaro and all the partners in crime. The haters won’t stop until the whole world blows itself up. ** Why does the main stream media practically ignore these international stories?? Talk about Trump or the housewives and they are all over it.

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We have 3.5% unemployment!

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Biden gave the Presidential citizens medal to 14 people who defended democracy. We all owe them so much.

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Neal Schon and Jonathan Cain of Journey are in a feud. In the legal battle, Schon alleges that Cain’s wife, Paula (televangelist and Trump’s spiritual advisor) has access to Journey’s personal accounts and is racking up personal bills. She is also playing Journey music at Trump events which the rest of the band would like to stop. . Is everyone associated with Scary Clown a shady character? Well, Yes, I suppose so.

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Scary Clown 45 has renewed his ridiculous beef with Ruby Freeman. He is putting new garbage out there to make her life miserable. Trump and his ilk seem to treat people like chess pieces, not actual people. ** Trump and 2 rioters have been sued by the estate of Brian Sicknick for $10 mil. The suit states that there was “a direct and foreseeable consequence of Trump’s words that day.”

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42,964 cannabis convictions have been erased.

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I am so sick of both sides yelling that the voting public does not care about this issue or that. I assure you that myself and the that people I know care about who leads the house of representatives and what classifies docs are floating around out there. Transparent?? Not quite. Pence, Trump and Biden all have documents?? This would lead us to believe that all politicians take home stuff they probably shouldn’t. The government does appear to be pretty loosey goosy. It just seems that the quality of work and discipline have gotten sloppy. If I walked out of work with stuff I shouldn’t, it would probably end right then and there for me. ** Sen. Graham claims that he has no docs, just chicken sandwich wrappers.

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Pam Anderson claims that Tim Allen flashed her on the set of Home Improvement. He denies the accusation. That sounds about right. Why do men think everyone wants to see their penis?

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Succession will be back on March 26.

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There was a stupid incident with Rooty, the great root bear from A&W. They put out a joke statement that the bear would wear pants now. Fox news ran with that with a ‘woke’ headline. They sure love their buzz words.

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NPR’s John Burnett is retiring after 36 years. His parting words: “Elect more women leaders. There’s too much testosterone in positions of power. They get us in these foolish, macho, prideful and unnecessary conflicts over and over and over.”** “I don’t know if men should hold political office, they are too emotional.” -Steve Colbert

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Nepo?? C’mon!! Every business has families. How many ‘and sons’ have we seen in a lifetime? Don’t families work farms together? Why is Hollywood different? Where would we be without some famous family members like Anthony Perkins, Natalie Cole, Jamie Lee Curtis, Colin Hanks, Angelica Huston, Danny Huston, Jack Huston, Rashida Jones, or Rob Reiner??? These are some of our finest artists.

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The Golden Globes were back. My best dressed were Colman Domingo, Britt Lower, Niecy Nash Betts, Rhea Seehorn, Jessica Chastain, Jean Smart, Jenny Ortega, Quinta Brunson, F. Murray Abraham, Anya Taylor-Joy, Viola Davis, Stephanie Hsu, and Michelle Yeow. Not crazy about Claire Danes and Michelle Williams but I usually do not favor their fashion choices. It works for them. I will never understand why the E reporting can’t be a little more seamless. Quicker cuts would help that awkward exiting of the stars. Jerrod Carmichael was the host. The show seemed to move awful slow and was really ready to rake themselves over the coals. The best part was Chloe Flowers, the pianist. I found that to be a nice addition. The dude from ‘The Bear’ could not have “Um” anymore if he tried. It seemed that they picked all the winners from the back. Half the show was watching winners get to the stage. C’mon Quinta Brunson.. You looked good but that dress seemed like a nightmare to travel all that way!! And I was disgusted by the fucking phones. It is bad enuf that the world is staring at their cells. It sucks that so many tv scenes are between people on their phones, talking and texting. Now, people have their speeches on their phone and they are wasting time scrolling to find it. Pull out a note card and surprise! There it is!!!!! Ok, call me old fashioned. I also don’t ever remember so many winners telling their WHOLE life stories. Most of my choices did not win the big prize like no Hader, no Odenkirk and no Glover. Hooray for Evan Peters and for Julia Garner and her short but sweet acceptance speech. Billy Porter was fab in his intro to Ryan Murphy who took the Carol Burnett award. How impressive is Murphy’s body of work. Wow!!** Eddie Murphy was given the Cecil B. DeMille award.

