I tend to dislike sunny days, not just because of light sensitivity cause by eyes problems and such, but also because I think it worsens my paranoia. I don’t like using that word, because it implies that my thoughts are irrational and they aren’t to me, but there’s no other word for it. Sunny days feel more open, less safe. Cloudy, rainy, stormy days are more “closed in,” so to speak. They feel safer. Not safe, of course. But safer. They feel more for myself, to myself. The bright sunlight makes me feel as though all of me can be more closely perceived, I think. And more people are out then. I don’t fear people, but my brain says that they’re all the enemy, and because I’m a walking paradox, I’m caught between wanting to throw myself into the perceived danger for the sake of the possibility that I may just feel alive for once, and wanting to hide away from it and remain cautious. Not to mention, more people means more opportunity to socialize, and that can be exhausting - especially on days when I can’t script myself well enough. I go out for walks to be alone, and am still often bothered (I have grown to detest old, creepy men). I could go on more about this, but I’ll shut up for now.