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And I am glad for Abbott Elementary and the love they are getting. Please put white nerdy teach and the janitor together more often. They are such a great comedy team!!!!!

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There is a new House Party. The trailer reminds of an episode of Atlanta.

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Alec Baldwin has been charged in the shooting on the Rust film set.

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Season 4 of Barry just wrapped shooting!!

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Ron Jeremy was declared incompetent with severe dementia in his rape trial.

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2023 brings Europe and Australia the Weird Al/ Emo Phillips tour. Yeow!!!!!!

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Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting have filed a lawsuit that accuses Paramount of sexually exploiting them and distributing nude images of adolescent children. The suit stems from the 1968 film, Romeo and Juliet.

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Was it coincidence that there were technical difficulties during Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s segment remembering Barbara Walters on The View??

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Football fans came together Damar Wilson from the Buffalo Bills as his heart stopped on the field. He is actually up and moving again.

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In sexual assault news: Cosby wants to tour again.** Andrew Tate was arrested for human trafficking. Before that he took pride in putting down Greta Thunberg but she responded: [email protected]. Go girl!!

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The release of Trump’s taxes has revealed a few things. He wrote off the Stormy Daniels payment. He did not donate his presidential salary as he promised. We are not hearing much about it after all the preamble. ** And now, he can come back to Facebook. He is supposed to be exclusive to Truth Social but we will see. ** Word is that about 25% of our national debt occurred during the Trump administration.** The average American pays 13.3% in taxes. The 25 richest of us pay about 3.4%.

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The 95th Oscar noms were announced. There is already an investigation into the way some people were nominated. We will see how that plays out. It was great to see noms for Judd Hirsch, Brendan Gleeson, Andrea Seborough and especially Brendan Fraser and Brian Tyree Henry. The films up for best pic are All quiet on the western front, Avatar, the way of water, Banshees if inersherin, Elvis, Everything, everywhere all at once, The Fabelmans, Tar, Top Gun Maverick, Triangle of sadness and Women talking.

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Beyonce and Rebel Wilson were slammed for living it up in Dubai. Beyonce gave a concert for $24 mil. Human rights be damned. Perhaps she gave it to charity.

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Should Leno quit driving?

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Why does it take so many overpaid pundits to talk football on these playoffs?? You look up at halftime and there is like 7 guys sitting there. What?

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Are there really 2 states, Alabama and Mississippi that celebrate King-Lee day?? Is it true that 2 states honor Martin Luther King AND Robert E. Lee?

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Sundance is back in person. The U.S. dramatic grand jury prize went to ‘A thousand and one.’ The audience winners were The Persian Version and Beyond Utopia. The festival favorite was Radical.

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The trials involving the proud boys have brought to light their club rules. Proud boys are to sing their anthem, Proud of your boys from Aladdin, every night. Members are only allowed to ejaculate alone every 30 days. Otherwise, ejaculate must be within 1 yard of a woman.

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George Santos lied about his Mother’s death and just about everything else he claimed about his life. Hey Voters: Check into these candidates out BEFORE you vote them in. One would think that full throated lies would get a person thrown out but this is politics. Santos did admit to buying merchandise with a stolen checkbook and was not prosecuted because he could not be found. This may be the only offense that anyone can prosecute but to what consequence?? Is Santos his real name? Was it legal when he filed to run his campaign? He recently did a re-do on his paperwork. Where did he get his $?

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Tyler Massengill of Chillicothe, Il was arrested for the malicious use of fire and an explosive to damage and attempt to damage a place of interstate commerce. Massengill, according to the video tape threw a molotov cocktail into Peoria’s planned parenthood health center on January 15th. He claims that Illinois right to life will provide an attorney but they say, “no.”. He could get 5- 40 years for the $1 million in damages.

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So, they investigated the leak in the Supreme Court and they did not interview the Justices themselves??

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Have we all seen this holy spirit board?? We can buy a Christian talking board with a planchette to communicate directly with Jesus. Any takers?

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Some people seem upset about a 50th anniversary Dark side of the Moon set because of the rainbow on the cover. Yes, the prism colors were on the original design so I don’t get the beef.

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Last year, there were 7,501 threats against congress. Stop the hate people, do we really want to be spending our $ here??

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The Illinois Supreme Court has blocked the new No Cash bail or The Pretrial Fairness Act just before it should start on January 1. On Dec. 28, a Kankakee judge ruled the provision unconstitutional.

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Five former Memphis officers, Bean, Haley, Mills, Smith and Martin were fired and charged with multiple counts including 2nd degree murder for the murder of Tyree Nichols. The swift action could be contributed to their skin color but ALL police misconduct should be handled this way. It is being called the Blueprint. Yes! Of course, it all depends on local laws. Some states are more protective of the officer’s rights and things may have gone very differently.

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R.I.P. Anita Pointer, Fred White, Chris Ledesma, Frank Galati, Don Williams, Fay Weldon, Adam Rich, Lisa Marie Presley, Dorothy Tristan, Fred White, Jeremiah Green, Michael Levin, Jeff Beck, Gina Lollobrigida, Robbie Knievel, Carole Cook, Russell Banks, Jerry Blavat, Jean Veloz, Charles White, Sister Andre, victims in the latest mass casualties ( I think about 30some shootings so far this year), Yoshio Yoda, Haiti cholera victims, Tyre Nichols, Dean Daughtry, Tom Verlaine, Barrett Strong, Piers Haggard, Lance Kerwin, Cindy Williams and Alice Green.

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siremasterlawrence · 4 years

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9/10 Possession

My entire existence has been one event after another, but my life change forever,

I met sexy Ryan Guzman at a Hollywood party, and Immediately pitched.

Ana adaptation of my own comic book series finally come to life.

He was amaze at how easily my words were to follow, even imagining it was so easy for him.

Ryan lead’s me out of the room where we are standing in the back of the lot.

“Can I have this part?” Ryan ask me intensely again.

Ryan’s eyes light up for a split seconds glows brightly, and glinting.

He stares deeply in my eyes unable to move from me, I wave my hand in his faces

He stops unable to move frozen, my hands cling on to his waist kissing his neck.

“Look at me carefully, and obey me.” I say to me.

“Kneel before me that sexy hot bod.” I order him

“You love me more than anything.” I continue

Ryan stand’s before lost to my mesmerizing eyes.

I kiss him forcing his back to the wall my hand shifts under him.

My hands roams everywhere over his body in excitement.

“I claim thee as my Hollywood herald.” I claim

“This body is mine.” I say in true powerful fashion.

He shakes his head kissing me back with all the love in the world, fully giving in to me.

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Ryan Paevy came in for an audition for my comic project, I knew him on General Hospital.

After audition Ryan Guzman came out to make announcement, he places a hand on his arm.

The energy pulses in between them causing a chain reaction.

“You want this part badly go after him.” Ryan Guzman commands him.

Ryan Paevy follows me secretly behind in the back, catching up to me in the bathroom.

He lays his front on my back swaying my body to his, and kissing my neck downward.

“I want this part so bad.” Ryan whispers in my ears.

“I need this part.” He demands getting rough with me.

“We must be together.” His body gets harder behind me.

Next to me his hand brushes me harder to face him.

He kisses me again this time with love all over me, his eyes were filled with lust.

“Allow me in to your bed.” He beg me again to use him.

We make out like crazy heading in to my room nobody was shock as our bodies hit the floor.

“The door is close my love show me what you got.” I let him have it.

He smiles signaling his commencement show by kissing, sucking and licking my feet.

My pants, shirt, and soon my underwear go flying than landing on the floor.

“Now...I want you now.” I hear him scream out between moans.

He forcefully engorges my cock in his mouth a lube, his ass was so tight as I fuck him.

I fuck him so hard as he cries out in pain not knowing I have no sexual feeling for him just ownership.

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junker-town · 7 years

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These teams stink at finding shortstops, and these teams are great

The Padres are as awful as you would expect, but the Twins haven’t been much better.

Ask 100 old-timey baseball people what the most important position on the field is, and 99 of them will say “catcher.” Ask them what the second-most important position is, and 99 of them will say “shortstop.” Don’t worry about the one. That’s just Carl. Nobody likes Carl.

It’s a baseball truism, though, that if the catcher is the field general of his team, the shortstop is the lieutenant general of the infield. A team that finds a good shortstop, much less a franchise-defining shortstop, has an instant advantage that most teams don’t.

These are the teams that have been good at finding shortstops for the last 20 years. And, because it’s not that interesting to point out that Derek Jeter was excellent for nearly that entire time, we will also look at the teams that haven’t been good at finding shortstops. At least two of them have been comically bad.

I used Baseball-Reference to search for shortstops from the last 20 years, and I used their quick-’n’-dirty guide on what WAR totals usually mean, which is this:

2+ wins above replacement is roughly what to expect from a starter 5+ WAR for an All-Star 8+ WAR for an MVP

Note that I’m rounding up — a 1.5-WAR player counts as a starting-caliber shortstop — because decimal points in WAR are kind of silly.

To the shortstops!

(Note: You can find this same article for catchers here, first basemen here, and second basemen here.)

The consistent teams you expected

The Yankees have enjoyed, at a minimum, starting-caliber seasons from their shortstop in 17 of the past 20 seasons. This is not a surprise. Derek Jeter had 15 of those seasons, And Didi Gregorius had two. There have not been a lot of seasons in which the Yankees have wondered what they were going to do about their shortstop.

The three seasons that missed, though, were 2011, 2013, and 2014. You can give them a pass for the first one, considering that Jeter hit .297/.355/.388, which was better than the average shortstop, even if his defense dragged him down. There are no such disclaimers for ‘13 and ‘14, though. Those were rough, rough seasons.

The other teams with MVP-caliber seasons were the Rangers and Mariners, who combined for five of them. All five were from Alex Rodriguez, who helped both teams inflate their numbers over the last two decades.

He was so, so amazing. If you know him only from centaur jokes and general weirdness, please reevaluate. He was Mike Trout before there was Mike Trout.

The consistent teams you might not have expected

If you’re looking for the teams that can match the Yankees in terms of sheer quantity of starting-caliber shortstops, there’s one in each league, and neither one was obvious before I ran the search.

The Braves have also enjoyed 17 seasons of starting-level shortstoppery over the last two decades, but they didn’t have the same one-superstar hegemony of the Yankees. They enjoyed a sampler platter, with fine seasons from Rafael Furcal, Walt Weiss, Yunel Escobar, Edgar Renteria, and Jeff Blauser. They also got two stellar defensive seasons from one or both Alex Gonzalezes, though those are extremely dWAR-heavy, if you’re inclined to dismiss those numbers.

The Braves also got four seasons from Andrelton Simmons, which gives them a common link to the other surprisingly consistent team, the Angels. Perhaps this isn’t a shock to Angels fans, who could appreciate the finer nuances of Erick Aybar’s career, but I wasn’t aware that he was solid for eight consecutive seasons for them before yielding the position to Simmons.

Related: David Eckstein was hit by more pitches (76) from 2001 through 2004 as the non-Eckstein shortstops were in the remaining 13 qualifying seasons (61). He was so, so amazing. If you know him only from gritty jokes and general obnoxiousness, please reevaluate. He was the Mike Trout of annoying.

The slightly boring teams

The Cubs and Diamondbacks each had a worthy starter at short in roughly half of their previous 20 seasons. Fair enough. But neither of them stumbled into even one All-Star-caliber season, according to WAR.

Addison Russell came closest for the Cubs, with a defense-heavy 4.3 WAR last year, but the rest of the list is more amusing than amazing. Starlin Castro gave them four solid years, but before that was Ryan Theriot for two, a fluky .274 season from Neifi Perez, two from the okayest shortstop from the last two decades, Ricky Gutierrez, and one from Jose Hernandez, a dinger-and-whiff oddball who was just a little ahead of his time.

The Diamondbacks’ list of 10 is Stephen Drew-centric, as you would expect, with five starting-level seasons scattered between 2006 and 2011. The other shortstops on the list included Jay Bell (sure), Alex Cintron (oh, right!), and two of the more recent entries, Chris Owings and Nick Ahmed.

I just listed a bunch of names, and none of them really excited you.

It’s not like I was lying with the header of this section. You knew what you were getting into.

The bad

The Minnesota Twins have enjoyed some All-Star seasons from their shortstops. Two of them since 1997, in fact. Christian Guzman’s memorable Season of Infinite Triples made the list, as did a season from the perennially underrated Jason Bartlett.

The problem, though, is that the Twins haven’t had nearly enough of them — just six starting-caliber seasons in the last 20 years. Three of them came from Bartlett, one from Guzman, one from Pat Meares, and one from Pedro Florimon. That last one came in 2013, and it’s the only example from the last decade.

Since Bartlett’s 2007 season, the Twins have had 13 different seasons from players who spent more than 75 percent of their time at short. They’ve combined for two-and-a-half wins in those 10 seasons, with almost half of that total coming from Jorge Polanco this season. Sheesh.

This is all compounded by the fact that the Twins traded Johan Santana, one of the best pitchers in baseball at the time, for Carlos Gomez, who was then flipped for J.J. Hardy, who could have solved this problem for most of the last decade. Except he was flipped for Brett Jacobson and Jim Hoey after a season. They played the worst game of One Red Paperclip I’ve ever seen.

The ugly

But they weren’t the Padres.

That the Padres are on this list isn’t a surprise. They haven’t been known as a shortstop factory over the years, and they’ve struggled mightily in recent seasons. But their commitment to the art of avoiding starting-caliber shortstops is admirable. If you want to provide your own drum roll, here are the best shortstop seasons for the Padres in the last 20 years:

Khalil Greene (3.5 WAR, 2007)

Khalil Greene (3.2, 2004)

Everth Cabrera (2.8, 2013)

Khalil Greene (2.6, 2006)

Everth Cabrera (1.8, 2012)

Chris Gomez (1.7, 1998)

Everth Cabrera (1.4, 2009)

Miguel Tejada (1.2, 2010)

Ramon Vazquez (1.2, 2003)

Damian Jackson (1.2, 1999)

The Padres’ shortstop solutions: Khalil Greene and Everth Cabrera in the boom years, and you don’t want to know in the lean years.

You might be tempted to call this the Curse of Ozzie Smith, and that’s okay. Run with that temptation. But don’t forget that Roberto Alomar probably could have handled shortstop for a couple decades, too. That’s also valid.

For me, though, I’m going to look at this as the Curse of Matt Bush because it’s a little more recent. The Padres could have selected any amateur player in the country, and they passed over Justin Verlander to select Bush, who only found success after traveling to Hell and back to reemerge as a reliever. But if you want to say true to the theme of the post, the Padres also passed on one of the consensus top talents, Stephen Drew, because of money and borasophobia. It’s not like they missed out on a Hall of Famer, but note that the Diamondbacks squeaked into the boring category. The Padres would kill for the boring category.

Erick Aybar was lauded earlier in this article for being consistent. He is currently the Padres’ starting shortstop. You can guess what happened.

The Yankees have been the best at finding shortstops, but you expected that. The Padres were not, and you probably expected that, too, if unaware of the scale. In between were 28 different teams, and you can find their attempts below. Thanks for shortstopping with me!

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feral-peacock · 2 months

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Literally all of us after the first buddie scene of season 7

#911 spoilers #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #ryan guzman #oliver stark #if nobody got me i know Ryan guzmans got me #abc you need to slow down i am only a human woman

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feral-peacock · 5 days

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#911 abc #eddie diaz #ryan guzman #if nobody got me i know ryan guzmans got me #ryan guzman the man thay you are #i love him so much #aisha hinds #oliver stark

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feral-peacock · 1 month

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I just NEED to know why Ryan is so blushy every single interview. I've never seen his little cheeks get so rosy this much. WHAT IS MAKING YOU BLUSH MR GUZMAN???

#911 abc #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #ryan guzman #if nobody got me i know ryan guzmans got me

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feral-peacock · 16 days

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INSANE but totally on brand behavior of one Edmundo Diaz:

Asking his girlfriend to babysit is son multiple nights a week so he can hang out with a pilot he just met. And then the next week asking her to move in. And then finding out she was a nun and hiding from the Catholic guilt at his best friends house. And then asking this same girlfriend to move out.

Literally no one is doing it like him.

Also because his girlfriend and husband were busy he had to fully send his 13(?) year old son "out of town" 🙄

#911 spoilers #911 abc #i CANNOT stop laughing #what are we doing eddie #eddie diaz #ryan guzman #if nobody got me i know ryan guzmans got me

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feral-peacock · 2 months

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if nobody got me I know Ryan guzman's got me

#if nobody got me I know ryan Guzmans got me #ryan guzman #911 abc #buddie

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feral-peacock · 22 days

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Eddie Diaz's slutty sunglasses, I love you.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #ryan guzman #if nobody got me i know ryan guzmans got me

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feral-peacock · 1 year

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I would like to take a moment to thank my lord and savior, Mister Ryan Guzman, for letting us know in a million subtle ways and a million blatant ways that Edmundo Diaz hates everyone who has ever wronged Evan Buckley.

#buddie #911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #eddieblr #911 on fox #Ryan Guzman #ryan guzman youre a gift #where would my life be without mr ryan guzman?#if nobody got me I know ryan Guzmans got me #he hates the Buckleys #he hates Abby #he hates Taylor #this isn’t fanon it’s canon #really looking forward to him saying some petty shit to the people who asked for bucks sperm #we love a petty bitch #we love petty gays #ryan guzman

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feral-peacock · 2 months

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MY HEART IS RACING

I CANT BELIEVE THAT SCENE JUST HAPPENED

IN FUCKING SECONDS

WE GOT SHIRTLESS EDDIE, BUCK ASKING EDDIE OUT, BONDING OVER CHRIS, AND EVERYTHING WE ALL SAID ABOUT NATALIA CONFIRMED AND A BREAK UP, AND THEN EDDIE STUTS OVER WITH THE MOST INTENSE EYE CONTACT EVER AND PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS SHOULDER

911 ABC SLOW DOWN I AM ONLY A HUMAN WOMAN

#911 spoilers #911 abc #if nobody got me i know ryan guzman got me #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #jesus fucking christ

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feral-peacock · 2 months

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EDDIE "IM A NESTER I NEST" DIAZ

#911 spoilers #911 abc #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #if nobody got me i know ryan guzman got me #just propose already

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feral-peacock · 1 year

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This is honestly so sexy of us

#911 spoilers #911 fox #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #RYAN GUZMAN #ryan guzman has made delibrate choices to intentionally inflict harm #if nobody got me i know ryan guzman got me

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junker-town · 7 years

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These teams stink at finding first basemen, and these teams are great

The Padres and Pirates have sure had a different time when it comes to filling their holes at first base. Also, Albert Pujols used to be amazing.

First basemen should be easy to find. This was the sabermetric orthodoxy when i started getting deep into baseball in the late ‘90s. Take any lumbering galoot with a 30-homer bat and plop him at first, where he can’t possibly do any damage. Every system should have four or five of these guys. It’s not that hard to find a first baseman. Tell ‘em, Wash.

It’s harder than you think, but generally doable.

Wash. Come on.

[sighs deeply] It’s incredibly hard.

Ha ha, yes! But that’s not really true, either. The real answer is that it’s harder than you think, but generally doable.

Now, wait just a damned minute

If you use the Baseball-Reference scale that suggests a two-win player is qualified to be a starter at the position, there have been 325 first basemen to hit that level since 1997. That means a little more than half the teams in baseball have had an average-or-better first baseman over the last two decades, which is roughly what you should expect.

There have been 312 catchers to hit that two-win mark, though, so it’s not like these first basemen grow on a hilarious, saggy first baseman tree. When you adjust for position, it’s nearly as hard to find starting-caliber first basemen as it is to find a starting-caliber catcher.

Ah, but the difference is in the stars. Most of those catchers were between two to five wins. First basemen are where the MVPs and 40-homer seasons are. There have been 20 first basemen seasons of 7 WAR or more over the last 20 years, which is nearly triple the number for catchers. Part of that is because catchers don’t play 162 games, usually. Another part of that is dingers.

Which teams have been lousy at finding starting-caliber first basemen? Which teams have been good at finding All-Star first basemen? We’re using the Baseball-Reference guidelines, which go like this:

2+ starter 5+ All-Star 8+ MVP

The absolute worst

Josh Bell is hitting .242/.329/.484 with 9 home runs for the Pirates. He’s 24 and has a bright future ahead of him.

You should root for Josh Bell.

You should root for him because the Pirates have had three starting-level first basemen in the last 20 years according to the Baseball-Reference scale. Three! Here’s a list of the 10-best seasons from a Pirates first basemen in the last 20 years:

Kevin Young, 1999 (5.6 WAR)

Kevin Young, 1997 (2.8)

Josh Phelps, 2007 (1.5)

Adam LaRoche, 2007 (1.4)

Kevin Young, 1998 (1.4)

Adam LaRoche, 2008 (1.3)

John Jaso, 2016 (1.0)

Derrek Lee, 2011 (0.9)

Gaby Sanchez, 2013 (0.7)

Casey McGehee, 2012 (0.4)

There have been 41 Pirates over the last 20 years who have played more than 75 percent of their games at first base. Of those, one of the 10 best was Casey McGehee in 2012.

He hit .230/.297/.377 that year.

There’s a table that shows every team in baseball, and there isn’t another one that comes close. The Pirates have been abhorrent at finding first basemen. In 20 years, 41 different Pirates first basemen have combined for 7.1 wins above replacement. That’s 0.35 wins per season. It’s 0.17 wins per player.

So, anyway, root a little extra for Josh Bell, would you?

The teams that couldn’t find one lousy All-Star

This is a weird combination. Both teams have resources. Both teams have had good first basemen, and recently, too. But according to Baseball-Reference, neither of them have enjoyed the production of a 5-win first baseman for 20 years.

This is the Giants/Dodgers rivalry that nobody talks about, really.

In case you were unaware, Giants fans are super, super weird about Brandon Belt. Turns out there’s a little science behind that, as he hasn’t had that one boffo breakout season, even as he’s been productive. Since becoming a starter in 2012, he’s had a 1-WAR season (2014, where he kept getting broken by people throwing baseballs), a 3-WAR season, and three 4-WAR seasons. But nothing that ascended into the stratosphere. He’s on that same path this year — .244/.356/.465 in an extreme pitcher’s park, with solid defense — and it’s driving local talk radio mad.

This is but one of the reasons that Pirates fans want to pull the nose hairs out of the head of every Giants fan they see.

The Dodgers have enjoyed four straight solid seasons from Adrian Gonzalez, which might not be exactly what they were hoping for when they absorbed Carl Crawford’s contract as an Adrian Gonzalez tax, but it could have been worse. In 699 games with the Dodgers, he’s hit .282/.343/.457, which is perfectly acceptable. Those are the kinds of numbers that would make Giants fans yell, “Awful, trade him for prospects and move Posey to first,” so you know they’re okay.

But the Dodgers haven’t gotten over that All-Star hump in a while. From Eric Karros through James Loney and now an aging Gonzalez, they’ve been pretty good at being pretty good, but not better.

The most consistent team when it comes to finding first basemen, somehow

I guess this is a segue from the previous section filled with Adrian Gonzalez talk, but I still wasn’t expecting to see the Padres here. In the last 20 years, they’ve had 16 seasons with a starting-caliber first baseman, missing out in 1999, 2003, 2013, and 2014.

It’s not just the five seasons from Gonzalez that are filling out the list. There are solid seasons from Ryan Klesko, Phil Nevin, Wally Joyner, and Yonder Alonso in there, too. They even got solid campaigns from Jesus Guzman and Mark Sweeney, too. Not only that, but they’re set up for a few years with Wil Myers, so they probably won’t be going anywhere.

Not bad for a team that traded Anthony Rizzo away for a young pitcher with a sore shoulder. Not bad at all.

Holy crap, Albert Pujols

Apologies if that’s a little coarse, but there’s no other name that works for this section. Now that Pujols is making a billionty dollars per year for the next decade and sounds like a rusty playground swing when he bends over to tie his shoes, it’s easy to forget just how great he was.

Do not forget how great he was.

There have been 19 different MVP-caliber seasons according to the Baseball-Reference WAR scale. John Olerud had one. Miguel Cabrera had one. Paul Goldschmidt had one. Todd Helton had three.

Albert Pujols had eight.

What an alien.

While I’m not a zealot when it comes to WAR, it really matches my intuition and anecdotal assumptions when it comes to the value of first basemen. Was Todd Helton better than nearly everyone? Yes. Is Brandon Belt good, but not top-tier? Yes. Was Ryan Howard fantastic for a while before he dropped off substantially? Yes.

And did Albert Pujols demolish them all without remorse? Oh, man, yes. He was so incredible, and his swift decline bums me out. Still, be happy for the WARs he won, not the WARs he lost.

The full list is here, with links to Baseball-Reference for each search. Find your team! Share with your friends! And root for Josh Bell. Please, don’t forget to root for Josh Bell.

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